New. At boarding prep school

[Willsoonbesummer]

My 8 year old has just started full boarding at prep school.The feed back has been so negative so far from the school.He is not organised enough etc.Now we feel we have made a mistake and not sure what to do.Any advise from mums who have been through this type of school would be very much appreaciated.

"parents can come to school dressed in pyjamas"

I have NEVER seen a parent come to school dressed in pyjamas. You are reading too much Daily Mail.

Is he is being prepared for Eton?

Doesn't look like the OP is coming back.

OP never said he’s being prepared for Eton.

“The reasons we sent him was to attend an English public school”

I’m told any private school that plays rugby is a “public school” so there must be scores, if not hundreds of them in the UK including a good handful in my backyard.

It’s the usual hysterical assumption together with many other hysterical assumptions of the OP that it’s Eton. It’s a way to mask their own shortcomings!

Can you forgiveher( love the name), Dervla Murphy's accounts of an Irish girl being sent to an Irish school are not great either, although I agree being deracine adds to the stress.

Peteneras
It might be Eton given the reference to the pre-test but equally it could be one of the schools that uses the ISEB pre-test like Harrow (I'm assuming not Westminster because of the weekly boarding). I can't imagine that someone would send their child thousands of miles to prepare for St Cake's College for Nice Chaps so it is probably one of the big name schools.

The reasons we sent him was to attend an English public school when he is older,he would need to sit a pretest in a two years for the school we hope he will go

As a number of us have pointed out, you don't need to prep for 2 years for the pre-tests as they are meant to be impossible to prepare for. I think most schools will do mental maths, verbal and non-verbal reasoning to familiarise the children but that could be done anywhere.

"It’s a way to mask their own shortcomings!"

Thinking that sending an 8yo away across continents is bonkers is masking our shortcomings?

assuming a public school might be Eton is "hysterical". That's funny.

Peteneras

I think there has been a lot of well informed comment on this thread from people with direct, recent, experience of a range of UK boarding schools at both prep and senior levels. It has actually served as a useful discussion of the pros and cons of prep boarding and I think it is unfair to characterise the comments as "hysterical assumptions". I think you should maybe also acknowledge that you are in a minority of one in supporting boarding for a child of this age in the circumstances described.

Assuming, as I do, that the OP is genuine, it is reasonable to deduce she is aiming for Eton, Harrow or Winchester. I think it is equally reasonable to deduce that her DS must be in one of a very small number of boarding preps who market themselves as preparing for those schools. Given that there cannot have been that many eight year old New Yorkers starting at these schools in January, and recognising the reach of Mumsnet, I think it is equally reasonable to assume that this thread would have been drawn to the attention of the school by Sunday at the latest and that that is why OP has beeen conspicuous by her absence for the rest of the week.

I rather think OP was on a plane to the UK last Sunday to see her son. So much for the hysterical assumptions that she’s heartless, uncaring, irresponsible, etc and all the other abuses thrown at her.

People are making a song and dance about an 8-year-old boarding in the UK coming from New York. Fact of the matter is there are currently many other kids younger than 8 years old boarding in the UK coming from places TWICE the distance of New York.

This thread is shocked about a kid leaving his homeland’s “very good school” to board full-time in a UK prep school. It is very apparent they are totally oblivious to many more younger kids leaving their homelands’ OECD’s top global schools just to board full-time in UK prep schools.

This thread does not pause nor care to take a minute to research the reasons why are parents from across the world doing that. Do they, for example, realise it takes a New Yorker only 6½ hours to travel to London? That’s about the same amount of time it takes a Yorkshireman or someone from a northern city/town/village to drive to London. I can assure you many London and Home Counties prep schools have kids coming from across the length and breadth of the UK.

People here talk about boarding schools as if they are still living in 1860. A small reminder, if I may, OP’s son is boarding in the UK in 2016.

Maybe it’s not important to you, but the British ought to be very, very proud of their world renowned boarding and other private schools that see sons and daughters of global Royalties, Presidents and Prime Ministers alike not to mention Russian oligarchs and Chinese billionaires and others that together contribute billions to the British economy each year.

You're right we should be proud of the fine examples of sociopathic bastards men in power that went through these fine practically orphanages boarding schools.

A small reminder, if I may, OP’s son is boarding in the UK in 2016.

Quite. That is probably why this thread is getting the reaction it is.

Although in fairness, many Victorians were fairly worried too about boarding schools and how children at them were treated.

Hey Posie, it's you lot the 93% of the non boarding/private schools citizens that put the sociopathic bastards in charge of you. What's the matter?

I'm guessing you don't understand politics much or elitism.

We, the lowly 93%, probably didn't believe that any human could be as low and sociopathic as this current cabinet. But reading this OP makes it all the more transparent.

6 1/2 hours for a "Yorkshireman" to travel to London?! By horse and cart maybe. Peteneras you crack me up never been north of the Watford Gap, right?

"I rather think OP was on a plane to the UK last Sunday to see her son. So much for the hysterical assumptions that she’s heartless, uncaring, irresponsible, etc and all the other abuses thrown at her."

You post as though this is a certainty and that this occurrence has put the nay sayers firmly in their place. Do you have information we do not? If not that paragraph is complete nonsense.

Our children go to boarding school from eleven, although we do give them the choice, because my husband is in the military and so we like them to have some control over where they live-they can move with each posting or stay at boarding school. They all chose boarding school and absolutely love it, although it breaks my heart a little bit I don't mind admitting. I couldn't have done it with a eight year old but that is a very personal view and based on my children and their needs and personalities. However, the pastoral care at any boarding school-regardless of the age of your child-should be better than this. I'll be flamed for sexism but I've always made sure my children had a house mistress rather than a house master because I want that extra maternal addition to things but all teachers should provide positive, motivational feedback. If he has said 'xxx is great at such and such and has improved at this other thing so we are working on his speed' for example, then fair enough. Blanket negativity serves no purpose neither in an educational establishment nor in a home and boarding school should be both. Take him out and choose a school better equipped for pastoral care.

People are making a song and dance about an 8-year-old boarding in the UK coming from New York. Fact of the matter is there are currently many other kids younger than 8 years old boarding in the UK coming from places TWICE the distance of New York.

And? That doesn't automatically make it right.

Do they, for example, realise it takes a New Yorker only 6½ hours to travel to London? That’s about the same amount of time it takes a Yorkshireman or someone from a northern city/town/village to drive to London.

6.5 hours is the minimum flight time, it can be more than that. And that doesn't factor in travel to the airport at both ends, having to check in at least two hours before take-off, waiting to go through passport control and possibly luggage pickup, and travel from Heathrow or Gatwick to wherever the school is. Nor does it factor in times when there are delays due to bad weather or other reasons. By contrast, the train from York or Leeds to London takes less than two hours and no-one has to check in early.

Trust me, no child loves school, no matter how all-singing all-dancing it is. Show me a parent who claims their child loves school and I'll show you a parent who is trying very hard indeed to push down their own doubts.

The nonsense, Nicki, are in the assumptions posters made of the OP in that she was heartless, cold, banishing her child to the care of others thousands of miles away, etc.

This is what OP said in her first few postings:

”I am going to visit him next weekend.We are based overseas but I am going to stay in the UK for a few weeks until half term.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Soviet, that’s what a Granddad from Middlesbrough told me when he went to pick up his grandson at a boarding school just south of London - 6½ hours with a couple of 45-minute break in between.

I loved my first school. My teacher was like miss honey, I couldn't wait to go in every day. We don't need to take it on trust, most of us have actually gone to school ourselves...

And actually, nobody has said the OP is cold and heartless. But she is certainly entrusting her child to the care of others thousands of miles away, and most of us think that is the wrong decision. As indeed does the OP, I suspect.

Veritat, I am genuinely sorry if you didn't enjoy school but I have four children and three of them will tell you they adore it-the oldest leaves this year and is already bereft. (The one who isn't as keen doesn't hate it, he'd just rather be on a football pitch 24/7). I went to boarding school and I also loved it. You say that any parent who says their child loves school isn't telling it how it is, but I afraid anyone who assumes no child can love school must have had some awful experiences of it themself: that is a terrible shame but everyone's experience is different.

Yes they did, Zoe, at least they implied that. Read the thread further up.

I have not once said that I think OP is cold and heartless. I think she is ill informed and has made a huge mistake. I hope she has the courage to make the decision to bring her 8 year old back home where he belongs and needs to be. Your rabid defence of this situation is becoming more irrelevant every time you post because you are defending something that YOU DID NOT DO YOURSELF.

To clarify, as your purposeful misunderstanding is really starting to grate and you obviously need a very simple explanation; hardly anyone on this thread has an issue with boarding school on the whole. My friend's children board and I have no doubt they're happy and well loved, but they didn't go at age 8 and the furthest they were away was a two hour flight when they lived in Germany and the children were teenagers by then. I wouldn't have my children board because I want them close but I do not judge her negatively for doing this. Do you get it now? Here it is again:-

People have issues with him being 8 and at least a 10 hour journey away with transfers and travel to the school on arrival combined with the worrying response to OP's concerns from the school.

The fact that you will not acknowledge these valid concerns along with your flowery descriptions of tiny, bright faced little boys sprinting to seize your suitcase means that you just cannot be taken seriously.