Help Please? Anyone's D got into Haberdashers or NLCS at 4+?

[funkychic]

My D is will be going for the 4+ 'play group' asesssment at Habs and NLCS. I'm desparate to know what they ask them to do. Really need advise from all mums whose child are already in these schools. Pleeeeeeaaaassse help!!!

i really wish that dd's difficulties were related to my bad parenting. at least then they could be resolved

What does that make me? One wityh Aspergers and one with quadrapgeic cerebral palsy? Bad mummy of the year? No Eton for us
Best stay in the SN ghetto so as not to upset all the perfect people (that was sarcasm btw....)

Well if you're going to stoop to this level I might as well join you...
BellaDonna as I have explained before was a childhood nickname and I was born in 1979.
but no, no, no, couldn't possibly be as innocent an explanation as that, so...
BellaDonna = beautiful woman. because I am.
79 can still be the year I was born in because at 28 I still think I'm young, vivacious and thoroughly gorgeous.
so there.

'I spent christmas with my extended family which includes several doctors (including a child Psychiatrist) , teachers, a psychologist and a nurse.
ALL of them without exception agreed that they wouldn't want their offspring in a class at school with children with the aforementioned conditions. All of them agreed that such labels are used to excuse bad parenting. Again I'm not saying all adhd children are the product of inadequate parenting but some are. Again it is a fact.
You have to consider where were these conditions 50 years ago?
My 81 year old grandmother was a GP, she said she could count on one hand the number of children suffering from 'hyperactive child syndrome' what is now known as adhd.'

Oh dear god, no wonder half the professionals we have to deal with are so fucking useless. Unless a professional we see is specifically ASD trained - which none of the ones you mention will necessarily be - even the Child Psychiatrist- most know jackall about those sorts of conditions- I have generally found them to be next to useless. The dangerous ones are the ones who think they do.

Yes - I would agree that we should be looking at why these conditions are increasing dramatically. SOme (especially for AS) probably is down to better dx. Some interesting stuff in Gut Journal at end of 2006 about the increase in autoimmune conditions such as diabetes. There is some evidence to suggest that in certain cases ASD is autoimmune- and the article caught my eye as the mechanism proposed was almost identical to a model for the development of ASD.

why are they right when there are so many other docs, specialists, SENCOS, teachers etc who diagnose , treat and teach those with the conditions you scoff at as bad parenting?

i hardly think the word of an 81 year old ex GP is more valid than some of the opinions on this thread, posted by parents of SN children who have been forced to research and learn about SN due to negative and patronising attitudes like yours.

Only quickly skimmed this thread to see who the idiot was but, I am currently pg and if my child has a behavioural disorder I want them taught by someone who knows what they're dealing with, and if that involves being in a class with 'normal' children then sorry but that's the way it will be.

so by tellithowitis, my children should have a disorder, as i was a teenage mother, am now not with their father, and am on benefits???

thats what causes disabilities is it?

i acctually feel sorry for you, you must lead such a sheltered life to still have views like that.

I am open mouthed at some of the posts on this thread. A little like admitting to driving a certain type of car, I fear admitting my education preferences on here in case I am tarred with the same brush.

NMC along with LL, let me reassure you that not all parents who choose to independently educate their children suffer from the same narrow-minded bigotry. I have one DD at a seriously pushy IS and a DS with SN at a tiny, nurturing IS.

Reallytired would love some info on getting LEA to pay once statementing is in place. DS going for a statement at mo and the SN nursery he went to say that the private school will not get any extra funding although they will be obliged to meet the legal specifications with the statement. At the mo we are paying for his 1 to 1 etc.

Yes that's a shame reallytired- some LEAs will provide funding to be used in independent schools. DS2 and ds3 attend an independent school btw- but partly chosen because they had a better attitude towards AS than our local state school (neither has AS but I didn't want them to see children with AS being treated badly by their school).

What gets to me on threads like this is that it is IMO, true that some children are badly behaved because of poor parenting and that some doctors are too quick to diagnose a behavioural disorder, I believe the same about the amount of people diagnosed with depression, the numbers have gone up, partly because it is more known about and partly because some doctors find it easier to say 'this is blah blah here are the tablets, bye'.

But, I would assume that is a very small minority of the people actually diagnosed, and the pain and heartache that parents go through just to get a bloody dx is horrendous, so I rarely make that point as to not offend those who truly suffer.

FWIW, I would imagine those whose children do suffer from such conditions would be the first to say DX happy docs are a bane for us all, for it gives these parents an even harder job to make their children accepted and treated properly.

my ds (10) goes to an academically selective independent school - he has TS/AS/ADHD/anxiety disorder but also has a massive IQ and is v talented at sports. Instead of thinking "oh, we must protect Belladonna's kids from this fiend who might disrupt lessons" they decided that on balance ds would be an asset to the school, as long as the right support was in place

he already had a statement at his primary school, and that was transferred to secondary - we pay the fees (although he got an academic and sports scholarship ahead of plenty of 'normal' children) and our local authority funds the statement requirements - as the SENCO said, they'd have to provide the same support if he were going to mainstream state school, and it's a lot cheaper for them than specialist provision which we'd be able to make a very good case for if we'd needed to

i had a friend who liked the drama of situations which revolved around her. she became pregnant - and oh if wasnt everyday a lifethreatening drama for her or her unborn child - i wont even tel you about the birth

as this child became a toddler she took him to every doctor she insisted on all tests because she coundlt understand why her boy was so - what she called naughty allt he time. she was a poor parent with little imagination and she was so houisproud that having the child got in the way of her tidyness. this was her second child - she has a first the father unknown he came from canada oh the drama with the CSA anyway my point is that she saught out a diagnosis for her piss poor parenting.

if the kid cried it got crsips and chocolate - then wouldnt eat anything else - i wonder why - she persisted and persisted until someone actually said this kit had some kind of medical thing to do with his eatng. the kid as it grew more mobile and vocal became louder and more wilful and she sought and sought a diagnosis for ADHD - as she sat in her kitchen ignoring him in favour of a fag.

NOW i speak with regards to ADHD only, i dont believe it to be a disability in the instances that it does exist, it is a condition.

i do not believe that every other kid nowadays has it either.

there was another thread earlier about stifling debate - the real jist of the thread was about emotional blackmail and the "how very dare you you have made me cry" aspects of threads that stop epeople from conributing further.

i think that this is rather turning into a "i know, i have, i am someone ith a disability....how very dare you!" instead of debating the facts.

i only know what i have lived and i do not purport to be a medical expert. but sometimes kids are too much for a parent and the parent doesnt like to admit it

Custardo and VS, my GP recently acknowledged that sometimes children are sent to our local SN nursery (therefore often perpetuating the belief that they have SEN)due to the fact they are either brighter than their parents who have low IQ or very poor parenting skills and/or have not had enough decent stimulation/care in their lives.

There is a huge waiting list for this precious resource, I know my own DS was waiting ages.

Hi there, I've been a long time reader but never posted anything before!
I THINK I actually know BellaDonna79 in person (she mentioned a few things about her nickname origins and her children's names were at one point posted on her profile page, they are somewhat unusual)
If I'm right then I think I need to stick up for her. I agree her posts sound awful but there is history there that you don't know. It's not my place to divulge but she has very clear reasons for feeling as she does and I think if any of you were in her shoes you wouldn't be able to help feeling similarly.
She is a warm and lovely person who would do anything for her friends, she volunteers with her 5 kids in an old people's home because the 'old folks' love seeing the little children so much, she sponsers children in africa and she is a fantastic mother and friend.
She has been somewhat misunderstood in her posts as is the danger in a forum instead of speaking face to face.
Then again it could be someone else who is a total cow with no reasons to feel how she does who we should all despise...

unfortunately peapod, regardless of what belladonna does in her spare time, all people can go in , is what she has posted, which , on the whole has been unmitigated offensiveness.

i cannot actually remember another thread that has gone on for this long and raised such ill feeling and upset amongst so many well respected long standing posters

but welcome to mumsnet

Please no one shoot me on this one. One theory which tries to account for why asd and add may be on the rise in low income or poorly educated families, if this is so, is that the brain disorders which cause these very real afflictions are triggered by the use of mercury in vaccinations. This is a highly controversial area. "Middle class" families are much more likely to question and delay vaccinations (as shown by studies in america, sorry), and in addition "middle class" families (due to a higher income) are much more able to give their children nutritionally varied Annabel Karmel type diet which helps babies metabolize some of the other chemicals in vaccines. This theory also explains why boys are more likely to be affected; it's because testosterone facilitates the transport of the mercury in the vaccines to the brain. I struggle to imagine what other reasons there could reasonably be for such a class discrepancy but then are we absolutely sure that this discrepancy exists? It has nothing to do with allegedly better middle class parenting, of that I am absolutely sure. Speaking as middle class parent in state system.

It's a small world after all.

oh sod that all sounds awful when i read it through on the page. I am not horrid ghastly snob or even campaigner. It's just that it interests me and I've read about it and just think it's another theory people might like to think about. Perhaps shouldn't have put it in middle of big spikey row.

most of the people i know who have children with asd are quite the opposite. parents are intelligent, have great diet, nice home life etc etc

hi don't know what side of the debate you are on here but my view is that "most of the people" any one person knows will probably cover quite a limited demograhic; so while interesting and absolutely viable point to make of course I would say not necessarily something which really contributes to the debate.

candypandy out of interest how many of these people have you actually met in rl?