Help Please? Anyone's D got into Haberdashers or NLCS at 4+?

[funkychic]

My D is will be going for the 4+ 'play group' asesssment at Habs and NLCS. I'm desparate to know what they ask them to do. Really need advise from all mums whose child are already in these schools. Pleeeeeeaaaassse help!!!

I am intrigued as to where I said that autism or other severe special needs don't exist...
The only special needs I'm somewhat doubtful of are ADHD, ODD (Oppositional defiance disorder) and, on occasion dyslexia (I have previously stated though that I accept many people DO genuinely suffer from these conditions I'm doubtful of how many)
tellithowitis and xenia do have very valid points and what I find sad is the hypocrisy of some of you. Educating your children in nice suburban schools is not too different to what I'm doing...

Oh and FYI I actually have a severly autistic cousin and 2 cousins and an uncle with aspergers.

Oh, that's alright then...

If you have relations that have a disability i would have hoped that you may have shown some remorse for your previous remarks rather than trying to justify them............................

........... MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE ..........

I always PMSL at the 'I have a uncle/cousin/niece etc with autism'. DS1 has plenty of relatives who haven't learned a thing from him.

Yurt - ditto !

I always find that a really bizarre, not to mention spurious, attitude. It's like saying "You can't say my comments are racist, I know a black person!

Excellent yurt! Have followed this thread with disbelief. Once I became mother to a child with SN I suspected I had moved to a parallel universe. Some of the posters on here - belladonna - have confirmed this.

Belladonna, my severely disabled child will go to the local inner city school (is in their nursery section).
I have no idea what their league table thingies are and don't really care. Long as she is happy and not disrupted by non-disabled children who might have bigoted parents.
in fact, seeing this thread makes me think if we sent her to a private school or some posh suburban place, the mums there would be objecting because they didn't want their 'little poppets' to see a disabled child.
I'm just amazed how much money is wasted by pushy parents and private schools. DH went to a private school. And guess what? He now has to stay home and be a carer. Total waste of money.

Xenia's comment on not wanting her kids to mix with low IQ kids. FFS, life isn't about academic acheivement. Its about people and how to get on with them. In 20 years no-one will remember what score your 4 yo got and no-one will care. But they might think they are a snob if they can't get on with all sorts of people and they might end up lonely if they havn't learnt some important life lessons.
Reminds me of when my eldest, then 13 and extremely bright, announced that she wanted to work with disabled children. MIL turned round and said 'gods no, there's plenty of stupid people to work with those'
MIL is an academic snob and bangs on about posh schools and posh social circles in London. Mortified that her son managed to have a disabled child and thinks its shameful. Yet her son is much happier being home with his kids. He has broken free.

NMC please don't think that all parents who send their children to private school are as ignorant as Belladonna. I intend to send DS to private school at age 11 (for continuity of education more than anything) but would be horrified if the school or parents had these sorts of attitudes.

You'd think that some mothers ie xenia and belladonna would know when to stop digging wouldn't you!!!!

My MIL is the most bigoted eprson I know, she has OCD and is obv. Grandmother to 2 autistic kids (not sure she actually knows about ds2 has blanked us since DS1's dx)
When Dh was 5 it was suggested he spent a year in what was then called 'remedial education' to catch up on his writing skills etc (he has dyslexia), she refused as he was- eherm- 'not a Mong'. She also suggested we abort ds3 when his blood tests came back high risk for Downs 9he doesn't have downs)

tehreby I totally refute and disprove the argument that having relations with Sn make you in any way understanding or knowledgeable.

I've not come across the correlation between low class and Sn; the low income and Sn one is definitely there of course (and class can be measured by income by some forms) but that's because of how socirety rtreats us as parents of kids with SN, nothing about our famillies per se

I'm sorry, but your relatives do not make your comments any less offensive.

They are interesting issues. I want the children in very academic schools where they can be the best they can be and that includes being nice, kind, getting on with others but also getting good exam results and having a huge range of opporunities and skills which I can buy by paying fees. 40% of UK parents would pay if they could afford it because presuably they feel the same as I do. I also want girls educated with no boys around too as I think they do better. You also get a better racial and religious mix at schools like Habs and NLCS than in many of the local state schools strangely and that's great too. They are fairly socially mixed too as it's the IQ which gets you in a a good few girls come from not that well off homes.

What I am sure of is that the children will do very well where they went. Most children from privae schools do better in life in general in terms of stable lives enough income, similar values to their parents, choices and freedoms. Good education, money and an all round well thought out education of the person gives you that. One person's husband above may not feel he has benefited from his private school but he may be better educated for it and better able to teach his own children at home as a house husband or better able to accept the concept of man at home even. On the whole most children at private schools do better. My sons' headmaster put it well in his address recently - that many people don't get good exam results in life or mess up their degree or whatever but that what they aim to do at the school is ensure the best of each child is brought out. I think private schools do that very well, so wellstate schools all the time try to copy them.

Xenia, it depends by what you mean 'better'. It isn't about money for everyone you know.

Do your kids have a choice in living your academic dream Xenia?

I also don't think schools teach useful 'skills'. I've yet to find a private school educated person who can do decent plumbing, mend a car, budget for 6 on a tiny income or know the bus timetable.
All schools, but private especially, teach conformity, rigidity, knowing ones place, obey experts and how to pass exams. Not useful real life stuff. Its not rounded at all.
If I had a million pounds I wouldn't use private schools. I'd still home educate.

OOh NMC my friend who went to taunbton owns a car business (he got kicked out of his aeronautics degree), he's great at mechanics

So that amkes er- one then

Belatedly feel that I ought to wade in and support the warrior princess on this one - it's not unreasonable what she is saying.

My feeling is that I just want my children to have a good academic education so that they can have choices. They may choose to do nothing with that education or they may use it as best they can. It's up to them entirely but I'll feel I've done my best.

My DCs school does not endorse some form of SN/NT apartheid. But it does involve academic selection which means that the classes can move faster.

I don't think you can generalise. My brother had seven years of private education, but he is a great electrician.

However I don't think he learnt his electrical skills at private school. He left school at 18 after failing his A-levels and worked as an electrical labourer. He worked his way up.

Useful skills are taught in the university of life. State schools aren't any better at teaching life skills.

Academic selection doesn't prevent Sn kids gaininga ccess to a school though- plenty would pass that, its the attitude of belladonna that rankled rather.

"That may be the case for you but I know my children and I know that they'll do best in an environment which is not interuppted by children running around, shouting out, being violent etc."

And that is my point Belladonna, my child and many others with sn don't need the constant bullying, harrasment and disruptions which come from 'normal' kids.

Or the long term effects of bullying, low esteem, disengagement from education, depression etc.

If you wish for your children to have the best opportunities at an education and believe the best route for them is private then fair enough. If you feel you have the need to justify your choice by picking on children like mine, or so you can feel this makes you a better person then in my view this makes you no better then those who have enjoyed bullying my daughter and other sn children, imo.

"For some of the research have a look at this for starters."

Tellithowitis,

ROFLMAO. If as you say, and I personally have no reason to disbelief you, you only make the odd posts I'm not surprised.

I checked your study, which does absolutely nothing to 'prove' your case.

"However the whole of the medical world has been debating how 'real' some of the increasingly common mental disabilities are for some time now." - not mentioned

"Nobody would want to feel that they were in anyway responsible for this, or made any contribution towards it would they?" Nothing in the article suggests that parents are responsible for their kids having ADHD through action or inaction.

"But if this is the case, why then are 'conditions' such as ADHD most frequently associated with low social class, large family size, paternal antisocial personality, and maternal mental disorder." Again not mentioned. It mentions familial disposition but does not attribute this primarily to the woman.

"but the incidence of ADHD CAN be explained in terms of poor choices by parents (and their parents and grandparents) in terms of family planning, teenage pregnancies, single parent families (greater prevalence of depression etc)." Again not realy mentioned. I would love to know how choices made by great grandparents causes a child to have ADHD. I would hate to assume what you mean by this, so have some rope and we'll see what happens. A higher then normal single parent status among families with sn, there is a new one. Along with a higher chance of divorce for those with sn kids. Or higher levels of depression among mothers of sn kids. Hardly takes a genius to work that one out!

"and indeed it seems genetics play a part. However it is true that prevalence is much higher amongst the lower social classes," So the condition has probably gone unrecognised for generations, this continuously effects education and life chances, family end up in 'lower social classes' again I'm shocked. Amazingly not covered by the research you linked to.

Okay I'm writing this and even I'm getting bored with it - sorry everyone, so one last comment:

"(Lots of peer-reviewed studies have shown this over the last 10 years)" and with 10 years experience in medical profession the best research you could find to back these statements doesn't???

I wasn't very interested in the point about SN. Some SN children are disruptive and some aren't - same with high IQ children etc. But I do think my children get the best chances at their schools. Even in thos schools you get the genius children who get 11 A* at GCSE and then the more normal ones like mine so it's not exactly hot house Cambridge at age 12 stuff. But it's certainly a segregation of sorts for a start to all girls, secondly to IQ over ?? 120? may be like the traditional state grammars were and obviously a bit to do with parental income as most children don't get help with fees and I suppose parents very committed to education such that most make huge sacrifices to send their girls there.

But I am not a pushyparent. I am not into making themwhat I want them to be not that there's necessarily anything wrong like that. I like to watch them develop and I delight in their differences from each other and hope they take what they've had and learned and then lead the lives they choose to do whether that's as a monk, road sweeper, banker or whatever.