I wish I new then what I know now - PFB starting school.

[Twine88]

Ds starts reception in September, I am excited for him, he is going to a great school with nursery friends and he is ready.....But, I often see threads from mums having trouble at the school gates - dealing with school gate cliques, issues with birthday parties or being the mum who always ends up hosting playdates etc and its got me wondering, what are the things people wished they had known, or what are the things you look back on that now seem ridiculous and leave you wishing you had not bothered - does'nt have to be school gate related, could be what goes on in the classroom etc - looking for it all the good, the bad and the downright ridiculous!

Cards and wrapping paper - great idea - I am always rushing around wondering if I can get away with using the christmas wrap for presents but to avoid my sons I will start stocking up! That and getting our rather sad looking craft box in order, I am not crafty in the least, so will need all the help I can get.

mostly school gate dramas happen on MN - not RL.

Ditto for much of the hysteria around primary school issues i.e. teacher gifts collections. I was asked to do this once and I said "as much as it makes sense to me, actually DD really wants to personally give her teacher a gift so it's not for us thanks" and that was the end of it. On MN you will see massive threads and very strong feeling about these "issues".

I just don't see all the drama you read about on MN in RL at all.

Ignore the bitches and the willfully ignorant.

You will meet some lovely parents.

Some of your child's friends are likely to be horrible (to you). You don't have to invite them on playdates.

You really don't need to be crafty - in reception they do loads of art/crafts etc and therefore fill that quota :)

Take a first day picture!

Some of your child's friends are likely to be horrible (to you).
oops - what I meant to say is you won't like all your DC's friends - and that's OK.

Bake sales are a con - do NOT bake proper cake for them as it will be sold for tuppence. It's all about the icing, the underneath might be cardboard for all the difference it makes.

Costumes for school plays should not be taken too seriously. Odds are you'll work hard on them and then discover at the last minute that some part of it is not allowed, and you ought to have known because it's been that way for years!

Someone mentioned envelopes downthread.

Keep all the return envelopes that you get with junk mail, credit card bills etc and reuse them for sending in dinner money, trip money, any other money that the school asks for (which seems like all the time!)

Don't volunteer to count the active kids vouchers. It took me about 10 hours and we have a small school!

Make sure they can open their lunch box and know that they have to eat within the time period. Use an egg timer to let them know how much time they have to do things. Half an hour, ten minutes etc. get them used to what 20 minutes is for example.

Does he know how to ask to go to the toilet if he needs to?

Make sure they can handle the uniform zips etc so they can go to the toilet themselves and wipe properly.
Does he know what to do if there is a queue for the toilet? How to clean all the wee of the loo so he doesn't sit in it? Does he know what to do if there isn't a towel to dry his hands?

They need to know how to take their shoes off and on quickly for gym/ dance etc.
Can he put on his coat himself, teachers don't help with dressing so it's not like nursery.

Does he know how to take turns, how to share, how to swap one toy for another?
Does he know how to listen- practice quiet time with him.

Make sure he has plenty of opportunity to let off steam afterwards, so go to a playground before going home, especially if you drive to school. That is also an opportunity for him to play with the other kids.

Your needs aren't as important as his, so don't worry about making friends for yourself. Let your DS make his own friends. Don't push friendship with one boy in particular because you like the mum.

Don't pester the teachers- they'll let you know if there's a problem.

Relax.

Don't be put out when you're child is upset that you've picked them up cos they want to play with their friends - it means that they're happy and settled at school!

Birthday parties are not a competition to outdo each other, nor do you have to invite every kid in the class. Compared to the massive part at an arts centre complete with Minnie Mouse and an entertainer where the kids looked bored, my DD much enjoyed the 'going bowling with 5 friends' party she was invited to last week!

Labels for water bottles.

Easy up and down trousers/tights.
Hat box by front door that does winter, summer and random socks.
Marker pen names on labels.
Accept that some years the class teacher will be amazing and other times a loathsome grouch sucking the joy from learning.
Find out early on when the sports days, class plays are and what th dressing up themes will be.
Bake sales-mars bar rice crispy cakes with choc topping. Takes minutes and will out sell every fancy cake.

If you don't have to put them in white clothes don't. After 6 months of wear the white polo shirts are grotty, I've spent more on ineffective cleaning products than I have just spent on 6 new polo shirts in the school colour.
Label clothes all you want, sadly thieves are allowed to become parents and if their child brings home a 3 week old jumper they will keep it. Find out from school if there is a second hand sale. Yes it's lovely to send them to school on their first day in shiny new clothes but your child may have opinions/peer pressure/practicalities mean that what you have spent a lot of money on really isn't quite what you need.
School shoes are shit. I now buy Karrimor walking shoes from sports direct. Much more practical for running round the playground. Better quality, design and much cheaper.
And YY to the baking thing. I don't know if it's my school in particular but every attempt to raise money seems to involve them wanting me to spend more in the shops than they want to raise. Whats wrong with wear your own clothes day, why does every one have to be themed around something my child has no interest in when it is purely to raise cash?
Differentiate between your child vomiting/runny bum once and real vomiting and diarrhea or your child will spend a lot of time off when they are perfectly fine.
Remember teachers are just human beings. Some are brilliant, some rubbish, we all have bad days, etc.

And all day long sun cream. It seems expensive but you only put it on once a day so lasts ages and you don't have to leave it in school. And personally I'd rather the teachers spent the day teaching, not applying sun lotion to the whole class which doesn't get rubbed in properly as they only squeeze some out of the bottle onto them, they have to rub it in. Can you imagine if a child had a infectious skin disease that hadn't been spotted yet, the whole class would get it!

dry uniform on hangers - there is no need to iron it ever

gnomic that made me laugh, I recall DS bringing home a cake he had made at nursery, looked lovely, all covered in icing. Once I bit into it I realised why there was so much icing - could of used it as a doorstop.

Getting on the right side of the HT and school is really useful. I don't mean suck up to people, but don't be annoying and demand the teacher's time all the time, help out in ways that the school appreciates (and that you can manage), and always turn up to meetings and appear reasonable and appreciative (even when dealing with a problem).

Remember there are other ways to get on the right side of the HT and school than being a PTA queen or giving all your free time to envelope stuffing. If you have a special skill, like website design, and can offer your services even as a one-off, then when you need to ask a favour, they will be well-disposed towards you.

I know it sounds Machiavellian, and it is. But it's what I've learned 5 years down the line.

Also in the playground be friendly, but not overly involved, at least at first while you work out if it's going to be a bit of a drama. Sometimes it's cliquey and juvenile, but not always. If you feel sidelined, look out for other sidelined parents, they are often lovely and interesting, but prefer to hang back from the scrum. Don't make best mates with someone else on day 1 or try to make best mates with someone because your DC are friends. Things will probably change...

Don't obsess or discuss with anyone flipping reading levels. I CRINGE when another parent mentions reading levels to me, how quickly or not they are going up them etc. One parent famously looked at a playdates book, saw he was on a higher level berated her son at length (he was 5) and stormed in to see the teacher the next day. Just triple cringe.

Do not mention ever that you think your child is intelligent. Just don't.

Don't listen to Abbas Slipping Through my Fingers after you have dropped your PFB off for the first session you will weep and weep (or I did anyway).

Gloves - if you ever see a pair of uniform colour gloves on string then buy every pair they have/you can afford.

just get a piece of elastic. Sew a glove on each end, loop the middle through hang up loop. Voila, gloves always handy never lost.

Buy a permanent marker pen (sharpie, but asda's own are much cheaper)
Write your child's name on everything, uniform, shoes, coat, bag etc etc. Not in a weird place, but where a teacher will see it. If it isn't named, assume you will lose it.

If you see half decent summer hats/gloves in charity shops buy them. They will get lost and losing 50p gloves is much easier on the soul than losing £14 gloves

-enjoy it, it goes really fast
-avoid the bored mums who hang around before/after school - they tend to gossip. hint: if they're talking smack about other mums, they'll be talking smack about you. avoid them.
-make friends with the nice ones
-develop relationships with the school administration/teachers
-do not assume a teacher that's bad for someone else's kid will be bad for yours
-volunteer where you can
-if there's issues between your kid and another, let the school handle it. DO NOT GO TO THE OTHER PARENT. this is of course assuming the school is handling it
-let them get dirty. clothes can be washed/replaced.
-feel free to go back to work.