Thread For Boarders

[morethanpotatoprints]

Just thought I'd start a support thread for those either starting this september or established boarders happy to help those with many queries.

There are quite often individual threads for particular schools but it doesn't necessarily say whether boarding, day, private or state in the title. So I thought this would be a good way of getting us all together and also for those people from overseas looking for particular types of schools.

My dd is starting in sept and will weekly board, atm I am gathering uniform and other essential items and will begin the labelling process soon.
I do quite like this as sad as it seems, I find hand sewing very therapeutic and relaxing for some reason.

He will have a safe in his room, but they all have tuck boxes kept in their study areas.
So do I send him in sept with bags of sweets, pasta, biscuits and baked beans?

Whatever he fancies, especially at the start. We go on a 'tuck' spree the day of departure and go for a compromise mix of reasonably healthy (nuts, dried fruit), chocolate and Haribo . There tends to be quite a bit of bartering and some profiteering with food so your DS may come back with more than he started off with.

Welcome petitdonkey. I suppose that prestigious does n't necessarily make a better school. IMO boarding is successful if the DC wants to do it or wants to attend a school and accepts having to board to go to it. If your DS would need pushing although he might benefit from the activities of the boarding he could be resentful. He has to actively make the choice. Perhaps let him have a good look round and attend a few events there to see whether that sways him.

petit . My daughter was in a very prestigious band 1 primary in HK. So much so that every student was tutored 3 hrs a night to keep up. When you send your child to boarding it is the hardest thing any parent can do. Yet when you see her two years in. She is the happiest she can be. Compared to her HK peers who are at home at night but are unindated with useless pressure. So I would advise to take the plunge.

Haha tuck spree...my DD has a full 29 inch suitcase full of noodles, rice, crisps and anything else that can not be bought in school. BTW her suitcase is her safe.

petitdonkey a good number of schools have taster days, taster weekends and/or other similar events. Perhaps you could take DS to try one or two of those to see if he'll like it. Some of the schools also have activity days during the summer holidays but I get the feeling that most of these are run by external groups and not the school themselves. Nonetheless, it may give him a rough idea of what the facilities at the school is like and what ECA opportunities are there at the school.

And I completely agree with summersends comments about having to have DC actively make the choice. If they don't buy-in to the idea, there's no point in pushing them, as its likely to cause angst at some point later on.

1805 before jamming the tuck box with pasta and baked beans check actual cooking facilities it is quite common for only older children e.g. 6 th formers to be the only ones with access to a cooker.
At prep we used to send him back after exeat holidays etc with loads of food but I don't think I've ever sent food back at senior school accept the odd cake if I've made one, DS2 would rather money in the bank frankly. But then he can go to the shops every day.
DS has always had a tuck box, it was on the list of equipment he had to have when he went to senior school, and when we pick up the stuff at the end of each term everyone seems to have one. I've no idea if they have a lockable safe as well. I think he would tell you it's essential.
petitdonkey when my DS was little I used to think that only monsters sent their children to boarding school, especially to a boarding prep. I suspect partly because we lived in London and we didn't know anyone who did, then we moved out of London and met quite a few parents with a 7+ boarding and realised the parents weren't monsters and the children weren't unhappy. Now it just seems normal.
I agree your DC has to want to go, DS2 made the decision when he was in yr 2 that this is what he wanted to do, it hadn't even crossed my mind but he had quite friends with siblings full boarding so I guess it was normality for him.

1805 - I agree with HG. sweets, biscuits, maybe a cake to share, crisps...no pasta, baked beans. Some take a bowl, cereal, jams, nutella etc. He will soon use up all his money on the shop card and then will need money to buy other items from shop. He will soon get into the Saturday/Sunday night pizza habit - get ready for the phone calls for more money to fund that!!

I've always assumed that jam Nutella etc is provided DS has never asked for it. I believe bread butter and fruit are constantly available. I think we provided in the beginning cutlery and a mug but not crockery, in the 6 th form they do have access to a cooker but as DS can't cook at all he doesn't bother but some friends do so they bring in saucepans etc. Money for pizza delivery is essential I forgot about that.

Petitdonkey, if its a prestigious school, why not tell us the name as it won't identify you and one of us will probably know it.

What matters in the end is where your kids will thrive and where they want to go to school every day, even when they know its Double-Spanish first thing. Schools will only put the good stuff on the websites, so you need the parents to spill the beans on the bad. I remember HG dropping me a line when I was teetering on moving my son from one prep to another; her advice was invaluable and I learnt more from a few PMs with HG than I'd learnt from reading the webiste, spending the morning being schmoozed by the head, and gawping at seem of the (now) famous boys names that had been carved out and hung on the wall 50 years before.

A thing I find worrying about DD moving schools is that in her current school she is doing really well academically and has a great set of friends. Whenever a child moves school, there is a risk that things won't work out so well at the next school, eg they won't gel with the new group of children. All the more so when many of the other children have been at the school for a while already. So I don't believe in moving them unless the new school has very big advantages over the old one (to answer a question put by someone upthread).

Embarrassed smiley!

I'm a natural nomad a tedious restless individual we've moved our lives and DC's around sometimes I've wondered how helpful this is for them in particular. If your DC is happy and doing well and you don't need to move then why do it?

Hello all, sorry to post and run but my dd woke up last night!.

I think that prestigious is the wrong term as it's certainly not up there with Eton, Harrow et al. The Kings School Canterbury - he is currently at Ashford Prep School and will move to their Senior School in September. He is currently happy and motivated and very much looking forward to the next step. Ashford has solid results (comparable with Kings especially considering Ashford is non-selective) but DH went to Tonbridge and wants DS to experience an older, more established school. (I am not sure he would get into Tonbridge as Ashford don't help with CE and it is really hard to get into Tonbridge without coming from a prep school that does - kings have an alternative test)

We have until he is 13 to decide but, realistically, we need to decide at the end of year 7 which is next year. Interesting that you have all said that they need to want to go. Our other option is to move to Kings as a day pupil (DH also likes the fact it is co-ed as we have 2 DDs)

Do we stay where he is happy and motivated or move with the risk it could make him unhappy but the possibility it could be wonderful??? You are all right though that I have to let him go there and see how it feels - we have an open day in October where we can begin to assess his feelings. You know when we were children and the parents just decided??? I feel like I am walking a fine line and I can't decide if Kings is 'better' in any way or is it just history, snobbery….. We love Ashford School and our three have been SO happy at the Prep and every young person I know at the Senior raves about it….. It's just a horrible building in a not great location but do we move him for that???

Sorry!! What a me, me, me post!! Not many of my friends have the option of moving at 13 - Ashford's fees are relatively lower so I can't talk this over with anyone in RL other than DH who thinks that a more 'prestigious' school is better but can't verbalise why. (Excuse the repeated inverted commas but I can't think of a better word!)

Thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read and sorry for the slight hijack - I have just never seen a thread on independent schools stay this nice!!!

3legs - that is exactly my dilemma!

Interesting that you have all said that they need to want to go.

Were you envisioning hordes of stony-faced adults dragging screaming children behind them?

!! No, I don't know what I thought!! Just that Dh often trots out the 'I just went where my parents sent me' (as did I to my Catholic Comp) there was no discussion involved when we were children. I am, just like everyone else, trying to make the best decision long term and I guess wondered if there should be an element of us making the final decision. (i.e. when ds was four he begged to go to the village school with his friends, we ignored that and sent him to a prep school 7 miles away that he adores now) I'm not making any sense am I?? I guess the short of it is that I know that boy inside out (as Mums do!) and I think he would thrive boarding but I know he will resist it - do I push or leave well alone and let him decide?

Petit - personally I wouldn't move a child who is thriving in a very good independent school that everyone raves about and is very keen to stay there, and has no need to or wish to board.
You will be running the usual risks (eg doesn't make friends or dislikes a key teacher). And I don't think that going to a school with historic buildings or public school reputation or in a nice area means very much to children, though it can be very enticing for their parents. Parents can also be keen for their children to share the experience that they had at that age, but again I don't think that means so very much to the children.
If you want him to have the boarding experience, you could maybe look into his staying where he is to 16, and then moving to a historic prestigious type boarding school for A'level? He might be a bit more likely to appreciate it at that age too, and you might find that you have a wider choice at that age.

petitedonkey

Hello.

It's a difficult decision isn't it. For us it was easy as dd said we would be mean if we didn't let her go, so you can't really argue about that if it's the right school for the child.
I too used to be so anti boarding and at one time would have been the posters you referred to above. In fact I can remember one of my first posts being so nasty to HG I wonder she ever forgave me.
We look at the alternatives for dd and there really is no contest, it must be much harder when they are already at an excellent school.
we are in quite a deprived area and there are no excellent schools and very few opportunities.
We have received a few raised eye brows but no nasty comments, but again its a bit different as it's the school first that just happens to offer boarding iyswim. She could have been a day pupil but the travel just wouldn't have been practical and she would be home to do homework, go to bed, to be at the station for 6.40 every morning.
I think the advice of visiting for an open day is good as I think the children know immediately if it's right for them.
My dd was very vulgar and in quite a loud voice told me to get my cheque book out as she was enrolling.
she soon realised it wasn't so simple and there were the little things of 2 auditions to get through and gaining the award scheme first.

3legs - very wise words, thank you. I think I look around Kings and think how incredible it is in terms of environment but I also look around his current school and am in awe of the enthusiasm and subject delivery… I went to a fairly crappy school! Sixth form is definitely our second option, I think it would be a wonderful bridge between home and university.

potato - I have seen lots of pre-teen girls go through a slightly uppity phase, sadly though I have seen lots of parents indulge it rather than giving short shrift! You certainly sound like the latter type - you recognise she has talent but know she will encounter other children who have more! I have no doubt she will have an amazing experience and emerge as a very well balanced young adult.

My Goddaughter went to state secondary and was way ahead of everyone else in maths and gained an A* at GCSE (and in other subjects) so her parents decided to send her to an excellent independent sixth form. She had a real shock meeting peers who were SO much further along than her (many chinese if that is relevant) but it was the making of her because she missed the position of 'top' and worked so hard for those two years and secured a brilliant internship.

petitedonkey

Thank you for your kind words, sometimes though I feel like we are fighting a losing battle.
She is so terribly wilful and stubborn and no punishment seems to work.
Being in the same room as her is like the Knight in Monty Python who keeps coming back despite having lost all his limbs.
This is the part we won't miss tbh. If she manages to channel it in her music she will be a world beater, but I have seriously not met another person like her.
Both me and ds2 have this trait, so I know it comes from my side, but nobody has it to the extent dd does.
At the moment she has no phone or ipad because her room is so bad. Any other child would have cooperated by now, it's been over a week.

Sleepingdog - pizza habit?? Where do they get pizzas from??

I'm going to take a different view. I know both schools and children who were at both petitdonkey. It's a no brainier Tonbridge wins hands down it's got nothing to do with "historic buildings or reputation or a nice area" none of these things are of any interest to me or even exam results. I looked at it and loved it, the head was a master at SPS when my DH and was there for years afterwards he has created a school that has a very similar feel to SPS although as SPS is London based it's never going to be quite the same. When I looked at Tonbridge I'd just done my third tour of SPS (I was trying really hard not to like it so I thought if I kept going I would eventually find a fault with it) but it is an incredible school, anyway it was very easy to see the similarities. Ashford is a good solid school but it just isn't in the same league frankly. We only didn't add a Tonbridge to our short list because it is basically a weekly boarding and we wanted full boarding.

I805 the boys ring and get pizza delivered. In DS's house the older boys organise it for the others Saturday evening but only the sixth formers can have pizza other days.

HG, petitdonkey is thinking of Kings Canterbury rather than Tonbridge since the former have an alternative to CE exam. I guess that you would still say the same?

Ah summer the joys of skim reading late at night when you can't sleep mean you easily misread threads although I'm clearly not the only insomniac or maybe you're abroad?
I like Kings it's a good school we know lots who are or were there nearly all are very happy and it's certainly offers a broad curriculum and all of opportunities that you would expect from a proper full boarding school which has a small number of day pupils because this is what makes so different from Ashford which is basically a day school with boarders. Kings is also in a lovely location I really like Canterbury few I suspect say "I really like Ashford", Kings has historic buildings, prestige and tradition, Ashford as the petitdonkey says doesn't have these frankly. Having said this I know 2 or 3 who looked at it when DS was at prep because they didn't want full boarding but they wanted a more academic school than others similar independent schools in the area e.g. St Edmunds, Kent College Sutton Valance which have reputations as being basically for "nice children who can't pass the Kent test" (I'm not sure if this is true I haven't compared results but this was the general opinion). But petitdonkey seems happy with it as is her DS that's a real positive. So my advise, for what it's worth, please don't be too swayed by the embarressing comment above about me, is apply to Tonbridge because as I said above it's in a different league to Ashford and if he gets a place move him to a prep that that will prepare him for CE.
Some things are worth the hassle of moving for.