Thread For Boarders

[morethanpotatoprints]

Just thought I'd start a support thread for those either starting this september or established boarders happy to help those with many queries.

There are quite often individual threads for particular schools but it doesn't necessarily say whether boarding, day, private or state in the title. So I thought this would be a good way of getting us all together and also for those people from overseas looking for particular types of schools.

My dd is starting in sept and will weekly board, atm I am gathering uniform and other essential items and will begin the labelling process soon.
I do quite like this as sad as it seems, I find hand sewing very therapeutic and relaxing for some reason.

Just dropped DD off. Same room, different bed, new room mate.

New House mistress and deputy head of house.

Hopefully a more positive second term...

Kings

Here's hoping for a positive second term. I'm sure all our newbies will be much better settled this term.

Do you know I forgot that the dc could change dorms this year, I must speak to dd in case she has forgotten.

We were told they assess the past term in terms of personality, dd does get on well with one of her dormies (as she calls them) the other one is ok but they aren't bosom buddies.

DS dropped off & back in school. Same dorm same bed , felt like September I keep trying to cut down the amount of stuff he takes but I can never quite manage it !!. No calls yet so no news is good news . Trying to catch him on the phone at the dorm is like mission impossible 😱

Hi Teddington

We are just packing things now and I have drastically reduced the amount she is taking.
All the things she didn't need or use are out, unless they are specifically requested for this term, e.g some P.E equipment and accessories.

As she is only a weekly boarder she is to bring some washing home so I can keep more aware of what she has and know things are being washed.
I am also restricting mufti as she only needs a couple of pairs of jeans, t shirts and couple of hoodies.
Any parties and she can take something nice after the applicable weekend.

I didn't think the schools would be back until next week, was surprised to see a couple of you back already.
Dd is impatient to get back now, she's had enough. We are just spending the last few days preparing and she is finishing off a bit of prep they had and practising her music quite a lot.
Tonight she wants to watch Carmen or La Boheme dvds she got for Christmas.

Whats everyone else up to, are all your dc back yet or next week?

I glimpsed your DD's school in the distance today OP - and boasted to the person I was with that I "knew" someone with a child there ...

Well. We're calling last term the settling in period - but we're also putting on our serious faces about the coming term.

Someone asked, months ago, about access to technology while at school. I do not envy House Masters. It's all very well wanting to give teenagers responsibility for how they spend their time but I suspect this might work best if each individual child is subjected to investigative brain surgery to establish if they actually possess any "responsibility cells" at any given stage.

On the plus side, something Tony Little said in his recent book about children learning as much from each other as from adults is proving brilliantly true.

Our DD's new house mistress is proving to be less easy to hoodwink than the last. It appears that the 'phone' that DD was handing in at 9pm each night all last term was... er ... my broken iPod. It took new HM about 10 seconds to suss that one out and say 'No, your real phone, please.'

Haha that is why most have two phones now. Especially the international students. Emergency back up phones are essential.

most?

Bluddy hope not.

Grauch

It does look lovely from the outside and our oldest ds says it's like Hogwarts for musicians.
He can't get over how they all look the same type of child, even the international students have that same look.

I love the substitution phone stories.
At dd school they keep them in their rooms all night, unless they are caught using them after lights out. In this case they are confiscated until they feel fit to allow again.

I'd much rather them take them during the evening.

Oh well, we are packed and just about to enjoy a Sunday dinner before we set off for a few hours of fun and games, sorting out her dorm and making sure she is organised.
The latter being the job that seems to take the most time.
That was a long holiday though, no wonder they are all glad to be going back.
They were skyping and texting most of last night. You'd wonder what they have to say to each other that wouldn't have waited until later today

Oh well, it will be nice and quiet here again, so time for another project.
Possibly decorate and maintenance before we try to sell this house.

Good luck! Hope her return goes smoothly and peacefully.

Dapplegrey1 - DS hasn't tried rowing yet as he was afraid of the water - however he has said he will consider giving it a try once he has passed his swimming test. He needs a little more work on his breathing to swim for long distances as his technique is a little unique to say the least but he has tons of enthusiasm.

Waved and hugged goodbye to DS and hubby a couple of hours ago as they take the "long trip" once again.

He is missing home now when he is at school and says he loves the school but wishes he could come home on an evening and still go to the same school (which is not an option - if only it was an option ).

I am having a bit of a wobble as to whether it is even the best thing for him - but I know we have to realistically give it at least 2 terms before we even start considering this at all. I'm sure when he is there he will be distracted once again until the next leave.

How is everybody doing?
Hoping that most are settled by now, wishing dd would finally open her eyes and sort out little glitches of behaviour.
If 3 dc are doing something wrong, you can guarantee dd is the one still doing it and caught when the teacher comes round the corner.
I've told her to behave and she won't be the one caught

We have just had a free weekend, but not the long ones they have sometimes.
Looking forward to half term now when all the music courses have finished.
Not seeing as much of dd every weekend now as she often has things on at school.

I'm more used to it now and getting on with things better at home, with far less pining now

How is everyone else and your dc?

Things are all good here.

Pining has definitely decreased this term with frequent visits - it feels like we just get back home and back to "normal" (whatever that may be) and we are back again to pick DS up.

I have learned not to ask too many questions regarding how he is feeling and to wait for him to talk about if he is feeling homesick. There is much more of an attitude of "it is just school" now which means it has all become his "normal" now which is good.

DS is getting involved in a number of after school activities such as learning to play bridge, swimming, designing an app and learning piano and music technology.

I think the best is yet to come in the school year as the days become longer and warmer and generally more pleasant for them.

This term the boys get to choose the subjects that they will go on to do for GCSE's next year which DS is looking forward to as it means all his lessons next will be ones he really wants to do.

One thing I have discovered - all of the plans I thought I would have at home such as more trips and adventures with just the 2 of us have not worked out at all as yet. When we are not travelling up and down we are decorating (although only 2 rooms left now to finish then we can sell our house) I am looking forward to being finished and moved so I can then have some more adventures.

Ah, I'm also realising that it's going to be pretty impossible to do much advance planning without full consultation. I'd had a lovely idea for Easter - but there's a school trip ...

I've been smiling at the longer, lighter evenings - the new year 9s will soon discover so much more they can enjoy and take part in. And it's lovely to see them finding their feet and beginning to carve out a space for their particular talents.

But yes, GCSE planning is very much to the forefront of our minds. One amazing thing is that the boys are taking advice from each other - and it's good advice from what I've heard.

It sounds like we're all at it

We put house on the market and have taken it down again.

When it came to looking in the area we thought we'd like, we hated it.
Somebody came to view and unbeknown to her, she talked us out of moving
We too have been decorating ready for the photo's but realised that we should get rid of all our excess baggage, make some space, move a few rooms round and make some space.
Then we embarked on several weeks of DIY.

Have realised that dd has turned into Veruca Salt, I'm not sure how to handle this as it really is unknown to us.
Our values are very down to earth, not get above your station etc.
My parents brought me up like this.
Any suggestions.
She told us our house was a dump
It's not Buckingham Palace, quite modest by some standards
4 bed semi/ Edwardian. I know there's plenty who don't have anything like this.

Ha! we moved house 5 months ago, so have been doing building work/alterations to the new house!

DS however is really struggling with severe homesickness. He has seen the school counsellor, and the house master and everyone is doing what they can to help him. I don't know if it's a good thing or bad thing that we are only 20-30mins away. It is torturous to know he's unhappy.

Sympathies 1805. I think homesickness is like seasickness, the feeling of being miserable just takes over and colours everything Has he made any good friends yet? How often are you seeing him? Has he had any times this term when he has felt less miserable?

NewLife4Me
It will be an adjustment period for her - she may even be repeating things she has heard others at school saying. However even children that do not board can go through a bratty stage. The important thing to remind her is that home is much more than 4 walls and a roof but a safe place where love is the most important thing. Perhaps take her volunteering where people literally have nothing to help to return her to a state of gratitude for what she does have.

1805 I'm sorry your DS is suffering with homesickness. We have been told that sometimes living that close to the school can be a little more tricky for children to settle at school as in their minds it would make more sense for them to go home at night.
This is why when we move we will be aiming for one hour plus to give that distance. (budget will dictate most of the move as moving north to south is quite a tricky feat - but we may be able to find a shoe box to squeeze ourselves into)

Thanks Adventurers She is on her way home now, so no doubt we'll get to the bottom of it.
I spoke to her last night and she didn't seem her usual self, she's having a hard time about something.
We have a code saying for hi, what's up etc. and she didn't even bite, so I know something's up. It's difficult knowing how tough to be as obviously don't want to fall out with her when she is only home briefly, but also don't want to let things like this go.

I hope you find the house that is perfect for you all, we moved from East to NW, but were both originally from NW. We found we got far more for our money, but I think we'd find it hard buying in that area now. Lots of second homes there now, prices have gone up more than round here.
How far south are you thinking of, it will be so much dearer than up here

1805

So sorry to hear about ds, are you able to meet him during the week/ take out to lunch or do you think this would make him worse.
A lad at dd school does this, he went from day pupil to boarding and misses the face to face with a parent.
his mum said just that hour once a week makes a huge difference.
I'm also wondering if they will let him out one evening so you could do something for a couple of hours and then take him back.
I can't remember but does his school allow weekly boarding? If this is possible I'm sure it would help, if you aren't doing this already.

1805 this term is always the most difficult for them I think. Last term everything is new and exciting, they are distracted and kept busy by learning new routines, and getting used to finding their way around.

They come home completely exhausted, have a lovely long holiday (and it's Christmas!). Going back to school in the dead of winter after all that is very, very hard, especially since the weather has been so utterly awful this year.

Do work with the school and take heed of any tips and advice they may have. They will usually get one of the older boys, who have been through this themselves, to help in cases like this, and I think that often the children themselves do want to able to work through it even though they are unhappy for the time being.

I hope you manage to work things out, and enjoy half term.

Thanks. It's such a horrible situation. He says he likes the school - has made friends, the bullying has stopped but he just wants to be at home.

Sometimes homesickness can be worse because they are worried about something at home. I think after this half term he should start to have longer periods when he is not homesick. Definitely reevaluate whether it is the right school for him if he comes home for Easter saying that he is just as miserable.

We have had quite a surprise with our leave this time around.

There are issues with DS and other boys in his house.

There are changes in his moods and anger (I have an older DS so I know this is most likely hormonal) and he has asked about how to control his temper even when other boys try to "goad him"

It would appear that they attempt to "goad him" quite often - until he gets angry or cries

He is feeling quite down about it and I am not 100% sure that it is not crossing the line into the realm of bullying at this point.

"Banter" is all well and good but when it causes upset / tears and anger and the boys keep going even more - that to me is a step too far.

He told me he has been upset on a night at bedtime and has started to feel "worthless" - this has me very concerned indeed for his mental well-being.

This explains why he has been so pleased to be home.

He is adamant he loves the school itself and is just finding this all quite challenging (bearing in mind he has been to quite a rough state school school before this and has never had these problems up until now). Even if he could move house he feels that it would not necessarily change anything.

I will be writing to housemaster/ dame and tutor and perhaps suggesting he see the school counsellor. I will find it very difficult to send him back at the weekend knowing this is all going on.

Adventurers - I feel for you. I would def get onto House master. Ours has been very good at helping ds, and sorting out the bullying. Ds threatened a hunger strike unless I collected him. He also said I would be leaving him there to die if I didn't collect him. He was quickly accompanied to lunch and sent to the counsellor. Since then, he has had a better week, but we've decided to give it to the end of the year and re-assess. He does have good times as well by the way, and has talked positively about the good aspects of boarding and school in general since he's been home.

Good luck.