Thread For Boarders

[morethanpotatoprints]

Just thought I'd start a support thread for those either starting this september or established boarders happy to help those with many queries.

There are quite often individual threads for particular schools but it doesn't necessarily say whether boarding, day, private or state in the title. So I thought this would be a good way of getting us all together and also for those people from overseas looking for particular types of schools.

My dd is starting in sept and will weekly board, atm I am gathering uniform and other essential items and will begin the labelling process soon.
I do quite like this as sad as it seems, I find hand sewing very therapeutic and relaxing for some reason.

thanks sendsummer.

I think the bullying has been dealt with, and I know next week will be hard after being at home for 4 weeks.
He is a bright boy, but shy and very conscious of what people think of him.

We have a good day school near by which may well be the plan B.
Ds had offers from both schools and really really wanted to go to the boarding school.

I was wondering how long we should give him to settle before we think about moving schools…..you reckon 2 terms is enough? He is 13.

The bullying must have been a real setback for him. IMO if he is not coming back home at the end of next term recounting his good experiences and being positive about the school and boarding then it is time to reconsider. At his worst times in the first couple of terms my DS still much preferred his prep school to the local options but would have wanted should it had been possible to be a day pupil there. His prep and senior boarding schools have a strong culture of kindness created by the staff which means that although a boy might not really feel part of a friendship group in the boarding house he would n't be excluded from conversations or 'got at' (unless of course he was genuinely being annoying). Your DS should do as many activities possible in the evening including those which allow him to find other friends outside his house.

I'm hoping he will settle more next term. various people are helping him to become more confident/assertive, and his work/social balance is being scrutinised too. He is very busy and in demand from many departments. (Proud mum!!!) maybe if he has more 'fun' time with the others it might help.
I have actually spoken off the record to someone from day school and they reckon he'd get in if need be.

On a more light hearted note -
After seeing the list of 'extras' on the bill, I wish he'd left all his dirty washing at school to save me the trouble of laundry!!!

Don't underestimate how tiring it is for DCs who are not used to boarding (and therefore to organising themselves) plus settling into a new school. If your DS is very busy (for example does a lot of music as well as sport) he will also have had the extra stress of finding his way to cope with a very tight schedule when he is not yet comfortable in his environment and worrying about being late. Next term will be easier as everything will be more familiar and he will work out that he can have some time to relax with his housemates rather than constantly think about the next place he has to be at. IME they feel more miserable when they are tired and stressed but too much down-time also has problems so it is finding the balance. Hopefully your DS normally enjoys being busy and involved so the bonus of his boarding environment will become a positive for him.

BTW my DS has worked out that it is a good move to get almost everything washed just before coming home.

Thanks. Some positive advice thanks. There is a lot expected of ds at the school, and I think it's always harder if you are "at the top", as there is only one way to move from there. Personally that was never a problem I ever had to deal with!!!! But housemaster seems to be on board and is talking to department staff to manage ds's commitments. Maybe that will help ds relax into the social side of things better.
Good luck to everyone next week.

sendsummer

I would like to thank yo too. Your post has made me realise a few things.
Firstly, how we may be being a bit hard on dd, and also why she is struggling with organisation.
It's very full on and in her school case the extra curricular is indeed part of the curricular, so compulsory not a choice.
Going to have a good chat with her and ask her to be honest about the amount of free time she has.

Houselikeashed and NewLife4Me high expectations, a new school environment and a strenuous schedule are hard enough to combine. Add boarding for the first time then it is not surprising that the first term and a bit can be a struggle. Secondary age boarding provides less cushioning for self organisation than at prep schools when DCs gradually get used to it.

There is a lot expected of ds at the school, and I think it's always harder if you are "at the top", as there is only one way to move from there.
Off topic but IMO that is a strong argument for super selective schools for DCs like your DS (of course he may already be in one) since with a higher number of equally or more able peers, less visibility and focus of expectations.

Hi all

We have had a first term of ups and downs too. I am hopeful they are all things that can be resolved in the coming term.

Firstly as it is the first time that DS has been away from home he is not used to being responsible for his own food and has therefore been eating some rather unhealthy choices - mostly in the form of sugar. EEK!!
This has been mentioned by his housemaster and is therefore of concern but being dealt with as well as possible.

He has received a record number of commendations which is great and his efforts are fantastic.
However trials were a little tricky for 2 trials due to him not attending a prep school before and therefore not learning a couple of the more in depth methods of analysis. Again this is in hand and hopefully will be sorted out this next term.

He couldn't swim as he was afraid of water - he therefore put off swimming lessons for most of the first term - however he had a breakthrough with new goggles and is now trying to duck dive and his swimming is improving in leaps and bounds and as he is very unsporty he has now found something that he loves to do (that is a relief for me)

I am proud of his efforts and for a first term of boarding it has gone a lot better than I thought it would have. He has a good set of friends and seems to be happy to be involved in house activities and with just a couple of minor blips I have a feeling he will do very well.

This is from a boy who has never boarded before - in fact one who has never been to private school before either. I must say I am relieved.

Really pleased to hear your DS is settling in Adventurers, it sounds like he is coping magnificently! It does make it easier when you know they are flourishing.

I think that it is a big step up for all the boys. Even if they have boarded before, most of them will not be used to being so independent, so your son is probably not at such a disadvantage as you might have imagined.

I think that it is a big step up for all the boys - hence why all these full (and full-on) boarding public schools try and select the DCs who will take it in their stride as quickly as possible so as to be able to make the most of what they can access earlier rather than later (whilst maintaining their academic progress)
However in the first phase, any push for achievements IMO should be secondary to that of settling into friendships.

It's a difficult balance isn't it?

At the beginning of the term FaceTime showed us a cheerfully exhausted boy battling through a mountain of work (as I said before less taxing but huge amounts) with not enough time found to engage in all the other stuff.

Latterly the same screen has shown a grinning young man chattering endlessly about the fun he's been having with his friends. And once home it's definitely the extracurricular stuff that takes priority in conversations. (Along with a surprising lack of sympathy for any boy who arrived unprepared to put in the incredible amount of effort required to get successfully from one day to the next.) But we'll see ...

Adventurers - many congratulations to your Ds for gaining so many commendations. Also for learning to swim. Has he done any rowing?
My ds also made some wonderful friends whom I think will stick together through thick and thin for the rest of their days - and I'm sure it will be the same for your ds.

My DS is in his 2nd year of weekly boarding , we came from state primary also so no knowledge of how anything went etc it was definitely a steep learning curve!! , first term was horrendous, he lost everything , had no organisational skills ( my fault ) the shock of being made to change his own bed !!. But as a small school there is only 20 boarders in his house and to be fair they all seem to rub along together they all go to breakfast lunch together etc . DS is now in 2nd form , he comes home every weekend , unless he has a crisis ( runs out of cash , sweets ) I rarely hear from him in the week, he just gets on with it. When he comes home I usually just let him relax as its full on at school if he doesn't want to do anything then we won't . DS got a generous boarding bursary so there's wasn't any discussion as to being a day or boarding boy as he couldn't have gone without it . he moans that he has to share stuff and he has to queue for the shower but his only got 6 months and then his moved out of the dorm to a 2 man room in the 3rd form so his counting down the days. It's just a case of sticking with it and supporting them through. Oh and trying to keep all their stuff together !! Now I'm off to replace name tapes ready for school next week ....

Teddington I'm fairly certain I read one or more of your getting-into-school threads, though I don't think I ever posted. So I'm oddly delighted that your DS is already into his second year. Just out of curiosity, do you think he would ever choose full boarding if it was available to him?

I've been wondering if anyone else on this thread has discerned any slight and pleasing adjustment in demeanour that might be attributable to sole ownership of a room at school. Beyond the superficial fun of more scope for individual decoration and moving stuff around. It may just be a term's worth of extra maturity. Fascinating to observe though.

Hey gruach yup that was a total roller coaster just to get a place then his dad didn't want him to board so I had to go to court to even be able to enrol him. He wouldn't full board I tried CH and he point blank refused to even consider it ( might have been the uniform tho ) . but we're still there hanging in .... I think I had a month or so in the first instance of crying phone calls home the first term is the hardest , plus also the pace of the school was a shock as he had been coasting along at state primary so it was a lot of changes all in one go ......

Well done to him for sticking it out.

When our teen started boarding at prep he said the best thing was going home to the boarding house in the evenings to hang out and relax with his friends - and the worst thing was - going home to the boarding house because of all the chores and organising and general domestic stuff he was suddenly expected to be responsible for. He found it really tiring! But on moving to senior school he had all that completely sussed and it hasn't merited any comment whatsoever.

Teddingtonmum good to get your update on your DS's experience.

because of all the chores and organising and general domestic stuff he was suddenly expected to be responsible for
Gruach this made me smile as it reminded me of when a very pleasant young man showing us around a well known boys' boarding school informed my DS that at this school my DS would have to do his own laundry. I was a tad surprised but delighted and this school shot up in my estimation for getting their teenagers to do this. A few seconds later it became clear that 'doing laundry' was male speak for placing items to be washed in a laundry bag (rather than have somebody else sort out laundry). However .. any small gains on the teenage domestic front are to be appreciated

I have noticed that after 13 yrs trying to get my ds to straighten his duvet in the mornings, he has done so every day over the Christmas holidays!! Also, his music practice was done every day at the start of the holidays (but has slipped now….).

Lol SendSummer , the first term my son kept running out of clothes as he couldnt quite manage to take his washing down the hall to the laundry!! . Just ended up buying 5 shirts & 5 trousers so he never runs out.
I did look at Gordon's which is a state boarding and they have to actually clean the dorm on a weekly basis, which I don't think is a bad idea. Back to school Monday , I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm counting the days now where's those name tapes ? 😱 .

...I clicked because I'm going snowboarding in the morning...

Wrong boarding

It would be fantastic if you started another thread with exactly the same title ...

Have fun!

I've been wondering if anyone else on this thread has discerned any slight and pleasing adjustment in demeanour that might be attributable to sole ownership of a room at school.

Yes, I think it did make a difference. It gives a sense of responsibility, and also begins to make them aware of others' personal space too.

All I can add is the dorm was a disaster when I got there, none of the 3 girls had packed properly and I fear the addition of a cleaners bill on our next invoice.
The school did say if too much mess was left they would do this.

I am still trying to find out what needs replacing and what dd still has scattered around the school in lost property, laundry, storage or her locker.

As for labelling, it's almost like September again.

When do you all go back? Dd is next Sunday to start Monday, but I hate being last minute and her Birthday seems to be drifting into a three day event where not much is happening.