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Thread For Boarders

826 replies

morethanpotatoprints · 01/06/2015 11:33

Just thought I'd start a support thread for those either starting this september or established boarders happy to help those with many queries.

There are quite often individual threads for particular schools but it doesn't necessarily say whether boarding, day, private or state in the title. So I thought this would be a good way of getting us all together and also for those people from overseas looking for particular types of schools.

My dd is starting in sept and will weekly board, atm I am gathering uniform and other essential items and will begin the labelling process soon.
I do quite like this as sad as it seems, I find hand sewing very therapeutic and relaxing for some reason. Grin

OP posts:
NewLife4Me · 06/10/2015 15:23

Adventurers

I can sympathise, it's so hard at times and other times the time just flies by.
I do think it will be easier when you are nearer.
I haven't done this yet, but just knowing that we can jump on a train and meet dd for lunch, or take her out to see a show/concert and return her is a great relief.
I can attend her concert this week if I want to, but not sure I will as only a little class thing rather than the full school concert.
As Indrid stated, knowing they are happy and in the right place makes it a bit easier too, and now you have seen him settled I'm sure it will get better. Dh got quite stern with me last week Grin
He asked if I intended to pull her out, when I replied of course not, he pointed out that it was only me who could change my attitude and as upset as I was it was only me who could change this.
Somehow his logic did make sense and helped a lot.
Hope it improves for you soon, have some Thanks

Adventurers71 · 07/10/2015 11:33

Thank you IngridCold and NewLife4Me

I was just having an emotional day I think. It is a learning process for me and I will find things that work and reduce the emotional aspects over the next few months and I am sure by this time next year I will look back and sigh at how emotional I was.

My DD is a singer and sings all around the world and at first each time she left to go to her next contract (they were usually 6 months at a time) I would be teary. I no longer do this. My older DS is at Uni now and I am a little more restrained here too. So I know it will get better - and NewLife4Me you are completely right - only I can change that.

NewLife4Me · 07/10/2015 14:42

Adventurers

We both have different circumstances i.e i'm much closer to school than you. It makes it so much easier, and I think you are doing well.
I'd be inconsolable as well if I didn't see her most weekends, you have gone a long time without seeing your ds.
You are doing amazingly well. x

cathyandclaire · 10/10/2015 09:24

Hi there, I wonder if I could amble in and ask a question? What is the 'done' thing for birthdays at boarding school? DD has just started boarding for sixth form, it's her seventeenth birthday on Monday. We're taking her for tea, delivering pressies, cards etc on Sunday but wondering should I leave a cake or what is the usual thing?

Gruach · 10/10/2015 09:37

Can you phone her housemistress this morning?

It does vary. Some (most?) schools will automatically provide a cake unless you arrange to send your own.

But it may well be different in sixth form. (Sorry that's not very helpful - I'm surprised you haven't been told what usually happens. It is almost certainly hidden somewhere in your Parents' Handbook ...)

cathyandclaire · 10/10/2015 09:53

I don't think I've seen that-but am a dreadful skim reader! I've e-mailed the housemistress thanks. At 17 it's difficult to get the right balance between interest/ care and being an OTT over-bearing parent!

Gruach · 10/10/2015 10:58

I guess if they haven't instructed you to provide a cake they'll probably produce something in house (so to speak).

happygardening · 10/10/2015 15:48

A cake has always been provided by the school IME. At prep DS choose who he shared it with I think now everyone gets a piece at lunch time (they eat all meals in house) and all the boys sing happy birthday. Email/ring the matron who'll be the one who would have most likely organised something.

cathyandclaire · 10/10/2015 15:57

Thanks all, a cake IS provided but they are more than happy to have two apparently Grin

IndridCold · 01/11/2015 10:47

Just had a lovely half term, but DS and DH have just left (DS had to be back early for a play rehearsal). Feeling Sad, with only a burnt out Halloween lantern to keep me company!

KingscoteStaff · 01/11/2015 17:18

DD and DH set off an hour ago with a large bagforlife of tuck.

Good half term here too. DD very comforted to hear from her London friends that it's not just her finding a new school demanding.

Adventurers71 · 02/11/2015 15:37

IngridCold I am sorry you are feeling down - hope it's a little better today.

DH took DS down on the train yesterday however the first train was delayed and it knocked the whole journey out causing a little additional stress about getting back on time - this made us realise that we need to give it a little more than an hours contingency in future for such a long journey. Poor DH had to get the night bus back up last night - so lots of coffee for him today to keep him going.

I found this leave much better. It was lovely to have DS back home doing normal things with us once again. And there was no teary goodbye as it all felt much more normal this time around. Plus I know he has settled in really well and is thriving Smile It really does make a difference.

Couldn't help giggle at the bag for life full of tuck - we did that too Smile

NewLife4Me · 09/11/2015 14:49

i forgot to check in after half term Grin
We too had a lovely holiday and I'm finally coming to terms with it all now.
If anyone can remember we were in 2 minds about letting her stay for the occasional weekend rather than weekly boarding all the time.
Well we did allow it the once but the little monkey didn't contact us at all so I said when she can be trusted we'll think again.
I do think she will benefit from weekends at home though as it is very intense at school and at least it's a bit of time to recharge.
Of course she thinks I'm unreasonable but the whole agreement was that she would come home at saturday lunch and return after tea Sunday.
I don't think it's asking too much. Grin

Gruach · 16/12/2015 14:51

End of term!

WineWineWine

IndridCold · 16/12/2015 18:51

Yay, just got back. DS completely shattered due to totally brilliant house play/exams combo last week!

Gruach · 17/12/2015 07:41

That does sound gruelling!

Shattered here too, though I suspect as much energy has been expended on Star Wars anticipation as on exams.Xmas Hmm

NewLife4Me · 29/12/2015 13:08

Hello all.
Hope you are all having a great break and of course a lovely Christmas.

Thought it worth resurrecting the thread as we start planning for a new term and of course guess what?.....
DD has no idea where half her uniform is? We had to empty dorm so it isn't there, could have been left in laundry, lost property or locker.
So once again the endless labelling begins Grin I thought I'd have this once a year, not each term.
So off to buy new uniform, pencil case stuff, and new school and concert shoes.

How is everybody else, are your dc better organised than mine?

Londonmum07 · 29/12/2015 13:59

We are considering sending our 9 year old to prep boarding,he would start after Easter.As he is an only child it would be very hard for me.Any advise from those mums who have all ready done this would be great.Thanks

Gruach · 29/12/2015 14:47

Londonmum have you read from the beginning of this thread? You'll find plenty of reassurance and helpful advice here from first timers and erm ... old timers.

And boarding can be fabulous for only children!

BTW I went to sleep the other night trying to find a list of "feeder" preps (not that there actually is such a thing) for the school you mentioned elsewhere - but my usually brilliant prospectus dissecting skills failed me. I'm sure I did see a relevant list a few years ago when we were considering the same school ... But really, there are only two criteria: does the prep have a consistent record of successfully sending to your preferred senior school and would your child be happy there. It's also important that the prep can be honest with parents, dissuade them from unrealistic expectations and find desirable second or third choices.

NewLife4Me · 29/12/2015 15:43

Londonmum

Don't do it for heavens sake Grin

No, just joking, we are having a bad time atm.

It was hard for me to let dd go, before she started her school she had been H educated for 3 years, so we were used to her at home 24/7.

Ditto to reading the thread as we were new to this in September and the parents on here have been so supportive and surprisingly no negative posters poo pooing boarding schools.

If there is something specific though do post, or keep posting anyway it's great that people can do this here.
Welcome aboard and hope the well established boarders can help you.

IndridCold · 29/12/2015 18:47

londonmum I just wanted to echo what innocuous said on your other thread about 'getting used' to boarding. It is not as simple as that. Many boys start schools like Winchester without having boarded before and take it in their stride. I also know of boys who boarded quite happily at prep and yet had great difficulty adapting to big school.

However, boys at 13/14 are very different from boys at 9, and starting boarding at a new and unfamiliar school may put him off unless he is really keen on the idea. A housemaster once told me that success in boarding is about how adaptable a child is, not how accustomed they are to it.

Take him to look at some schools. Obviously you know him best and he may well be up for it and thrive, but please don't feel that boarding from 9 is an essential preparation for the next step - especially if you are unsure about it yourself.

Dapplegrey1 · 29/12/2015 19:00

Newlife - I'm sorry you are having a bad time atm. Is your dd no longer enjoying her school or is it just boarding she doesn't like?
I really hope everything works out for you and her as I know you were dreading her boarding, but you managed to stay positive and I enjoyed hearing news how your dd was getting on.
Re losing uniform, my DS used to come home with, as far as I could see, an item of clothing belonging to practically every boy in the school except him!
He had a particularly horrific mufti t shirt which I thought I'd thrown in the bonfire, but it surfaced the other day. The one bit of clothing I didn't want.......

houselikeashed · 29/12/2015 20:03

ds just done first term full boarding. tbh it hasn't gone well. So bad in fact he refused to go back to school after a weekend at home. He has been bullied and has not gelled with the others in his house.
I am happy with how school is dealing with the situation, but am dreading next week. Has anyone got any stories about how their dc suffered at first, but then went on to love it? Please?

NewLife4Me · 29/12/2015 20:53

Dapplegrey

She is thriving musically but I fear for her academically and her attitude is awful.
She seems to think she is something so special that normal convention doesn't apply to her.
Effort in work is terrible and she has had lots of detentions.
This coupled with struggling in Maths and organisation is getting her into lots of trouble.
The school are great and keep us informed, offering her support and teachers giving free time to help etc. She has to meet them half way though, which she hasn't as yet.
The consolation is that at least at this school she will get the support and maybe a diagnosis of some type. I myself am dyslexic and dyspraxic and struggled with Maths too.
She would have this attitude at any school I'm convinced of this, and at the moment she is wearing us down with the constant bad attitude.

Just thought I'd have a vent Grin

house
I'm so sorry, I have no words of wisdom as different problems at dd school, several girls self harming or purporting? (is that a word) to.
I'm glad they are dealing with it but it must be so hard for your ds, I'm so sorry for him.
I do think problems are worse when they board as you feel as though you can't control the situation.
I hope others have some wisdom for you and will carry on the thread in the hope.
Have some Thanks it must be so tough for you too.

sendsummer · 29/12/2015 23:14

houselikeashed my DS really enjoys being a boarder and refuses to contemplate not being one; he found boarding difficult initially especially the transitions from home back to school and this first January return was hard. Having started at a school later than the other boys it needed a bit of time to create friends with which he could completely relax at boarding house and since he is rather sociable that was very important to him settling. However I have to say that he also had some real highs at school right from the start and those good times just became more frequent and the norm. If your DS says at the end of this next term that he is consistently miserable then I would reconsider what is best for him. At this stage though although next week will be hard it is most likely that he will find it easier thereafter if this is the right school for him.

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