Thread For Boarders

[morethanpotatoprints]

Just thought I'd start a support thread for those either starting this september or established boarders happy to help those with many queries.

There are quite often individual threads for particular schools but it doesn't necessarily say whether boarding, day, private or state in the title. So I thought this would be a good way of getting us all together and also for those people from overseas looking for particular types of schools.

My dd is starting in sept and will weekly board, atm I am gathering uniform and other essential items and will begin the labelling process soon.
I do quite like this as sad as it seems, I find hand sewing very therapeutic and relaxing for some reason.

Smile&tsunami

Normal shoes I use easy to name labels & they last the year

Ballet & jazz shoes on the other hand - nightmare!

NewLife4Me

Our eldest travels for work all of the time and only visits a few times a year. Our middle DS is off to University 2 weeks after we take youngest DS to school - so we are going to be almost empty nesters at the age of early 40's (ahem ahem - hate saying that number outloud)

I would love to buy a camper van and travel more (hence my name here too). We love camping but are getting a little long in the tooth or more likely we are too unfit to deal with tents anymore (although we did go camping this summer). I am very jealous as our funds will all be used to buy something within 1-2 hours drive of school I think.

NewLife and Adventurers

I remember that nervous waiting for it all to start. It feels awful to be wishing away the last few days until they go, but on the other hand you just want to know for certain that they are going to be fine. There is not really much you can do at this stage, except just wait.
I think that the key is to be prepared for the (probably inevitable) tearful call, when it comes, and be ready to sound bracingly supportive!

Adventurers

Me and dh are 49, you're never too old
Sometimes I feel younger than I did at 29 when ds2 was born. However, these last few days before dd goes away I'm feeling and looking my age.

Indrid

Thank you so much for the words of wisdom, they are very supportive.
Can I ask you what on earth do I say if I get a skype message where she is upset? I'm a good enough actress not to join in the sobbing but fear I'll be stuck for words.
Does telling them they are getting a perfect education for them and lots of opportunities help or make it worse?
I'm more worried as don't know at what stage if any the home sickness or don't like it calls might come as for quite some time I imagine she will be in wonderland as this school is everything she has dreamed of.
I've no idea how she will manage the organisation, they are expected to manage a lot.

"What on earth do I say if I get Skype messages where she's upset"
I would listen to what she says, find out what exactly is upsetting her, talk it over see if she can see positives as well as negatives, don't dismiss it and come up with platitudes. Don't offer to remove her from the school (I'm sure you won't but some do), she needs as in most things in life to give it a good go. Liaise with house staff they're used it and tell her you going to. IME experience most take two terms to really settle if by next summer she's thoroughly unhappy and home sick I think you should look for somewhere else.
Some are home sick immediately but this quickly passes as usually in the first week or so they're busy, it's all new, after a few weeks the reality kicks in, and then some get home sick, after the October half term is another, when they've been at home for a week and also by the end of this long term, the weather is crap, the days are short and many will have picked up colds etc, combined with the fact that most will have had lots of fun in preparation for Xmas they're are utterly exhausted.

HG

I think you are going to have to hand me a grip, if I don't pipe down soon.
You talk such sense,
I will definitely look out for the times you have suggested and hope in some ways she doesn't come home during half term, but the long weekend after this.
if they do music courses they aren't allowed half term, hence the longer weekend after. They have no choice in the music course, not sure how they are chosen or what they do yet

Ah thanks Dream

I'm going to make a promise to myself not to call her and wait for her to get in touch, within reason.
Maybe coming home for the first few weekends may be a bad idea, she wants to fully board and we put her down for this even though we preferred her home at weekends. Her housemaster just said let him know on a weekly basis which seems flexible enough.

Don't dismiss negatives otherwise she'll feel you don't really understand how it works be realistic, nothing in life is perfect but whilst as a general principle the good points out way the negatives then she should keep at it. Remember we all have crap days I suspect even in paradise (if it exists which I doubt) there are less good days!
IMO it's easy for people to believe that life/work/school etc might have been better or turned out differently if you you'd done X Y or Z or gone to St X instead of St Y but also not only IMO but also in my now very extensive experience the pasture is rarely greener elsewhere in fact it's often a shade browner!

NewLife I have to say that I believe that staying in the first few weekends helps them settle more quickly. There will be sports, lots of running around to tire them out, and then probably house treats in the evenings, for instance film night with take away food ordered in. This is the best way of getting to know all the people they are now going to be living with for a fair bit of time, and becoming familiar with their new surroundings.

Re the tearful calls, you find that you just cope when it happens. Very often it is because they are very tired from the newness and intensity of it all and so are pretty over-wrought. I think that in most cases they just want an outlet for it all because they cannot keep it bottled up any more. and I'm afraid that we loving parents are the natural recipients because they cannot really admit feeling down to their new friends.
You will be able to gauge whether the tears are a normal reaction to a big new step, or something a bit more serious.

The staff will be happy to reassure you without the DCs knowing anything about it.
When it happened with us (it was just the once!) I dropped an email to DSs Dame to let her know, and she emailed me back to say that all was well, and that he had been the life and soul of the breakfast table the next morning! Knowing that does help you deal with it too.

Thank you all so much for the wonderful posts.
I may be/ more than likely worrying unnecessarily. It's just that she is so sure of herself I have been questioning whether she'll take a fall.
I'm not to call and she can manage fine without needing to speak to us She'll be too busy enjoying herself with new friends, all this bravado whilst reassuring in some respects, just got me thinking.

NewLife your DD will have a week's half term holiday at the end of October. Music course is the 7-10 days prior to half term.

There is a weekend exeat at the end of September and the long weekend in November too.

Keep in touch with the boarding master/mistress if you or DD have any problems - you'll find that all the staff are very approachable.

hello Two many thanks. I must have read the term dates wrong.
Sounds like you know the school well.
If you do can you answer a question of why the parents forum isn't anonymous? I feel that many of my questions would have been answered if I'd have felt at ease to post.

Sorry Dream not a snippet I'm afraid. I'm sure one of the other parents do though, if you stick around somebody will know something.
Is ther anything specific or do you want more general?

NewLife the forum is relatively new, I think it's only been going for a couple of years and has never been anonymous.
As term progresses you'll find most of the information you will need comes directly via email from the school itself - they're very good at communication.

Thank you for all of the advice given in this thread - it is really appreciated by someone completely new to boarding.

Our DS has been a happy chappy all the way through the process. He has been positive and excited and keeps saying he can't wait for next week to roll around.....until last night. He said he was still excited but really scared that he wouldn't make friends easily with the new boys starting at the same time as him. They all went to prep school and our DS did not so I think he is feeling as though he may be the odd one out - he did meet them for a short while before the summer. He is also worried that he will be behind others with schoolwork.

I honestly thought we wouldn't be getting any tearful Skype calls as he has been so happy and excited - now I'm not so sure and being the kind of person that only has to see someone else tear up to start - it's gonna be a little tough.

Well they have gone! Waking up this morning was part relief that all the sewing was over and part dread of what I would find they have left behind. I should be an old hand at this but I am clutching my coffee and staring at the school website hoping for a news update or thinking of when they mightt make their first call. Time to get a grip and go to the office to keep busy! Good luck all you newbie mums, it will take time for you all to settle in to your 'new life' but IME they are the best years ahead. My DC love their boarding school and where incredibly excited and happy to be back. Hope all goes well for everyone. Big virtual hugs.
Thank god we have HG to hold our hands (Matron of MumsNet!) ;)

DS2 goes back Sunday night as we're getting nearer to the dreaded day I have mixed emotions. This is his last year of boarding, his last year at Win Coll, so we're rapidly approaching the end of an era, the realisation that he's now nearly an adult, where have they last 10 years of gone? I clearly remember the first day at his boarding prep when he was the youngest and smallest boarder the school had, I remember the Win Coll pre test, waiting to hear if he got in, sitting the entrance exam and waiting to hear if he'd passed and the first day at Win Coll the rest is a blur. Now Domum is only 10 months away, this is last time we make the drive for the start of the academic year, his last Xmas at Win Coll, I really must make it to Illumina this year, my last parent day (DH always manages to avoid it, shall I make him come this year?) his last Easter, our last Winchester match (yippee) and then it's all over. So mixed emotions the usual sadness that he's going back this Sunday, you see you never get used to it, but over riding this the knowledge that he is soon to embark on a new and hopefully life and we are soon to enter a really new phase of ours equally exciting I'm hoping. How odd it feels.
So this year I'm even more laissez faire about the labelling etc, frankly I've hardly any, to do for the first time last years shirts and 1 suit is being re worn, I learnt my lesson over the years with shoes; buy top quality ones they really do last longer and are worth resoling when necessary, I'm slightly wondering where his duvet covers are but they'll turn up, I stopped packing for him years ago but as he's currently not even here I've barely thought about it. But on Sunday I will like most mums of boarders will experience the usual going back to school after 9 weeks at home blues, he will as always chose lunch, we'll walk the dogs and spend the last few hours uncomfortably waiting around for the moment when we load the car and drive off. Ten years later and Ive never found a satisfactory way of spending those last few hours, conversation is always slightly stilted (as any one who knows me will cheerfully testify Im rarely at a loss for words), the dog looks anxious and sits close to DS, DH keeps muttering getting on with about carting 3 tonnes of stuff down the stairs and packing it into the car, even though we've done it on numerous occasions we always have the same discussion about what time does he have to be back and when shall we leave? Shall we go the scenic route or straight down the motorway. Then he's gone I don't generally go with him and despite the fact the DS1 is here, (he's is off to uni in less than 3 weeks but that's another thread in itself), the dogs are angling for another walk and the cat is nagging to be fed the house will feel empty.
I slightly wince at being being called at "matron" it doesn't really go with the trendy image I have of my self. But am also delighted if I (and others) have been able to offer support and advise to others in the same position as I've been in. I said this before but I think it's fantastic the strangers (although some of you I've met so you know I'm not really trendy or we've PMd each other on so many occasions I feel I have virtually met you) can offer such support help and advise to each other.