Unauthorised absence

[verbeier]

I am from another country, a fair distance away (OK, a very large distance away). I have two children here, as well as my DH (British). We like living here. My children generally don't have any family they see often here but my family dote on them. Now my DS is at school, the whole 'unauthorised absence' thing us weighing on me. We genuinely could not afford to go and see my family outside of term time. I appreciate that there may be some repercussions on my children's education, but the alternative is that they have no family in their lives. I am really torn. As I said, we do love our lives here generally. We could stretch to a term time holiday to see my family (it would still be hard for us) but a trip in school holidays would be actually impossible. Has anyone been in the same situation? My children love seeing my family outside the UK. Out if interest, not that I can afford it, but are private schools as strict about unauthorised absences? And, say I went for two weeks and suffered the consequences, could they kick us out of the school? I know there would be a fine.

I would talk to the school about it. As long as they are not in their GCSE or A level years you should not have to worry about it. Family is important, and children can gain so much from that contact.

If the school is not being reasonable, I would invent a family wedding or religious event. I know many people would be horrified at the suggestion of lying to the school, but you have to weigh up how important this is for you family, here and abroad.

BTW I am a teacher. These rules are rediculous for primary school children and also far to harsh for younger high school children. What they miss in two weeks, they can make up. What they will gain, will be invaluable. [Smile]

it is more than a fine, yes they can lose their school place, but also you could be taken to court, get a criminal record, even go to prison for persistent offences.

How about your parents visit you instead?

This is one of the reasons my son's previous headteacher hates the new rules. My son was in a Catholic school which had a large number of children whose families originate outside the UK....and usually long distance. Before the changes, the HT coukd authorise the absences...and he used to say that it was important the children had the chance to see extended family. Now it's nigh on impossible for him to do so.

Do check with the school though, you might find that they can authorise this in special circumstances etc.

You might not get wedding authorised, and for religious observance only the duration of the festival will be covered.

You will not lose your school place for a two week absence. But you may well be fined.

Could your family travel to see you here, keeping relationship with your DC going, whilst you save up for another year (or more)? If staying with family at the other end, then wouldn't you need flights/insurance/spending money rather than full holiday cost?

Private schools do not have to follow state school rules.

If you can't afford to go to the other side of the world outside term time I doubt you can afford school fees for two children. If you can, then use the move to go on holiday in the school holidays.

IME this is less of a problem in private schools, partly because people have more money and partly because when you pay thousands of pounds out of your own pocket for your children's education you tend to value it.

Agree with the poster about your family visiting you. There are 52 weekends every year when children don't attend school and at least twelve weeks' holiday in which to take holidays.

I don't see why the rules should be different for you than for the home population. That really wouldn't be fair.

All school heads can authorise in exceptional circumstances.

It sounds as if your HT, GratefulHead, is blaming the new rules for something which they do not stipulate. The only thing that changed is the removal of the words specifically relating to '10 day holiday' (unless you want to split hairs endlessly about whether there is a difference between special and exceptional; which to a head who wants to authorise, there isn't).

Is your HT weak in other areas too, with a tendency to blame the law, rather than using the powers vested in heads to benefit his community and taking responsibility for his own choice to refuse to authorise?

Dunno AuntieStella, my son longer attends the school as he is y7 now. The school itself is rated as "Good" by OFSTED though...and I may have misinterpreted his opinion to be fair. I got the impression though that he was sad he couldn't just authorise visits to distant family as freely as before though due to the rule changes. He didn't like the change due to this but never heard him complain about anything else. It was a nice school with a very child focused approach.

Isn't it also that even if the Head authorises the absence it is still counted as absence for the purpose of attendance stats and those have a knock on effect on ofsted ratings which directly impact funding and the Head's own career so it's not that easy for them to say yes despite having the power.

My family are aging - my grandmother is 94 and my aunt has terminal cancer. So, yes, some family members can visit us but I really want to see those members who cannot see us.

I can talk to the head, but there is a large amount of foreign families in the school - some of which have already been declined agreement for single days holidays in term time to visit family, attend weddings etc. So I doubt they would agree my term holidays.

skype.

your quandry really does not make much sense. if you can afford to go twice in term time, you can afford once in the holidays, just go every other year instead of every year.

Is there any particular reason why your DH could not look after the DC whilst you make a term time trip to see the aged and ill relatives?

I know it would mean a bit longer to save up for a trip that's more child-friendly (as you use some money on this). But a round of visits to hospices or to visit the housebound really won't be great for the DC.

By the way, I value my children's education highly. But I also want my children to experience being around people who love them unconditionally. As explained, they have no such thing at the moment and I think that this is just as important as education. In an ideal world, I would ask for a fortnight in term time every two years. This is manageable, I think, for the child. I would prepared to get lessons plans and study with my children, who are still only young. We already do quite a lot of learning at home, so this would be nothing new.

I am struggling with the responses, I have to say. I did expect that people would consider family relationships to supercede two weeks of school. I appreciate the solutions - leave kids at home etc. but the main thrust of the trips would be for my children. My son is desperate to visit my hone because, as he says, "that's where my family is". I think I might genuinely consider whether we should stay here at all, due to our personal circumstances.

Charis Skype is hardly the same and where did the OP say she was going twice in term time?
I'm a primary school teacher and wouldn't have a problem with this. Family is so important and I think while the term/school holiday prices are so different I can see how many families really don't have a choice.

But thanks for responses, good to hear what people have to think about this. :)

"I think I might genuinely consider whether we should stay here at all, due to our personal circumstances."

That could be a really good plan for you. What does your DH think? Would life be more affordable for you elsewhere?

I take it that he has no immediate family in UK, as you do not refer to them at all, and the words from your DS indicate that too.

OP very few parents and teachers in RL agree with the judgemental views on here. As long as it's not mid Sats or similar then it's really not going to be horrendously detrimental to their education to have 10 school days every 2 years off.

I never understood the angst about term time holidays, but now that I work at a school I understand how OFSTED has made it impossible for Heads to authorise them for all but the most compelling reasons. If a school goes below the 95% attendance line it 'drops' in standing and loses funding. That means more people then turn down or avoid the school, it drops and again and loses again.

Any absences, illness, medical appointments, religious holidays et al count against them. It's a ridiculous situation but the HTs hands are tied.

I feel for you OP, I really do, but now that I understand I can see the reasoning behind it.

Have you thought of home schooling?

As you children get a bit older you'll notice that most parents just get on with it without asking for permission. They just do it. There are quite a few days in the school calendar where little or no work takes place. Take the end of the Christmas term for example, where it's all about the Xmas show, and the summer, where the teachers just want to strip their classrooms and be out of there. Or maybe that's just our school...

I would always take them out of school for holidays/engagements. There is nothing more important than family.

OP I think two weeks every two years sound reasonable.

My DH is from NZ so about as far away as you can get from the UK before you start coming back. We've just paid £3.5k for return flights at the end of the year and that's only be we are travelling on Christmas Eve. We defo couldn't afford to spend more - can't really afford it at all tbh but it's my MIL's 80th and being brutal, how many more birthdays might she have? If we had traveled on 23rd Dec it was coming out at a thousand more.

DD will still be at nursery and DS is newborn so school permission isn't currently as issue for us but I fully intend to ensure that both children get to see their nine cousins, grandmother and six aunts and uncles from time to time as they grow up. We live in London so don't have a massive house to put them all up in.

I think different rules can be applied when family is far away and not going in term time means you can't see them at all. Exceptions prove the rule. My own family live nearby so naturally I wouldn't dream of organising a holiday with them in term time.

Hope you make some headway. I would certainly be talking to the head about the children undertaking some sort of project to document the trip - maybe a new fangled digital thing - that would add to their education.

In my state school and county, you'd only get a letter after a week. If there were further absences you'd get a very small fine of £60 per child. Nothing more would happen.

The sums don't add up by the way. Private school is 12k per annum. If you can't afford a holiday out of term time, you can't afford private school!