Should you start parents evening with this question?

[Nerf]

So, X, do you think are a good boy, hmm?

Clearly discipline issues were at the top of the agenda...

To the dad?

They did come up, yes

To the child!

How old?

11

Only if you're prepared for the answer 'definite 'good' please?'

Well it was a bit irritating as DS has ASD and was clearly thinking this was a straight forward question. Otoh I just wanted the teacher to stop with the rhetorical questions and get to the criticism.

No I don't think that is ok, I think it is wanky to any child let alone one with asd
Do kids go to parents evening now? I never did as a child. Actually, maybe my parents never went either.......

Very obnoxious and condescending question, which invites: "Do you think you were a good teacher?"

I really wish kids weren't expected to be at parents evening. I think it inhibits meaningful discussion and results in this sort of excruciating exchange.

That's an unhelpful question. I'd be steering clear of 'good' or 'bad' and asking something way more open. 'So, tell us about your behaviour at school' for eg.

However, that's if the question has to be asked at all. I'm more in favour of the parents only approach to parents' evening, though I realise that this isn't always practical for families.

Yes from year five now they all go. Ds is year seven. Thought maybe it was a new thing and fitted with then all going or something.

I hate that kids come to Parents' Eve now. (I teach secondary.) I thought it was because parents wanted it though, didn't realise it was disliked on both sides! Can't we unite and leave the little buggers at home?!

Boss, I'll sign a petition! I'm either talking in code or listening to ds and the teacher hold a bland conversation. Pointless last year with Y4 ds as he just started crying at the first hint he wasn't doing well in numeracy.

Plus this teacher mentioned being asked not to sit ds with various children (by school) and said 'don't bring it to my x lessons' . I was livid - ds has asd, has been bullied and there has been a lot of support for him between me and school.

Yes, yes, let's stop the madness. I'd like to be able to have a frank discussion about my child without us all worried that we will say something hurtful in front of them. The kids see the teacher all the time. I get two 10 minute slots a year. I'd rather get to the point. Strengths, weaknesses, and what I can reasonably do to help.

How do we do a joint effort though?

Stop taking your child. Simple.

(although the teacher should still not have said that)

So when do they get to be there ? In all seriousness 14 ? 16?. Btw I get calls from the parents of undergraduates who think they have jurisdiction over their adult children's relationship with their tutors.

6th form. That's when.

Yes sixth form. They've chosen to stay on at that place and study particular subjects.
I can't talk about asd, ocd, death of relative, poor performance, decision not to put through 11 plus, concerns re school and their maths teaching, social issues unless in a very cryptic way .

I usually start by asking the student to tell us something they have enjoyed this year or something they are proud of from my lessons...begins on a positive, can then build in the things I think need to be improved or that we need to work on, before finishing with another positive.
I think having students there is really important - the most successful learning occurs when we work as a team - teacher, pupil and parent...having a conversation with a parent without a child there (especially a difficult conversation) never goes so well because the parents response is always that they will go away and speak to child - thus we never move forward so successfully.
Also many of my parents aren't very confident in the school environment and probably wouldn't come without their kids encouraging them.
But - I do wonder at staff who begin with behaviour and not learning - questions what their focus is in the classroom??

I agree with Hetty, I think in the last year of primary it is useful. In ideal world I suppose you would run it like a school age cdc (child development clinic) start with everyone, then get parents out for a bit,then parents without child,then everyone. But there is not enough time in an average parent's evening so I suppose having the child there for all of it is better than them feeling like people are talking behind their backs.

"Yes sixth form. They've chosen to stay on at that place and study particular subjects.
I can't talk about asd, ocd, death of relative, poor performance, decision not to put through 11 plus, concerns re school and their maths teaching, social issues unless in a very cryptic way ."

You couldn't talk about all that in a 5 minute parents evening slot either. That's an agenda for a separately booked meeting. I think one of the most valuable things you get from a secondary school parents evening is a sense of how members of staff relate to children in general and your child in particular. And vice versa. It's the only time you get to see it.