What can a bursary family do / not do?

[JoDoeCalling]

My children have bursaries to attend their independent school and part of the condition of this is that we live "a life at the standard worthy of a bursary".

I presume this means as a poor person, whatever that may be.

I was looking at a senior school and that said no extras such as: owning a second home (fine don't own first), going on multiple holidays a year (one holiday in uk every 3 years), owning a new car (car 15years old), owning a luxury car (now car is bmw but was a friend's who gave it to us 6mths ago for £250), or eating out (does McDonald's count?)

Now this is making me worry I'm not allowed to let other parents know we're on a bursary as signed when awarded but do I need to be concerned?

Secondly I feel that if I have any negative comment to make to school re children I can't in fear of bursary removal - does anyone else have this fear and is it irrational fear or a justified fear?

My dd's school isn't a well known school its a small quaker school. That offers many busaries mainly 50% some smaller schools do offer them! Just ask dont be afraid,schools are generally good and like that parents are interested in them

The things is - 2 children at 50% each of say 15000, is still 15000. That's almost what we live on after tax! I still maintain that kind of thing is out of reach of families like ours. We're well educated but slipped through the net of life a bit, and our children seem bright so far.

"But I'm really not sure any of us would want her to board"
My DC's have boarded since yr 3. When I first started looking for financial assistance with fees I would have said the same thing ad you, but faced with mediocre (at best) state options or an excellent boarding prep with lots of opportunities who were prepared to offer a substantial bursary we felt that we had no choice.
Like many parents who send their DC's to boarding school it all about weighing up the pros and cons.

"we felt that we had no choice"

Yes, you did.

Well there's always a choice. I don't think we would ever choose boarding, however wonderful (and I do see from their website it would be!) We value education but we also value a close knit family.

Of course there is always a choice. However, if we discount things that will be damaging to our children then the choices often become more limited.

Middleclass

I understand what you mean, sometimes doing the right thing for your dc does mean you feel you have no choice.
I too wouldn't like mine to board, and if it comes to it, will break my heart.
You have to let them do what they want/ what is right for them
No judgement here.

A lot of the comments above stem from the old assumption that everyone else lives or can have more or less similar lives "I manage with 25k so if you earn 50k you must be able to afford lots of things I am not" Well lives are not the same. It's not the same to live in London than somewhere else, it's not the same to have paid your mortgage like some people have or owe a huge chunk of it, it's not the same to walk to work than commmuting across London or burning miles like middle. And I am not even getting into other possibilities like disease, other debts, special needs, job requirements etc etc etc.

Oh sorry middleclass- I didn't at all mean to sound judgy if it came across that way. It must have been a huge decision and your child will greatly benefit and probably go much further in life than mine, having had the benefit of a fab education and environment too!

I only meant I honestly couldn't send mine to boarding and I guess that means she has less opportunities. I had a difficult family background and for 101 reasons value the everyday closeness of family which is all I meant by my comment. I'm not at all the perfect mother, and certainly not giving my children all I'd like to given our current income.

I'm probably not explaining well! Everyone weighs up everything all the time - whether its WOHM/SAHM etc etc and for some there is the option of boarding school as part of that weighing up and I can see that. What a lovely start to life you have given your son.

My dd boards come home Friday's and returns Sunday's. It is honestly the best decision I have ever made! She loves it and has made so many new friends from it and has learnt lots of new skills to add to her university application and cv. It has really boosted her confidence. Don't get me wrong there is cons to boarding it has taken her 1 term to settle in and feel like she loves it. She missed home at first like you mill we've always bieng a close family and it's always being just the 2 of us and she did miss home at first and wanted to come home But she soon started to love it and said to me last week it's the best school she's being too!

Millionairres

I know where you are coming from too and have a reason albeit thankfully not the difficult family background.
I don't mind admitting that I don't know what I will do if dd is accepted into the school of her dreams, she can't wait to board and I feel so guilty about secretly hoping she doesn't go.
I know I can't be selfish though and will get through it if happens, I'll have to.

We applied for bursaries before discussing it with the DC, when and only when were we sure that the offer was something we could afford did we involve the DC in the decision making. This way we didn't raise their hopes and expectations. There are bursaries available but you have to really want them to be prepared to jump through all the hoops! Good luck.

Hi Pepperpot - can you say how you went abotu that? Did you send a specutlative letter/ visit the school? Did you know in advance they were likely to offer them etc?

In the schools we applied to, you give the papers together with the inscription for the exam and you don't hear the bursary decision till the day they offer your child a place about two or three weeks after the entrance exam. That's why keeping it hidden from DS was not an option. He had to sit the exams as exam result and bursary result went together hand in hand.

"I only meant I honestly couldn't send mine to boarding and I guess that means she has less opportunities."

Why?

We went though the same procedure as bursarylady - all the bursary forms had to be completed and submitted before ds even sat the exam, and the offer of a bursary and offer of a place were given at the same time.

So ds was well aware that going to the school depended entirely on getting the bursary and had to sit the exam without knowing whether he would get one or not. I can't deny it was a stressful time and I did have many sleepless nights knowing that ds loved the school and really wanted to go...thankfully it worked out.

There are lots of hoops to jump through, but I think that's only right and fair! And I'd be lying if I pretended that sometimes it seems a lot of hassle, but ds loves his school so...

Hakluyt - why I wouldnt choose to send my child to board or why it appears to limit her oppopportunities?

Why do you think it would limit her opportunities?

I think my daughter would love some of the independents near here. She would certainly love to push herself academicallyand enjoys sport etc. However iI'm not currently seeing it an option. On our income. Even to pay half fees you need a fairly good income!! I'd hate to show her what shook could be like and her be dissappointed we couldn't afford it.

The junior school and senior school here both perform well below average although tha reflects the local intake....

millionaires, there's absolutely no harm in enquiring with your local independent schools as to what their bursary policies are. You won't get a straight 'yes, you can have x amount off the fees' answer, obviously, but schools are very used to parents enquiring about fee remission - don't be put off!

The charities commission website should also have details of all independent school accounts so you can get an idea of how much each school spent on bursaries etc in the previous financial year.

It's undeniably hard to have to take the chance on a dc being disappointed if you would be dependent on a bursary, but on the other hand, if you don't give it a go...

Or start a thread about your specific schools of interest - you'd be amazed at the knowledge here

The fact is that it's up to the individual school who they award a bursary to. So ultimately it depends on how much they like/want the child.

Sometimes allocation seems very unfair, particularly to those who work hard but earn too much to qualify. I know people who look poor on paper but live a very good life thanks to grandparents. Eg one couple I knew had "artisan" jobs and low incomes, but had a very pretty tied house, and were always off to parents' home (stately). The kids had free school meals, fgs! And then the first one had a bursary to a private school. But I guess the family fitted in with the school and that's what mattered rather than whether they were genuinely not well off.

It is indicative of the human race that these threads end up about the few cases where it is not clear how "poor" the parents really are instead of about the many cases where a bright child who cannot afford private education is able to receive one.

So OP, you have gone missing but I hope this has been useful to you. The clear lesson of course is keep it to yourself because otherwise you are going to be called a liar with clever accounting or too middle class to deserve it. Ah, and your house will be scrutinized to check if it is "pretty tied"

I'm here reading it all.

I will def keep it to myself, but will try not to live in fear of losing it either.

And don't think my home would ever be described as pretty tied - a hovel maybe

hakluyt - why do you seem to dislike parents who are looking to offer their children a style of education that will suit them and probably offer them a broader curriculum and a broader range of extra curriculum experiences?

We took our dc out of state education largely due a lack of importance on the creative arts and sport. Also because dc1 turned out bright and school said they didn't have the time or resources to teach him independently so basically he'd just coast for the next 3 years.

We applied for a bursary to a local selective school which is full of kids just like dc1 and he loves it. Best thing we ever did. Next he is going to boarding school which is what he chose.

I get really annoyed with people thinking they know all about every single school and every single child in the country. Every parent will make a choice based on their local schools and their own dc needs.

It is the schools decision who to award bursaries to. Good luck to all who benefit from them.

OP - I hope you enjoy the school, and just be yourselves. Well done and good luck.