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Original poster

Is teacher's assistant out of order ? long but advice needed

39 replies

moosh · 22/09/2006 15:02

Ds aged 6 in year 2 keeps complaining of his teacher's asssistant picking on him.
He said that if everyone is talking his name is the only name called out by her and he was made to stand against the wall in the playground for talking to a few friends over in the junior school playground fence.
The thing that has really got my goat is that she has stopped him from having jacket potatoe for dinner just because he doesn't eat the skin !!!! He doesn't eat the skin at home but he always without fail eats the potatoe inside. She has also told him off about the way he wears his tie, he likes his tie short and fat (bit like the way the older school boys wear theirs) she started on him about that yesterday which I found out through his best friend and not my son. There are no rules on how a tie should be worn at his school as long as he is wearing one.
He seems a little distressed about it and to be honest I know my son is one of the noisy ones but he is a hard worker and I think the jacket potatoe thing is a little mean on her part. I know that 6 year olds can exaggerate but everyday this week he is complaining of her. I am not one to fly down to the school and have it out with her,.....yet....., I want all the facts.
Now, do I watch to see what else is going on keep a quiet note of all episodes, or do I speak to her now and try and sort out the situation especially the potatoe thing or do I do nothing.
Any opinions would be greatful as I am quietly getting annoyed with this woman.

OP posts:

morningpaper · 22/09/2006 15:06

I don't think that any of the things you say sounds like problems except for the potato thing - that sounds very odd

The other things - well they don't sound awful in themselves.

MrsApronstrings · 22/09/2006 15:09

I would have a quiet word with the form teacher - or even the head if you can't speak to the teacher without assistant around. After all you don't have to go in all guns blazing - you can say you understand children exagerate etc BUT... you can also say that another child had relayed stuff to their parent. You can even add that you know ds is lively, but calmly and without being out off explain that assistants behaviour is not helping and your son is distressed

imho the jacket pot thing is out of order - not up to her. and the lunch is paid for so not place to stop him.

When I have needed to go to school and always felt anxious - I find if your reasonable they generally are too. I feel for your ds and good luck sorting out this woman

Medulla · 22/09/2006 15:11

I would talk to the teacher (not the assistant) about this, def wouldn't be happy esp about the potato - not up to her to decide what he can have to eat. Lots of adults choose not to eat the skin why shouldn't your son.

Blandmum · 22/09/2006 15:26

The potato thing seems odd.

Re the 'she only ever picks on me' thing....try not to get too worked up about this, kids will often think that they are being picked on, when in fact they are not....try to get a feel for what is going on, rather than going in all 'guns blazing', it may well be nothing.

Original poster

moosh · 22/09/2006 15:59

Thanks for your responses. I am not an all guns blazing woman but will defend myself and kids if needed. I agree with you all about the food incident, dp said "What are we going to do about it he has spoken about Miss X alot this week, he seems really distressed" and I replied that we can't take everything ds1 says as truth as kids do like to exaggerate, but the potatoe thing has really got to me.
I do pay for his dinners and surely he doesn't have to eat the skin, not everyone likes the skin. I am glad you think that that incident is a little odd, most of the kids in the class do not think highly of her. She has been with them in every class since reception and so many of them were moaning about the fact that she was going into Year2 with them. I think it is because she is quite strict and I like that, but please do not dictate to my child what he can and can't eat at dinner times. He has a Parents evening coming up, so will see if there are any more potatoe incidents and then I'll have a word with the teacher if there is.

OP posts:

Judy1234 · 22/09/2006 16:57

If he's noisy she probably undertstandably doesn't like him and he could do with a bit of squashing and realising he has to do what he's told. Perhaps just tell him to put up with it and the school is usually right which has usually been my response if the children moan so they realise school and parents are united (unless there really is something very nasty going on). I often use the experssion life isn't fair and that when you get out to work you need to learn to deal with people who pick on you or who dislike you and try to think of ways to make your teachers happy etc.

Potato skins good for him. Good for him to know school and home standards can differ too. Fat ties wrong way to tie them. Sooner he learns the right way the better for when he work in an office etc. Forced conformity a good thing.

Medulla · 22/09/2006 16:59

Liver is good for you too, so is celery but personally I wouldn't touch them....potato skins I'll eat but why can't a child have food preferences.

CarolinaMoon · 22/09/2006 17:04

xenia - he's 6yo ffs!

if the school doesn't have a policy about ties, why is the TA enforcing her own preferences?

And who is she to say what pupils can and can't have for lunch?

beckybrastraps · 22/09/2006 17:07

Potato skins odd. Although ds's school won't let them leave until they've eaten a reasonable amount of all their food, which I'm very happy with as there is a (small) amount of choice. Still, potato skins odd.

Agree with MB about the "she's picking on me" comment. I picked on a number of pupils, who strangely enough were also picked on by other teachers!

Tie (although daft IMO) should be tied properly.

Of course, she may well be singling him out. I have seen it happen. But you need more to go on than you currently have.

beckybrastraps · 22/09/2006 17:12

Do you know anyone who goes in to help? Or one of the dinner ladies? Then you could get a more objective opinion. I'm not suggesting your ds is lying, just that sometimes a child's view of things is a little boss-eyed.

serenity · 22/09/2006 17:13

very at Xenias post too.

Moosh, I'd go and have a quiet word with his class teacher. Don't go in accusingly, but just say you want to clear up things that your DS has said that have been worrying you. I've done similar things in the past, and it's better to clear it up now rather than waiting and maybe get more angry about it, the more it plays on your mind.

beckybrastraps · 22/09/2006 17:15

LOL at telling a 6 year old he'd better buck up his ideas before he enters the workplace! That'll do it!

Zofloyya · 22/09/2006 17:29

'Forced conformity a good thing'!!! . I surely don't have to do any crass 'lesson from history' stuff about where forced conformity can lead, do I?

SaintGeorge · 22/09/2006 18:46

Jacket potatoes are always an option on our school dinner menus, with toppings varied each day. Sometimes it is the only thing we can get the young kids to eat.

They are never, ever forced to eat the skins - we tend to congratulate ourselves if they actually eat the insides fgs!

(Dinner lady by the way)

noonar · 22/09/2006 19:10

think xenia i taking the p*ss! surely?

agree, the potato thing sounds bad.

as a teacher myself, i observe alot of kids playing up with support staff when class teachers are not around. it is POSSIBLE that he pushes the boundaries more with her, in terms of his behaviour . this could be causing a backlash, on her part. not a justification, but possibly an explanation.

Judy1234 · 22/09/2006 19:30

I was a little bit abrasive but I do think there are good discipline arguments for letting children know the parents support a school and that putting up with things you don't want at six might do you the world of good. Eating potato skins won't kill him - it's where the goodness is so we should be thanking the school for managing something that has not been achieved at home may be... okay still in abrasive mood. I'll slink off for a hot shower. Been a bad day.

noonar · 22/09/2006 19:36

yeah but if he doesnt want to eat them, what would you advocate? force feeding him?!

sugarfree · 22/09/2006 19:40

I am struggling to maintain my own abrasiveness here Xenia.
Conformity!???
ARSE!!!
What about free choice,creativeness,letting your spirit fly free,and a carefree,lighthearted childhood?

Moosh,hope you get this sorted out soon,what may seem to be trivial in some peoples' eyes can be the centre of the universe to a child.

sugarfree · 22/09/2006 19:44

I am actually dumfounded that it's "understandable" that the TA wouldn't like Moosh's little boy and as for him needing "A bit of squashing"....Horrific attitude.

Judy1234 · 22/09/2006 19:45

You can't run a class if they're all free spirited etc. He needs to learn how to behave in school and in class and that involves doing what you're told. If he learns at 6 he might find life and work easier. I am playing devil's advocate here obviously.....

If he is being picked on unfairly and it's not because he's naughtier than everyone else in the class and isn't just paying the price for his past behaviour, then the difficult issue is whether to raise it at all and whether even at home to appear to be "against the school" which probably won't do him any favours at school either and then gets the parent labelled as a trouble maker.

sugarfree · 22/09/2006 19:55

I find it disturbing that a TA feels the need to ban a child eating a potato because he won't eat the skin.Is she totally power crazy?
"Let it go love let it go,he's 6,it's a heckin' potato that A)You didnt buy,B)you didn't prepare,cook or serve."
Bizarre behaviour imo.

FatThighs · 22/09/2006 20:25

well it is hard to know exactly waht is going on in school - i never get teh truth from my boy. You could ask a few other mums what their children think, or ask the children yourself.

If it is still worrying you go straight to the head. as long as you acknowledge that you may not be getting the true picture from your son even if he percieves it as picking on him it needs to be addressed whether it is or not.

I understand the opinion that children need to learn how to behave in groups, conform etc. but this is more than just enforcing the day to day nature of school.

You are worried therefore I would get to the bottom of it - not just tell him to pull himself together - show him some trust and compassion.

good luck

AngelaChill · 22/09/2006 20:42

from my limited experience of TA's you either get fantastic ones that will eventually become teachers themselves or jumped up mini Hitlers who have a rush of power go straight to their heads. I would go straight to the organ grinder.

Original poster

moosh · 25/09/2006 20:11

Sorry have been away I went and spoke to the teacher this morning as the potatoe incident happened again on Friday. Only spoke to her about the potatoe incident and none of the others as I said to ds1 he needs to deal with being told off now and again. I explained that he eats all the inside so why is it such a problem with the TA if he doesn't eat the skin. The teacher explained to me that there was another boy in the class who just pushes the potatoe around his plate and never eats it. I asked her if my ds did this and she spoke to the TA and she came into the room and said no. So I explained to her that as long as he eats the inside I am happy for him to leave the skin have a jacket potatoe. She agreed that there will be no more potatoe incidents.
Xenia, my son is no more boisterous and noisey than any other 6 year old, he has a loud voice and it is very high pitched so it is distinctive and easy to pick out. But I am sure he isn't the only one who is loud. He works hard and is one of the top in the class, so am a little shocked by your comments although I am a few days late in replying. Forced conformity!!!!! This is Britain isn't it, have I moved countries ?????????
As I said earlier I quite like the TA as she is strict but I think she is a little too strict in comparison to the other TA I have seen at the school.

OP posts:

redbull · 25/09/2006 20:21

hi moosh allthough ds is at a SN school when he comes home and tells me he has been shoyed at i want to know why, i dont think their is anything wrong with you speacking to the head or the teacher about the TA, i know children need disipline but this seems that the TA is being a lot more stricter than neciserry, its your child no one else knows them like you do if you think they are acting strange and belive its down to the TA then i would address the issue, good luck

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