Supporting 'more able' children

[roisin]

It is with some hesitancy that I am posting on here, especially since the recent disruption of a thread covering these subjects. But I have been posting on mumsnet for over 3 years, and it is for me the natural place to come to discuss issues which are exercising my thoughts.

I have been surprised at how affected I was by that recent thread, and how personally upset I felt by the thought that there were topics I could not raise on mumsnet.

Since then I have had email conversations with other posters on mumsnet, who feel similarly. So I would just please ask that you respect the views of anyone who posts on here, and if this situation does not affect you, then please don't post negative comments.

Scaltygirl - I was just thinking about you: Has your dd had her assessment? How did it go? Have you had any feedback yet? Please let us have an update.

Thanks for the update, it's very interesting to read about someone else's experience.

I'm still prevaricating about ds1 and haven't yet made that big bold step to requesting an assessment. Sometimes he seems absolutely fine - just a bit eccentric; sometimes not.

On the plus side though he has just been given a place at the local G&T Club for junior-aged children recommended by their school. He enjoyed the first session on Saturday, and we're hoping it will be a great experience for him.

PS My ds2 is the same age as your dd I think (he was 5 in May), and also an exceptional reader, (but not 'quirky' in the same way as ds1 - thank goodness!). We sometimes struggle to find appropriate things for him to read (he doesn't like anything remotely 'scary'). Would you like to start another thread listing the kind of books she's been reading and enjoying lately?

I'd been thinking about you too! Keep us posted, hope Year 2 works out well for you.
My DD1 had a friend round to play today and spent the afternoon doing a "crossword" in her Angelina Ballerina comic. Didn't want to play at all...

I did try appealling to her better nature, but she wasn't very happy about it, so I decided to give them all fairy cakes to decorate (and eat). She likes doing that (and eating!) and when they had finished, they did all carry on playing with each other for about 30 minutes before DD came back to finish her "crossword". When she had finished it, I hoped she would go back to play, but she fished out a Year 2 English workbook that some one had given her and worked her way through that. She did wave goodbye though, when they left!

Good news SG! Glad your DD is getting on well in school this year. Mine has just started Year 1 and her new teacher has put her back 3 levels on the ORT. I think this is because this teacher is very keen on group reading and if she was put back onto Level 9/10 she wouldn't have anyone else to read with. I have to say, I find her new teacher completely charmless, tho DD seems to quite like her. DD spent a long time the other weekend drawing and painting a quite complex landscape which she wanted to take in to show her teacher. Teacher said "Did you do this all on your own?" "Yes," DD said. Teacher then turned to me and said "Did she really? Are you sure?" DD said to me later "She didn't believe me, did she?" I didn't know what to say, as it was quite clear that the teacher hadn't believed her, and DD is nobody's fool.

oh have just discovered this thread. My ds1 is 6 and has been to NAGC since the end of reception. It's so useful as a support for us as parents to be honest although ds1 has also always enjoyed it. We had problems with Y1 and these have already increased only a few weeks into Y2.

Ds1 has started switching off and has 'dumbed down' to the such an extent that he is havbing massive tantrums at school.

He has always had problems in socialising with his peers, as he has different interests to them.

Being the parent of an able child is not easy.

Hi Scaltygirl - thanks for the update. It all sounds really positive. Thanks for that hint about a NAGC leaflet - I've been to their site a couple of times, but tbh I find all the info a bit overwhelming, and usually lose interest after 10 mins or so! I'll try again, and see if I can get hold of the leaflet.

I have got an update on our situation, and will post a new thread later tonight.

Hi Everyone
Is this thread still going? I really need some support. Although mine is more to do with the behaviour of my very bright 6 year old dd. Find it hard to ask for it because worried people think I'm bragging. Fairly new to mumsnet, found this thread today and cried with relief that not alone. My dd is 6, going on 16. School responding quite well to her, what I struggle with is how to cope with her at home (speaks to me in the most appauling way and terrible attitude and temper) and the response of some adults around us who obviously see her as a precoscious little madam.
If this not the thread can you recommend another?

Haven't got a clue if this isn't the thread, but wanted to say hi pinkmama, I also have a very bright 6 year old (boy) who does not get the support he needs at school and it worried dh and I endlessly. I recognise what you said about not wanting to appear as though you are boasting. I encounter that too. It drives me crazy as I think my ds has just as special needs as the kids who struggle academically, but the school takes the attitude that he is doing fine (of course he is compared with the other children!) and leave him alone. I can't talk to other parents at school because it looks as though I am boasting. If you want totalk about your 6 year old, I am here.

Thanks lonelymum. I don't think I am handling any of it very well and feeling very down on myself today. Dd is doing ok at school, although I don't think they really do anything for her. She is by no means a genius, but very definately bright. Always thought she was bright, but thought it was just being proud parent, until year 1 of school. Teacher told us how bright and I was a suprised. She didn't read until she started school, but since then has progressed to Harry Potter. I felt really unsettled by it all, and not at all happy. In year 1 she had extra maths lessons once a week to keep her engaged, but in year 2 nothing. I haven't done much about it because I have this terrible fear of being seen as a pushy parent. I had to even ask for her to be given different reading books as the ones she was bringing home she finished in a couple of minutes. Her teacher has commented that its not just her academic ability, but that she is very mature, and her reasoning is comparable with a teenager. I think this is where the problems really start for us. Her intellectual capacity is very high, but emotionally she is still 6. I think she gets frustrated and has the most terrible anger. It is hard to tell her off because she ahs an answer for everything. She talks to me like a teenager. Whatr will she be like when she is actually one?
She was our first child, so think she is a hard one for us to experiment on! Just have this terrible fear I am doing it all wrong. I can see that she winds other parents up with her 'smart' comments and I don't know how to help her, I don't want her to be unpopular. At the same time I don't want her to dumb down just to suit society's expectations of a 6 year old.
Does that all make sense?

roisin - I haven't read 'the other' thread or all of this one - just the first couple including your post about parents evening. For what its worth if I were you, I'd just be dead proud and why not? imo I sometimes think 'gifted' or 'talented' children get a bit forgotten about. God given talents should be nutured. I hope your ds continues to shine! Well done to him!

Pinkmama, I know how you feel. I have tried to ask for my child to be given special treatment, for want of a better description, and came up against a brick wall. I am already labelled as a pushy parent I suspect!
My ds (he is our second child of four) is gifted in Maths although very bright all round - he practically taught himself to read, but isn't all that keen on it now. He was in a mixed Year1/2 class last year (when he was actually a Year 1 child) and was taught with the Year 2s in Maths and English - was top of his class in Maths. Now he is in a Year 2 class and is being taught Year 2 Maths all over again. The teacher claims she can't give individual attention to him, which, as an ex-teacher, I know is hard, but then she only has 20 children in the class, which is very small. Also, the head promised us special attention for our son last year, but now the teacher says there is nothing she can provide (ie won't).
The school says our son is not very mature because he had one or two sessions at school last year when he cried because he couldn't get things right (but we were also told it was because he was trying to put too many things into his work and making the task unnecessarily complicated.) We think he needs stretching and needs things to be challenging because this is what he thrives on, but of course, if you suggest that, you are labelled pushy.
Our son also makes precocious comments but he is not stroppy or challenging, so at the moment he doesn't come across as difficult in that respect. I think generally girls mature quicker than boys, so we maybe don't have the problem you have in that respect. Do you think your daughter is angry because she is frustrated? If she becomes unmanageable, you could try seeing your doctor and asking if she could be assessed by an educational psychologist. I think the doctor would be the person to contact but maybe it would be the education authority, I am not sure. Maybe someone else knows? I only suggest this because my brother has a very high IQ and I know teachers found it very hard to provide him with challenging work when he was in primary school and he saw an educational psychologist. I don't know what resulted from that though.
Do you feel threatened by your daughter's attitude?
Sorry, I have gone on a bit here, but the stuff about my son I just wrote down because I am so frustrated about it.

I'm glad you said your dd didn't want to go to school on Saturdays, Sue. My son wouldn't want to either, I'm sure. It reminds me that my ds's teacher suggested I taught my son at home in addition to his schooling "since you are a teacher"! As if my son will listen to me and sit down happily for extra lessons! I don't want him doing lessons day in day out, just having lessons aimed at his ability whilst he is in school.

Roisin do a search for David George - he is an expert in the field of gifted and talented children (and makes the point all children are gand at something) and has written some veyr good books. He is involved with National Association for Gifted Children. He looks at extending children sideways. He came and took an inset at our school and was a very intresting speaker.

I hope your son gets the support he needs and doesn't get turned off and bored by school.

(I am very jealous BTW - who wouldn't love to have a son like yours!)

Thanks Lonelymum
Her behaviour is excellent at school, she won't do a thing wrong and gets exhasberated when other children misbehave. At home, its a different matter. We had help from the health visitor when she was younger. I do suspect her frustration comes from being able to process so much academically but not having the emotional ability to fit it into her world (if that makes any sense). I don't feel threatened by her behaviour, just sad for her.
I do accept that it is hard to address all the children's needs in the class, and I really do feel it is more important to help those who are struggling, but she does have needs as well, and my big fear is that if they aren't met then her fantastic thirst for learning will be well and truly drowned by boredom.
SueW - your schools sounds great. Last year we got that help, but this year, with no explanation, its vanished.

Lonelymum and pinkmama, ask to see the gifted and talented co-ordinator, the one at ds1's school was only too happy to see us, and we planned his support together. He has an IEP which addresses both his emotional needs, he also bursts into tears when he gets things wrong and he finds it hard to make friends with other children, and his academic needs.

This year he does literacy with Y2, he is Y1, but his teacher admitted at parents' evening that they weren't quite sure what they were going to do for him next year, but that they would come up with something!

They certainly haven't suggested that we do extra work in the evening, but they let me know which topics they're doing ahead of time so that I can let them know where he's at and they can plan to accomodate him better.

Do push for what you feel your child needs, sometimes the school just needs to know you're pushing!!

Good Luck

Hi I am new to Mumsnet but just had to post re: a recent meeting with my six year old son's teacher (Year 2). He is very bright with an extraordinary active imagination, is awake until 11am most nights (help!) but is never tired!. He is rather lazy with his handwriting and the teacher says he tends to day dream instead of finishing off written work within the given time. We are not too worried about this at present as he is only 6 and a half. But socially he has always been backward, would never mix in playgroup or nursery. This year he spends playtimes by himself in imaginative play. He is happy at school, always looks forward to going, but never mixes with his peers. I hoped that school would 'force' him into a situation when he would have to mix, but apparently he just does not want to play with other six year olds! (ITs an infant school so his year group are the eldest in the school). I do worry and wonder whether there is anything I can do to encourage him to make friends. (He doesnt have to be the most popular person in the school, but even if he only had one or two to play with.) Anyway just wanted to get this off my chest , before it ruins the rest of the half term break!

That should be 11pm most nights!