Private school v "Outstanding" State School

[willowisp]

?

We are in a very fortunate position that my DD has been offered a place at a selective private school. We also currently have a place at the outstanding state school, where the majority of her classmates will go.

DD is around average for most things, she's been having a maths tutor for a few months because she was struggling. DD is also the kind of child that doesn't put herself out there...everything is 'encouraged' by me, but she has benefitted from this & is much better (she can get quite anxious by new situations..will frequently shove her younger sibling forward !).

I feel that the smaller private will be a nurturing environment & the small class sizes, plus extra activities & encouragement will bring the best out of her.

Now she's by no means a little mouse, she's full of preteen attitude, demanding & really quite high maintenance.

The state school is huge, it has a short day with after school clubs etc everyday. They keep a short rein on all the kids & it seems, everything is tightly organised & managed. Dd would struggle immensely with this....but on the otherhand, it might be the making of her.

When I've discussed this with other parents, I hear the same story, that the primary prepares them really well & they get into the swing of it very quickly.

We have 10 days to make a decision...

jeee it sounds that way to me too.

We had the choice of some very decent comps and DD won a place at Grammar school too.

Not taking those places, was something that a lot of people were about...

But ya know, we had the cash, the private school appealed hugely to DD and it turned out to be fab.

She'll sit her GCSEs next year and is predicted to do very well (all things going according to plan). Would she have done as well at state school? Who knows? Who cares? She's had a wonderful experience and t'is only money ...

Large class sizes are not always a bad thing. There are more opportunities for having different friends and for streaming. I would look at how many differently streamed maths, science and English classes there are. What about GCSEs? Do both school offer the same range? Does the private school only offer IGCSE.

How close are the schools? We opted for a good state school and a good 6th form college partly because they were 5 mins walk from our house. My DC could have gone private and were offered places at a grammar school but these would have involved much longer travel times. Saving over an hour a day or even longer is a huge deal.

We would have moved our kids if there was a problem but they are/were all glad they went to the local state school. Three are at Uni now and the last one is just finishing AS's. I don't think they would have done better or worse at a private school. They have had a few crap teachers over the years but plenty of great ones too. I don't think sending them private guarenteed they won't have the occasional crap teacher. The thing I miss at state school is the schools poor communication. Also, our 6th form college is not good at assisting the kids with their university applications. It's not been a problem for our family as we have done this ourselves but I get the impression that the local Grammar and private schools do a much better job.

jeee - yes there is a lot of that !

I've looked at the dyslexia info & whilst being a good reader (but hating reading), alot of the other 'symptoms' are relevant, especially the organisational & sequencing stuff. Sometimes DD2 translates for me . Just this morning with had an issue because she's forgotten to get something ready (despite me chanting get it ready the night before....I change in tactic perhaps needed from me).

Both schools are very close (talking less than a mile).

I need to look up IGCSE's now....

Ref DD2 - yes, am aware of doing the same for both, would her to feel 2nd best.

Getting it out here & reading all opinions is incredibly helpful...thank you.

I would want to know how a school organizes setting/streaming with only 12/15 to a class., 45 in a yeqr. I would ask how many are in the top set for each subject and how many in the bottom. I know some people think there is something magic about small classes, but too small can be disastrous.

Why would be disastrous ? Surely it would depend on the teaching ?

Willow- it isn't much fun being in a top set of one or two. Or a bottom set equally small. Nothing to do with the teaching- you need, particularly as you go up the school- lots of different views and opinions to bat about. And an academic peer group to spark ideas off.

choccymoustache Because if money wasn't a problem, then the private seemed like a better option for her dd. although I did say afterwards that he might be worth trying the state school for a while anyway, as it might work out ok.

That's an interesting point. I went to private school & there were 4 of us in the needlework class - I got a C. Perhaps teaching, perhaps class size, perhaps my doing. Same with my English lit thinking about it. Teacher was very good - i take the blame on that one, but had I been at state school, I might have been in the CSE set...?

.....I also think i WAS hugely keen for the private for all reasons I've mentioned, but do think the life lessons in this state school will put her in good stead for her future. Friends kids all doing well, I think one friends kids didn't do so well, but tht could be because a number of reasons.

A little voice thinks she'll get an easier ride at private...I think it's a privilege to go etc etc.....

As a teacher (at an outstanding state secondary), all other things being equal, in your position I'd go for the private school. Class sizes and personal attention from nurturing teachers make a massive difference to average kids. The most able kids will thrive wherever they go, some others will sink no matter what happens, it's the average ones who can either get ignored (for not making waves) or get boosted by excellent opportunities and the time and space to develop.

She'll have plenty of time for the school of hard knocks when she's on her own at Uni/work and if she gets the confidence from succeeding at school then she'll be a more resilient adult. But that's just my opinion :-)

"but do think the life lessons in this state school will put her in good stead for her future."

What sort of life lessons do you mean?

Self motivation, the desire to do well (rather than being coerced), driven.

^^ probably these are things are what I'm lacking !

Do you really think that children in state schools don't get motivated and encouraged and helped to do well?

I also think, by the sheer number of pupils (1500-1800), will be familiar with lots of people, wider pool for friends (as mentioned earlier). Won't be fazed by big organisations, volumes of people etc. Perhaps more street wise - although not sure if this is good too young.

I recall being completely flummoxed when I turned up for a large technical college, after my very small private school. In fact I didn't do very well at all - too much of a culture shock ! Having said that, I'd (probably) been fine had I gone to the 6th form

I'm mean the opposite !

I mean the opposite !

I agree with jeee (post 1!) "take the issue of private vs. state out of the equation, and simply look at which school was the best match for my child."

There are no guarantees and it will come down to the particular students she has in her classes and peer group and the particular teachers.

That said, you need to get your "gut feel" sorted out and go with that. Keep going back to the schools and give them both a chance to convince you one way or the other. Forget the "stats" or the "if I pay then I am less likely to feel guilty later" factor, which I think underlies a lot of what people rationalise about private school.

I agree with Married that it very much comes down to the particular students in her classes and peer group. We're thinking of moving our DD because of the children in her very small year group. Think she is very unlucky with the group of children despite having very good teachers.

toobignow, sorry to hear your dd is having issues.

This is a concern of mine for both schools - probably more intense in a smaller environment. But OTOH, I feel that dealing with these experiences would strengthen you & enable one to deal with issues in the future ? Eg at my senior school had no issues with bullies, but did encounter a few 'strong' women managers in my time, which I felt incredibly difficult to deal with. I wonder if this is a result of above & the fact that my mum would bustle up to my (state) junior school, so I didn't ever learn to deal with it myself ?