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Original poster

Why is private education so taboo now?

586 replies

DoMyBest · 11/04/2014 06:24

When I was younger I was privately educated as were most of my friends. Now we all have children and almost all of them have decided to send their children to state schools. Whilst for most of them it was a question of money, for others it really wasn't: they believe that every child should have the same educational opportunities and if parents like them start giving their kids exclusive treatment then the system won't work. Some of these parents chose local 'outstanding' state schools, but one couple with enough money to buy every private school in town admirably chose their worst local state school and work hard to improve it.

I listen to these stories with interest, sometimes admiration but mostly respect for their choices & views.

So it's with some alarm, now we have chosen a private school for our son, do discover the hatred this decision engenders. Private education has, it would seem, become taboo.

So here's my question: is it morally right for people to get angry with parents who privately educate their children?

OP posts:
Slipshodsibyl · 19/04/2014 14:10

'Now that really is immoral'

It would be a very easy loophole to close, yet there is never any whisper of a suggestion that children who attend state primaries only may be eligible so I guess there would be no support for the notion.

Martorana · 19/04/2014 14:11

"So am I to send my dd to a 'piss poor' state school,"

No. But I would be interested in your definition of "piss poor".

TheWordFactory · 19/04/2014 14:13

But what does that matter martorana? Who is going to give us that definition? Will it be definitive?

The point is if a parent deems it unsuitable then isn't that enough?

Didn't you consider your DS school as unsuitable? Doe sit matter if other parents disagree with you and think it's a sound school?

TheWordFactory · 19/04/2014 14:15

Also, while we're on immoral, isn't it immoral to pay for our DC to go to good universities, when so many parents are unable to do the same for their DC?

Martorana · 19/04/2014 14:27

Yes, my son was allocated a school which I did not thing was suitable for him. But he went. And he is doing very well. Which is why I am in a position to say definitively that schools which appear on first inspection to be "piss poor" and which have a local reputation as being "piss poor" may be very different on closer inspection.

And education beyond compulsory school leaving age is an entirely different debate.

peteneras · 19/04/2014 14:29

Yes, it is mightily immoral too to live in a 3 or 4 bedroom house - never mind a mansion - whilst others have to cramp 5 or 6 in a minuscule bedsit; to have 3 to 5 meals a day whilst some have to pick up grains of rice from a parched field to eat; to have 3000 pairs of shoes whilst some have to walk barefoot for miles to fetch water to drink . . . well, like I said, I could go on and on . . .

rabbitstew · 19/04/2014 14:34

Oh no, peteneras, it's just jealousy. Biscuit

TheWordFactory · 19/04/2014 14:34

Sorry mart but that's a pathetic cop out on both fronts.

You're son only attends that school because you lost your appeal. If you had been successful you would have cheerfully avoided it.

You're reinventing history so that you can take the moral high ground...

And tertiary education is absolutley not anothter debate.

Having access to the best edgrees in the best universities is a huge advanatge. Massive! And it is virtually impossible for many students to access those courses because their parents aren't rich enough.

That is the stark reality.

rabbitstew · 19/04/2014 14:37

TheWordFactory - I wasn't aware there actually was much difference in cost between the best universities in the UK and the worst?

rabbitstew · 19/04/2014 14:38

Aren't they all expensive?

Martorana · 19/04/2014 14:43

I'm not reinventing history. I am a bit pissed off that you have decided to drag my personal circumstances on here from other threads, and that I now have to go through the boring process of explaining again, but here goes. No, I did not want my son to go to the school he is at. Yes, I did appeal, and I would have been very happy if he had gone to the other school with his academic peer group. But the appeal was not successful. So he went to the school he was allocated.(not private- although while on the subject, our resolve did wobble a couple of times). But i was wrong about the school he is at, and he is doing very well. I would still rather he was at the other school. But, like the vast majority of parents in similar situations, I discovered that league tables and local gossip do not tell the whole story.

TheWordFactory · 19/04/2014 14:44

Well there is huge differential in the cost of university accommodation rabbit... Soem of it eye wateringly expensive.

But that wasn't what I actually meant. Sorry for not being clear.

What I meant was many students simply choose their nearest university, whatever its repuation, because it's cheaper.

If uoir DC are not going to do that. If they're going to choose the best university that will give them a huge advanatge, the chances are they will need parental finacial support.

This support ie hard cash is what puts them in a very different situation to other students. Not their talent. Not their brains. The fact that their parents can and will top up their loans.

Tertiary education is not a level playing field.

My point wa ssimply why is it okay for parents to buy that advanatge, but not ast school?

TheWordFactory · 19/04/2014 14:45

martorana I'm a bit pissed off that you endlessly wag yor finger at others while refusing to own your own stuff...hey ho.

happygardening · 19/04/2014 14:52

It's so easy to "wag our fingers" and be self righteous and refuse to own our "own stuff". Fortunately even the most dozy amongst us eventually put two and two together remember old threads and see it exactly for what it is.

TheWordFactory · 19/04/2014 14:57

Thing is happy I think none of us are perfect. None of us are working with a perfect system.

We just work with what we've got and get on with it.

Anything that anyone does or has done for their DC's education, will get no critisism from me. We're all just parents doing our best.

But I think we all need to be careful not to set ourselves up as the defender of right and virtue. We need to be very careful. Because not very many of us are actaully walking the walk when push comes to shove.

TheWordFactory · 19/04/2014 14:58

But hey ho Grin.

I have to get outta here for the theatre...

Original poster
DoMyBest · 19/04/2014 14:58

Aw, isn't this nice? A proper debate. A few 'hear hears' and 'shame sirs', but overall quite civilised and good fun. One of the reasons I'm looking forward to moving back to the UK :)

OP posts:
Martorana · 19/04/2014 15:08

"martorana I'm a bit pissed off that you endlessly wag yor finger at others while refusing to own your own stuff...hey ho."

What haven't I "owned'? Pray tell!

Martorana · 19/04/2014 15:11

Happygardening- anyone capable of logging on to Mumsnet and joining in education threads would be capable of putting that particular two and two together. The fact that it took you a while to have the blinding flash of realisation......

rabbitstew · 19/04/2014 15:24

TheWordFactory - I guess people are a bit more sensitive to school, because when children are very young, they really aren't in a position to take their own risks and make their own choices. Even the most disadvantaged are less at the mercy of others when they are older than when they are very young.

Tbh I think for most people, all the arguing is really just a matter of degree: how different can you tolerate life being between the richest and poorest and what would you be willing to do to reduce the gaps with regard to quality of life? Education can, of course, make a huge difference to some people, but I don't think it is the panacea some hoped it would be and I don't think changing the education system in this country will cure society of all its ills - partly because we do not really expect our education system to change our society (that would be dangerously radical...), we expect it to reflect our society and our society is currently very unequal. You can't put the cart before the horse, as the saying goes.

MumTryingHerBest · 19/04/2014 16:17

"Now that really is immoral!"

Why do you think that Martorana?

Elibean · 19/04/2014 16:58

The university thing....god yes, I agree, that is depressingly divisive. In my day even the undeserving rich got free tuition and a £400 grant for books, as I remember.

I'm not there yet, with my own DC, but I know I will get hot under the collar at the unfairness later on..

Martorana · 19/04/2014 17:03

The cost of tertiary education, and the unequal access is utterly shocking I go 4 years full grant, money for books and even the train fare home for vacs. And the bias towards private and grammar schools in admissions is also shocking. But maybe another thread?

MariaJenny · 19/04/2014 17:15

I don't think the person appealing because her child did not get into the preferred state school is doing anything different from people who pick jobs which enable them to pay fees or marry a man rich enough to pay the fees or buy a house in a rich area with posh comps. They all have the moral high ground - they are doing right by their child. It is the ones who don't do those things who are in the wrong.

(Actually, the current university system now favours the very poor ( they can get a non refundable bursary or something like that ) over the middle earners)

happygardening · 19/04/2014 17:16

"But maybe that another thread?"
Or another independent education bashing session that you so love Martorana.