Why is private education so taboo now?

[DoMyBest]

When I was younger I was privately educated as were most of my friends. Now we all have children and almost all of them have decided to send their children to state schools. Whilst for most of them it was a question of money, for others it really wasn't: they believe that every child should have the same educational opportunities and if parents like them start giving their kids exclusive treatment then the system won't work. Some of these parents chose local 'outstanding' state schools, but one couple with enough money to buy every private school in town admirably chose their worst local state school and work hard to improve it.

I listen to these stories with interest, sometimes admiration but mostly respect for their choices & views.

So it's with some alarm, now we have chosen a private school for our son, do discover the hatred this decision engenders. Private education has, it would seem, become taboo.

So here's my question: is it morally right for people to get angry with parents who privately educate their children?

Aww, but wordfactory, I think Darwin would have made a lousy doctor. He was scared of the sight of blood.

But there you have it, wordfactory - it isn't always the private school that makes the difference, it's the cold, hard cash.

I think you sum up a private school ethos very well Happy. I used to love working in one.

I didn't appreciate my PS education when young but I do so now.

If I could get exactly the same thing without paying I happily would, I don't give a rats arse about networking be it the non existent old boys network or the very much alive and kicking social circle network, nor am I lying awake hoping my DS is going to become a cabinet minister (in fact the thought is more likely to give me nightmares) or a God forbid a banker.
It is only in our teens that we are lucky enough to have time to be exposed to so much, to learn and listen and see without the pressures of life interfering and a I hope that this learning will give an inner satisfaction for years to come.
It's exciting to be able to recognise a painting, to know something about the artist, to hear classical music and recognise that too, to look at architecture and understand the period it was built in the context, to hear a play poem you love or even hate on the radio, to be filled with awe by Brighton Pavilion, Lincoln Cathedral or the rare Mediaeval stained class window at our church, to laugh with joy at the Mikado, to be visibly moved by Miro even if you don't understand it. Education should of course enable us to function in the world but an outstanding education should open our eyes to all that is around us so that we see the world differently and get pleasure from what is around us.
This is what I'm paying for.

"It's exciting to be able to recognise a painting, to know something about the artist, to hear classical music and recognise that too, to look at architecture and understand the period it was built in the context, to hear a play poem you love or even hate on the radio, to be filled with awe by Brighton Pavilion, Lincoln Cathedral or the rare Mediaeval stained class window at our church, to laugh with joy at the Mikado, to be visibly moved by Miro even if you don't understand it. Education should of course enable us to function in the world but an outstanding education should open our eyes to all that is around us so that we see the world differently and get pleasure from what is around us.
This is what I'm paying for."
Interesting. That's what I think I bring to my children's education. Apart from the Mikado- sadly neither of mine find Gilbert and Sullivan funny. Actually I tell a lie- ds found Titipu hysterical when he was younger.

I think it's disingenuous to argue that access to a private education is on a par with buying music/swimming lessons.

There is advantage and there is advantage. It is well documented.

Of course parents care about their children. I am working nights at cost to my physical and mental health, but it doesn't matter how much overtime I do, my children do not attend Fettes, all the dancing lessons in the world will not close that difference.

But you know as well as I do that private education scaffolds inequalities in life chances fir children and that causes a criminal waste of talent in this country.

But you win, you really do. Own it.

Martorama I take my hat off to you if you have the time opportunities and in depth knowledge to expose your DC's to all these things. Although both my DH and I are reasonably well educated we sadly lack the time, opportunities and knowledge to expose our DS's to all of these things I've mentioned and so much more in any great depth. So we have to pay to make up for our obvious deficiencies.

Of course private education is not about swimming/music lessons after all we are constantly being told by those who oppose state ed that these are readily available in the state sector.
No one has said we are the only one who care about our children in fact for those of us who choose boarding we are frequently told usually by implication that we don't care.

HG,you need to tell WC to drop Studium and div and just employ Martroma

Yes what a fantastic idea do you think she'd be cheaper?

"But you know as well as I do that private education scaffolds inequalities in life chances for children and that causes a criminal waste of talent in this country."

Ubik1 You mentioned Fettes in your last post so I'm going to make the possibly completely wrong assumption that you are not too far away from me. I do agree that private schools create a level of inequalities, however, I think there are equally large inequalities in the State systems. There is a vast gulf between, for example, Linlithgow Academy and Whitburn Academy . They are only 10-15 miles apart but Linlithgow seems to have education ring fenced and protected. It seems immune to many of the cuts other West Lothian schools are having to endure.

My personal belief is that there is a far larger gap between Linlithgow Academy and Whitburn than there is between Linlithgow and the private Edinburgh school DS attends. I think the overall problem is the first gulf, not the latter one.

At DS1 "outstanding academy" with the counties best results I was frankly stunned by how ignorant the teachers were. For his art project he was encouraged to look at the illusionists at a meeting RUTH them they obviously talked about Escher but I was stunned to find that pneither teachers had heard of the wonderful illusionist Gonsalves these people teach art!

There are many things that I cannot offer my children- some of them they learn at school- sadly, many of them they don't. It just so happens that the things you list in your post are things that I think of as part of a normal civilized person's mental furniture. If you talked about quantum theory, or 101 other things I would have agreed with you.

Propatria- just to reassure you, we did notice that you know the notions

As a person whose children go to state school, and has come from a state school, I perceive it as good if you can afford it, you've obviously worked hard, to be in a position where this is possible for your children.

I obviously have a bit of envy as I would love nothing more than for my children to go private, but I'm not educated enough and neither is dp. So unless we win on the lottery, we will try and teach our kids that education is important and hopefully we may have at least 1 university degree child.

I would also suggest getting a new circle of friends, all good friends would never judge you on your decisions of education, I'd be delighted for any of my friends if one of theirs went private.

Also not sure if I'd say private education is taboo, however we do have a large private school in our town so I may be a bit biased.

There is still the issue as to why is paying fees (rather than buying an expensive house near a good state school) worse than the other advantages you might give your child - a better whatever that means accent, reading to it, loving it, out of school hobbies, good food, work experience or whatever else matters.

I am not sure how high Fettes is in academic league tables.

In My Glorious Reign I would find a way of stopping the house move thing too. Haven't quite worked out how yet........

I might do school admissions by lottery.

Didn't you know Maria it's fine to move to an expensive house to be in a better catchment area, to tutor to gain admission to your high performing grammar, to take your DC to a while raft of expensive extra curricular activities, because that's what caring parents do but amongst many on here it's never fine to pay money to an actual school for full time education because that's buying them advantages that the most disadvantaged can't have.

Martorana how exactly are you going to stop people moving house. What about families like us who already live I an area where nearly every school is high performing are you going to make me move to a deprived area?
Oh hang on a moment I've got an idea why don't you channel your energy into trying to improve all state schools bring them all up to an acceptable high standard, there are some excellent independent schools out there you could use as your blue print.

Didn't you know Maria it's fine to move to an expensive house to be in a better catchment area, to tutor to gain admission to your high performing grammar, to take your DC to a while raft of expensive extra curricular activities

But this is just the same side of the coin. M

I don't think it's any better to move to a more expensive catchment in order to send your children to a better school. I think it's rather worse. Our choice was to go private or move- rightly or wrongly, going to the local high school was not an acceptable option for me. Even if we aren't using the local high school, we're still in the local community and providing support for it

Hello happygardening*

I find this ironic myself and read about it a lot on these threads.
Where we are there aren't any problems like this as all schools are mostly the same. It isn't an area of grammar schools and there aren't really any local private schools, not in our town anyway.
People round here just do the best for their dc with the time and money they have.
Martorana You would love it here, there are no privileges for dc, you would fit in well, they are all satisfactory or good schools too, so you wouldn't have to bother about parents moving for outstanding schools.
Do you with all your high convictions live in a better place? Lots of improvement for you to get involved with round here.

Sorry...

Mumsnet gives the impression that this is the way many families operate but the vast majority of children in the UK do not experience any of this.

Education was once key to social mobility - but no more. Children face competition from an elite who can but advantage whether it be expensive house in rt catchment/ tutoring/internship at daddy's law firm.
University is now private education.

Oh no here comes that "we're part of our community" old chestnut please not that again it's insulting to those who don't have children can they not be part of the community.

Ubik, aren't they linked though? Children from private schools often have higher expectations and pick the better paid jobs and are more likely to have what is needed for the better jobs in the sense that by the time you're 18 - 20 it's a bit late to make yourself fit into some requirements for some jobs.