BLOODY A * TARGETS!!!!!

[Northernlurker]

Apologies for shouting but I am so pissed off. My poor dd1 was given all A targets for all 12 of her GCSEs. She's done pretty well so far in keeping on track for that but has always felt very pressured by this. She is extremely bright and works ferociously hard. Having the A as a target has not boosted this. What it's done is made her feel like anything less than A* represents failure. Today she did her second French speaking assessment. She worked hard, I worked hard checking it with her. She got 27 out of 30 which she is told is an A. This means she has 2 As for the speaking element. She is upset by this, she feels she has failed. In what sort of screwed up world is an A grade a failure?

Overall she got As in her mocks (which I think is damn good). I am dreading results day because every A grade will be seen as a failure by her and every A* as only what she expected. How the heck to I help with this? I told the Head at target setting parents evening I thought this was a crappy thing to do and I am even more sure now.

Indeed, NL a bloody miracle and 'Well done' to you.

At least you (and I) know to do different!

Well done to both of you!

When I passed my driving test, my mother's response was "Good. You can start working for the Advanced one now........."

My children's schools do not predict or give A*s as targets. The drawbacks of doing so, especially in an intrinsically motivated person, are as you describe.

Her school is stupid misguided to do it. I would love to know their reasons.

I do hope that cory's voice is not lost in all these posts. Kids break down. A*s are nothing to that.

ventura
what cory's DD went through is not wished on anybody

but I have to agree with others that sooner in life, most people will fail at something (in my case it was A levels) and its a significant perspective learning experience

Talkin not quite sure what you mean. My point was that parents should make very clear to perfectionist DC that As are fine, but other things are vastly more important, and that if A can only be achieved by getting utterly wound up then frankly they really aren't worth having. I have another DS taking GCSEs this year and provided he does a sensible dollop of work I couldn't care less what the tally of A/A*s is. If he flaked off then I might mind, but any kid who works reasonably hard - fine. Any kid who works too hard needs a warning just like the flaky ones. IMO.

Big Tilly mount. my elder Daughter is a bit "Lazy" and thinks Bs are Great and because the school is what Talkin Calls a "Secondary Modern" Bs and Cs are regarded in the same way that A grades are at younger daughters Grammar.

I agree with Venture Baby about not putting to much pressure on them ,and that relates to elder Daughter who was the only one out of her Cousins and younger sister to fail her 11+. Elder daughter refused tutoring for the 11+ and her preference was for the High School. ( I have posted about Niece/Nephew Under similar Name). She actually "Smirked" when she learnt she had failed and was delighted because her school finishes 30 minutes before the Grammar. The other thing that made her joyful was that she has less Homework , than she would from a Grammar. The problem is I can not get her to do more than 1hR a Night under any circumstances ( Her Younger Sister does 2 Hrs each Night). This is better than previously though as she used to do homework on the school bus, she just did enough to avoid Detention.

The school is a "Good school" ( Have Said Elder Daughter is capable of As in all subjects) but we are unable to " Baby Sit" DD due to having more pressing pupils who need C grades and others to which E grades would be a result. The School overall does a very good job for its pupils, and the only reason elder Daughter may end up with Bs will be because of herself.

Duchesse - I asked the head and he said they had to give them A* targets if the tracking they did in years 7-9 suggested that was their capability. That they would be selling them short with lower targets. I think now that I should have insisted on them being reduced :(

I could not be clearer with her that A*s are not our priority for her. I cannot make her hold herself to a lower standard. She is what she is.

I mentioned something of this to deeply idle only moderately diligent DS last night, and he said, 'Oh, like Freya then? She says she has to get all A or she might as well shoot herself because A is just who she is.'

Aarghhh.

I'm currently rather grateful for DS's attitude of 'S'pose I ought to get at least Bs or they won't let me in 6th Form, and anyway it would be well embarrassing.'

But Northernlurker you use the term 'very pressured' and you say she works 'ferociously hard'. She doesn't need to work 'ferociously hard' to get all A*s. She's extremely bright, so she only needs to work moderately and steadily. Get her to take time off and prise her away from her desk. It's going to be far better for her with future more challenging exams if she thinks she needs to half kill herself to achieve. These are the easiest exams she'll take - if she overdoes it on these, she'll ramp it up on each subsequent set of exams, which will be a thoroughly miserable cycle.

An A student should get As regardless of the school they are at. Grammar schools get more As because they have more A students.

"I'm currently rather grateful for DS's attitude of 'S'pose I ought to get at least Bs or they won't let me in 6th Form, and anyway it would be well embarrassing.'

Up to a point. Do remind him that universities now look at GCSE results!

Motown, I think we just have to accept that our DC are who they are and that they may not think/do things in the same way as us or in the way we would like them to. Academic achievement is not everything, by a long shot.

I probably under-achieved at my grammar school (preferring to do just enough to get by) and was certainly never pressured by the school or my mother to achieve higher and better. Has it ruined my life? NO! I have had a career that I love and decent pay. However, I do know many others who achieved more highly than me and who are now feeling like they have somehow failed because they should be at the top of the tree in a highly respected/paid career.

However, I don't think this anxiety to achieve is solely down to the school - it is clearly a mixture of the child's own personality and external pressures as not all children react in the same way.

duchesse DD's school is the same.

No talk of predictions 'we're not clairvoytant', no talk of personal targets. Instead, asll the girls are given full information about what is required to attain an A*.

Obviously, some DC are ambitious and set themselves targets, but somehow that seems less of a pressure, I don't know why.

martorana you're right of course.

GCSEs do matter for many universities. Also, with the demise of AS, they're likely to become more important.

The kids know this. The teachers know this. Parents know this. So naturally, this information feeds though, sometimes as an unneccessary pressure.

Personally, I think someone with a perfectionist, high-achieving, anxious personality would benefit hugely from cognitive behavioural therapy. It is quite possible to build up a whole, ridiculous mythology around your success and what you must do to achieve it, which is why failing at some point in your life can actually be good for you, because it forces you to deconstruct that mythology and realise that you still exist when your central mythology has been taken away from you. Having to go through that in order to change your thought processes is an extremely painful way to have to go about it, though.

The perfectionist tends to focus on and remember their mistakes and then magnify them, whilst dismissing everything they did well as luck or just the easy stuff; they find it hard to change their unhealthy behaviour patterns because they don't know which aspects of them are really leading to the continued success; they start to believe that whilst other people could cope with failure, they are too weak to be like that, so must on no accounts fall off that pedestal; and they are afraid to let go of these beliefs because they are afraid they might fail at something if they do.

Yes, rabbit. Sadly CAMHS are overstretched...

Oh, shoot me now, Martorana -- the wretched child is adamant he's heading for stage school rather than university anyway.

(At least he has a Saturday job. Could be his sole means of support at this rate.)

Oh, Lord, Birds..........have fun with the audition pieces!

Thanks! Now in fact he does put effort into those -- agonises over the best choice, times the speeches, tests them on the dog, films himself so he can check the angle of his head, reads obscure textbooks on Shakespearean method, does bizarre voice exercises that have me leaping upstairs to see if someone's dying...

I currently have a child who is talking all the time in an Alan Bennett accent preparing for a monologue......

Is he sharing a cup of Earl Grey with Thora Hird?

I don't want to be snappy and defensive but I really do NOT need to be told my child needs therapy. I appreciate you were trying to help rabbits but it really hasn't helped MY anxiety. Maybe I should get us a group session

Thanks Tilly. The School has suggested that Elder Daughter shows some Dyspraxic Symptoms ( I Have Dyspraxia ) and that she probably has mild Dyspraxia .

The Senco has given her help regarding organisation and tips for concentration. The school have said two things though , under the present circumstances its is very unlikely she would get a Statement ( Partly because her projected grades are well above average). The other problem they have is that in her year they are 25 Pupils with Statements and most of them will struggle to get C grades , funding is of "Cause" short. They have said in an idea world they would give her more support to achieve her potential but with the current financial restrictions, a pupil who is liable to get 1 or 2 As and the rest Bs is not a priority.

The school also said that in DDs year that they are 19 pupils (15%) who are "High Ability" students and are capable of As in all subjects ( DD is one of those 19). DDs History teacher told me that she thinks DD will probably do well at A level , because she believes ( She will enjoy the different and less formulaic style) . I don't think she will do well if she is only prepared to do 1 Hr Max homework a night though.