Primary- Reading at home pointless?

[mumtobealloveragain]

Just after some opinions here...

Is reading at home a pointless waster of time? Are there any negative effects to the child who's parents don't bother?

My ex has our children for the school week every other week. He never reads with them. (one is in reception so just starting learning to read and the other can read but not well). Both bring home a book each day and parents listen to them read and sign their contact book. The teachers have started writing note in it like "please read" and "has x read this?" as well as "please practice xyz". They don't do this for me as I always do it anyway. He refuses to read with them after school or do homework. "That's what the teachers get paid for" The notes in the front of their contact books states the school would like children to read every evening. The meeting we attended at the start of term emphasised the importance of parents reading and doing homework.

Anyway. Ex won't listen to me, ever, and he will do the opposite of what I ask him to. So, I was thinking of asking the teacher to have a word with him and explain the importance of it. Do you think the teacher will do this or will they think it's a unimportant matter (in guessing they must it's think it has some importance to have written the notes to him in their contact books in the first place).

Opinions appreciated.. Thanks.

Sorry that this is going to sound horrible, but... Does he want to have them there at all? As you've said, it is not much time each day, it's a really small commitment. Giving each of them 10 mins of attention is so very little.

I think there is no harm in asking the school to speak to him on the basis that it is clear it is coming from them & not you. Otherwise it will just be more grief for you.

Bear in mind that for 26 weeks of the year they are getting good reading time with you, which is probably 26 weeks more than some children. Anything you are doing with them will be of benefit.

It is dementing to keep asking your ex to do things for the benefit of his children, believe me I have been there & done that, but in the end I resigned myself to the fact that I cannot control what happens at his house and I was losing my sanity worrying about it !

My ds is 11, we split up when he was 1, but we're doing ok. I still read to him as often as possible, although it is increasingly hard to find the time. And he is doing really well at school, level 6 in all his subjects in Year 6 which is above average.

mumtobe, the time you are spending with your children helping them really matters, so don't beat yourself up about what you can't do when you don't have them, just do the best when you do have them with you, and they will be eternally grateful (even if mostly they show zero appreciation!).

also, remember that as time whizzes past you will notice that they will be able to read to themselves and so if you have instilled a love of books in them that means even when they are with their dad they can still read even if he isn't interested.

OP, it is well worth talking honestly to your school.

Some schools can arrange things so that children who either "refuse" to read at home or whose parents are busy juggling babies and deadlines are given more one-to-one reading practice at school.

It isn't something I've needed so I am not sure whether somebody helps them before/after the school day or whether it is slotted into the timetable.

It would be nice if he read with them but I think it's completely beyond your control, unfortunately. It sounds like he's well aware that he's supposed to read with them but just can't be arsed so I doubt that the school having a word will make a big difference. At least they will have the benefit of reading with you and schools really should be aware that children cannot control their parents and that they need to plan the curriculum accordingly.

I read a book with my children every night, however, I have to say, I begrudge ALSO having to read a designated school book. I've recently had letters inviting me to a parents 'maths/english' home help kind of lesson, priority given to 'those children we feel may be in need of extra help' - my DS2 is only 4!! He is as bright as button so I don't understand... And I am really not just a deluded parent who thinks their child is the bees knees when really they aren't, as it would be of no benefit to my son or me to make out he was brighter/more able than he actually is... I can't help but think that too much is expected of our children at such a young age.. Scadinavian countries don't start formal education until 6 or 7 years of age and yet they have caught up and attain the same, if not better by the time they're at GCSE/A Level age.. Throw into the mix that my son is a summer baby too and I don't believe the gap closes in terms of development until they're a bit older... So I guess I am on the fence with this one.. I will always co-operate and help my children at home and work with the school (I do perform the reading tasks set by the school, as well as our home reading and I do intend to attend these parent classes) but sometimes I do wonder if it's all really necessary...