Primary- Reading at home pointless?

[mumtobealloveragain]

Just after some opinions here...

Is reading at home a pointless waster of time? Are there any negative effects to the child who's parents don't bother?

My ex has our children for the school week every other week. He never reads with them. (one is in reception so just starting learning to read and the other can read but not well). Both bring home a book each day and parents listen to them read and sign their contact book. The teachers have started writing note in it like "please read" and "has x read this?" as well as "please practice xyz". They don't do this for me as I always do it anyway. He refuses to read with them after school or do homework. "That's what the teachers get paid for" The notes in the front of their contact books states the school would like children to read every evening. The meeting we attended at the start of term emphasised the importance of parents reading and doing homework.

Anyway. Ex won't listen to me, ever, and he will do the opposite of what I ask him to. So, I was thinking of asking the teacher to have a word with him and explain the importance of it. Do you think the teacher will do this or will they think it's a unimportant matter (in guessing they must it's think it has some importance to have written the notes to him in their contact books in the first place).

Opinions appreciated.. Thanks.

[YoureInMySystemBaby]

I read a book with my children every night, however, I have to say, I begrudge ALSO having to read a designated school book. I've recently had letters inviting me to a parents 'maths/english' home help kind of lesson, priority given to 'those children we feel may be in need of extra help' - my DS2 is only 4!! He is as bright as button so I don't understand... And I am really not just a deluded parent who thinks their child is the bees knees when really they aren't, as it would be of no benefit to my son or me to make out he was brighter/more able than he actually is... I can't help but think that too much is expected of our children at such a young age.. Scadinavian countries don't start formal education until 6 or 7 years of age and yet they have caught up and attain the same, if not better by the time they're at GCSE/A Level age.. Throw into the mix that my son is a summer baby too and I don't believe the gap closes in terms of development until they're a bit older... So I guess I am on the fence with this one.. I will always co-operate and help my children at home and work with the school (I do perform the reading tasks set by the school, as well as our home reading and I do intend to attend these parent classes) but sometimes I do wonder if it's all really necessary...

[AcrylicPlexiglass]

It would be nice if he read with them but I think it's completely beyond your control, unfortunately. It sounds like he's well aware that he's supposed to read with them but just can't be arsed so I doubt that the school having a word will make a big difference. At least they will have the benefit of reading with you and schools really should be aware that children cannot control their parents and that they need to plan the curriculum accordingly.

[lalasmum17]

OP, it is well worth talking honestly to your school.
Some schools can arrange things so that children who either "refuse" to read at home or whose parents are busy juggling babies and deadlines are given more one-to-one reading practice at school.

It isn't something I've needed so I am not sure whether somebody helps them before/after the school day or whether it is slotted into the timetable.

[iwanttohideunderarock]

I think there is no harm in asking the school to speak to him on the basis that it is clear it is coming from them & not you. Otherwise it will just be more grief for you.

Bear in mind that for 26 weeks of the year they are getting good reading time with you, which is probably 26 weeks more than some children. Anything you are doing with them will be of benefit.

It is dementing to keep asking your ex to do things for the benefit of his children, believe me I have been there & done that, but in the end I resigned myself to the fact that I cannot control what happens at his house and I was losing my sanity worrying about it !

My ds is 11, we split up when he was 1, but we're doing ok. I still read to him as often as possible, although it is increasingly hard to find the time. And he is doing really well at school, level 6 in all his subjects in Year 6 which is above average.

mumtobe, the time you are spending with your children helping them really matters, so don't beat yourself up about what you can't do when you don't have them, just do the best when you do have them with you, and they will be eternally grateful (even if mostly they show zero appreciation!).

also, remember that as time whizzes past you will notice that they will be able to read to themselves and so if you have instilled a love of books in them that means even when they are with their dad they can still read even if he isn't interested.

[breatheslowly]

Sorry that this is going to sound horrible, but... Does he want to have them there at all? As you've said, it is not much time each day, it's a really small commitment. Giving each of them 10 mins of attention is so very little.

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

Oh dear that does make it trickier. I do think the teacher would happily talk to him about it if you ask her to though, either at parents' evening if there's one coming up or after school one day. She's obviously on the same page as you (as it were) given her comments in the reading diary.

[Clutterbugsmum]

OP I think all you can do then is speak to the school about the situation. And see if they can help.

Frugalfuzzpig my dd2 gets her white board out and makes him sit and do her lessons with her, complete with her Learning objective written at the top.

[mumtobealloveragain]

Thanks all. They are with him for a whole week then me for a whole week ( a whole other story) but full alternate weeks. He usually doesn't read at all, all week, a whole 7 days, once at most though. X

[frugalfuzzpig]

Clutterbugsmum my DCs sometimes read to each other too! (Well the 4yo "reads" ie recites his favourite books rather than reading but close enough) - it fills a gap on the evenings when I'm too unwell to do it with them. I wouldn't want them to only do that as obviously it's important to have adult input but I think it's quite sweet really.

Not that it's an excuse for OP's ex to shirk his responsibilities, mind!

[MomentForLife]

It is definately important. With the exception of dyslexia etc, I find it very easy to identify if a child reads at home. Even really good readers sometimes struggle with fluency. As they get older they read aloud as a class and it can be difficult for them.

[morethanpotatoprints]

I don't think they have much time at school reading, although I know this varies between schools.
if they don't read at home some dc are not learning at all.
Your x is the problem here, he should do it every night.
There isn't a lot expected, just a page or 2 usually.

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

How many nights a week reading do the children miss due to your ex? My year 1 DD can change her book everyday if she wants to but the teachers don't expect her to read every single evening. I would say 4 times a week would be fine. It's not OK that your ex puts that on you but if you can manage it it would mean you're sure your DCs are not missing out and any reading your ex does with them is a bonus.

Could you and your ex go to parents' evening together? Could you ask the teacher beforehand if she could mention the importance of practising reading with parents?

[Clutterbugsmum]

My DC school makes a point of explaining to parents at the meeting prior to dc starting school that although teachers are there to help children learn theu are not the 'primary' teacher we as parents are, as we are around our children more then them.

How much of an age gap do you have. I have a reception child and a year one (as well as year 5). My yr 1 child loves reading (is known to go to bed with a dictionary/atlas) makes reads with the reception child, as he refuses to read with me. Could they help each other, I know not ideal.

[throckenholt]

Tell them to just get their books out and start reading out aloud. Either he joins in and helps them, or they do it on their own - at least they are still getting some practice.

Not much esle you can do really.

[Grumpykins]

Child's

[Grumpykins]

Reading is important. It helps to widen a cjild's vocabulary. Children that enjoy reading are almost always good at spelling.

We read to our dc every night.

[mumtobealloveragain]

Thanks everyone. Yeah KingRollos idea is fab. They don't actually need any encouragement and thy do ask him but he says no, so I won't do it for them to include time with him as it's out of heir control- we shall do it at home though.

[ShadowOfTheDay]

reading at home is essential, reading at home every day is not...

if he is being an arse about it, then there will not be much you can do without making it a huge issue for the kids... I should imagine they don't want to do battle with their daddy over this kind of thing.....

they will learn just fine from your input alone every other week... I also love KingRollo 's suggestion...

[callamia]

There is so much research to suggest that reading at one is associated with good outcomes, not only directly related to reading, but also language skills more broadly.

I think it's not only about skills development, it's about setting a positive example about reading, school and being together enjoying something like a book. It's a great way of calming down at the end of a day, and spending some quality peaceful time together.

Maybe he didn't like school and resents an intrusion of school on his time, and it would be sad to be like that - but I know many parents who harbour a fear and mistrust of school, usually based on their own experiences. May be some suggestions about how to read with children might be helpful? Maybe your children's teachers might be able to help?

[Meglet]

Your ex is being a twit.

I'm a LP and I work 3 days a week. I still manage to read with both the DC's I hardly do housework though. (the DC's don't see their dad so I don't get any problems with anyone messing up their homework routine).

DS was a free reader at the start of year 2, I'm sure reading together helped him do well.

I'd speak to the teachers and see if they can have a word with him.

[pointythings]

Reading is key - them reading out loud to you, but also you reading to them as you can choose books with more interesting storylines and varied vocabulary. Children who read at home and are read to at home do better - not just in reading but in maths too. Your ex is being an arse.

[frugalfuzzpig]

What a lovely idea KingRollo :)

[mumtobealloveragain]

They love reading. He's written a reply in their books saying "I work shifts and often can't read as I get him too late" he's not even a good liar. He works shifts either nights (he goes after the kids in bed and his sister babysits) or works a really early shift from 5am and his sister takes them to school but he is always there to collect them everyday and he's always at home with them from 3:30pm til their bedtime at 8pm. His lie is crap and the teacher must have though "hmmm...".

How bloody hard is it? Ten mins for the younger one and 5 mins for the eldest. They sometimes read to me whilst I bath the baby or whilst I cook dinner or even sometimes in the car on the way to Sainsburys/swimming lessons. He's just an arse. I know it, he knows it, kids are starting to realise as they get older and I bet the teachers know it.

[HalfSpamHalfBrisket]

I approach parents who do not read with their children (Reception) and explain how important it is.
I also make sure they know how to support the child - I give out "how to share books" and "how to support your child with their reading" sheets, as sometimes I forget that the parent may not have any idea what they are expected to do.