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Original poster

Nursery at 2 - Am I the only one who thinks its too young?

85 replies

Davros · 26/02/2004 21:50

I went to my mother and baby group yesterday. Our babies are all nearly or just turned 1 year old. We had a chat about nursery and I was surprised that I was the only one who wasn't planning on nursery until my baby is about 3, or even later depending on what she's like. I realise that maybe I have to start tackling the issue and finding out about places and getting her name down, but its not TOP priority at the moment. They all seemed to think it was quite normal to put their babies in nursery as early as 1.5 yrs and certainly by 2.5 yrs. I do have someone who looks after her for a couple of afternoons a week and to me this is the best situation. She's at home for naps etc, can go out to playgroups and parks etc, its cheaper than these private nurseries and I get all my ironing done at the same time! I don't know if its a cultural thing as the other mothers are mostly American expats (they all were yesterday) and middle class SAHMs. Am I missing the point?? Am I out-of-date and are there clear advantages for the child to go so young? Opinions please and advice on whether I should rush to get it sorted.

OP posts:
zebra · 27/02/2004 12:35

Agree with Batters, any chance of people being civil & agreeing to disagree about the SAHM vs. Working Mum debates?

ON TOPIC: Most non-paid-work mums I know didn't plan playgroup until age 3. I work part-time, DH & I juggle childcare between us. Have put DD down for 2 mornings at playgroup per week when she'll be barely 2.5yo... honestly don't think she's going to settle, though. She'd love the activities, people, room and ceremony, but she wants to be with me more (Awwww....). In the meantime, I would love more emotional space!! Must search the archives sometime for tips on helping them settle at playgroup.

Rebi · 27/02/2004 12:51

Hi there everyone. Interesting thread.

I work for the Department of Education in the pre-school section and thought I would let you know what the research and general opinion is here.

Educationally speaking there is no advantage to a child starting nursery at 2 years old. Infact they are trying to change the rules so that 2 year olds can not attend statutory nurseries. It is felt that the teacher has to spend too much time attending to the younger children and as a result the older children miss out.

This is only from a statutory setting point of view, but thought it may be of interest.

Personally my dd is 13 months old and if next year I feel she would benefit from the social aspect of private day nursery I would send her. But at the moment her wonderful childminder takes her to Mums and Tots 3-4 days a week and she also minds older children, so dd is getting loads of socialisation opportunities.

Maybe I have picked this thread up wrong, but I thought the initial query from Davros was about the educational point of view.

Anyway.... hope this of use to someone!

dinosaur · 27/02/2004 12:54

Rebi, don't think Davros's original post specified whether it was educational, social or other concerns that she had in mind. Very interesting post though. I'm not sending DS2 to nursery to gain an educational advantage for him - it's mainly social.

debster · 27/02/2004 13:00

I haven't read through the whole thread but wanted to say even though my dp is a SAHD we still wanted our dd to go to nursery for a couple of sessions a week. She is now 17 months and has been going since she was a year old. Our ds went to the same nursery for 3 years since he was 15 months old out of necessity (we were both working) and we were so impressed with his development and confidence that we knew we wanted dd to go to. She absolutely loves it there and I think it allows her to become 'institutionalised' in a safe way! I am sure this is why ds is so confident at school now.

SoupDragon · 27/02/2004 13:05

Both DS1 and 2 went to nursery (private day care) for 2 full days a week from just before they turned 2. They were completely ready for it - as was I!

Not read all the thread as I'm on my way out...

roisin · 27/02/2004 14:13

My ds2 (4.5) is part of an ongoing study of over 1000 children from birth which is particularly focusing on the effects on development of different forms of childcare. It's a huge project, and we've had several lengthy visits, loads of questionnaires, etc.

When we were visited just before Christmas the researcher told me that atm the study is not bringing up significant differences between the development/achievements of children with different types of childcare. But that the crucial differences continue to be educational background of the parents; financial situation; health; and what activities the child ACTUALLY HAS day-to-day in their childcare setting(s), be that at home, in a daycare nursery, at playgroup, or with a childminder.

They have published some results already, I think. If anyone's interested I could see if I can find a link.

Twinkie · 27/02/2004 14:29

Could you post the link on here - I would find it really interesting.

TA X

roisin · 27/02/2004 14:48

Hi Twinkie - I've been googling, and I can't find it. Have to go now to fetch the kids, but I'll try and dig out the stuff later and find a link.

aloha · 27/02/2004 15:18

I've just taken ds - 2.5 - out of nursery. He didn't like it and recently became absolutely, heart-rendingly miserable there. Lots of other children the same age seem to love it. It comes down to personality a lot. My ds loves adult company, wants to talk all the time and have lots of 1-1 with books, and also likes to have quiet time to sit and play - which isn't what he got at nursery. If your child loves running around with other kids, lots of noise and activity etc they'll probably love nursery.

charlize · 27/02/2004 18:11

Now Iam confused also??
Do you know that stupidgirl is on benefits twinkie? If she isn't then I can't see how our taxes are in any way paying for her to be a sahm.

Babblan · 27/02/2004 18:14

I put my son in nursery three mornings a week when he was 8 months. There are four staff for 12 children and I felt that he would be well looked after. I wanted some time to myself (work) and also for him to learn English. He is very quiet and does not like running around playing with the other children, but I still think it is good for him to have relationships with other people than me and my husband. If we had more relatives around or more friends, maybe I would think differently. I would go insane if I had to spend every hour awake in the company of my child (or anybody for that matter!) If he is anything like me he needs his own space too.

tamum · 27/02/2004 18:22

I think stupidgirl has posted quite a bit about being on benefits, she's very open about her circumstances.

Angeliz · 27/02/2004 18:38

aloha, your ds sounds just like my dd
Davros, my dd is 3 and i am probably gonna start her in a nursery in September as i really think she's ready. Probably just for a few mornings for a while though as i think she loves her queit, cuddly,"us" times. BUT on the other hand i think she'll LOVE mixing and always talks about "School)
I really think it depends on the personality of the child and when YOU feel ready! Just do what feels right for you

Beccarollover · 27/02/2004 19:03

I knew I shouldn't have read this thread - DS almost 6 months starts nursery 3 days a week next wednesday

aloha · 27/02/2004 19:07

Angeliz, I hope she's really happy. I intend to try again when ds is three.
Becca, don't be sad. My friend's little girl started nursery at five months, is 15months now and is a happy little soul.

Hulababy · 27/02/2004 19:08

Becca - don't fret; he'll be fine. From what you have said so far before he sounds like he is quite happy with the idea Mind you, if you are anything like I was I spent the rest of my drive to work fighting back tears

Jimjams · 27/02/2004 19:47

I dunno Davros. I used to think it was too young, and I was a bit worried about ds2 going at 2. But then he started copying ds1 and using him as his role model- not good at all- he copied everything. So he sniffs books, does funny eyes, copies his speech and his set phrases (now he pipes up "dee die"- this way every time we pass our street in the car) He's been going to nursery 2 mornings a week and absolutely loves it. His speech is coming on loads and he's playing with NT kids.

However the nursery he attends is very small (25 kids a session). I'm very comfortable with it as ds1 has been going there for over 2 years. The manager has become a personal friend (had a sob on her shoulder only this afternoon).

Do you belong to a gym- you could try her out in the creche for an hour a week. I did that with ds2 and he loved it s I knew he's be fine at nursery.

Jimjams · 27/02/2004 19:51

Just to add my friend with an autistic dd (who is now 7- and so was at school) found her son also started really copying her dd just before 2- so she was pleased to send him at 2 as well. He had her behaviour so fine tuned that one of the helpers came in, heard the scremaing and said "oh is S in?" (S being the boy's sister). So I would put her name down just in case. I don't know how many NT's you see- I used to go to playgroup and swimming classes but somehow that wasn't enough to stop ds1 being the only role model. Now ds2 worships the bigger boys and copies them instead.

noks · 27/02/2004 19:56

I think if depends on the family situation. I personally won't take mine in any nursery before he's 3, but totally understand and accept if some people do it when their child is 6 months (and the mother has to return to work).

Slink · 27/02/2004 20:00

Davos dd goes to pre school she is two and she loves it,

eidsvold · 27/02/2004 20:53

As i returned to teaching full time dd went to nursery at 13 months and loves it. She attends full time and it has been amazing in terms of assisting with her development and socialisation. I found a fabulous nursery that caters to her special needs and she loves everyone there and vice versa!! I miss her dreadfully during the day ( mainly cause I would rather be with her than with snooty teenagers - somedays) but she get so much out of it that even when I stop work and we emigrate she will join a nursery there.

eidsvold · 27/02/2004 20:54

oops forgot to add she is now 19 months old.

Jimjams · 27/02/2004 21:04

oh and davros I know what you mean about comparing to other kids. It was nice to be told a couple of weeks after ds2 started at nursery that the manager thought he was fine (and she knows autism iykwim) and that his problems are just speech- which is getting clearer anyway. Yesterday at nursery he apparenty said "I want my Mummy" (well mum he calls me mum for some reason). (It was going home time and the parents were arriving).

hana · 27/02/2004 21:12

too many replies to read now but I won't be sending dd to nursery until she's 3 - she attends a 'day care' type nursery one day a week now when I work and I think that's enough for now. They grow up far too quickly and she'll be at school soon enough.
I think I'm certainly in the minority here - although for some people it works, esp if they hvae younger children and need the break or the time with the other one(s)

tigermoth · 28/02/2004 06:49

Davros, have you considered sending your daughter to a childminder for a couple of mornings a week? does it have to be a nursery?

As it happens, both my sons went to childminders up to the age of three, then started state nursery. I have no problems at all with tinies going to nursery, but there happened to be some good childminders nearby. My sons still had the social aspect - the childminder looked after other children and took them to playclubs. I tried to ensure the childminder didn't have too many other children to look after, but the quota system strictly limits the number of toddlers they can have anyway, and IME many childminders prefer not to have the full quota.

My son loved being in someone elses home and taking part in another family's day to day life. They really enjoyed being with other children of varying ages, being taken along in the pushchair to pick up older children from school, etc. We have no extended family nearby so these adopted families helped fill the gap.