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Original poster

Nursery at 2 - Am I the only one who thinks its too young?

85 replies

Davros · 26/02/2004 21:50

I went to my mother and baby group yesterday. Our babies are all nearly or just turned 1 year old. We had a chat about nursery and I was surprised that I was the only one who wasn't planning on nursery until my baby is about 3, or even later depending on what she's like. I realise that maybe I have to start tackling the issue and finding out about places and getting her name down, but its not TOP priority at the moment. They all seemed to think it was quite normal to put their babies in nursery as early as 1.5 yrs and certainly by 2.5 yrs. I do have someone who looks after her for a couple of afternoons a week and to me this is the best situation. She's at home for naps etc, can go out to playgroups and parks etc, its cheaper than these private nurseries and I get all my ironing done at the same time! I don't know if its a cultural thing as the other mothers are mostly American expats (they all were yesterday) and middle class SAHMs. Am I missing the point?? Am I out-of-date and are there clear advantages for the child to go so young? Opinions please and advice on whether I should rush to get it sorted.

OP posts:

katierocket · 27/02/2004 10:23

stupidgirl - I have to say that I find this comment offensive:

"It just seems to be the done thing these days to have your baby and send them off for someone else to look after as soon as possible."

you can have no idea of the individual circumstances of each parent that chooses to send their child to nursery.

Hulababy · 27/02/2004 10:29

I hadn't noticed that phrase before but yes I agree. It is VERY offensive.

Twinkie · 27/02/2004 10:36

Stupidgirl - I know you will take offence at this but it is the income tax paid by thousands of us working mothers that allows you to stay at home and look after your kids - sorry if you are offended now but you have to realise that we don't all have the same lifestyle and choices - some of us have to work - not only for the financial benefits but to save our sanity.

princesspeahead · 27/02/2004 10:40

davros, I'd put your name down just because your child will let you know when they are ready to go, and it can come upon you quite suddenly. I have always had childcare in the home because I just don't like the idea of nursery for very little ones (just my instinct - I like to know they are at home) but my ds1 made it pretty clear just before his 3rd birthday that he was bored of us and wanted to go to "school" like his sister. This despite playgroups, tumbletots, weekly group playdates with 4 other children etc. And naturally if you aren't down it can take a while to find somewhere you are happy with.
But don't feel that she "needs" to go at any particular age.

princesspeahead · 27/02/2004 10:41

or just because we like it twinkie!

dinosaur · 27/02/2004 10:45

My DS2 has just started nursery two mornings a week and I knew that he was well ready for it - he's very sociable, confident and outgoing, and just bored at home, especially when DS1 is at school. Like pph said, he just made it clear that he wanted to go. And he loves it.

Of course, ironically, I was desperate for DS1 to go to nursery when he was two (this was before his ASD diagnosis) because I already knew he had difficulties with mixing with other kids and I thought that nursery would help. Having said that, he did seem to enjoy it and for the first six months it seemed to be doing him good - but things went very pear-shaped when he turned three.

So as others have said on this thread, just trust your instincts when the time comes - but as the waiting lists are so very long, you really ought to put her name down, just so you have a choice when she's two and a half.

lyndsey66 · 27/02/2004 10:52

Can I just ask - what is the difference between nursery and playgroup?? And generally how much are the fees?

Ds is 19 months so will have to start thinking about this for the future. How early do you have to put the childs name on the list?

Sorry if this sounds thick - all new stuff to me!! Thanks

JJ · 27/02/2004 10:54

Davros, for my first, I waited until he was three and perhaps should have waited a bit longer -- he went a few mornings a week. My second is the complete opposite, I'm scrambling to find a nursery for him now (at nearly 2 1/2) as he loves being in those situations (eg creches, out with other kids) and it helps him immensely.

And to reassure you, at the nursery my eldest attended, I put his name down 3 months before he started. He could have started right then, but I wanted to wait. I think places open up the older the child is...

dinosaur · 27/02/2004 11:04

That's definitely true, JJ, once they get to three and the school nursery places come online, it gets a lot easier to find a place.

Original poster

Davros · 27/02/2004 11:05

Lovely, a new "mission" for me to get my teeth stuck into. I wouldn't mind going back to work part-time at some point so need to keep that in mind too. What Dino has said also makes me think that I should have the option of sending her to nursery, partly to be able to detect if she has any problems like my son. I took him to Crechendo when he was 1, thinking he just needed to be with other kids and it REALLY showed how very different he was which was depressing but actually very useful. I'd also like to know the difference between playgroup and nursery AND the nursery fees I heard the other day, just in chit chat, sounded astronomical but I may have mis-heard.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 27/02/2004 11:06

Lyndsey - depends onif you are thinking about private day nurseries or state run ones.

At nurseries children are normally left int he care of qualified nursery nurses.

Not sure about play groups but I think parents normally stay, do they?

hercules · 27/02/2004 11:24

Where I live nurseries are about £37 a day for 8 -6pm and childminders £4 an hour for an older school age child hence dh and I are trying to work out the childcare between us. I would love to be a sahm but there is no way financially we could do this. As it is dh has had to give up a job in the city he loved to take a night job as a manager in a large supermarket.
For ds1 he started at full time nursery when he was 3 and although he didnt himself need to be there for that many hours (had to go back to work for the money) he did indeed need to be in some form of nursery or go barmy!
He did start going to a preschool ie 2.5 hours a day for 2 days a week when he was 2.5 and could probably have done with a little more than this.

hercules · 27/02/2004 11:25

BTW it is not a case of offloading dd as soon as I have her but a case of needs must. We are not entitled to any benefits and so I HAVE to go to work no matter how much I dont want to.

LIZS · 27/02/2004 11:28

This is a dilemma I've encountered as an expat. Some companies will pay for nursery fees as part of the package and there is much more of a culture of putting your baby/toddler in daycare to buy you more free time as usually these are younger siblings of kids already in full time school or only children.

The nurseries here all have similar fees and tend to demand 2 full days or 4 half days as a minimum - so you are looking at the equivalent of over £100 per week. I have been the exception amongst those I know through ds' school as I have not put dd into a daycare situation. Although I have been tempted at the end of the day I could not justify the cost to myself purely in terms of the free time I would gain and the possible benefits for dd who, to be honest, I don't think was ready until recently. She, at 2.5, now attends a morning playgroup, soon to go 3 mornings a week for the same cost as one day in daycare, and is very happy in a small, intimate group and positively thriving.

Every child is different and I do not think it is wrong to resist the pressures from others if it does not feel right for your child. You will not benefit from the break if they are uncomfortable or upset. If you have other arrangements with which you are happier then I'd leave it for now.

Skara · 27/02/2004 11:35

Twinkie, think I must be missing something and don't want to start world war 3 but how is income tax paid by working mothers helping women who don't work to stay at home? Completely agree that for some people returning to work is the key to sanity and would never force staying at home with small children on anyone but I don't really get your point...however am pg and slightly lacking in brain cells at the mo so I am maybe missing something glaringly obvious

Marina · 27/02/2004 11:37

Yes, I'm sorry, Stupidgirl, that comment was out of order. Those of us who have a choice, like Davros, can decide when to send their little one to nursery, and can trust their instincts...
those of us who don't, do the very best for their children in choosing good daycare, taking the time and trouble to build a good working partnership with their carers, and making the situation work as well as possible.
Davros, objective studies suggest that many children start to really benefit from some nursery sessions from the age of one, which might be why some of your group are already thinking of it. But in your shoes I'd be very happy to start with the odd bout of playgroup at two and not bother with nursery until three. Take your time!

Clayhead · 27/02/2004 11:42

Skara, was about to post but you've said it all for me (although not pg myself but the brain cells never came back for me ).

I decided to SAH but at considerable personal sacrifice so don't understand how I'm living of the tax payer. Also, I was one for many years myself and will be again.

Clayhead · 27/02/2004 11:44

Don't agree with Stupidgirl's comment though either.

Dinny · 27/02/2004 11:47

Davros, my dd1 went to nursery at 16 months when I went back to work...she was there for 2 afternoons a week. She settled really well and I have just increased her time there to two full days. She really loves it and is very stimulated there, I feel.
I'm now pg again and plan to start this baby there at 6 months and go back to work.
I think if you are happy with your arrangements there is no rush to put your dd in nursery. However, I feel my dd has really benefitted from being at nursery - it's really increased her confidence and sociability.

dinosaur · 27/02/2004 11:48

I'm not taking one side or other of the argument, but I think Twinkie meant that if you are a SAHM on benefits, then those benefits are being paid in part from the taxes paid by other mothers who do paid work. But I'm really not taking part in an argument - can see pros and cons on both sides tbh.

LIZS · 27/02/2004 11:56

lynsey66

When ds was small we lived in UK and I started to look at potential playgroups/preschools when he was about 18 months old with a view to starting around 2 1/2. He eventually started at a Montessori when he was 2 3/4, although this was prematurely, and sadly, curtailed when we moved overseas. Fees for the playgroups run in church halls with mothers' assisting occasionally were around £4.50 per morning whilst the Montessori was then about £8 per morning.

hth

Batters · 27/02/2004 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twinkie · 27/02/2004 12:17

Exactley Dinosaur - my taxes enable Madgirl to stay at home (not directly but as part of the taxes paid by working parents as a whole) and I don't think it is rioght that she critises people the way she did if they have to/choose to work.

I am not saying anyone is a drain at all - just sort of don't bite the hand that feeds you!!

dinosaur · 27/02/2004 12:19

Not Madgirl, Twinkie - wrong poster!

Twinkie · 27/02/2004 12:28

Sorry Mad girl - I get confused between Mad and Stupid!!

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