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Original poster

Taking ds 12 out of school for 2 mths to go to New Zealand

64 replies

Piffle · 10/07/2006 13:39

Exp wants to take ds to NZ to visit his aging mother who can no longer travel and to attend two family weddings, Exp has 2 mths work line dup in NZ too (he is a music therapy teacher)
The options are
Leaving nov 30 2006

DS returning as unaccompanied minor for start of term after xmas

ds returning on jan 15th with my brother who is also coming over.

ds staying the whole 2 mths, keeping up his study while over there.
ds not going
DP is handling the asking of the school (boys secondary GRammar) - I pose no objections to any of the above scenarios
He's 12 he's bright and he will make up the work and his education will not suffer.
I am very worried however that the school cannot authorise that kidn of absence and thus if ds did go he would lose his school place and be regarded as a truant.
Anyone care to float some criticism - constructive or otherwise about what could happen?

OP posts:
Princesitalinda · 11/07/2006 14:46

Totally taking on board all your comments. However, I know friends in this country that come from similar household (mixed country marriages) and they have happily lived part of the year here and part of the year in the other country. They are grateful they could do that, as they love both cultures equally and got to have the best of both worlds...

no matter what it takes, I would look into giving my children same opportunity.

If anybody knows of a similar situation, let me know how you are approaching it

sunnydelight · 11/07/2006 19:46

Princesitalinda - my DSS attended a rather alternative primary for a few years where a situation like yours definitely wouldn't be a problem, though you would have to pay the fees for the whole year to keep the place (it was independent). People tended to dip in and out; maybe home ed for a while, travel etc. so it's not impossible to find a school that would suit you, it just might be hard within the state system!

nicnack2 · 11/07/2006 20:10

we were often taken out of school as my father was at sea and we were very lucky as we were able to visit many countries. the school look on it as an educational advantage. i hope that the school would agree to it.

SSSandy · 11/07/2006 20:33

I think an aged paternal grandmother who is unable to travel halfway across the world to see him is an important reason. He needs to know his roots and it's important for his development that he knows his relatives and their culture (even if it isn't hugely different in NZ, cultural identity is a good phrase to throw around).

Original poster
Piffle · 11/07/2006 20:36

I'm certainly prepared to wade in and mitigate for exp as I too think the benefits far outweigh the negs. Certainly at the age of 12 anyway!
I hope the school will be interested to find out more
Certainyl education, exp and ds will be based with exp's siser and hubby, hubby is a world reknowned forensic pathologist who may well want to extend ds's scientific brain at the morgue...

OP posts:
peasinapod · 11/07/2006 21:14

If they kick up a fuss could you not say that you will arrange a home tutor for when he is over there . Just a thought . I hope he goes what a chance of a life time .

threebob · 11/07/2006 23:15

If you exp is working for 2 months - who will be looking after ds?

Where abouts in NZ would he be? (that one is just nosiness BTW)

Original poster
Piffle · 11/07/2006 23:45

exp will be working but as a professional musician and working alongside child psychologists at a summer workshop which ds would also attend - it involves working with children recovering from abuse. DS would be mentoring - another amazing life experience.
When exp is travelling he will always be staying with family so ds will be staying with his cousins of similar age. Exp takes terric care of ds I am not for one munute worried in that way.
Oh where are they going... from the very top to the very bottom apparently
I want exp to take ds to see my childhood home too. he has said he will....
I want to go to...

OP posts:
moondog · 11/07/2006 23:51

My dd's school are very supportive of the fact that we spend a lot of time in Turkey with dh.
They give me work and I do it with her,and while there, we e mail and bring back lots of interesting things.

threebob · 11/07/2006 23:55

That sounds amazing and I think he should go for the whole 2 months.

I would like to see what your exp does too!

Original poster
Piffle · 13/07/2006 22:47

School said no
WE can get 10 days which he would authorise but its not enough, he says that when we joined the school part of the home -school agreement is that you will commit your son to his place at the school ( over subscribed grammar school) so he would lose his place and have reapply and would fall behind boys who were able to start.
There is the chance of appeal but we'll look into it tomorrow.
Crying shame as now he will not be able to go at all...

OP posts:
RTKangaMummy · 13/07/2006 22:48

Oh no that is awful

Hope you get somewhere on appeal

Freddiecat · 13/07/2006 22:55

That is so bad! I had the short-sightedness in education sometimes. I'm a (new) teacher in secondary and I have to say that if a child I taught was offered this kind of opportunity I would say go for it and definitely spend a little time putting together a pack of work which can be done whilst away. I guess though that not all teachers are like that and that the heads cannot ask teachers to do that kind of thing.

Contact the LEA truant officer and explain the situation.

snorkle · 13/07/2006 23:27

Message withdrawn

Charlottesweb · 14/07/2006 00:04

School Threaten to remove him? Maybe that's a bit heavy handed. Can't they see this is a chance of a lifetime and they are denying him? I would be very tempted to send him to NZ anyway!!! what kinda trouble would you both be in if you sent him against the schools wishes?

Original poster
Piffle · 14/07/2006 16:11

the school have said, that if we take him out anyway, his place on the roll will be offered to the first boy on the waiting list who accepts it
WE could appeal upon ds's return but there would be no guarante he would win.
There was a precendent set a few yrs ago when a boy went to Sth America for 3 mths, he came back appealed from his place back and got it - but there was no over subscription in that year.

OP posts:
katierocket · 14/07/2006 16:22

that's a real shame piffle, sounds like a fantastic opportunity. How mean of them. Do you pay for the place or is it a scholorship?

tallulah · 15/07/2006 13:13

Have you tried the Governors, piffle? Can you write to them and explain what you've told us and see if they will over-ride the Head?

MaryP0p1 · 15/07/2006 13:21

What a fantastic opportunity for your child. Last year we took my dd (8) out of school for 2 months while we had 'a holiday' (moved to Italy). It did so much for us all as a family and my dd and are so close now, whereas before she was a bit withdrawn and shy, she is now much more confident and able to talk about her feeling and problems. It was one of the best decisions we as parents ever made.

Original poster
Piffle · 15/07/2006 21:32

The governors?
Am I able to do that?
I was def going to ring the LEA to see if they had any control or say?

OP posts:
roisin · 15/07/2006 22:08

Piffle - is it possible for him to come back on 15 Jan with your bro, but fly out on his own a few days before the end of term: that way he could still get about a month in NZ with your exp, but not miss too much school, and stay within the school limitations of 10 days' authorised holiday?

Original poster
Piffle · 16/07/2006 07:24

Its the cost of the flights, they literally double after the 29th November.
exp was lok ing £900 each return, if he travels ds later it will be £1600 which he cannot afford
I would normally offer, but ds has a school ski trip in FEb that needs to be paid for in Nov that £700 and we cannot afford it either
DS is not going but exp will try to get him over there next summer or the one after - its in winter but...
WE did think about taking him out and risking the appeal but ds actually said no, he did not want to risk it

OP posts:
Cam · 16/07/2006 09:26

This is a difficult one Piffle, however I believe your ds is right, its not worth the risk of losing a good grammar school place.

From the school's perspective, if the school is oversubscribed (and I would assume all grammar schools are - is it in Kent?)I can see that they would want someone to be committed to the place they had given a child, probably the school has to justify all those kind of decisions to the LEA.

In any case, as your ds is only 12, he will have plenty of time to go to NZ for an extended period in the (not very distant) future when it won't affect his schooling.

He doesn't seem short of travel opportunities this year anyhow

eidsvold · 16/07/2006 09:42

Pretty Candles that would be their summer break unfortunately BUT what an opportunity to go and spend time with family and learn about that side of his family as well as experience living somewhere else like a 'local'.

I would consider appealing to the governor's on compassionate grounds - aged family member - see her for what could be one last time and secondly - safety grounds - bloody long way to travel as an unaccompanied minor - better to come back with your brother.....

still think from what you have said - amazing and you know - okay school is important but fwiw if it was me - I would send him anyway.... can't buy that kind of amazing experience....

( from an ex secondary teacher)

EmmyLou · 16/07/2006 12:23

Took my eldest two dds (yr6 & yr 2) out of school for 4 weeks for a trip to Australia in March (dh was working out there, so provided some 'family' reason, i suppose). School told me they could only authorise two weeks worth and had to put down other two weeks as unauthorised absence. I did wonder if I'd get fined (worth it IMO) but nothing happened.

GO!