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Original poster

DD has decided to write to her head teacher....should I let her?

30 replies

Katymac · 04/07/2006 21:26

It's to say that she will be leaving at the end of July

It's because of bullying and the schools lack of concern & it has been going on a long time

I think she might be rude, should I let her?

Or should I censor it?

OP posts:
Carmenere · 04/07/2006 21:27

What age is she? But my instinct is that you should censor it anyway!

Xena · 04/07/2006 21:27

I'd let her but you could suggest how she could phrase things? Where is she going to go KM?

Caligula · 04/07/2006 21:28

I'd let her but guide her, and add a letter of my own to it.

southeastastra · 04/07/2006 21:28

let her write it, then see what it says? it will do her good to get it down on paper

Beetroot · 04/07/2006 21:28

write it together

Original poster
Katymac · 04/07/2006 21:29

She's off to a local(ish) middle school - she is currently at a primary

It's been a real struggle

OP posts:
Original poster
Katymac · 04/07/2006 21:30

I don't think they have accepted that they have done much (if anything) wrong - her letter might change that

OP posts:
Hallgerda · 04/07/2006 21:30

I would go over what kind of language, style etc. is acceptable to use in such a letter before she writes it, and check that she's followed the guidelines you have given her before she sends it. I don't think it would be entirely wise just to let her send something without checking it first, but she may get some benefit from writing and sending a letter.

Xena · 04/07/2006 21:34

I would cc the letter to Local councillors sp? and the education authority. There is no excuse imo for
not dealing with bulling

honeyflower · 04/07/2006 21:54

So sorry to hear your daughter has been bullied.

Maybe you could use the 'unsent letter' technique - i.e. let her write a letter on her own, saying exactly what she wants to say in her own way, just to let off steam. Then write one (with whatever guidance/input from you she'll need - sorry, not a regular, don't know how old she is) that expresses her feelings in an appropriate way. I've done this more than once (in very different situations) and found it very helpful.

Good luck to her in her new school.

RTKangaMummy · 04/07/2006 22:45

KMc I would deffo let her write a letter herself

IMHO it will give her a feeling of control of what has happened to her

If she did it on the computer it will be easy to edit and change the wording with her after her 1st draft.

Or if you want do the letter on the computer and then let her copy it in her handwriting

As her handwriting will prob have more impact

Good luck in her new school

harrisey · 04/07/2006 22:49

Absolutely!
I think what honeyflower has said about writing out her feeligns first then working together to make it into a businesslike letter is a really good idea.
Also cc ing it to councillores and LEA is very important. If the school has not dealt with bullying then they deserve everything they get there is no excuse for that in this day and age (she says with teacher hat on - well there was no excuse for it when I last taught 5 years ago!)

Cam · 04/07/2006 23:26

I wouldn't let a child write a letter like this to the school for the simple reason that the contract in a school situation is between the parents and the LEA.

While I can see that your dd would benefit from getting her thoughts down on paper I don't believe she would get a response (the school wouldn't be able to enter in to these kind of situations with a child in writing).

I think therefore in the long term it would cause more heartache for your child and yourself.

In your position I would concentrate in moving your dd on and write a letter detailing my concerns myself.

shimmy21 · 04/07/2006 23:34

again on MN everyone is right!
So it comes down to your dd. Will writing help her to feel that she has done something to deal with the situation (and so cope better with the aftermath of the bullying) or will she have too high expectations about what a letter will do and end up diappointed that the school has let her down again.

Only you know how your dd can cope with this.

Just one thing though. I'd be wary about 'helping' her too much. A misspelt letter in child language may seem far more believable and worthy of note by the school than a letter that looks like mum has coached or dictated it.

fattiemumma · 04/07/2006 23:43

you should allow her to write what she wants.

hopefully it wil show the school the effect the bullying has had on her.
maybe you could writte a letter to acompany the one your daughter is sending, explaining that you feel she has been let down and that this is her way of expressing her frustration at the school.

fattiemumma · 04/07/2006 23:43

you should allow her to write what she wants.

hopefully it wil show the school the effect the bullying has had on her.
maybe you could writte a letter to acompany the one your daughter is sending, explaining that you feel she has been let down and that this is her way of expressing her frustration at the school.

SecurMummy · 04/07/2006 23:49

FWIW - I would let her do it - uncensored, get it all out etc. THen I would send it to the school with a covering letter just saying that you understand taht they canot get involved with conversation with your child, however you felt that it was iimportant that they understood exactly how she has been made to gfeel - in her own words.

Copy it to LEA etc and perhaps suggest that they send your child a letter wishing her luck in her new school - if nothing else.

I don't see why she cannot have her say - she is the one who suffered - not them.

willow2 · 05/07/2006 00:23

Do you have any idea if the school has qualified (or is attempting to qualify) for "healthy school status"? If so, their apparent lack of concern re' bullying goes completely against the whole healthy school ethos. I'd cc letter to local healthy schools coordinator. Find out more information
here

GinSoakedHarridan · 05/07/2006 00:38

Don't help her at all, you tend to write what you think the other person would want you to write when you do it together.

I think it is wonderful she wants to.

SueW · 05/07/2006 07:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

Original poster
Katymac · 05/07/2006 07:59

I will of course write a covering letter

I think I will let her write it mistakes and all

I will also warn the head, that she has written it her self and that he might want to read it with caution.

He will be gutted as he thinks she will change her mind

OP posts:
dottyspots · 05/07/2006 11:01

Best of luck to your dd.

Blu · 05/07/2006 11:10

I would let her write it, but explain that any response will come to you - so that she is not dissapointed.
Read it first - and then not undermine it by 'warning' the Head - just tell him that your dd took the initiative to do this as part of her own process in moving on, that you are sorry that it has not worked out and you hope the school never has to deal with a child bulied like this ever again.

Blu · 05/07/2006 11:10

I don't think that any mistakes in spelling etc are an issue at all.

julienetmum · 05/07/2006 13:02

I would absolutely let her write it and also send copies to the Education Department at the council. I can just see the local paper having a field day with something like this.

I also wouldn;t censor it unless it was abusive which I am sure it would not be. Let her write it how it is.

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