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Original poster

When to go private?

278 replies

Vijac · 21/10/2013 12:18

If money is limited, which stage do you think is most beneficial for a child to have private education? 4-7, 7-11 or secondary? Secondary is obviously where you get all your qualifications etc and where you are most likely to go off the rails and participate in club. But then, if you don't have the best start in education could it set the tone in a child's attitude and would they get into the more academic secondaries? What do people think. Just as an aside, I do know that there are good state schools available too.

OP posts:
Kenlee · 23/10/2013 12:47

What I'm trying to ascertain is that all children from the middle class are the same. I know many working class parents who work two jobs to let their daughter goto private school too...I admire them more so than the rich banker.

So private school does not mean you are rich and unaware. It means you have two parents who I presume work long hours to allow their child that privilege.

Although, I have to admit I did rather take an extreme example to put my case across.

If we was to move to a more lower middle/ working class scenario say Wandsworth then your example would be better served.

Kenlee · 23/10/2013 12:48

nit....everyone has a choice....

musicalfamily · 23/10/2013 12:53

Well yes of course other people's choices matter.

If the (white middle class) parents of a group of boys' in my DD's classroom could be bothered to educate their children and perhaps take an interest in their behaviour and education, my DD wouldn't have had to move schools at great cost to us.

I just became sick and tired of reports of pencil throwing, giggling throughout lessons, teacher walking out, scribbles all over her work, and the ten timetable being wheeled out AGAIN in Y4 as most children had not memorised it. The list was endless. I don't feel guilty in the least I took my DD out of that environment.

My other DCs are staying at the same school because behaviour so far iin their classes seems better. But I won't let my children stay in a bad environment and ruin their education - neither I will say this is true of all state schools because it is very much dependent on the cohort and you could get a bad cohort in any school. If I couldn't afford private, I would have home educated my DD.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 23/10/2013 12:57

Kenlee - really?

Kenlee · 23/10/2013 13:00

As far as I'm concerned you did made a choice..you chose to go private.

The choice of other parents created a environment where you had to make a choice. You made it.Now your child is happy.

Life is all about choices

musicalfamily · 23/10/2013 13:03

Exactly. If we want to get more personal, I also chose to emigrate from my country leaving behind all my family and friends in search of a better future for myself. I consider myself very brave as I left penniless at 18 with just a suitcase to my name and completely on my own in a foreign country.

I have achieved an awful lot since and have made a lot of choices which were hard and costly in many ways. I will never feel guilty of what I can give my children as they reap the benefits of all my sacrifices.

curlew · 23/10/2013 13:04

Just wondering how I would exercise my "choice" to send ds to Eton should I so desire. Any ideas?

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 23/10/2013 13:05

As far as I'm concerned you did made a choice..you chose to go private sorry - am confused! Is that a quotation? Who is it directed to?

curlew · 23/10/2013 13:06

Ah, I remember, give up smoking and Sky. Go on camping holidays in Cornwall and drive a beaten up old Volvo.......that should do it! Grin

Kenlee · 23/10/2013 13:12

Well if you wanted to do that first you have to follow the plan

  1. Hire tutors for all subjects and rote learn all the answers

unless your child is a child genius...

  1. Make sure your child is coached in every sport that is available and coach him till he is better than the professionals.

unless your child is a natural

  1. Musical instrument get him to concert level but not in Piano as everyone can play the piano

Unless your child is a child Beethoven

  1. Art make sure he can paint a master piece tutors are available

unless your child is a child Van Gogh

Then apply for the scholarship or pay that's your choice.

Dont knock it. I know parents that are actually doing this.

Kenlee · 23/10/2013 13:14

ha ha but I remember curlew your child is rather clever...

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 23/10/2013 13:17

I'm a bit lost now Confused

curlew · 23/10/2013 13:22

Me too.

Norudeshitrequired · 23/10/2013 13:36

What are the assumptions being made about private schools which you would like to challenge, norude?

That the schools are ONLY successful because they are selective.
There has to be an element of decent teaching too otherwise they wouldn't survive due to falling pupil numbers ( which is the case for some).

That the children who attend are all middle class spoiled snobs who think they are better than the local state school kids
My experience has not shown that at all. I do think that you get people who feel superior for whatever reason in all sectors of society and in all schools.

That the parents are damaging comprehensive state schools by taking their children to private academically selective schools
This argument gets thrown around a lot and I thinks it is usually put across in a contradictory way. If people don't see the need for schools to be selective then surely they feel they can get a good enough education from the non selective state school, so what difference does it make if a child goes to private school instead of their state school? Also, those same people will usually argue that a bright child will do well anywhere, so what difference does it make who else attends?

curlew · 23/10/2013 13:42

Well, of your three points, I have seen 1 and 3 regularly posted, and actually agree with both of them. I have never, ever heard anyone say "That the children who attend are all middle class spoiled snobs who think they are better than the local state school kids"

I have, however, often seen state school children being referred to as yobs, as feral, as scrotes, as chair throwers and worse.

LadyGnome · 23/10/2013 13:53

Curlew

What do you think the subtext of all the "buying a peer group" "don't want them mixing with poor people" type comments are? Of course these are accusations of snobbery and are equally unacceptable as stereotyping state school pupils.

It's treating any one large group as homogeneous that irritates me. Not all families who choose private schools are white and from a middle class background - hence my post about DH being a refugee. I went to a state school and I am not a feral yob so I assume current state school pupils are the same as me.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 23/10/2013 13:55

Can you say where those points were made, Norude? Because I haven't seen 1 or 3 on this thread, and I haven't seen (2) at all.

Like Curlew, I do agree with points 1 and 2, but I don't think that's what this thread has been about at all.

Could you be projecting your sense of what people think onto what they've actually said here? Because this very thread contains an awful lot of assumptions about state school, but I haven't seen any about private school.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 23/10/2013 13:57

Well it doesn't really matter whether you want them to mix with 'poor people' - if you send them to private school, they won't! The fundamental, basic thing about private schools is, they Cost Money. That's not assumption or prejudice or offensive - it's just true - it's what makes a private school a private school! It's private.

curlew · 23/10/2013 13:58

Oh, I think a lot of private school parents are crashing snobs! That goes without saying, doesn't it? Grin The point was that the children are criticised, and I don't think they are. State school children definitely are, though.

rabbitstew · 23/10/2013 14:04

No they aren't, curlew. It's not their fault they've been set such a bad example all their lives. Grin

LadyGnome · 23/10/2013 14:05

The children do have a life outside school and amazingly not all of their friends and family go to private schools. Perhaps even more surprising not all of them are middle class or even comfortably off. Hardly surprising when you think that like DH many of his friends fled the same civil war.

You appear as narrow and blinkered in your assumptions as your stereotyped private school families.

curlew · 23/10/2013 14:10

"You appear as narrow and blinkered in your assumptions as your stereotyped private school"

Why on earth say that? It's just rude, and doesn't contribute to the discussion at all. And as far as I can see nobody has talked about a private school stereotype.

I sometimes wonder whether people expect to be judged for sending their children to private school and so see the judging where it doesn't exist.

LadyGnome · 23/10/2013 14:15

So you didn't say that you think that a lot of private school parents are crashing snobs?

Did you mean to be so rude?

And you object to stereotyping?

curlew · 23/10/2013 14:17

Oh, LadyGnome, tell me you have never met a snobbish private school parent!

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 23/10/2013 14:18

'A lot' are... there are crashing snobs all over the place, and probably a lot of them do, or would like to, use private schools. Doesn't mean everyone is, of course, and I've encountered some snobbish attitudes in state primary playgrounds too.

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