Boarding dilemma

[difficultpickle]

I've name changed for this thread as under my usual name ds is pretty identifiable.

Ds did flexiboarding last year and loved it, so much so that I had to limit the number of days he did as I thought he was too young to do as many as he wanted (year 4). Now in year 5 he doesn't want to board at all.

My dilemma is that he needs to do some boarding nights to stay at the school as it is too far to drive every day. Also the activity he loves doing at school means that he should be doing some nights boarding and building up to weekly boarding over the course of the year.

I have said to him that I have no problem with him choosing not to board but that he will have to cease the activity he loves and change schools to one that is more local. He was more upset at that than at the thought of boarding. However he still says he won't board.

Not sure what to do. Do I perserve with his existing school (which he loves, has lots of friends, has support that he needs and gets to do an activity he is passionate about) or do I move him (he will know a couple of people there, bigger class sizes, limited support - he would need a statement which may be hard to get, no possibility of continuing the activity he loves)?

[Somethingyesterday]

Oh how sweet. Head on pillow and still arguing? Surely he's asleep by now? So that you can get some rest.

You will have some virtual hand-holding for the medical tests.

[difficultpickle]

He's asleep [houseparent thinks]. Hopefully this will be a landmark although we are both prepared for a very cross boy in the morning (I'm sure I'll get a call on the way to work that will most likely amuse the rest of my train carriage ).

Thanks for the hand holding on this thread generally and specifically this evening, it is very much appreciated

[Somethingyesterday]

Oh that's fabulous. I do hope it lasts. (And yes he might be a bit indignant in the morning. But then perhaps doubly proud of himself?)

Sleep for you?

[summerends]

Your DS has a wonderful personality to have the spirit to be argumentative right to the very end! Much less upsetting than if he had just been in tears. Sounds as though that first visit on Monday is being put to very effective use.

[difficultpickle]

He called this morning and sounded happy. He was so late to bed that he slept in sick bay so not to disturb the boys in his dorm. The house parent slept there too, which was unbelievably kind of her.

He is pleased he did it and very pleased that he broke the school record for being the youngest chorister to sing a solo. He's in year 5 and previous record was year 6.

Hopefully now he's successfully done one night he can build up to the number of nights he should be doing.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

That's really great news. Well done to young Master Pickle on his solo too.

[goinggetstough]

Great news!

[Somethingyesterday]

Magnificent news!

Well done to him. You must be so proud. I'm sure you'll be smiling on the way to work. And have more strength for Monday.

For you. For Chorister Pickle.

[summerends]

Just wanted to echo every one else and thanks for letting us know! You must also be doubly reassured that he is in very caring hands when at school.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Hurrah! Great news.

[ancientbuchanan]

Well done to him.

And fingers crossed for you.

Can I offer one thought ? I boarded and at an older age than your Ds had an ill parent. The approach in those days was either to say nothing or comforting platitudes.. it didn't work.

What would have worked for me would have been told the truth, gently, and then to have had someone I could go and ask stuff, not my other parent, but at school. If your Ds is as intelligent and argumentative as he sounds, he will have lots of questions. But he won't want to upset you. I know he's a bit younger than I was, but he's prob also brighter...

[IndridCold]

Really pleased to hear that your DS had a good night, and hope that this is the turning point you both need. Crossing fingers for you that it goes a bit more smoothly from now on, and good luck in your search for a senior school too .

[difficultpickle]

Collected a very happy ds this evening. Hopefully onwards and upwards. He knows he has overcome a hurdle, which is good.

[NotCitrus]

Excellent news.
May I suggest you also consider applying for DLA (may be PIP now in your area) and ask the consultant if they would support that.
You say you don't need help (most people severely underestimate what they aren't up to doing themselves because they've stopped doing it), but you do - you need to pay for ds to board because you aren't well enough for driving him.
The forms are depressing but it could be very useful.

[difficultpickle]

I had lots and lots of tests today plus another bone marrow biopsy which was as painful as the first one I had done. Apparently I have very hard bones and it took two doctors and lots of prodding and poking to get a successful sample. Met the world expert on aplastic anaemia who confirmed that she thinks my most likely diagnosis is that, which means I'm seriously ill but hopefully treatable. I'll know for definite in four weeks when the biopsy and blood test results are available (they took 18 vials, which seems rather excessive). At least they don't think it is leukaemia which is a huge relief.

I've got a meeting at school on Wednesday so at least I can tell them what is going on and discuss what we can do to support ds. He is planning to do another night's boarding this week and two nights next week, so building up slowly. At the weekend we did all the treats I'd offered, so ds knows that like always mum keeps her promises.

[RandomMess]

Fingers cross for the diagnosis, hopefully this weeks boarding night will go without a hitch.

[Somethingyesterday]

Had been wondering how you got on. I don't envy you the biopsy at all - and yours sounds like quite a battle. You must be so tired!

But you do now have something semi-concrete to say at the school meeting. I should think they will be relieved to have a reason for what has been happening. And it may be that you will feel some weight off your shoulders once you have talked to them.

Do try to get some rest before then.

[summerends]

What a tough day for you but you are obviously made of stern stuff.
So pleased that you are in such expert hands, means that you can trust completely in the care you are getting. Hope your employers will be supportive and it sounds as though your talented son is making another step to get back to enjoying the boarding as he did last year. Although he may still worry about you, the knowledge that you are being open with him will reassure him.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

That does sound like a rough day! It must feel positive that progress is being made both in terms of your diagnosis and by your DS. Fingers crossed that this week goes smoothly.

[difficultpickle]

Ds was supposed to board last night and didn't He said that he was tricked into boarding last week and that hasn't changed anything.

I had a meeting with the school yesterday who suggested that he see a counsellor to talk through his concerns as his reaction seems quite extreme (he gets very upset).

We are going to give it one more attempt on Sunday and if he doesn't stay then we'll give up until after half term. It is such a shame as he is doing so well generally and enjoys all aspects of boarding apart from the sleeping bit. He says he misses his bed at home which is the reason he says he doesn't want to board. I don't believe that at all as he has an ordinary bed at home and is desperate to have a bunk bed, which is what he has at school.

I said to school that I was thinking of moving him to a more local school but they are very keen to keep him and said that he needs the security of doing things that he enjoys which he wouldn't be able to do elsewhere (his singing).

[goinggetstough]

What a difficult situation for you. Your DS sounds as if he is a thinker so may be a counsellor would help if he can discuss his actual feelings and reasons why he doesn't want to board. He sounds like an excellent chorister too and I am sure the school would naturally want him to stay but equally you must think of your health and the overall effect of him being a day boy.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

I think a counsellor would be a good idea. I do wonder if he wants to be at home to keep an eye on you. This does sound a bit more than a straightforward homesickness wobble.

It must be hard for you, I hope you are coping OK.

[summerends]

If he has been ok staying with your mother then it can't just be his bed or shortterm separation from you. He is not going to be rational about it at the time of going to sleep because of the distress it is causing him. Homesickness is a bit like sea sickness I'm told, when you are in the middle of it you would do anything to make it stop.
If the counsellor does n't unearth any other reasons or feelings then he and you are faced with a difficult choice.
There were a couple of programmes were n't there about young boarders which included homesickness. Maybe he could watch them, it might help him seeing others going though it and that there is light at the end of the tunnel if he and you do decide to tough it out.

[difficultpickle]

He has seen others overcome homesickness including his peers. I think homesickness probably has nothing to do with it at all but it is an easy thing for him to say as it avoids other questions being asked.

I didn't see or speak to him last night but I understand that he was upset that he failed to board. I will be collecting him tonight so hopefully I will be able to find out why he didn't want to stay.

He has some educational issues and had an ed psych evaluation recently (very very bright but significantly underachieving). This week the school has implemented all of the ed psych's recommendations which hopefully will show ds how much he is valued and supported there.