Anyone backpedalled on pushy parenting and changed course?

[AnnaBBB]

Am having real second thoughts about applying for highly selective /academic senior schools for DS even though he is quite academic ....... I feel already there is too much teaching is to the test and confess I have contributed to that pressure at home too in an effort to improve his shot at getting into these schools ....but there seems to be little creativity in it all ....I am wondering if it is having the opposite effect of fostering a genuine joy of learning, and the prospect of having him spend several more years of being hothoused at senior school and then having to follow that through at home to keep up in a highly competitive place where everyone needs to get A * or they feel a failure could backfire... the constant testing even at 9/10 years old is making him lose perspective of what he really used to love about a subject and he is starting to question the point of it all. Am curious if others having got into these highly selective schools (aka intensely competitive exam factories/hot houses), regretted it and then pulled their DCs out for similar reasons. Plus you read stories of child geniuses whose parents hothoused them even giving up their own jobs to home school (so effectively 1:1 tutoring) who then grow up to say they feel they lost their childhood and would never put their own children through it (Ruth Lawrence for one). Is it really worth it in the end?

yes I imagine that is part of it

To be honest, lots of applicants with amazing CVs get rejected, and quite a few applicants who don't really do anyhting other than their thing get offered places...

It depends who is interviewing to be honest.

Also, there was an interesting article on this week's Sunday Times about the growing number of state schooled students turning down places at Oxbridge for Ivy League...

Anna I'm not the one with the chip on my shoulder, love! I'm not the one desperately trying to prove that because some other school does things differently to one of the schools my many DC attend, it must be wrong.

You need to look at your original OP though. You haven't changed course or back-pedalled! Full speed ahead on competitive parenting for you, to the point of trawling round the internet to try and prove that schools you now nothing about and which are certainly geographically distant from you aren't as good as your kid's school. You win not only the education system, the internet and LIFE but also, you win at being a textbook competitive mother.

Word do you think we are spectacular? Or do you think they changed the rules after we (unaccountably) got in? :(

Oh I would never have got in these days...

My O level grades were unspectacular...

The 'growing numbers' consisted of nine students. Not quite a phenomenon yet...

i give up....you haven't bothered to actually read my posts Russians...

No slip but interesting none the less.

A trend that began in the private sector and has, to some extent become a concern at the most selective universities...

i hesitate to mention it ...since Russians will say I am name dropping though she has done so herself ...but when i was at Oxford there was some remarkably unspectacular students there ....though that was many moons ago and things many have changed

Russians..by the way by kid is not even at a senior school yet so how can I compare with yours! ....my original post was all about a dilemma whether to aim for one of those superselectives (in the indie sector) or whether to go for one where the school and no doubt the parents will be less pushy

Bonsoir, are the students you know from France? because of the students I know at Oxbridge, some are spectacular but not all. And not all have had amazing opportunities. I think Tutors are encouraged not to put too much emphasis on opportunities offered.

My very limited acquaintance with French schooled students suggests that something makes it a bit harder for them to get in somehow. I've always wondered if it is that the French Bac is very broad and it is so hard to get high marks and also perhaps they tend not to present as sufficiently specialised.

That was then, this is now. Competition has increased in all élite higher education institutions. My DP, who went to ESSEC (No 2 French business school) was recently to read that the average bac grade of students at HEC is 17.1%, and at ESSEC 16.5%. He didn't even get 11%...

Not %, out of 20! So 17.1/20, 16.5/20, 11/20...

word Ah, mine were fabulous, darling. Even though I went to a comp. And had no spectacular life opportunities. :(

my experience at Oxford was that all they cared about was your prowess in the chosen subject ....you could be quite narrowly educated otherwise (in the broadest sense of the word educated) and indeed some were

Word, is it really a concern? Are the numbers that large yet? Do they not feel they still have able candidates coming out of their ears? Is it in certain subject areas? I am curious to hear.

The nine were just nine form one particular scheme, that was by n o means the total! At the DC school, the top students have offers from both Oxbridge and also the Ivy League, and this year it was equal numbers that opted for US universities and Oxbridge. The trend is increasingly for the top students to reject the Oxbridge offer and go for Ivy League.

Which again proves my point Anna, you win. You are the bestest of the best. The best of all possible parents in the best of all possible worlds and whatever school your DS goes to will of course be the best.

MrsSalvo, I think the nine do not include those from independent schools where the numbers have been a bit larger for a while. I wasn't aware the even in those schools, the numbers opting for the US is starting to equal those opting for Oxbridge. That will cause concern I am sure, if it continues.

We only had one kid o to Ivy league last year. I don't know about this years offers (well, I know about the offers of two kids I actually know personally (well, I know their parents)). I can't see many people from our school being able to afford to go to Ivy League though - the thing about student finance, as I understand it, is you only get the opportunity to go to on the face of it cheaper universities in the US or even Europe if you can afford the finance at commercial rates, or to self finance. Not just fees, living expenses too. DD would love to be able to consider the conservatorium in Amsterdam. But I just can't see it as an option, given that we have other kids and given the state of the economy.

actually Harvard is needs blind entrance ....and may be cheaper than Oxbridge as a result with bursaries et al which go up to a generous level of income allowance

Is the Conservatorium more expensive than normal universities in NL Russians as they are less than 2000 euros per year. I know a number of students attending Dutch universities and a couple at a Conservatorium, but not in Amsterdam.

I think it's worth trying to get your DCs into the best school you can, then you can try to rein back the pushiness afterwards

Like others I pretty much leave DD(14) to organise herself. She's very conscientious and hard-working, but still enjoying learning, alongside others with a similar attitude to hers.

But I wouldn't self select not to apply to a good school just because it might be "too difficult" for my DCs to keep up - I have more faith in them than that !

But you still have to fund some of it yourself. Unless you are from a minimum wage sort of background. And funding at commercial rates is very different from funding at the student finance rates.

Slipshod - you don't qualify for student finance etc. So, everything has to be paid from either own funds or at commercial rates. So, if you have several thousands pounds to hand then it's MUCH cheaper than going to a UK university. But if not? Then not.