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Original poster

Should I approach the school? Dd very upset

39 replies

Paddlinglikehell · 19/06/2013 23:26

Dd told me a few days ago that she was doing 2 events in the forthcoming sports day. She was a bit put out that she was only doing two when others were doing more, some as many as 5 events.

When I picked her up yesterday, they were all chatting and she was correct, some are doing 5, others only 3, so we had a chat about it and that some people were better at sports than others etc. etc. ( although I personally think it a little unfair).

Today she was very quiet on the way home and when questioned, said that too many were doing one of her events and so now she only has one! However some others have six now, because of an in-house relay!

The school is quite competitive and do do 'proper' athletics events, another child said that the PE teacher has her favourites and if you aren't, then you always get just two things!

OH is furious, the sports day is all morning, sometimes running over lunchtime, he thinks it is wrong and wants to phine school and say she wont be attending. I am not so sure, although sheis feeling very dejected by it.

Stupid thing is, whilst she isnt probably the best at sport, she throughly enjoys it, so this is a blow.

WWYD?

OP posts:

ExcuseTypos · 19/06/2013 23:33

How old is she?

I know when at primary school my DDs took part in all the races. That is how it should be IMO.

At secondary however they sometimes weren't chosen to do anything. It used to really annoy me, they just wanted 'the best ' to take part.
It's a good job they don't do that for maths lessons isn't it!

ExcuseTypos · 19/06/2013 23:34

Oh I didn't answer your question, if she's at primary school I would go in and speak to the teacher.

JellyBelly10 · 19/06/2013 23:36

This is hard because we all want to make things OK for our children, but at the end of the day the school wants to put their best sports people in for the events that they are likely to do well in. If they were having a maths competition they'd put their best mathematicians in and if it was a spelling contest they would be unlikely to enter children who can't spell. My son rarely gets chosen for serious sports events because he's a bit rubbish at running and is not very competitive. If I were the school I wouldn't choose my son either! I think where the school is competing against other schools they should always put their best children in no matter how left out that makes other children/parents feel. But if this is just a sports day that's a sort of fun day then I suppose I could see that it would be nice to let everyone have a go at lots f events.

Original poster

Paddlinglikehell · 19/06/2013 23:46

She's in Yr3 so 8

I agree Jellybelly, but this is just an inter school sports day, although the houses do gain points and there will be a house win.

In some ways, I think she should just cope with it, but on the other feel it is terribly unfair and not good for self esteem.

Midi say to her how would she feel if she was in lots of things, but then came last and she said that it doesn't matter where you come, but it is fun to take part! What can you say to that?!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Paddlinglikehell · 19/06/2013 23:47

Sorry I did....say to her

OP posts:

MerylStrop · 19/06/2013 23:49

Take her to the zoo instead

toolatetobed · 20/06/2013 00:30

That sounds like a ridiculous way to run a school sports day at a primary school! If only one school is involved it can make its own rules and could easily make those rules in a way that makes the event more inclusive, eg by limiting the number of events that any one child can take part in. The one thing I would say though is that I would put your concerns and then ask to hear the school's side of the story rather than going in all guns blazing, just in case there is an element to this that you haven't gathered from your daughter.

TheBuskersDog · 20/06/2013 00:44

Is she at a state school, you mention a PE teacher and most state primaries don't have a specialist teacher.

The school I work in has nearly 500 children and every child takes part in everything.

Original poster

Paddlinglikehell · 20/06/2013 01:04

No it is an independent. I am still undecided whether to say anything, but tonight when I was saying goodnight, she asked me about it and would I mention it.

I am not too good at being assertive!

OP posts:

Snazzywaitingforsummer · 20/06/2013 01:19

How is she supposed to get any better if she doesn't get to take part? That's what I'd be asking them.

Ask if someone can explain how the sports day works, then ask if it's correct that she's gone down from doing 5 events to 3 to 1, and if so ask why. All about the facts. Then say you would like her to be able to do more and you think that's reasonable for a child her age. Let them answer shoot themselves in the foot

HabbaDabbaDoo · 20/06/2013 01:33

One time I had to use up a few days of accumulated annual leave so I ended up watching DD's primary netball match. We got our asses kicked that day.

Our HM was a firm believer that anyone who wants to play, regardless of ability, got to play. Unfortunately for us the HM of the opposing school wasn't as enlightened.

After a few more matches where we lost big time DD didn't want to go anymore because she got tired of losing all the time.

If I was a parent of a child that wasn't sporty I would probably be in the OP' corner. But since DD is competitive sporty. ......

mrssprout · 20/06/2013 02:01

This sounds pretty unfair. My DD is 10, sports day is coming up soon. On the day they will call out each race eg 11 years girls 100 metres ( it goes by age they are turning this year) & if she wants to have a go she lines up. If they have lots wanting to do it they have heats & a final. The competition between schools has set rules of who goes to represent your school, I think its if you came 1st , 2nd or 3rd in a final at school level. This gives all the kids a chance to have a go & then the fastest get to represent the school.
I really can't understand why, on a school level they don't just let them have a go.

adeucalione · 20/06/2013 08:35

It's really hard when you have a child who loves sport but doesn't get the opportunity to play because they're not good enough, and IME it gets worse as they move up the school, and worse again at secondary school.

All three of mine went through primary school trying out for every single team - so football, tag rugby, cricket, hockey, tennis, cross country and athletics, every single year, and were never chosen for anything.

Now they are at secondary school it's the same deal - funnelled into trampolining and cheer leading while the sporty children play team sports and represent their school at events.

If they hated sport it wouldn't matter, but they don't, they love it despite years of knock backs. I'm not sure what the answer is though - maybe B, C, D teams?

HabbaDabbaDoo · 20/06/2013 09:48

At DS's secondary they have a B team in most sports. It doesnt help those kids that aren't good at sports but at least it gives kids who are sporty-ish a chance to represent the school.

tumbletumble · 20/06/2013 09:53

I think that, because your DD has asked you to, you should approach her teacher. To me, this is more about showing her that you are listening to her and supporting her than because you necessarily feel strongly about the principle involve. You can be very non-confrontational and pleasant, but explain to the teacher that DD is upset, and ask whether she realises that DD is only doing one event. Say you thought there might have been a mistake or something? Explain that DD is very keen to take part, then leave it up to the teacher. Tell your DD that you have spoken to the teacher, but it might be difficult for her to change the arrangements at this point.

dippywhentired · 20/06/2013 10:04

This really annoys me - children get pigeon-holed at such a young age as being 'not sporty'. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy as if they don't get a chance to practice, they won't get any better. Sports day is supposed to be fun FGS.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 20/06/2013 10:08

YANBU our school is like this and my DD was in 2 races....the kids decide between themselves which means the bossiest get more.

I am complaining next year if it is the same.

piprabbit · 20/06/2013 10:08

At my DDs school they have about 8 events (sprint, long distance, hurdles, sack race etc.) and each child is allowed to choose 2 events.

Some events are really popular and they have several runs of the same event (and the winners of each run get a medal). Some are less popular and there might only be one run of that race.

The serious sporty types get to take part in athletics club and district sport events. The school sports days are for everyone.

gleegeek · 20/06/2013 10:22

This is close to home for us too.

Dd (9) enjoys sport but doesn't shine. She is never picked for anything and says while the sporty ones are practising for district sports etc they are left to play I have spoken to the school (there is a specialist PE teacher - state school) and they are very defensive about it tbh. They are satisfied that they win every event going and that seems to be the main goal. We are happy with the school in virtually every other area so have let it go. But dd has just got her Gold swimming award at private lessons so clearly possesses some sporting talent

I don't know what the answer is apart from pursuing sport outside school... I would talk to the school in your shoes though, it all sounds a bit off to me!

TeenAndTween · 20/06/2013 10:24

At DD's school they all do the same number of events. Some like sprint everyone does and other things like balancing a beanbag on a bat whilst running only some do.
While they are 'practicing' the events in the run up to sports day, the teachers also are seeing who is good. So on the actual day you find that the best runners are in a heat together, then the next best set and so on, so no one ends up coming massively last.

Infants is all relay type stuff and more low key.

It is disgraceful that in a yr3 sports day there is such a disparity in the number of events. Yes sport can be competitive, but it is also about general fitness.

goinggetstough · 20/06/2013 10:25

I just wondered whether they had had trials/ practice races before. At my DCs school at that age they did pre races and it was the finals on Sports Day but each DC still had 1/2 races minimum to participate in. The outcome might be the same but at least there would be a reason..

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 20/06/2013 10:31

That's really unfair. Surely at least in infants it's about fun and taking part. Seriously, why are 8yr olds being made to be so competitive. It's not a school vs school sports competition it's a sports day. Doesn't bloody matter how well people do or don't do.

SonorousBip · 20/06/2013 10:31

In case you need some other views as to how other schools do it, I was at the dcs sports day this week. Medium sized independent. Everyone does every event, on a per class basis. The classes are divided in half and there is an alpha and beta group (not called that!) so the slowest in the class is not in the same race as the fastest. As well as the "blue riband" running races where the pecking order was pretty clear (and there were some impressive performances) there were other things like long jump where it was less clear, plus a sack race and an obstacle course that were just fun and the results were pretty random because, eg the fastest runner may knock a pole over, etc.

It all seemed pretty fair, all of the children looked like they were enjoying it, the slower/less co ordinated had plenty to do and there were a few heavy duty running races and relays to allow the better ones to shine. There are A LOT of stickers handed out plus house points.

My dd's subject of conversation in the car home afterwards was how much sand had gone up the pants of her skort in the long jump, the flavour of ice lolly she had and how brilliantly her mate had done in the running, which sounded like a good order of priority to me.

I think it is sad when good children don't get the chance to shine and when less sporty ones feel marginalised. A life long enjoyment of sport and activity is pretty important in our obesogenic culture, I think.

manicinsomniac · 20/06/2013 12:26

I think this in unfair. I work in a very similar sounding school (independent with an all day competitive inter house sports day consisting of proper athletics events) and the children all get a choice as to how many events they compete in. All children have to do at least one event and they may do up to 4. The only exceptions are the relay events for which the best runners in each house are selected.

I don't think I would keep her at home if I were you because she enjoys the sport and will be letting her house down by being a no show for an event. But I would speak to the school and see if there is any way of evening it up a bit. It's very unfair for those with fewer events to be kicked off an oversubscribed event instead of those with more events. If they'd planned it properly there wouldn't even be any oversubscribed events. More popular ones should be set up with A,B and C finals if more children want to take part.

Original poster

Paddlinglikehell · 20/06/2013 17:47

After a chat this morning, I suggested that dd speak to the PE teacher about her concerns, herself, and we had a little practice on what she could say!

Apparently she did this and was told that she is in two events ( one of those taken away has been reinstated!) and a couple of 'fun' events, so four in total, although she doesn't 'count' the fun events as being proper athletics!

I am really proud that she sorted it out herself and she is much happier with the outcome (she hasn't realised the ones doing 5 events will also have fun events to add!

OH just rang to say he rang and spoke to school this afternoon and as Snazzy suggested, queried the format of the day, mentioning dd was only in one event and if this was correct then it would be a long morning, watching everyone else's children. Apparently he said it in a joking way, but he thinks they knew he was having a dig.

They had to ring back and said that she was actually in four things now ( which concurs with dd), so he replied 'well I suppose that will make it a bit more bearable!' Honestly he is so rude. However, dd seemed pleased that we stuck up for her.

I feel a shame he rang now as I am thinking maybe she did have one and the phone call prompted the change As we are now one of 'those' parents!!! .

It is a shame this happens though, because everything else about the school is fantastic.

It he proof of the pudding and all that...

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