Should I approach the school? Dd very upset

[Paddlinglikehell]

Dd told me a few days ago that she was doing 2 events in the forthcoming sports day. She was a bit put out that she was only doing two when others were doing more, some as many as 5 events.

When I picked her up yesterday, they were all chatting and she was correct, some are doing 5, others only 3, so we had a chat about it and that some people were better at sports than others etc. etc. ( although I personally think it a little unfair).

Today she was very quiet on the way home and when questioned, said that too many were doing one of her events and so now she only has one! However some others have six now, because of an in-house relay!

The school is quite competitive and do do 'proper' athletics events, another child said that the PE teacher has her favourites and if you aren't, then you always get just two things!

OH is furious, the sports day is all morning, sometimes running over lunchtime, he thinks it is wrong and wants to phine school and say she wont be attending. I am not so sure, although sheis feeling very dejected by it.

Stupid thing is, whilst she isnt probably the best at sport, she throughly enjoys it, so this is a blow.

WWYD?

Ds has been to two preps. At both they choose which races they do (they all do the relay race) and all do the same number of races. I would find it extremely odd at that age for the better athletes to do more races.

Your dd sounds a lot more sensible than her teachers and I, too, would be very proud of my child for sorting out a problem like this on their own. She has done very well and it is these sorte of skills, negotiating, assertion, that will help her in life a lot more than a few sports medals.

Don't worry about being one of "those" parents. Who cares what they think of you, it is your dd who matters.

Gleegeek, in your position where those deemed non-sporty are left to play whilst the PE teacher concentrates on those in school teams, I think you should be asking some serious questions. The PE teacher is paid to teach all the pupils, not just those she thinks will enhance her personal glory or the school's. And they have a responsibility to ensure that all the kids get the chance to get some exercise. I suspect that Ofsted would be deeply unimpressed and maybe it would be worth making that point to the governors.

OP, I would have agreed with you until my oldest dd started secondary school last September.

I don't know what usual practice at other secondaries is, but dd has just told me she isn't in ANY events at sports day, they are chosen purely on ability. So from primary to secondary, there has been a huge shift from the all inclusive, non competitive, everyone's a winner sports day to not being in ANY events because you're not good enough. I know we're talking about much younger dc at primary but why such a sudden shift? What happens at that magic age of 11 that means they cope with not being selected?

Maybe it's good preparation for the future to do things this way at this school. Your dd at 8 is in 2 events at out 5; my dd at 12 isn't in any.

As an aside, I do think there should be an element of competition even at primary level. What about the kids who aren't academic but excel at sport? It's THEIR chance to shine. Too much of everyone's a winner attitude affects their confidence and self esteem surely?

i like being one of 'those' parents, tbh. i'm keen to send the message to the teachers that if they are unfair or unthinking when it comes to my children, they'll be hearing from me. they also know that they have my full and vocal support if they need me, of course.

My DS (also 8 but year 4) had told me his sports day is like this this year. (from what it says it seems so anyway)

He's told me he's in the throwing as he came second when practicing in PE but not in the running because he's "rubbish and always came last"

He seems unbothered but has suspected ASD so is very matter of fact about things and shows very little emotion.

If he was bothered I think I would approach the school and explain your DD is upset and why. She sounds an absolute sweetheart in her attitude towards taking part and not winning.

interesting thread.... I am of the "primary school sport is for everyone otherwise they will switch off for life" brigade - but a while ago, there was a whole gang of Mumsnetters who felt it was ridiculous to not always choose the best A team, B team, C team. If your kid was left out - that was life.

While I have no problem with the best kids being chosen for an A team (or to represent the school at athletics/whatever), IMO it is critical that every child gets a chance to try sport at primary school. If this means the B/C team don't always win or whatever then so be it.

If a kid is only entered in 1 or 2 events on sports day - that would put them off for life. That can't be right.

Sporty kids can always access high level competitive sport. General fitness, and an enthusiasm for giving it a go need to be spoon fed to those who are less physically able.

I went in today.Dc 9,9 and 8 state primary.

Our school has a Sports Week(oh joy) and out of 3 kids I had only 1 doing 1 race.Other children are doing as many as 7 events. Apparently they had heats before and you could only take part in Sports Day if you got through.There is some swimming but no parents are allowed to watch and if you can swim you have to do it.There was cycling but it got given to those doing loads.Ds didn't even get to try.

One dc has spent the entire weekend sobbing and angry at himself for being rubbish at PE.My dd was overjoyed as she isn't having to go though Sports Day hell at all.We however weren't happy that all 3 would spend all week sat on the field not taking part and having it highlighted as to how shite they are.I don't feel that is inclusive and it wouldn't happen in any other part of the curriculum alongside not encouraging them to have a go.

Sooooo went in.Teacher lovely but has had weeks of hell trying to sort a shit system out.Basically there is a house system and some are bigger than others so some kids do loads.If you are unfortunate enough to be shit and in a big house no track,field or cycling events for you and you just watch.

She swung it so DS is at least doing a cycling race.

Best thing is you have no idea what your dc will be doing (or not doing in our case)until late last week so loads of working parents pissed off this morning as obviously cancelling meetings last minute all week not an option.

Sooooo need to sort school sports out in this country,it's dire re encouraging those who are weak at it.

Roll on end of term.

Must run so I can catch the 1 race I have a child in,blink and I might miss it.

At DCs school the sports day is split into two parts - first part has groups made up of a couple of children from each year (so lots of groups) who rotate round different activities and you rotate with your child's group (or children as siblings put together). They get points for this and i think at the end they might decide which group wins.
Then there's the racing where every child is in at least one race and I think there are some where there are heats. There are separate infants and juniors sports days so not too much waiting around.

At my DCs school, each year group is split into groups by sporting ability, so that those in each race are running against children they have half a chance of beating. Then the relay is done by all forms in a year against each other.
This seems a nice, fair way of doing it, as the youngest particularly are all at different stages of development (a Reception child may have been 5 since September, running against another who isn't even yet 5!) and differing sizes, stamina etc- I think it's quite motivating rather than putting off my children those that would always be in the last 5 or 10 of the year. They don't even realise most of the time, though my Y2 child 'got it' this year.
They study literacy/numeracy in groups at similar stages, so why not Physical Education?

One dc has spent the entire weekend sobbing and angry at himself for being rubbish at PE

Aww, poor him

Can I ask you something though - if he had been included in all the events and, say, came last or didn't do very well, would that also not make him feel bad about himself? I ask this as a very-unsporty person myself at school and would have loved the chance to avoid sports day! I did dance, there are many other ways of keeping fit other than sport at school.

It's only one day, all children take part in PE lesson throughout the year and they are inclusive. Children aren't stupid - they know full well who is good at sport and who isn't. Is it really such a bad thing that the best get to take part in more events?

If a kid is only entered in 1 or 2 events on sports day - that would put them off for life. That can't be right.

Why would it? There are lots of sports that aren't even touched at primary school and kids take up later on.

Problem is, you can't please everyone. For every child who isn't good at sport but enjoys it, there's another one who isn't good at sport and hates it. School PE isn't necessary for fitness, that can be achieved in countless other ways.

I would have a word with the teacher and see if they can't fit her into another race. It does seem rather unfair - school sports day should be for the whole school, regardless of ability, and it can't really be that hard to organise. Like tumbletumble says, I would keep it quite friendly because there might have been some misunderstanding - I think sometimes the teachers assume the less sporty ones don't want to do it, particularly if your DD is one of the quiet ones!

It's my DDs' sports day today (also at independent school, years 4 and 2), and they have a system where everyone does at least 3 races - some of the faster ones do 4 because they're in the relay as well, but on the whole it's pretty fair. My lot are not sporty so they're in things like the egg and spoon and the sack, but it gives them a chance of doing well too!

When it comes to matches against other schools, I can see they will want to play their best kids because basically it is a competition. But I do feel for myDDs sometimes, perennially stuck in the C team, not swanning off to matches or featuring in the match reports read out in assembly every week... particularly as all the C team girls enjoy playing just as much as the A teamers, bless them. I'm afraid that the enthusiasm will wane by the time they get to secondary school and they will turn into those lazy couch potatoes that are such a blight on modern society !