Idependant Schools-pros+cons???????

[Angeliz]

HI,
my dd is 2.10 and i have looked at an independant School right round the corner and a state School quite close too. I know i am very lucky to be able to choose but i'm a bit lost as to the difference. Apart from the obvious smaller class sizes, what ARE the benifits of a private School?
I am terrified of lettting her go to any School but i know i have to make decisions this year. It seems such a massive decision as it will obviously affect the whole of dd's childhood.
I just wanted to say that a few months back i read a commment once on here about "people with worries such as 'Oh which private School to send dd to'". I realise i'm very lucky but it honestly is confusing and i want to make the right decision!
Any views would be really appreciated!

zebra I agree.

I\ve just written about this on SN. This weekend my friend's son took an overdose because he hated school so much. It is important to be able to fit in. (He has AS so fitting in is difficult wherever he goes- and he did change schools from state to private- in his case the private school was better- but obviously not good enough).

My school days were happy, (I went to both State and private schools and was happy in every school). But one thing I have come across in the last few years is the huge number of children for whom school days are a nightmare (mainly becuase I've been on HE lists).

Zebra, sorry for any offence but you referred to "British public schools". A British public school is a fee-paying school for 13-18 year olds, and yep, there have been problems with bullying. Naturally, i assumed you were thinking of the initiation tests and so on which would not be a problem at a day school which I'm assuming Angeliz's DD would go to as she's only 3!

DH had a horrible time at school because his arty left-wing parents gave him a very odd name, refused to let him wear uniform, made him wear his hair long (until he cut it himself at 10) and then sent him to a school in the middle of a council estate where eberyone was called Steve, ate white bread and watched ITV. His entire primary school years were spent outside the head's office for fighting. I don't think the parents being "eccentric" is the problem, is when they foist their eccentricities onto their kids and expect the kids to just get on with it. And Zebra, that is not an attack on you, more an attack of parentrs of the ILs ilk.

Chandra

There are 2 main types of school -Independent/private which charge a tuition fee and State schools which are government funded and available to all, although not necessarily the one of your first choice. Some State schools are not directly maintained by the government but have their own funds which they can allocate as they choose - some, but not all, of these are religious based.

Each independent school is different although some belong to groups of schools country wide. They each have their own admissions policies, some with long waiting lists, and have different strengths/weaknesses. State schools are run by the Local Education Authority, which is regional-based, and each one has separate application procedures and criteria (catchment area, priority for siblings etc). Those not funded directly from the Government can additionally set their own admissions criteria (religion for example).

For State schools you would usually have to apply at some point in the academic year before the child would be due to start Reception. I think most LEA's send out the application information to all eligible families at the appropriate time. You can find the number of yours in the phone book or contact a local school for more information about the timing and procedures in your area. You would need to contact each Independent school separately for a prospectus.

hth

Ok, as a foreigner, must admit I never heard such a precise definition of 'public' school before! Thought it usually meant any well-established fee-paying school, tbh.

Well, you know what the brits are like, it's all very subtle and designed to be impenetrable to foreigners
And it is very true that such schools can have some delightful practices. My year (11 years ago) was one that got to run naked through the boarding house whilst being pelted with eggs and flour by the other girls. Nice eh? wasn't classed as bullying by the school though.

Oh the wonders of the English language - we call a private school "public"! Actually there's a historic reason for it - many of the the early schools were set up by the trades guilds for the sons (just boys in those days) of their members. Then when schools appeared which didn't have a trades-guild restriction on entry these were "public" - i.e. open to anyone who could pay for them.

Thank you very much for all the explanations, I need to confess that the name public for private schools has mesmerised me to such a point that I have started to wonder if my brain was working properly.

On regards with the discussion I very much agree with JimJams and Zebra that the most important thing is to fit in, as their healthy psychological development is, at least for me, far more important than any incredible academic achievements.

I also find MAria Luisa point very important, I have seen so many parents that forget that children have a world of their own and try to impose on them their personal choices. My best friend at school was vegeterian, ateist and his parents had decided not to let him fall in the world of reckless capitalism... none of this choices was common at the time and I very much doubt he would have taken any of them by himself. His parents thought they were raising a healthy free kid, and they probably were but... it make him terribly unhappy because there was no way he could fit in with the rest of the children, he didn't even now the names of the cartoons at TV because he was not allowed to see the TV. He could talk a lot about computers but who cared about them being 7 years old in the 1970s??? When I saw Hugh grant's movie About a Boy, I just thought: That's my friend!!!

Further on that, I know of another parent with the same attitude who always taught his son about the "evil side2 of religion, then send him to a religious school because it offered an excellent academic standard.... What was he thinking about???

Thanks for the pointers, Zebra. Don't want to wander round looking like an idiot, or leave and then think 'Damn! I wish I'd asked x, y or z!' I'll take a list, so I don't forget important points (having just had no2 mind a bit like a sieve!), but I guess gut instinct will play an important part in the decision making process.

Thanks also kmg1!

Re. diversity - I really believe that it isn't just a matter of ethnic origin but mixing with children from all different backgrounds. My children are mixed race and there are a number of black/asian children at their school. However my main concern was that they got to mix with children from all different backgrounds and with different abilities. We live in a very affluent area (whereas I had a very working class childhood) adn i was concerned that my children would have absolutely no idea how most people live in this country if they lived here AND went to private primary school.

As we were previously paying nursery fees then technically we could have just carried on with this outgoing and sent them to private school.

This was definately the right thing for us but Ive got friends who are very happy with the private schools their children are going to so i think its just a matter of personal choice.

Having said all that - the senior state schools near us arent very good at all and it'll be interesting to see if I stick to my guns when the time comes or end up working lots of extra hours to fund fees

Kizziex

Thanks for replies everyone
You know, reading this and the other thread from last year there is something i hadn't considered!
I am thinking of dd and by starting her at an Independant School i don't want her to be classed a "snob" immediately. Someone said "think of the friends she'll make and the parents you meet and who will be coming for tea" , well i hadn't thought about that, but due to my Uncles attitude and various other comments from people i worked with and even my dad at one point, (PURELY to do with my house-not me), it got me thinking that maybe dd would be classed a snob in a state School PURELY because of where she lives! It's not Buckingham palace or anything, just a nice house in a nice area and many posts have got me thinking that way ,which i'd never even considered before! The question of where she'd "fit in" which is the important one is growing ever more confusing!
I want to do ONLY whats beast for dd, status and class don't bother me, i've always been confident and felt i could talk to anyone, and i want that for dd too. ( and i didn't even finish School!)
I just want to say thanks to everyone and i'm glad this hasn't turned into a row as i just wanted views and i have more to think about than i thought i would
(Did that make ANY sense whatsoever?)

angeliz - i am not......

you are not what popsy?

OHHHHHHHHHHHH fish and chips?

yes -i am not

Are you pleased about it?

mixed really

I was mixed too, quite releived as i plan to try later this year but there's always that tiny bit of dissapointment! (and as you can see by this thread it's confusing enough for me with one)

Popsy, must go now but i'm glad you told me and i hope we can have a chat soon BTW, do you have any views on this thread? I would be interested!

i must be mrs infertile
there were several 'chances'

ca i post tomorrow when i havent drunk 2 big glasess of pink champagne???

okay

I suppose where ever you send your child to school there is that potential Angeliz. Verbal bullying and teasing like that happens anywhere and everywhere regardless of school - any school that tells you different is lying I suspect.

You need to go out and look at a range of schools that are potential contenders for your DD - state and private. And read any info you can find on them and possibly ask parents of children there what they think (may be difficult this though). May also be worth looking at both mixed and single sex schools too (not sure if you have considered this bit at all). See what each school makes you 'feel'. You should be given a tour of the school and a chat with the headteacher. You don't have to wait for an open day either. We telepphoned the schools and were able to make appointments on normal school days - we saw classes in action that way. From the visits we had a pretty good feeling of which schools we thought would best suit our DD.

My oldest 3 go to a private boys day school. Before the oldest started school - he's 10 now, i looked at 4 fee paying and 4 state schools. I have to say as an academic i was not impressed by the standars in any of the day schools - at our local school, allegedly very good - the headmistress just wants them to have fun. Now I'm not against school being fun, in fact my boys love school but it appeared to be at the expense of any stretching of the children at all, plus no sports. We save some money by the fact the school provides so many after school activites, most of which are free - eg rugby, cookery, running, swimming, badmintin, etc and less running around. The academic results where they are are excellent, but the school do seem genuinely to value each child as ana individual - they don't have to be good at sport, or music or whatever. The small class sizes help too - DS1 is ion a clas of 15, Ds2 of 14 and Ds3 outrageously large at 23 but there is 1 full time NTa plus several other floaters. The facilities are outstanding - both sportin, artisitic, musical whatever, but really it was the schools core attitutde that each boy is an individual to be cherished and encouraged that really sold it to us, plus loads of happy recommendations, and the ehtnic diversity - our local state school is 100%white causcasian, the boys enjoy and benfit from a rich ethnic mix.I wholeheartedly agree with making sure the school has a governing body, proper discipline/complaints etc procedure - not hopefull that you will need it, but it says a lot about them if they don't have such things in place - we did see one truely dreadful fee paying scholl that i can only presume exists because of snobbery.