So Eton, everything I expected and more

[JoanBias]

My DS is at a private school, so I have experience of private schooling, but my word Eton was like another world.

Not just the school, but the people there.

There was one prep school being shown around, all in tweed jackets, and to a boy the spitting image of Draco Malfoy (well there was one Chinese boy, but otherwise....).

One of the mothers doing the tour was not quite right in some respect, I'm not sure how but something wasn't wired up correctly or something. She was immacuately dressed, 6-inch heels (pretty daft considering the confirmation letter warns about having a long walk), but she was just bizarre. The admissions tutor said 'we have a waiting list of 80 boys and typically 35% of these will make it through', and she asked afterwards 'so 80% of the boys from the waiting list make it through?', and it was then explained again, but you could kind of hear the cogs going round and she clearly didn't get it. She had asked several other similar questions; e.g., it was explained that some Houses are catering and others go to a central cafeteria, so she then asked 'so they all eat in the cafeteria'? She pointed at the Fives Court and asked me 'what do they play here?' I said 'Fives' 'Is it squash?', she said. 'No, Eton Fives.' 'So is it squash?' It seemed as if this woman had had the benefit of the 'Finishing School for the Terminally Dim', because she was otherwise every inch the presentable upper middle-class wife.

Another family had a son who looked the prototypical pre-Etonian, and sure enough Daddy spent the tour braying on about his House when he had been there.

The facilities were extremely impressive, although they didn't bother to show us any of the academic parts, and basically the impression was 'if your son is incredibly pushy and self-motivated, send him here and we will teach him to be entitled'. They said 'every year we reject about a third of the highest performers on the test', essentially because they aren't pushy enough. (The House Mistresses seemed quite nice though.)

Fantastic training for future managing directors and whatever, but not for us.....

Well worth it to sign up for a tour, very illuminating. They take about 100 a day from what I can see, so obligation at all....

"but I haev been at a boarding school where the older boys were allowed out before pudding for a smoke."
Perhaps you'd be so kind as to divulge the name of this school! I very much doubt this is happening in 2012. Of course chidlren of boarding schools smoke and there is peer pressure but I doubt its any stronger than that at day schools and it is a criminal offence to sell cigarettes to under 18 year olds. Most boarding schools take a pretty dim view on smoking. The other positive thing is that all proper boarding schools have medical centres where stop smoking advise is freely available and help given by nurses/GPs who understand teenagers, that the children usually know and have 24 hour a day access too rather than a unknown nurse/GP in a GP surgery.
My husband went to St Paul's he started smoking at 13!

BadLad, I fear I am the offender who mixed up dames and housemistresses and matrons. There is a lot to take in on one short day at Eton (we spent about seven hours getting there and back on the train) for someone whose only personal experience of schools is day ones!

Dames and matrons are one and the same the thing to find out is are they resident? As some are and some aren't. Generally house masters mistresses (HMs) are the same sex as the pupils in the house although I believe the HM of College at Eton is women. Most HMs are married often with children and the involvement of their spouses varies but we were shown around Eton by an HMs wife. Houses also have at least one other resident teacher usually called a resident house tutor (RHT) or assistant house tutor again normally the same sex as the pupils. Then there are usually tutors attached to the house these don't live in the house but spend at least one day a week in it often too 9 10 o'clock at night they supervise prep and are often the personal tutors of the children in that house. At most schools the HM is the key person as he/she sets the tone some have significantly more autonomy than others. HTH

Thanks!

Very surprised at the "Dim Millfield" tag. That's definitely not my perception of the children taking part in the chess tournaments.

I do hope that people are noting who it is who calls some private school pupils dim and thick. Can't help feeling there's some misdirected flak that goes on about this issue.

hamishbear

I, too, am fascinated to see Xenia's 9.05.51 post has been amended. 'more worser' to 'worser'. Proof perhaps that Xenia is a non too subtle MNHQ invention to keep the boards rolling in agony at her extremism?

Tis a day for conspiracy theories.

An explanation would be nice.

Mumsnet once fixed an unfortunate typo for me- I imagine Xenia asked for it to be edited.

TOSN- I noticed that too- and the usual suspects seem to be letting it go.

I think Xenia's real ok and very enterprising - she perhaps approached MNHQ herself and offered her services for a fee. Islands don't come cheap these days :)

Greythorne she also muddled 'sort' and 'sought' - yikes, something you'd expect from the 'dim' at Millfield but not her :). Now corrected too.

Seeker - surely more than one or two in one thread though?

Excellent - everytime I make grammatical mistakes, I will call upon MN to sort them out. fab.

happygardening sorry, had to butt in. Hopefully the preconception that HMs should generally be the same sex as the pupils is well on the way of dying out. Certainly, there are a few top boarding schools where there are male housemasters. Benenden for example have had then for 20 years! I personally think how wonderful that pupils can see both sexes in pastoral roles and hope it becomes more evenly spilt in time, along with other roles that have traditionally been gender specific.
Just to add something to Xenia. I actually know NLCS extremely well, and it's the reason my children are boarding. I felt the pressure of cramming everything into a 9-4 day Monday to Friday is detrimental to children. Certainly, being able to extend the school day, have sports in daylight hours, do independent study at times other than the evening, and eat meals properly and slowly became important to me as a parent. And that's why I chose boarding. No "reason" like singing in a cathedral school was needed for me. I just think that's the sort of all round education I would like for my children.
Boarding schools are different now. Just just in warmer duvets and better food. The pastoral care is truly magnificent. Instead of two parents bringing up a teenager, it feels a team of people. And ime, children do not become detached.

Millfield's position at 650 in A level league tables of course tells you it's academic status. That doesn't mean children in low scoring schools all do badly. I had the best A levels in my low scoring school. However it is definitely so. It never does well because of the children it takes. Eton only takes very bright boys so not surprisingly is usually in the top 20 or 5 for A level results. Millfield is a mixed comp and Eton a single sex grammar. It does not mean either is better or worse just different.

I have not amended a post. Since my earlier one I have been taking work calls and then doing a fairly long email to one of the children (who is engaged... lovely news).

I have never asked for a typo to be edited in my life anywhere on line and I have virtually never asked for anything posted about me to be removed as I'm a huge freedom of speech person but I am never happy if people identify me.

Anyone who knows who I am will know what school I mean (re smoking) as it is the only one that near me and it was a few years ago, not that many and several years in a row. Christmas dinner finished. Older boys said - can I go out sir, quite a few on various tables all over the room and they went out for their smoke. I doubt they said they were going out to smoke and I am sure everyone knew they were going out to smoke. They may have changed things now of course. I am simply saying as a parent you have more control. Of coruse plenty of parents are absolutely useless and the more time the children spend away from them the better. I know one friend (Millfield) where neither parent wanted them after the divorce 0 they were fighting to avoid custody as it then was and the solution was boardings school and various relatives at holidays.

Hey, I want my errors corrected, too! I didn't think proof reading services normally earned you enough to buy an island, though, particularly not services in which only your errors were corrected.

" Hamishbear Mon 05-Nov-12 09:40:33

Very strange - Yesterday I noted Xenia had made a grammatical error in one of her posts. Today I find it's been corrected but post otherwise unchanged? How? I thought it was impossible to edit posts here? Am I mistaken?"

I can't be bothered to go back to the other page but I certainly haven't. Perhaps you just remembered incorrectly. My grammar and spelling is pretty good. I wrote 30 books etc but I certainly make typos. I tend not to make grammatical errors as I type as I speak and I speak okay but I certainly don't give mumsnet posts the attention I give work writing and I am sure from time to time I make slip ups. Also I am not perfect - see the £1k a day earnings threads etc - lots of things I've done have failed and I am sure there will be bits of grammar I don't even know! I have the humility to think we learn more every day. Education is a life long thing.

Waits with baited breath to see whether MNHQ correct "it's".

I usually get it's (it is) and its (possessive) right but as I say sometimes typos.

Xenia - I believe in you. You're much too much fun for me to want to believe you are an invention!

I suppose it is in my interests if people think I am invented as I don't want to be identified.

Im sure Rosevase there are some excellent boarding schools where there are male HMs in girls houses and vice versa but I suspect these are few and are between certainly all the more traditional ones don't have then; Radley Harrow Winchester Stowe Marlborough Sherbourne and even liberal St Edwards. As the mother of a son I personally wouldn't choose a house with a female house mistress I like the make role model combined with the fact that nearly all matrons (dames if people prefer) are women.

Hamishbear, care to elaborate?
I didnt know/wouldnt have thought,that it is possible to change posts?

Sssh, Rabbit. Perhaps, Xenia. I tend to notice these things and thought it was a bit strange the word had seemingly changed. Odd that Greythorne noticed similar but perhaps coincidence.

See posts up thread and Greythorne's comment amillionyears.

Sorry, I seem to have missed several posts altogether.