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So Eton, everything I expected and more

964 replies

JoanBias · 02/11/2012 16:03

My DS is at a private school, so I have experience of private schooling, but my word Eton was like another world.

Not just the school, but the people there.

There was one prep school being shown around, all in tweed jackets, and to a boy the spitting image of Draco Malfoy (well there was one Chinese boy, but otherwise....).

One of the mothers doing the tour was not quite right in some respect, I'm not sure how but something wasn't wired up correctly or something. She was immacuately dressed, 6-inch heels (pretty daft considering the confirmation letter warns about having a long walk), but she was just bizarre. The admissions tutor said 'we have a waiting list of 80 boys and typically 35% of these will make it through', and she asked afterwards 'so 80% of the boys from the waiting list make it through?', and it was then explained again, but you could kind of hear the cogs going round and she clearly didn't get it. She had asked several other similar questions; e.g., it was explained that some Houses are catering and others go to a central cafeteria, so she then asked 'so they all eat in the cafeteria'? She pointed at the Fives Court and asked me 'what do they play here?' I said 'Fives' 'Is it squash?', she said. 'No, Eton Fives.' 'So is it squash?' It seemed as if this woman had had the benefit of the 'Finishing School for the Terminally Dim', because she was otherwise every inch the presentable upper middle-class wife.

Another family had a son who looked the prototypical pre-Etonian, and sure enough Daddy spent the tour braying on about his House when he had been there.

The facilities were extremely impressive, although they didn't bother to show us any of the academic parts, and basically the impression was 'if your son is incredibly pushy and self-motivated, send him here and we will teach him to be entitled'. They said 'every year we reject about a third of the highest performers on the test', essentially because they aren't pushy enough. (The House Mistresses seemed quite nice though.)

Fantastic training for future managing directors and whatever, but not for us.....

Well worth it to sign up for a tour, very illuminating. They take about 100 a day from what I can see, so obligation at all....

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Xenia · 04/11/2012 21:50

I don't hvae webbed buttocks I'm afraid although I think they are reasonable ones as I cycle and swim most days. I can do the lotus position and I have perfect pitch which is a genetic fluke and in fact a nuisance when you sight sing.

I doubt there are many downsides to Eton if you believe in single sex and boarding schools and your son is bright and happy to board,.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 04/11/2012 21:58

Boarding children would never be for me, but I'm sure xenia's comments about it are as infuriating to those who like it as her comments about state schools/staying at home when your children are little are to those who do those things. At least it gives some of the rest of us one small thing in common.

JoanBias · 04/11/2012 21:59

Greythorne: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/a1588783-Eton-college-what-type-of-boys

Mumsnet has a surfeit of Eton threads.

My buttocks cycled 12 miles today. Not swum for a week though. Perhaps I can do a few laps in Xenia's pool.

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ShipwreckedAndComatose · 04/11/2012 22:04

My image of what Xenia might look like in RL has changed just a little bit tonight... Wink

JoanBias · 04/11/2012 22:10

Something like this, Shipwrecked: www.crazycheapcostumes.com/files/productsimages/BS_C/6974.jpg ?

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difficultpickle · 04/11/2012 22:18

Why all these personal insults? Not very nice. I like the fact that MN is full of opinionated people who like to share their opinions, even if I don't always agree with them. However personal insults because someone has a different opinion to you is pretty poor.

Joan rather than insulting other posters you should be concentrating on your school search and wondering why you are paying fees for a school that is unable or unwilling to recommend suitable senior schools for your ds.

JoanBias · 04/11/2012 22:24

I will stop paying the fees forthwith.

thanks, bisjo.

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teacherwith2kids · 04/11/2012 22:27

[Mutters darkly about resemblance between linked costume and self, due to heriditary growth pattern of grey / white hair on original dark brown stuff. Couldn't walk in those heels, though!]

difficultpickle · 04/11/2012 22:28

Maybe it is normal to get all the way through to year 6 and discover that the school has made no effort to get to know your child? I just find that very odd. Particularly as I doubt the school fees are cheap. Choosing a senior school is a huge step and not having any guidance, or worse guidance that is so wrong, must be incredibly frustrating and upsetting. At least I would be frustrated and upset if the same happened to me.

JoanBias · 04/11/2012 22:34

?

The school has given us guidance.

It's just that I am not taking it (well I am investigating their recommendations, but I want to be sure there is not something better, elsewhere).

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difficultpickle · 04/11/2012 22:44

You said that the HM gave you a 'wildly inappropriate' recommendation and also said that you didn't think the school would recommend somewhere 50 miles away in case you moved. Doesn't sound like very helpful guidance to me.

If they were being helpful then you wouldn't have wasted your time visiting a school you clearly cannot stand and weren't bothered about finding out what SEN provision it had.

dapplegrey · 04/11/2012 23:00

Greythorne - my son was very happy during his time at Eton, he made lots of friends, enjoyed the extra curricular activities and did well enough in his exams to go to the university that he wanted. His housemaster and tutor took a lot of trouble and the one time he needed medical treatment it was swiftly dealt with and excellent.
So as far as I'm concerned there were no downsides ( though he did say the food could have been better).

JoanBias · 04/11/2012 23:02

Ok, bisjo, I've cancelled the d/d.

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JoanBias · 04/11/2012 23:03

btw, the food didn't seem terribly impressive from what I saw of the dining hall at Eton. Ok. Not outstanding though.

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difficultpickle · 04/11/2012 23:04

Joan really sorry I hit a raw nerve. Good luck with the school search. I would hate to have to go through all of that without the school's help and support, it is hard enough as it is.

JoanBias · 04/11/2012 23:07

It's hardly a raw nerve. I spent an hour or so with the Head and he said ds is v. bright, but find him a 'nice' school, here's the schools I recommend. These were all day schools.

I also spent two hours with the SENCO on the same subject, she recommended one of the same schools as the Head.

I'm not necessarily sure that a prep school should know about all the day schools in the coutry.

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difficultpickle · 04/11/2012 23:13

Not very impressive that the HM and SENCO hadn't consulted on school choice. I assume that day schools were recommended as that what you had asked for. If you had asked for boarding and they didn't bother to consider your request then it gets even worse!

JoanBias · 04/11/2012 23:22

Well obviously a good job I'm looking for a new school, isn't it bisjo.

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notanotter · 04/11/2012 23:32

my ds is at university with a lot of ex etonians ....he says they 'don't mix'

mathanxiety · 05/11/2012 00:36

I never thought I would end up posting something like this, but Shock at the rather personal posts aimed in Xenia's direction.

Given that your DS has a SEN I am surprised you did not just talk with the SENCO. Maybe I am wrong to think a HT would be less well informed on the secondary school needs of a SEN child but surely the SENCO would be the person in the best position to advise?

Many boarding school products stick together at university. They are essentially like one big happy family, having basically grown up together.

NellyJob · 05/11/2012 00:43

well the only ex Etonian I have knowingly met was quite charming and urbane and definitely a 'mixer'....fwiw

Pennybubbly · 05/11/2012 01:19

Xenia : But I don't think it's any different from someone identifying someone else as white. I do think we know there are differences. We have a huge history here of our grandparents being dreadfully treated by the Japanese in WWII. No way do we confuse the Japanese and Chinese although I personally am not sure how you can tell on looks the difference but am happy to be enlightened. My children or some of them are very into South Korea because of computer games. I think we do know some differences. I suspect we are a lot better than most Americans are about knowing their international geography.

Xenia - what on earth is your point here?

Bubblenut · 05/11/2012 01:34

Has this post been made by the same pork hating checkout lady?

mathanxiety · 05/11/2012 03:55

The point is that there is a wee bit of confusion between what geography is and what culture and ethnicity and identity are (essentially the difference between geography and history to some extent), and there is also the superiority complex wrt Americans -- Americans who are a good deal more sensitive to issues of identity and ethnicity than many Europeans are IME.

BadLad · 05/11/2012 04:48

Very interesting to read a thread about my old school

I didn't have an issue with the House Captains board saying '2008: Lord Derby' or whatever below the '2007: JA Smith' etc

Pat yourself on the back for not having an issue with that. None of the boys there have an issue with it either. In my year there was one Lord, two Viscounts and a couple who, despite their youth, were officially known as Mr. Surname. They were all nice, and called by their first names by the other boys, surnames by the beaks (teachers in Eton-speak).

But if your boy is really the brightest star, (and I do mean the brightest star) and had for example, never touched a rugby ball or a football in the past 13 years of his life, there is yet an Eton house specially dedicated to such a boy, rounded or otherwise whereby he selects himself. The house is ?College?.

Not quite true ? while the Kings Scholars do go there, it is actually a very sporting house as well, and some boys who hate sports do go to other houses.

Housemistress

This must be a new development ? in my day there were only Housemasters. Are you sure it wasn?t the Dame of a house (matron in Eton-speak)?

E.g., the D&T man said 'So this project was done by our A Level students'. Heels: 'So would this have been done by the oldest children?' I would say that it's a great advert for an expensive education that she scrubbed up so well otherwise really.

In her defence, it could have been done by people in the first year of their A?Leves ? C Block ? which wouldn?t have been the very oldest.

I don't know what Eton Fives is without looking it up. I put that down to my poor state grammar education.

I didn?t know what it was until the first time I was shown how to play it, apart from a brief description in Roald Dahl?s book about his Repton days.

Teaching them to be entitled

It doesn?t ? it is very much hammered home how fortunate the boys are to go there. Whether the lesson is wasted or not is another metter.

Schools like Eton do not even let you come home every weekend and if a parent can visit it is at a distance to watch a match.

The parents could visit anytime, and visit their son in his room if they wish.

One thing I notice about the Eton parents is that there is precious little objective analysis of the school.

This is very true. My parents got annoyed if I said anything less than that I loved the place whenever I was asked if I enjoyed it. Whilst it was fine, it certainly wasn?t preferable to holiday time ? most schoolboys find the same.

educating the whole child, not instructing them for tests. I would say that Eton does that

I think I would agree ? there are so many other activities you have to try at first, and then have the option of doing later.

Serious question: the parents (colleger, peteneras, ingrid...) who really know Eton, what would you say are the downsides of Eton?

Not everyone is suited to boarding school, very expensive, housemasters not really aware of what was going on in their houses with regards to bullying (don?t know if this is true for other schools), incorrect but enduring perceptions of the place and pupils from people who haven?t been. I might think of others with more time

Parents, by the way, do NOT really know Eton unless they went there.

my ds is at university with a lot of ex etonians ....he says they 'don't mix'

Mix with him or mix with anyone? I can only go for the ones I know, but they don?t have this problem.

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