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Original poster

I've just had a surreal conversation with DD's headteacher

42 replies

Katymac · 20/03/2006 19:26

He rang to tell me that DD is being bullied

I had been telling him that she has been being bullied for the last 12 months

It was really wierd - I told him that I thought I was taking it quite well....he did too

Where do I go from here? I'm not sure moving her when we have an admission from the head - I think I'd rather work on it than run away

OP posts:
madmarchhare · 20/03/2006 19:27

How old is she? How old are the bullies?

Twiglett · 20/03/2006 19:29

what does 'she' want to do though .. it has to be a joint decision because she is the one fighting the fight .. you're just the support mechanism at home and can't be there with her

I know she asked to leave recently

starlover · 20/03/2006 19:30

how very strange... had you mentioned the potential move to him at all?

Original poster
Katymac · 20/03/2006 19:39

He's known about the potential move for 2-3 months so I don't think it's that

DD is 8 as are the bullies

She said that if they don't pick on her, she would like to stay at the school

Everyone says I should feel better now it's been admitted but I don't

OP posts:
scotchlass · 20/03/2006 19:40

If the bullies have been identified then surely they should have to leave, if anyone. I don't think bullying is taken seriously enough and it should stop immediatelt the school is aware of it. Police involvement is always a possibility.

Twiglett · 20/03/2006 19:43

she sounds amazing katymac Grin .. tell her that from me

Original poster
Katymac · 20/03/2006 19:54

Thanks Twiglett

I was talking to the family support worker today - who told me what a beautifully behaved intellegent child Dh & I had raised. She is affectionate and has a fantastic vocabulary and is reallly quick at understanding new concepts.Blush She said how do the school see her "quiet, withdrawn, nonacheiving, nonparticipating" she laughed and said no I'm asking about your dd...Sad she has only met her once.

OP posts:
starlover · 20/03/2006 19:56

everything you say just screams that this is a HUGE problem with the school!
I would complain... to the highest people you can complain to! their behaviour during this whole thing has been a total farce. it'd be laughable if it wasn't something as precious as a child at stake.......

CountessDracula · 20/03/2006 19:57

katymac I don't understand that last post sorry

How on earth did it take them a YEAR to tell you?

Original poster
Katymac · 20/03/2006 20:00

I've been telling them that DD is being bullied...I have been telling them that for a year (occasionally over the last 12 months - about twice - they ave indicated a small problem) but they have denied it calling me an over anxious/protective/paranoid mother.

But today they have discovered I'm right - unfortunatley I don't feel vindicated just sad

OP posts:
Caligula · 20/03/2006 20:10

Katymac I think you need to put everything in writing.

Don't know what else to advise really, but with such a shower, it's always advisable to have written records.

Original poster
Katymac · 20/03/2006 20:23

I am getting the name of the govenor dealing with bullying, and a copy of the bullying policy tomorrow

I feel really upset by this & quite weepy

OP posts:
LemurintheSun · 20/03/2006 21:01

I know the feeling. DS was bullied when he started school, and it really upset me. But the school did crack down on it fairly promptly and things are much better now. Hang on in there for a while longer. Hopefully they will pull their collective finger out now that they have acknowledged the problem.But make sure they take note for the future - this should have been dealt with 12 months ago!! They seriously need to re-think how they deal with such issues.

mandieb · 20/03/2006 21:03

So what made them see the truth .

Original poster
Katymac · 20/03/2006 21:20

It appears that DD's BF was being picked on and it was witnessed by the TA

When the bully was questioned she was picking on BF because she was DD's friend.

This makes DD feel very insecure as things are only happening because her friend was being bullied. So when she was being bullied it wasn't important enough to do anything about

OP posts:
mandieb · 20/03/2006 21:29

So I hope BF parents are up the school complaining .

Original poster
Katymac · 20/03/2006 21:37

Not sure...I'm waiting to hear

It also turns out that the parent govenor responsible for bullying - is the bullies mumShock

OP posts:
alexsmum · 20/03/2006 21:40

katymac if that is the schools view of your dd, then move her.

Original poster
Katymac · 20/03/2006 21:49

She is like a split personality different at home and at school

I accept that there is some difference between the 2 behaviours but not such a difference

OP posts:
alexsmum · 20/03/2006 21:51

the school have dismissed your concerns,their view of your daughter is inaccurate and unfair,they have failed to keep your child safe.
what advantage is here to keeping her there?
I don't understand why this has gone on so long?

JanH · 20/03/2006 21:57

School gov responsible for bullying being bully's mum doesn't surprise me at all; when my DDs were little the local PC's DDs were the neighbourhood bullies. Him being police gave them carte blanche apparently; and on one memorable occasion he came hurtling in himself - his daughters had been barred by the group from playing in their den, because they were all fed up with the bullying, so is solution was to destroy the den Shock

My kids remember this vividly and it was at least 10 years ago.

I don't know what you need to do, katymac, but I agree with twiglett that your DD sounds like a great kid. What can the family support worker do for you (if anything)?

Original poster
Katymac · 20/03/2006 22:09

They have been doing art therapy - to try and work out what the problem is.........kinda pointless now
I am hoping now that when I talk to her on Wednesday she will agree to do some work with DD on her seflesteem/selfconfidence/guilt/anger etc

I bit of a tall order I think

I am so angry I don't know what to do with myself

My Mum (very strict & always do the right thing) says to keep her off tomorrow until I have had time to talk to the head......but I can only do that if DD brings it up - I feel not going to school is ???not sure of the right word bt=ut setting a bad example is close

OP posts:
Original poster
Katymac · 20/03/2006 22:11

Remember she isn't being hit or kicked - just (nasty rotten) little girls being nasty(vicious, evil and cruel)

OP posts:
JanH · 20/03/2006 22:14

Feeling that her friend being picked on matters more (apparently) must be so devastating for her. But what did the TA say to the bully's explanation? Did she ask DD's friend what else has gone on? And has bully's-mother-the-gov been hauled in for a hearing?

rickman · 20/03/2006 22:15

I'd keep her off as well. I can't stand the thought of children being bullied, I'm pretty sure I'd whip my kids out of school straight away if I thought they were being bullied at all. I'm not always rational though.

I really would demand action though and make sure that those responsible are suitably punished.

Big hugs to your dd. If she wants a pen friend, I have a dd the same age would loves to write!