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Original poster

I've just had a surreal conversation with DD's headteacher

42 replies

Katymac · 20/03/2006 19:26

He rang to tell me that DD is being bullied

I had been telling him that she has been being bullied for the last 12 months

It was really wierd - I told him that I thought I was taking it quite well....he did too

Where do I go from here? I'm not sure moving her when we have an admission from the head - I think I'd rather work on it than run away

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Original poster

Katymac · 20/03/2006 22:17

BF was hauled in
Bully was hauled in
DD was hauled in

I get phone call at 5pm apparenlty bully is not instigator but easily lead and admitted to longterm surupticious (sp) bullying campaign of DD along with 2 other girls both in & out of school

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mandieb · 20/03/2006 22:17

I would send a letter naming the child to the goveners so every one knows what is going on .

Original poster

Katymac · 20/03/2006 22:21

I haven't officially been told the names....but they have not been denied, when I suggested the names and the occasions of bullying

Thanks Rickman - do you let your DD email 'cos mine loves that....she has her own elmail addy

Hoeever I have been told that the head may or maynot talk to their parents

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rickman · 20/03/2006 22:23

Yes she does email, unfortunately she has also discovered msn and I can hardly ever get online anymore. If you email me at harman1969 at hotmail dot com I can give you dd's details.

HenniPenni · 20/03/2006 22:28

I would keep her off too, The next thing I would do is arrange a meeting and ask him what he intends to about it, sating that if in your own opinion the answer is not satisfactory then you will:

1.Report the bullying to the governors and
2.That you will instigate police involvement

snailspace · 20/03/2006 22:30

Don't know what to advise for your dd, but glad it is now in the open. Think you should continue to investigate a move (it will take a week or two presumably), hopefully the school will have taken appropriate action by then, so it won't feel like running away, but rather a fresh start. If the school handles it brilliantly you could reconsider the move. Sounds like your dd has at least one good friend there.

Hope they exclude the perpetrators for a while at least - that would send a strong message that bullying (racism, even) is not tolerated. I think you should request this as a minimum if it is a possibility within their bullying policy. Should you seek assurance from the head that the bully's mum has no input to decisions on actions taken? That would be a flagrent conflict of interests surely.

One final thing - are they sure they know who all the bullies are and within that who the ringleaders are?

Original poster

Katymac · 20/03/2006 22:34

I knew who the bullies were (are) last March

I told the head then - so today he rang and told me the same info I told him last year

My Auntie was a head in london up until a few months ago advised not moving DD but showing her that she is supported and protected at the current school (and then maybe moving her)

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Original poster

Katymac · 20/03/2006 22:40

And I have allowed this to go on for a year

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edam · 20/03/2006 22:47

Katie, I was bullied at school. From my own experience, getting out of there was the right decision. I am so glad I moved schools.

Horrified to hear schools still try to sweep this under the carpet - when my mother found out she discovered that the teachers knew all along but had done sod all about it. It actually helped me that she got angry with them - reinforced that it was the school that had got things wrong, not me.

But has to be your dd's decision in the end - what does she want to do?

snailspace · 20/03/2006 22:54

katymac, you know who the main bully is, but it sounds as the the school is saying she's not the instigator? All the parents WILL say their precious offspring were being led and 'of course' it wasn't their fault. If the school isn't clear about who has done what, they might use this as an excuse not to take firm action. In my opinion it has been going on for so long, that regardless of who started it, all those involved must have known what they were doing was wrong and should all be punished.

Original poster

Katymac · 20/03/2006 22:56

Sorry guys - I'm exhausted, I'll look at your posts tomorrow - I'm really sorry - but I'm almost seeing double

Thank you everyone for your support

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Original poster

Katymac · 21/03/2006 07:36

This morning I feel no better about the way DD (& I) have been treated.

Whilst DD & I were lone voices against a popular child no action was taken

When another child felt threatened and her mum asked the staff to "watch over her daughter" they did and discovered bullying

Whilst investigating this they have discovered that dd has been bullied for the last 9 months (well it's a year but you know 9m is better than it's not happening)

The head has no idea what he is going to do to aleviate the situation......which scare the cr*p out of me

He is out of school today - so I can't speak to him
DD wants to go to school - she wants to learn (but has asked for packed lunch....as the other child has dinners)
I cannot see anyway of resolving it

She is going to write down what has been happening with a classroom assistant today as she won't talkl to the head, he apparently needs a complaint from her to take it further

When I spoke to him yesterday he was not sure if he was going to speak to the parents - I think I am more concerned about a culture that allows this to happen

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Hallgerda · 21/03/2006 07:48

I think it would be far better to move your daughter and give her - and yourself - a fresh start at another school instead of wasting your time and energy - and your daughter's - fighting through the bureaucracy to get something done at the current school. You have clearly reached the point at which you have no real confidence in the school to do the right thing, and they have treated you very badly indeed. There really shouldn't be any shame in running away if it is clearly the best course of action. If you feel the need to help sort out the problems at your daughter's current school, send a parting shot letter to the governors.

Tortington · 21/03/2006 08:44

if you threaten the school with the newspaper and a letter to your mp maybe they will get a shufty on.

also i dont think that your dd has to make a "formal" complaint for the school to do anything this is fcking absurd.

dont isolate her. dont give her sanw2iches and let her stay in the library - its a short term solution for something that WILL CARRY ON INTO senior school as the school pupils and bullies feed into a larger school here they have to prove primaevily their pecking order. then it will be a hundred times worse

start taking her to self defence classes now. or karate or sommat so that in 3 years time when she goes to senior school, she will be profitiant enough to kick arse confidently.

littlemisspiggy · 21/03/2006 11:26

Agree with custardo about the press.
Also, the head needs to sort his act out. How can he not know if he will or won't talk to the other parents or how he is going to deal with it. If he doesn't have a clear policy then who the f**k will????. I have no direct experience of this kind of thing but he whole idea of it makes me so angry. This sort of thing shapes children's lives and personalities. You need to keep angry.

clerkKent · 21/03/2006 12:48

It sounds like the head is completely out of his depth and does not know what to do.

Perhaps you could refer him to some of the anti-bullying websites (\link{http://uk.search.yahoo.com/search?ei=UTF-8&fr=slv2-mdp&p=school%20bullying\bully search}. The governors will be no use either, as the most relevant one is implicated herself. I suppose the next step is the LEA, or to move schools. I don't have experience of bullying in schools, but in the workplace I always advise the bullied person to find a way out as fast as possible.

Original poster

Katymac · 21/03/2006 18:13

\link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=43&threadid=157411&stamp=060321180811\Further updates here}

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