Moving from state to private....what differences to expect?

[Sallyssss]

or are there not any? I know my dcs will have probably more homework, which will take more of my time, but are there any other differences from a parents (not child) view point?

What age are your DCs? Mine are still in primary, yrs 3 and 5 and TBH they haven't had much more homework since moving to private school - I guess it depends a lot on the school but theirs is not super-academic. From a parent's point of view, a lot more school trips and especially during the summer, a lot more sport - which means lots of washing and late finishes especially if they are away matches .

I think expectations of parental involvement are higher than friends whose DCs are in state. Eg expecting parents to attend schoolsport matches, sending kit home on Monday with note asking for it to be returned clean on Tuesday, that kind of stuff. Even though most mums work in order to pay fees, they still act as if the mums (never the dads of course) can drop everything in a heartbeat.... But you get used to it. Some parents ignore the polite requests.

School uniform also different - my friends wouldnt dream of buying second hand, whereas in our particular school everything is recycled until it falls apart.

Another thing that's different is average age of parents is much older in private, obvious when you think about it of course.

Also expect very varied parenting styles. Some parents tutor on top of private schooling whereas some leave their kids to sink/swim. Big cultural differences too (Esp. Chinese, Russian) which come out in parenting styles, though you can say that of course for any school, not just private.

Children generally 'expected' to do at least one musical instrument (lessons are arranged by school) and there is also an expectation that children will concentrate on one or two sports and become very good at them. Good state schools probably push kids in same way.

The parents, by the way, are not generally the snobby types that some posters might have you believe (though there is the odd exception of course - you learn to spot and avoid quickly).

yes - picking up after sports matches, wherever, whenever. Then washing kit ready for next day if necessary.
Uniform can be pricey - depends on the school.
Lots of bags / equipment to organise and carry - may or may not be a problem for your dc.
Some school events like sports day, open day and Christmas Fete are compulsory attendance and are on saturdays or sundays for us.
Y4 upwards have homework every night to be handed in the next day at our school.
I don't mind any of this though as it was the best move we ever made.
Good luck!

DS moved during Y3 from state to private and this has been our experience.

His homework actually went down and it was very focused on revising what they had done at school rather than learning new (or irrelevant) things. I was pleasantly surprised to see how much easier it was.

Sports: tens of different bits of kit which had me confused for weeks after he started. Now I am familiar with it, but it did take a while. I bought everything second hand in the school shop.

Music: lost of emphasis on music and drama. The annual school play is a grand event where all children participate and parents are expected to attend (several nights in a row). DS, who loves music, now takes lesson for 3 different instruments per week.

School trips: many more of these to local museums, theatre, camping trips, etc. Generally not expensive trips, but many of them.

Overall, I have found parents are much more involved. They attend weekly sport events, they help to raise funds and occasionally socialise together. Also if they don't like something, they'll complain (like in any other commercial environment) and the school will listen. Most parents are not mega-rich. Both mum and dad work, and quite a few families admit they never go on holidays or just go camping so that they can afford the fees.

Agree with everything said above. Expect to be involved as a parent, expect more extra-curricular activities and expect the school to treat you as though you drop your child off then go home to lay on silken pillows all day even though they know you are working/busy/whatever.

My DCs are older now but have really blossomed in an "all round" sense and we have made some lovely friends amongst other parents and learned which ones to avoid

I work in a Prep school, we do not expect parents to be involved if they can't/don't want to, so if you can't get to matches because you work that is fine. We expect kit to be washed every weekend, but have seperate kit for matches so they can't muddy it before Wednesday! 5 Mums help with the library, but other than that parents do not help in school.
We don't expect children to learn an instrument/sing, although loads do. In our prep school unless in Yr 8 no Prep is taken away from school, so when you get home the evening is yours to enjoy, but we do have a late finish because of this (5.30pm finish).

I moved my DD, yr1 to a prep school earlier this year leaving DS at the state school.

To be perfectly honest, I don't see enormous differences but the state school is an extremely middle class school with an almost identical profile to the prep school.

There is more uniform and i constantly have to remember what she needs to take on which day. She takes sports kit in 4 times a week where as DS only takes 3 times a week.

Whilst the private uniform is more expensive they are less fussy than I had expected, the regulation skirt is, in most cases substituted with the M&S version and most of the girls are wearing Sainsbury / Tesco's version of the summer dress.

There is far LESS involvement from the parents in the private school. She has a speech day at the end of the month, a sports day, and a summer fair. These are the first things I have been asked to attend since she started. DS has all of the above plus other assemblies, parents forum, curriculum meetings and all sorts. State school thinks nothing of holding compulsory meetings at 3.30 in the afternoon, private school manages to do all this via letter or email.

DD has the options of the same music lessons as DS. Neither are musical or learn instruments and there is no expectation that they take them up.

Pressure to socialise and to micro-manage their children's social life is far less in the private school, most parents are dropping off and running to work. In the state school there are far too many SAHM's with too much time on their hands.

Outings are broadly similar, DS has had 2 outings this year, one was £13, the other £40!

DD has had 3 outings, one for £13, one for £14 and one for £24

The key thing I have noticed is the emphasis on core skills is much higher in the private school. My DD has accelerated her learning particularly in relation to handwriting, spelling and punctuation and her teacher has much higher demands in this respect than her teachers in the state school. However, DS in yr4 has homework every night, maths, literacy, science, humanities plus a library book each week. I think that the private school will be similar by the same point.

The smaller class size has made the biggest difference. DD is very shy and insecure and her teacher knows all the children very very well in a way that only the best and most experienced teachers at the state school could. She is getting far more one to one in her new class than she ever did in the old class. As a child who sits in the middle of the class this is the biggest benefit. DS has always been one of the top performers and wouldn't have seen the same benefits.

As she gets older there will be more emphasis on sports in the private school and she may have the opportunity to play more matches. DS has played about 5 matches all year but we top that up with out of school sport, I think that DS will have residential trips in yr 5 & 6 where as DD will have in yr 4,5&6.

I think that it completely depends what you are coming from and going to in terms of schools. My friends and I often joke that the state school is suffering an identity crisis and thinks that it is is private school the way that it behaves hence why I think that I haven't found huge differences.

Many years ago we moved my DS (yr 3) from a tIny village primary to a prep. The thing I most remember was that he was absolutely shattered for the first couple of terms. He had specialised teachers/ classrooms for most subjects so he had to keep moving around all the time and games 5 afternoons a week plus a nearly 2 hour lunch break with loads of extra curricular activities. I remember him falling asleep whilst eating his dinner. After a couple of terms he got used to it and was fine. He changed school last September and again he is absolutely shattered although at this half term I could see that he is getting used to it.

From a parents point of view don't try to cram to many other extra curricular activities into evenings weekend short holidays like half terms and don't interpret tiredness and perhaps the feeling that you DC is rather withdrawn with unhappiness about their new school as this may not be the case at all.

Some good points raised above.

I find many mum's in DS's year don't work, so can attend matches on a Wednesday afternoon which is a kind of social event for them. I used to feel a bit left out in that respect, but DS certainly didn't mind and now I know some of them better I'm glad I don't have to stand around and chatter mindlessly about my wallpaper or the gym. . Most of the friends I have made there are other, more down to earth, working parents.

Happy's point above is a good one, you won't need many (if any) weekday after school activities. The school will probably do sport every day and there should be a choice of sporty and non-sport after-school activities which your DC will want to attend.

Unless you are already very assertive and confident, trying to get a "thicker skin" will help - you may come across people who are very anti independent education who won't hesitate to tell you what a bad person you are. Old friends, or even strangers in random places like the supermarket.

There are less forms for me to fill in, less bureaucracy, if the teacher wants to take the children to the park as part of a science lesson, they just go. I sign a form at the beginning of the year giving a blanket permission, and there are very few additional costs for trips etc. No weekly letters home asking for money.

There are no £1000 ski trips, the most we have paid is £335 for 5 days in France (far cheaper than the trip to France the state school I work at which cost£475 this year!)

That's it I think for me. It's a decision that has never been regretted (DS moved at the start of Year 3 from a well thought of primary that we just didn't like and is now end Y7).

All depends on the schools.

You could expect longer, more full on days, but much longer holidays.

Our ds about to go indie in September (year 7), non-selective, 'normal' day school. Found this thread interesting with points mostly along the lines of what we were expecting except I have a question: if your child is rubbish at/hates sports/will NEVER be in a team, what do those dc do when the 'teams' are out playing every Weds? And also, if your dc is not in sports teams does this decrease greatly the amount of involvement you will be expected to have?

I can only speak from my experience and my DS boards but parents don't seem to watch as many matches etc as they did when he was at prep (boarding then as well). My DS is not into the usual team sports so at prep found it difficult because there were not alternatives but at senior school he doesn't have to do the usual team sports as he's free to pursue his own chosen sport instead.

KitKat at DS's school, those not selected for the match can choose to do either ICT or Art activities.

It does depend on the school but they usually find something for the non team players incl say badminton, squash, trampling or archery. Ds's school has recently introduced roller skating I believe.

He would love ICT or art or possibly even archery, but roller skating would be hilarious with his bambi legs!! I think they can drop team sports at year 9 for sailing/canoeing/badminton etc.
Will look forward to seeing the timetable to see what Weds afternoons consist of, but I do know they have enrichment activities Tues and Thurs pre-lunch too, so lots of time for extracurricular on top of after school clubs.
He's going for his first induction morning on Tuesday; am hoping it's academic or arty subjects, not games, will definitely put him off!

Just rejoining this thread and wanted to add that in our case, the school expects less parental help, but encourages you to watch matches etc. At the DCs' state primary they heavily relied on parents to come on school trips, help with reading, help walk the class to swimming lessons at local pool etc but there is none of that at their independent school. There is a lot of emphasis on taking part in one of the many lunch-time and after-school clubs (at their state school they didn't even run any clubs!!) - some of which are free and others you have to pay for. The pastoral care has been brilliant - being in a class that is half the size of a state school means the teachers really get to know each child individually. This has been great for both my boys - DS1 is quite shy and got "lost" in his state school - he certainly didn't stand out from the crowd and that suited him fine. Now, he has blossomed and is much more confident. DS2 has Aspergers and the teachers have been great at understanding his little foibles (sp?) and bringing out the best in him.

How about the parents at the private schools? Moving from state primary to independent in September, and worried that we'll be catapulted into a world where everyone is super rich and has lifestyles we can't dream of...

bashful, there are some very rich parents and some who are normal working people.

Some of these very rich people are nice, some are horrible, just like there are horrible people in every walk of life and wherever your DC attend school. The same goes for the less well off parents.

Be yourself, take a few weeks/months to learn who's OK or not, and you will be fine.

I agree with diabolo thereare ghastly people from all walks of life.
Let?s be realistic even if your school if very committed to the idea of bursaries the majority of parents are going to be comfortably off at least they were before they started paying fees! If your school has boarders and bearing in mind most people have two children if you can cheerfully stump up the best part of £70 000 PA then they are going to be more than comfortably off. But this is not a reason for them to be rude or unfriendly to others. There will be pushy parents, ambitious parent?s and very pushy and very ambitious parents, glamorous parents, parents who never stop complaining and parents (mothers) if your very unlucky who want you to run the teddy bear stall, there will be parents you instantly like and those who leave speechless because they are so artificial, parents like you and parents like me.

IME the super-rich (Sunday Times rich listers), heredity peers Russian oligarchs etc. are usually pretty normal and friendly. Its often the next level down who are less friendly but this was when my DS was at prep. We?ve found at senior level we barely know the parents and all those we have met have been very friendly but then as I?ve said my DS boards.
As already said just be yourself perhaps make a bit of an effort to be friendly I?m always surprised how shy people are and how this can be misinterpreted as stand offishness.

Perfectly put diabolo.

What diablo said. At our school I would say the majority are able to afford it but also very aware of the costs and may make adjustments elsewhere IYSWIM, eg not having five-star foreign holidays, and driving pretty average cars not Bentleys and top-of the-range Landrovers etc. Like everywhere, there are people you click with and others you don't.

DS1 moved to independent school from state primary for yr 7 abd DS2 just about to so the differences might just be those between a primary and secondary but I've found: much more homework, obviously (and I think more than most of his friends at local state secondary); much bigger emphasis on importance of end of year exams (which he's sitting at this minute) - really felt the pressure to revise in half-term; more sport and more opportunity to be in sports teams whatever your level (eg DS's school with 120 kids in a year puts out A, B, C and D in 2 sports each for both girls and boys whereas our local school only has A teams; an expectation that your child will join in with sports on Saturdays - no excuses acceptable except illness!; generally a quite high-handed (sometimes annoying) tone from the school in communications; really weirdly the PTA is hugely active running Christmas fares and asking for your involvement - I naively thought that fund-raising wouldn't happen in a school where you pay fees! The majority of parents are reasonably well-off but definitely not super-rich, no celebrity parents (darn!). Majority of mums work I would say.

Forgot about exams we have exams every term and reports every half term. Thankfully no Xmas fairs although lots of independent schools have PTA's actively fund raising so you may not escape running the tombola unless your very good at saying no.