Moving from state to private....what differences to expect?

[Sallyssss]

or are there not any? I know my dcs will have probably more homework, which will take more of my time, but are there any other differences from a parents (not child) view point?

DS moved from state to private to start year 7. He's now in year 9 but has maintained contact with lots of his friends who go to the local comp. I would say the main differences are:

1. More hours of sport / games (timetabled and extra curricular)
2. Wider variety of physical activities available for those not interested in team sports. (horse riding, climbing, fencing, canoeing, sailing, squash, badminton, tennis)
3. Better all round communication from school to parents.
4. Better and more frequent communication of grades / achievement / levels
5. Smaller class sizes (15) and tutor support outside the classroom
6. The House system comprising physical houses with facilities for study, recreation, relaxation, socialising, cooking and more opportunities to hang out with pupils in different year groups. (Day pupils are members of houses as well as borders)
7. DS has 3 lockers - one for books, one for sports kit (which is actually a wardrobe in his study) and one for music. This means he doesn't have to carry everything around with him all day long.
8. School meals are included in the fees so no bother about topping up cards or making sure they have dinner money every day.
9. There is no restriction on what they eat. DS plays rugby at a high level and can help himself to 2nds and 3rds if he needs to or a huge plate of mainly protein or mainly carbs whatever his regime is at the time.

10. There is always fruit / water / milk / bread available in the houses 11. Parents evenings are much less stressful

No doubt will think of more things as soon as I hit 'post'!

Hanging onto the positives of suburbandreams's experience with Asperger's ds as that is the reason our ds in going indie for year 7. Starting to panic with all the usual 'state is much better than private for SEN' comments over on other threads (but we know we're going the right thing really)!

My DD did the first year at local school and moved to join private, all girls, ready for Year 1 or Transition. She went from a class of 36 to a class of 13 and her happiness and confidence just rocketed.

My biggest worry was not being able to afford it until 'the end', but she is now in Year 12 so we are nearly done. My other worry was being noticeably the poor relation - this has not been the case at all.
I think the most surprising thing for me with some parents has been what I perceive to be an intellectual snob thing - certain professions seem to look down their nose at the parents doing more ordinary jobs. I was not prepared for this, I thought any snobbery would come from the really rich, but that's not really the case.

To add, ours has been a very positive experience and I would do it all again.

I'm actually quite up for a stint on the tombola, so that's not a problem as far as I'm concerned! Always happy to nose around a bit at school. We are going for secondary though, so I'm not sure how involved parents are expected to be.

DizzIzz, curious which professions look down their noses? I think what I'm worried about is less the niceness of people - I completely see that you will always find those you get on with and those you don't - it's what you say about being the poor relation. Maybe no one will care but me and I'll just have to deal with it...

I don't mind donating to charity fund raising schemes but I draw the line at £100 a plate dinners to raise money for the school (this was the Christmas do at DS's school)

Yes I would draw the line at that as well! Still haven't quite got my head around the school needing to fund raise for itself when it's already charging massive fees. Is it for bursaries etc?

We are the 'poor relations' but that hasn't been an issue ... so far.

Our disposable income is such that we can afford for our kids to go out at half terms with mates and catch a movie followed by pizza. A couple of times a year their best friends will come with us to Thorpe Park for example where we pay for the tickets and food but the parents will reciprocate at a later date.

Obviously if your income is maxed out and the above is beyond your budget then your kids will feel like the poor relation. Otherwise not being rich shouldn't be a problem.

Bashful, lots of private schools don't have great finances, and fund -raising can pay for extra facilities, equipment, books etc.

We are the 'poor relations' but that hasn't been an issue ... so far.

Our disposable income is such that we can afford for our kids to go out at half terms with mates and catch a movie followed by pizza. A couple of times a year their best friends will come with us to Thorpe Park for example where we pay for the tickets and food but the parents will reciprocate at a later date.

Obviously if your income is maxed out and the above is beyond your budget then your kids will feel like the poor relation. Otherwise not being rich shouldn't be a problem.

And how about bullying?

A boy at DS's school recently got suspended for making anti semetic jokes over a whole term. Finally one of the victims complained to a teacher. Witnesses were questioned, a decision was made by the close of day and the boy's parents were told to keep him away from school for one day.

I think that Indies generally have a zero tolerance with regards to racism and violent bullying unlike state schools that need to follow procedures laid down by their LEA. I say 'violent' because some girls, regardless of socio economic background, can be quite bitchy. There isn't much schools, private or state, can do in situations like this.

If one is to believe the experts, bullies bully others because of self esteem issues or because they are compensating for academic failings. Well, you don't get many of the above types at private schools for obvious reasons.

Thanks so much, toughas x

I think bullying much less of an issue for three reasons:-

1. The schools are run commercially. They have to do do as the parents want because its best for their image and their bottom line. And the parents want zero tolerance on matters like this, so the schools are implicitly encouraged to simply remove children who bully others.
2. The schools are not obliged to adopt the inclusion policies demanded of state schools
3. The house system and strict discipline in many schools creates a peer pressure against this type of behaviour generally (sanctions against bad behaviour are dished out to the house as well as the individual, so there is often very strong pressure to confirm to good behaviours)

Of course the lack of inclusion obligations cuts both ways and can of course work against parents whose children have very complex needs.

It should be remembered also that whilst bullying can be far less of an issue at private schools, other challenges come to take it's place (esp pressure on the girls to all be cool and sporty and brainy and popular in some schools)

Kitkat, DS2's school is the best thing that has ever happened to him . State school was very well-meaning but no resources, so he just sat at the back and learned nothing at all. He has done so well since starting independent school and the teachers have been brilliant. For the first time ever he has made friends this year and feels very secure in his small class. The only thing I would say is that they do have specialist teachers which means moving from class to class throughout the day which he sometimes finds confusing, and because the curriculum is more "fluid" there are often changes to the routine which again makes him a bit anxious. This term for example there has been a huge emphasis on sport because of the olympics so they have been doing mini-olympics and team games etc. His teacher is very aware of what bothers him and always makes sure he knows where he is meant to be going

Bashful Blue - we're not rich, our house is scruffy and our car is old but my children are educated privately because the grandparents pay. Presumably most of the other parents are richer than us but when the dc have friends to stay they don't volunteer their parents' income and strangely enough I don't ask:o
Afaik none of the dc's friends have commented on our low rent life. In fact, my dd says her friends love coming to stay in the winter as she has a log fire in her bedroom on cold nights.

dapple I find it quite amusing how it is the adults who worry about "fitting in" and hardly ever the DC's.

One of DS's friends parents' are in the Sunday Times rich list. They live in a gigantic house, have the real jet-set lifestyle and are multi-millionaires. We are really not. But the friend seems just as happy coming to play on the x-box, walk my dog with DS and have pizza and ice-cream for dinner, as any of his other friends do.

People are just people - I have realised being a mega-rich Tory doesn't necessarily make you bad, just as being a rich-but-raging Socialist doesn't make you nice.

IMVHO most DC are thrilled with a pizza and a movie.

Moved my dcs in Yrs 3 and 4 at Easter.

The main difference for dd now in a class of 10 has been the quality of dialogue with the teacher. She has always struggled with numeracy. Now I write what she has found difficult in her homework book and the teacher goes through it with her while the others are at assembly. It has made such a difference to her.

Moved ds because of a long term bullying problem. So far, he is the happiest he has been during his entire school career. He is at a highly selective school full of geeky kids just like him. He is no longer perceived as weird. The school also have a zero tolerance polict for bullying. I watched the whole year cheer him on at a school event and cried as I saw his face shine.

Diablo - yes, as you say, people are people.

What age? At primary Ds had more homework, more sport, drama music and outings and more focus on the basics and smaller classes in private than state, as well as starting mfl, but his state primary ( new head) has now followed suit save for class size. ( they are quite close and teachers move between them.)

Now he gets much less homework than his state peers, or so it seems to me. The local school has just become an academy and tests them as regularly. We get reports every half term. He will do Igcses not gcses.

You need to be prepared for v v long holidays. Get your childcare sorted. 10 weeks in the summer + 2 autumn half term + 3 to 4 for each of Christmas and Easter is not unusual.

The apparently posher the school is, in general the less people worry about money. Because it Is tied up or they don't have to make a show.

Take your own pens and pencils

I don't think money is an issue at all unless you have older children in a large rich boarding school who end up hanging around with a group who are snobby. As children get older in all schools including comps in rough areas what things you have do matter to some children (what kind of trainers, do you have a blackberry etc) but I don't think it's any different in private schools and plenty of children are not into material symbols of wealth anyway as nouveau riche showing off of wealth, bling, gold medallions, huge cars, massive televisions in English culture are not good things. In fact the ethos may well be if you have a ridiculously expensive car you want your parents to arrive in the old volvo. It can be quite a sophisticated and fascinating thing to look at how groups of teenagers in different schools determine their own rules about things like that.

Ours do a lot of music but that's just because of our family. Some do quite a bit of sport too. I suspect the standards of both of those are higher. Some parents are quite involved and others not. As I've been a parent of 5 over 27 years all at private schools for most of those years and always worked full time even with babies I have never had to endure things like school fair stalls but plenty of parents adore that and get a lot out of the social side and like to accompany school trips. There is no need to unless you want to. In fact some of the pushier parents use the social side in a rather naff way to make busienss contacts (they tend to be the men wearing gold chains round their necks under their shirts).