Would you feel happy with this school?

[GooseyLoosey]

Ds is due to move from his state primary to an indepedent school in 1 week.

Dh and I have no previous experience on the independent sector and were very excited. However, I now feel, before he has even started that we have made a terrible mistake and that the school is completely wrong for him. Feel that they just couldn't give a toss about us or him.

My reasons are all fairly petty but they seem to have mounted up to a really negative feeling about the school. They are as follows:

When we went to look around, I had arranged it weeks in advance and taken a half day off work. Told when we got there that the head had a meeting somewhere else and we would have to see the deputy.

Arranged for ds's assessment day, again at their convenience, and the week beforehand we were asked to rearrange it for the benefit of someone else.

Arranged again to see the head - another half day. When we arrived, he was nowhere to be found. I was told we were early. I displayed the e-mail which said we were not. Eventually they found him.

It took nearly 3 weeks for them to send out a welcome pack by which time it was the Easter hols. The uniform supplier listed in there no longer supplies it and there is no one at the school who can help so I cannot actually get ds all of his uniform for day 1.

Am I being petty or do these things amount to enough to be hacked off? They don't really affect the quality of the education on offer I guess. What would you do?

How does your question above help the OP resolve her issues with the new school seeker?

It seems like you are asking her to justify herself / her choices to you, rather than offer help and advice.

Not at all. She seems to be swithering and I thought if she reminded herself what attracted her to the school in the first place then she'd feel better. So far she's only said the things she doesn't like, and it sounds as if the negatives are clouding her thinking.

No, I think it is worth listing the pros and cons.

If the pros are higher than the cons, you can be forgiving no?

So for DC's prep school, I could say pros: round the corner, oodles of green space, high academic standards.
For me this outweighed the daft uniform and high fees.

Apologies. Sorry for thinking the worst of you

Campus clothing may supply the uniform you need.

I would be wary of this school and urge you to have a think about a plan B. Dc's first school was like the one you describe, I pulled them out and put them into a less selective one and am delighted with it.

What are the initials of the school? (being nosey)

Yeah. Well. A good idea to read what people say, rather than what you think they've said.

seeker is an apology not enough for you? Would you like me to beat myself with a big stick for daring to offend you?

Based on your many, many contributions to threads about private education, I made an assumption about your motivation. (Assume - makes an ass of you and me etc etc.) I'll try to remember that you are totally motive-free in future.

As the mother of two bright but quirky DS and five preps later (thankfully both now at senior schools) I don't think you can necessarily assume indie preps are always better especially if they are very small.

I always worry about very small schools too. They can be incredibly nurturing. But there's often a limited range of activities, a small pool of potential friends and not a particularly large range of types of teachers. So a quirky child is less likely to find someone who "gets" him. But Goosey- honestly, think of all the good things about the school- you'll feel better!

Umm what would bother/ niggle me is their attitude. You are willing and able to send your son to their school. They should be welcome and accommodating surely not? What happens if you have a problem? Communication and attitude are not to be underestimated.
Is your gut telling you something your head doesn't want to hear.. Go with your gut
Sorry that might be not want you want to hear :(

Thanks all.

Right, I e-mailed the head who has responded with some constructive suggestions and basically said that whatever ds turns up in will be fine as they are in the process of changing suppliers and some stuff is just not available. He has also told me who the new supplier is and rang them. He could not really have done more, although an apology would have been nice.

Those of you who have said that I need to think again about the positive side of the school are right. I have some friends who think the school is fab and have arranged to see them so they can remind me of the positive. Seeker, you are right that my expectations are probably unrealistic. Objectively I know this but I do feel that the money should have some tangible deliverables.

Happygardening - 5 preps? God, not sure I have the stomach for that!

That's good.Real progress. But don't takeyour eye off the ball. Private schools can't promise no bullying or lots of friends or academic achievement- and they are lying if they do. But they should bloody well be able to promise efficient administration. And to remember whose paying thier wages. They are not doing you a favour taking your child - even though many schools seem to give that impression!

Thanks Seeker - definitely feels like I should be grateful for them taking my money off me!

Glad you have got somewhere, goosey.

It did remind me rather of arranging an international flight and public transport to get to a university for a pre arranged interview

I spent 30 minutes waiting outside the damn woman's door, then went off down the corridor to try and find an admin office or anyone in who could give me a clue wtaf was happening. I found another academic who checked and said she thought she'd gone home as it wasn't her normal office hours. I explained my circumstances fairly forcefully and they found another random academic from the same department who could chat to me.

Given that people arrange interviews and visits, it's really irritating that they don't write it in their own calendars.

I am loving the 'quirky' aspect exemplified, though.

Wow - did you go to that university?

I did.
And they were great.

Hopefully this school will be too.

We have never had that. I have always had incredbile efficiency from the private schools our children have been lucky enough to go to Habs, NLCS etc. but they are some of the most selective and best in the UK including at primary level and fairly large.

Small schools which are academic though may be just right for your unusual son so just bear with it.

dd's prep school would contact the manager of the 2nd hand uniform sales and ask them to look out specific items in several sizes for you to try. Otherwise they'd ask another parent (perhaps via your form rep who will be a good source of advice when everyone else seems to understandthe jargon and expectations) to borrow any spares or the school keep a few spares themselves (blazers for those who forget them for photographs). Have to say that the admin at dd prep is generally good but internal communication has been a source of frustration. I'm sure the deputy would stand in for meetings with prospective parents but you would probably be told in advance and given the option to reschedule. Try not to let it colour your start and hope all goes well next week.

Hmm.

DC's prep school would have arranged for someone to meet you the day before term started and/or before school on the first day to rummage through secondhand shop in fact, the uber efficient registrar would have been chasing you since the school shop is the only source of most uniform - but - maybe - if this school is very geared up to September starters and less so for other terms, that could explain slackness. Also, is the uniform very strict/formal? - I know DC's school would be entirely chilled about uniform "variations" and the DC probably wouldn't notice. It sounds as though they are trying to swap suppliers and get sorted for September and you have been caught in the crossfire, as it were.

If DS loved it from assessment, then give it a chance - but do remember that you are the paying customer, however much it may not seem like it at times.

Good luck to you and to DS.

GooseyLoosey When does term start? {nosey but also concerned for your ds}
Here's hoping your son settles in and your fees will all be worth it.

xenia, your children didn't go to NLCS and Habs, did they? I never knew that!

seeker you took the words right out of my mouth!

"Small schools which are academic though may be just right for your unusual son so just bear with it."
Just to put the spanner in the works I am unconvinced like seeker that small schools whether they be state or indie are suited to unusual children!! The "unusual" stand out like a sore thumb, IME small school = small ethos that doesn't always suit the quirky and the head very much stamps his personality/likes dislikes on a small school which again may not tally with the unusual. In a small school the chances of there being similar children in outlook to you are not very likely.
Also IME differentiation between the different abilities (you need this even in an academically selective school) becomes harder. For example years ago DS2 was in a primary school of 35 and only 6 boys in his year. You're not going to have a top middle and bottom table all were taught the same things on the same table if that makes sense. The one hooligan/massive personality had an amused and captive audience because they were all sitting at the same table all the time the shy one was completely overshadowed by him. The very bright one had no equal etc.

Thanks all.

Ds started yesterday. They do have tables for different things even though there are only 16 in the class and I believe that ds has gone straight on to the top tables for everything. Happy, I so hope that you are wrong in this case - although I fully accept that you might not be.

Ds enjoyed his day but too soon to tell if he will be happy. The independent schools' inspectorate says that the ethos of the school is that "it is cool to be clever", I hope that is really the case.

God, I hope we have done the right thing! I still can't shake the fact that I just do not like the feel of the school.