how did you know that the school your DC ended up at was the right one for them?

[mumat39]

Hello. We are fortunate to live in an area of Ofsted 'GOOD' schools for primary education. I have visited about 3 of them and just haven't had the 'gut' feel for them. In fact I don't think I really like any of them.

As a result we have also looked at a local indie school and although I had a better feeling about that one there are still issues, probably more to do with the principle.

My DD is so far showing signs of being very able and is good at picking things up quickly, often only needing to be told something once. The nursery she is at at the moment said that she is very bright but very sensitive. I was similar and kind of got lost in the state schools I went to. I was able therefore didn't need the support, when in reality I was able to learn by parrot fashion and never really knew how to and still don't know how to apply myself when the parrot fashion learning stopped working. That whole being ignored really has affected me my whole life and I just wish I'd left school a more confident person. I did okay in my exams, but it was more the self esteem issues I left with that I worry about.

DD is already a little lost where she is as she is in a class of quite a few unruly boys and this seems to affect her behaviour at home.

So my question is, if you really don't like the state options on offer, do you just go with the flow and hope for the best? Or do you fork out for the indie option and again hope for the best? Home schooling isn't an option. I'm getting to the stage where I feel like I need a break from being a stay at home mum so would be looking to get some part time work at some stage. Also, how do I know which school will support DD and DS when the time comes to bring out the best in them and ensure that they reach their full potential.

I'm asking this now as we hear back from the LEA about which school DD has a place at and I'd like to get my head sorted on this before then.

Please don't judge me on this. I have always been a state all the way type, but have been really underwhelmed by what's on offer so am very very. confused. I also am not convinced that the state options we have will be good for DD for the reasons I've mentioned.

Any advice would be appreciated but I really don't want to start yet another state vs private debate. Thank you.

To go back to the original question of how we knew it was the right school -

I took DS, aged 12, to visit a different local secondary on spec, as he wasn't happy where he was. Halfway round the visit, he said in conversation with the head of year, 'At my old school, it's not like this...'.

As others have mentioned, the staff addressed themselves mainly to him (as the 'customer') and then to us.

When I went back later for the school's main open day, again it was geared to the children, not the parents (unlike 'the old school', where the head's talk was aimed squarely at reassuring middle class parents that their children wouldn't come out as hairdressers or bricklayers, thus quite obviously offending all the brickies and hairdressers).

The 'old school' talked about its discipline policy, and fitting in. The new school talked about helping children to be the best version of themselves (to the extent that DS has signed up for Dance GCSE, which he would never have dared do at his other school).

The 'old school' had a lot of low-level swearing and teasing, and DS was told he'd have to toughen up and learn not to overreact to it. The new school doesn't. Mind you, this meant that what DS thought was normal behaviour wasn't good enough for the new school, and he's been somewhat stunned at how hard they cracked down on his bad language (got no sympathy from us for that detention, I can tell you!).

None of this may be relevant to you at the moment, as I realise you are looking at primary not secondary; but school matters hugely in the life of a child, and you need it to be at least good enough.

Backto the OP: when you know which state school you've been allocated, you could try it, and review in a year, when your daughter will be much older, relatively speaking. Plenty of private schools have intakes at age 7, or 9, so you aren't making the decision now for the rest of her school life.

Thankyou Lancelottie. That's a really helpful reply. I We hear tomorrow evening by email sbout the state school allocation. I hope your DS is still doing well at his new school.

Littentree, thanks for your reply too. I do now realise that nothing is set in stone.

Thanks, he's fine! Just the usual homework worries and grumpy teenage hormones to contend with (sigh).

Should have mentioned, maybe, that the school we left was rated Outstanding, and the new one 'Good' -- but for our DS, this one is just better.