1dc in state, 1 dc going private.....ohhh the dilemma

[OneLieIn]

Does anyone have one dc in state and one in private? How do you justify it?

Truthfully we would love to put both in private, but jut can't stretch that far financially right now. So the younger (who will benefit far more and has to change schools) is going private whilst the older is staying in a middle of the road state.

No matter how much I think about it, it feels wrong. It feels like I am discriminating, likei am choosing one over the other.

Help!

Well society thinkts its inferior otherwise the NHS pay scales would have doctors and nurses on a par.

So doctors are inferior to bankers, pop stars, premier league footballers and hedge fund managers?

Ragged, hardly one of the worst things I have seen on mn. Domestic abuse, child abuse, divorce, infidelity, death and tragedy appearing mn daily.

There is an easy way to see if a job has historically been considered (rightly or wrongly) as inferior to another job. Which is the one that was traditionally seen as women's work and which is the one that was traditionally seen as men's work? The "women's job" will be the inferior one every single time. Every. Single. Time. Is this right? Of course not. But it's a fact.

If we take nursing as an example, the career or nursing has changed out of all recognition in the last umpty thrumpty years. When I was a child, you didn't need even A levels to be a nurse. When I was a teenager, it became more an A level sort of thing. Then around the time I left university there was a big push to make it a graduate only profession. It was around this time that more and more men started entering the profession. Not sure which was the chicken and which was the egg - 'raising standards' (it's arguable if they did but that was always the justification for the galloping educational qualification requirements) or getting more men in.

I think Xenia's point - in the context of a sub discussion where people were talking about, essentially, sexist education and limited aspirations for girls in some schools- was that it would be wrong on oh so many levels to see a school where girls were diverted from their ambitions to become doctors and instead pushed towards nursing 'because that's what girls do'. If you want to be a nurse, be a nurse. It's a completely separate profession and not a lower grade doctor. But if you want to be a doctor, be a doctor and don't allow yourself to be pushed into a more traditionally female role just because you are a woman. If you want to be a doctor then yes, being a doctor is better than being a nurse. Because its what you want to be.

Not read all the thread, but dh went private, his brother went state. For financial reasons. Dh is a web dev on a good salary, his brother has been unemployed for 5 years. Go figure!

I couldn't do it. I'd save the money and spend it on extra tuition and extra curricular activities for both. My ds has sn too, his primary was excellent at meeting his needs, his junior is shite. We compensate at home.

Primary school and junior school mean the same thing up here.

My brother went private - other 3 did not. We never held anything against him as it was right for him (can't even remember having any thoughts about it actually). Each child's needs are different.

OH's siblings went private, he went to state grammar and he bitterly resents it and personally I can't understand how a parent can do this, unless there are justifiable reasons, such as a sibling having SN etc.

My Mum's sister was allowed to go to grammar school, but my Mum despite being the clever one, wasn't allowed to sit her 11+, she has never been close to her sister because of this.

Let me put my name on the list. I was sent to state school, my younger brother was offered private school. This was because she believed the state school would provide an adiquate education and I could get on no matter what. I was the "bright" one. I went to University despite the most rubbish state education imaginable. My brother was the less able one and by the time she had put me through state schools she had realised what cheap nasty places they were. I now teach in an independent having spent most of my career as a University lecturer.

My brother has successively sponged off the bank of mum and dad! He would have done this regardless of education I think. Yes I resented it and still bear a grudge - not least of all because my brother had an education I would have bust a gut for and would have benefitted from
(despite what I have done). He has effortless guile. He has contacts when he needs them. He still boomerangs to my parents and my mother still bails him out. He is just a spender - spends all he has. He does work and works at a job above his qualifications, ( 2 O levels) in a university as technician which says something for his education. I dont know anyone else who would have such a job on such bad qualifications!

Not all DC's sent to independent schools can be seen as turning out " better" but its those you dont give the opportunity who will resent it. However I have never expressed my feelings to my mother. I far too well mannered. I will put my DS into an independent school Better education all round.

And in case any one doubts it - my lack of basic education still shows! Just look at my rubbish spelling and slap dash presentation above.

Finally, can I dispel the myth that Public Schools do not teach cookery and metalwork to their pupils? Of course it does depend on the school but most do practical skills. They most certainly do have these subjects on the curriculum and they do them far more effectively than state schools in my experience. Its hands on all the way, especially with cookery. They are not bound by the NC and so its done in an "old fashioned" way. Schools these days (state) do "textiles" and " design" and "food teachnology" - most of which is on paper.

Jabbed I'm afraid in my experience you are out of date with what state schools teach. Yes there is stuff on paper, but certainly food tech is becoming much more about cookery (actually is very similar to how I was taught it back in the dark ages when it was called Domestic Science).

Mummytime - you may be right about my being out of touch with state schools. I havent taught in one for around five years. However, the point remains most independents (including top public schools) do teach cookery and practical schills.

I think you really need to treat each child as an individual and find e right school for that child.

My parents always made a point of saying they did not treat us equally, but they treated us fairly.

I think ifyou have a child with SN, or an academically gifted child or a child with sporting talent, it makes obvious sense to find a school which offers them the best chance to fulfill their potential. The same applies to children with no obvious need or talent.

If your daughter is thriving in her state school, leave her there. Be transparent with her about your motivation for moving your son to a fee paying school.

If your son will benefit from a fee paying place, do what's right for him. Likewise, be transparent and explain that you are trying to find the best pkace for him, which hapoens to be fee-paying, to aoid any lat feelingthat he was financially privileged.

Ensure your daughter's education is supported outside school.