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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

TUTORING CHILDREN THOUGHTS....

209 replies

bijou3 · 27/02/2012 09:53

Is IQ genetic or environmental?

With so many parents opting to Tutor their children for entrance into Grammar or selective independent schools one has to wonder if Grammar schools are selecting the boroughs brightest or are they selecting the boroughs best trained?

Do parents worry about the consequences of tutoring their children for highly selective schools and the possible repercussions that may develop over time if a child is unable to keep up?

How can we as parents gauge how good a school is if most of the parents are tutoring their children?

OP posts:
JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 27/02/2012 11:11

No, that's great he's moved up 3 groups in 6 mnths - well done to both of you gabid

Interestingly I moved up from the 3rd group (out of 4) in my grammar school to the top group over a couple of years (also in maths) and actually found it all much easier and more positive in the top set, with a very clear, enthusiastic, and positive teacher. I think in a way with maths, once something has clicked and you've "got it", you're away !

Seem to remember calculus was quite straight forward - if a bit weird Hmm

Original poster
bijou3 · 27/02/2012 11:23

I don?t mind what other people do with their children and I am not saying that tutoring is wrong, I just hadn?t realised that tutoring had become ?standard practice.? I have helped my children with their school work all through their schooling and I continue to reinforce at home with bond books etc but some of the parents I?ve spoken to are tutoring 2-3 years ahead of the curriculum when do you stop tutoring after GCSEs? I sat my GCSEs without any help from tutors or parents and did very well, has the curriculum changed that dramatically?

OP posts:
JerichoStarQuilt · 27/02/2012 11:25

No, you were just incredibly bright and other people's kinds are incredibly dim. It's sad, OP, but you must just face up to it.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 27/02/2012 11:31

If you are using bond books at home, the you are tutoring. Call it 'reinforcing their learning' if you like, but it basically amounts to the same thing.

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing, it's a good thing. But don't go all evangelical about other parents using tutoring and making it harder for you to work out how good schools are when you are doing pretty much the same thing.

Rezolution · 27/02/2012 11:40

bijou There is no straight answer to your original question. If a child has a reasonable IQ, then nurture can make a significant difference. If ,howeve,r a child has a less than average IQ , then no amount of tuition will turn that child into a natural genius. It may improve on what the child can achieve though, iyswim.
Personally, I think having a tutor CAN (and not always WILL) help to give the child a boost of confidence in that area.
As a tutor myself, I aim to send the child away after the first lesson feeling slightly more confident of their ability than they were before. Most children (with exceptions!) respond to positive reinforcement and praise. Just like adults, really.

CotherMuckingFunt · 27/02/2012 11:41

Fuck fuck fuck fuck. I live in the arse end of nowhere in France and I have NO takeaways anywhere near me. In fact, the nearest McDonald's is a 30 minute drive away and Greggs doesn't exist over here. My kids are doomed.

Original poster
bijou3 · 27/02/2012 11:48

I?m not teaching ahead I am using the year below bond (occasionally) to reinforce as I said previously there is nothing wrong with wanting your child to do well at school and I most certainly do not begrudge anyone tutoring their children. I have recently moved back to the UK hence why I am asking these questions.

OP posts:
PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 27/02/2012 12:03

Shock cother maybe we could organise an emergency airlift for you - it is for the children after all. Or any MNetters heading to france could bring supplies to you as they pass... try not to lose hope just yet - it might not be too late!

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 27/02/2012 12:33

"There is nothing wrong with wanting your child to do well at school"

In fact isn't there something a bit wrong with not wanting this for your child ?

Jamillalliamilli · 27/02/2012 12:51

Bijou got tbh, the way the q's are phrased was off putting hence the initial responses.
If you want to try for grammar or selective independent then your child's likely to struggle with doing well in the exams without having been tutored, because the question's are designed to be answered a particular way, time management and other things count a lot, and they'll be up against kids who've been practising those techniques for years.

It's the same with A levels, it doesn't matter how much of a knowledgeable history specialist the child is, if they don't understand what the examiner wants to see, then they'll do badly regardless of how informative the answers given are.

Totally agree with Rezolution: There is no straight answer to your original question. If a child has a reasonable IQ, then nurture can make a significant difference. If ,howeve,r a child has a less than average IQ , then no amount of tuition will turn that child into a natural genius. It may improve on what the child can achieve though, iyswim.

Original poster
bijou3 · 27/02/2012 12:54

When did I say I dont want my DC to do well at school?

OP posts:
Jamillalliamilli · 27/02/2012 12:55

I don't think anyone's suggesting you did.

Original poster
bijou3 · 27/02/2012 13:13

Thank you Justgettingonwithit, I?m using an I pad I?ve not got the hang of it yet hence the direct questions, sorry.
Thank you for your reply, food for thought !

OP posts:
CotherMuckingFunt · 27/02/2012 13:16

Thank you PomBear. I'm so relieved that someone has recognised my need. I'm bringing my children up here to give them the best start I can but I never considered the lack of shit for them to eat. I just feel that I've let them down Sad.

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 27/02/2012 13:28

As I said in an earlier post I feel we should all "reach for the stars" for our DCs.

Will always remember my dd aged 4 dancing to that song in a show at Nursery Smile

So, it's just that you said "There's nothing wrong with" wanting them to do well.
And then explaining that you just revise the previous year's work with them, but wouldn't stretch them to look at the next year's syllabus/ questions.

In my experience of both teaching and parenting it is our job to encourage them to take their next steps in learning and development.

I wouldn't leave it to teachers - they are so busy with 30 kids to think about ! I think what parents and others can offer at home is absolutely crucial in children's development, well-being, and learning.

KittyAnne · 27/02/2012 13:31

Look at the Royal family. All that privilege and expensive education and still thicker than a vat full of dog shit.

LeQueen · 27/02/2012 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bijou3 · 27/02/2012 14:08

This is the problem Lequeen, DC are at a very good prep school working ahead of the curriculum (2 years ahead in math?s especially) yet parents are still tutoring for entrance into grammar schools despite the children being so far ahead already.

I don?t want a super selective school for my children but I am worried that if I don?t tutor them they will be behind their peers when they move to secondary school.

OP posts:
MNHQ
KatMumsnet · 27/02/2012 14:22

Hi, we've moved this into Education.

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 27/02/2012 14:25

Thanks MNHQ - it was getting a bit weird with a lot of talk about Greggs sausage rolls Smile

ReallyTired · 27/02/2012 14:39

A lot of people pay for tutoring with no intention of sending their child to a grammar school.

Many other countries have a culture of tutoring. For example in Japan many children go to a Juko Kip McGarth is no different to a Japanese Juko.

Our children have to compete internationally for jobs. It is a tough world and our kids need a world class education to compete. I send my son to kip to make sure he has no holes at primary school level.

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 27/02/2012 14:47

Any other links with kip RT ?

Just asking !

ReallyTired · 27/02/2012 15:00

I have no links with kip McGarth or Kumon, or explore learning or any other after school tutoring. I am sure that these tutoring organisations are all much of a muchness. My SIL sends her children to Explore learning and it sounds similar to Kip. We think it helps our children.

The thread asked why people send their kids to tutoring.

Ofcourse its unfair that lots of families can't afford it. Life is never fair and I would rather that my children have the unfair advantage than someone else.

gabid · 27/02/2012 15:13

I said I did tutor my DS (6) in maths as I noticed he was behind, he is OK now but doesn't listen well and doesn't work well independently.

However, he is 6 and we read and do some maths in the morning (1/2 hour both) and in the evening we do spellings, any homework and a short maths session again (another 1/2 hour) - that's an our out of school and I feel we are working to capacity. He couldn't do more at his age and I would rather do less if I could rely on him learning at school.

He needs time to play!

gabid · 27/02/2012 15:16

The original question: the nature nurture debate, endless research, endless discussions and opinions ....