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Original poster

If your child refuses to go in the door at school in the mornnig, what does the teacher do ?

30 replies

nutcracker · 23/01/2006 13:30

I ask cos I am having problems with dd2 at the mo, and one of the probs is that she doesn't want to go into school.

She says she feels sick, i ignore and take her to the door, where the dinner lady / teaching assistant stands and watches me struggle to try (and fail) to get her to go in.

In the end she walked off and I was stood there in the entrance hall with dd, having a tantrum.

In the end I started to walk with dd up to her classroom to hand her over to her teacher as I couldn't think whatelse to do.

Half way there another teaching assitant appeared and said 'oh i was just coming to fetch her'.

What happens at your school if the kids won't go in ?

OP posts:
LIZS · 23/01/2006 13:34

No specific advice but you seem to be doing what I would. If nothing else it may help you highlight to the school the issues you face with her. What happens if the TA fetches her, does she cooperate with her ?

Original poster
nutcracker · 23/01/2006 13:37

Well i think she has sussed that the one usually on the door is about as useless as me and so she ignores her.

If Mrs Pain comes down to get her or one of the others, she protests, but they just physically take her from me and I go.

I know she is fine once she is in there.

I have spoken to school anout her and they said she isn't having any probs there. She has parents meeting on wednesday though so I am going to bring it up again, as we are still having major probs at home too.

OP posts:
kate100 · 23/01/2006 13:37

I can only tell you what I would do and it may be different to others. I wouldn't leave a parent struggling for a start, I'd take the child from them and say in a very loud voice over the screams, say bye to mommy and take them inside, reassuring parent that they will be OK. Then get another adult to sit with them until they calm down, which they usually do. I try and get the goodbye to be as short as possible to make it less painful for all concerned. I would also try and find out why the child was upset and see if I could help and try and ring the parent at break to tell them how their child is. Try not to worry, it happens a lot, but try and ask your dd if there is anything wrong.

Original poster
nutcracker · 23/01/2006 13:39

That is what i want them to do Kate, just take her, because I know full well that she is fine, there is nothing wrong with her.

She did the same thing a few times in recpetion, and the TA just used to come out, pick her up and walk off because she knew aswell as I did that there wasn't anything wrong.

OP posts:
BudaBabe · 23/01/2006 13:41

A sticker chart/treat after school if she goes in without a fuss?

Enid · 23/01/2006 13:43

they say, briskly, 'oh dd1, I was looking for you, do you think you could go and put the pens out for me'

always seems to work a treat

Dinosaur · 23/01/2006 13:44

Agree with Enid - finding them a "special job" to do works a treat - when DSs were small and whingy at nursery they used to be allowed to go to the office and "help" with the post.

Original poster
nutcracker · 23/01/2006 13:45

Sticker chart, we are doing at the mo, but it sometimes works sometimes doesn't.

They gave her the job of putting the bell away, to get her to go in, but when she was asked this morning she ignored them, even when the lady said she would be getting sweets for the bell monitor at the end of term.

OP posts:
KateF · 23/01/2006 13:51

It can be hard as a TA to tell what the parent would like you to do. Some would not like the child taken from them for instance. A friend of mine stood crying in the playground after the TA took her child and led them away and has taken her in every day since (although it's not allowed!). The child is now in Yr2. Could you have a chat and say that you are quite happy for someone to take her at the door and would like this to be done from now on.

Original poster
nutcracker · 23/01/2006 13:52

Yes i think i'll have to, but i think the problem is that they can't always garuntee that there will be someone available to take her.

OP posts:
kate100 · 23/01/2006 13:53

I had a child who hated coming into school and he used to open the post for the secretary, did something happen beore school that made her not want to do her job this morning? Maybe she's having an off day and tomorrow will be better.

LIZS · 23/01/2006 13:57

But surely things like giving them "special" jobs only work short term and is reinforcing the idea that being awkward gets them individual attention ?

Original poster
nutcracker · 23/01/2006 13:59

Had to LOL at your last post Kate. Dd has an off day every day at the moment.

The bell monitor job worked about twice I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 23/01/2006 14:00

No offence though, that sounded very rude of me.

OP posts:
Feistybird · 23/01/2006 14:00

The teacher takes the child firmly away, using soothing words and tries (usually successfully) to distract them/engage them in some activity.

Enid · 23/01/2006 14:08

If dd1 did this every day I would be cross with her.

I would sit her down, have a chat and then arrange to do a sticker chart/bribery.

She does do it occasionally (cries for me not to go) as she is oversensitive and a bit of a soppy thing. I find it embarrassing tbh but indulge her as it doesn't happen very often at all.

Original poster
nutcracker · 23/01/2006 14:15

We have sat down with her and had a chat, asked her if anything is wrong etc. Teacher has also had a chat with her but nothing was wrong.

She has a sticker chart but seems to be going off the ides because the chance of earning a sticker for going to be properly last night didn't eork, and again today with school.

OP posts:
Enid · 23/01/2006 14:18

stickers are rubbish with dd1

we use cold hard cash for bribery

Original poster
nutcracker · 23/01/2006 14:19

Lol, will have to try cash then.

I tried cash to get her to take fish oils but she wouldn't. Thinik i could have offered her millions and she would still have said no.

OP posts:
Sherbert37 · 23/01/2006 14:22

My DS2 had to be peeled away from me every morning for months last year. His teacher had to drag him in and hated doing it. If I had set foot in the school I would still be there now. V patient teacher who gave him jobs to do and a sticker book to bring home each night (stickers given out in a v businesslike manner and if he made any fuss one got chopped in half!). Eventually calmed down but always started again after each weekend and holiday so v wearing - I have to accept he is just like that with all activities. So different from his brother and sister.

nikkie · 23/01/2006 14:23

My dd1 used to cry because she wanted a job!

Original poster
nutcracker · 23/01/2006 14:23

Dd is worse after weekends and holidays too. Her teacher did mention something about doing her a chart at school, so maybe that would help.

OP posts:
ladymuck · 23/01/2006 16:30

I think that for stickers/bribery at this age you need to have some "easy" tasks as well as the more tricky/difficult ones, so that she will have some success each day.

I'd talk to the teacher and explain what you would like to happen at school in the mornings.

LIZS · 23/01/2006 16:35

Can you see any pattern to her behaviour yet , nutty. Is she eating/sleeping differently at weekends to make her so bad on a Monday ? btw got Efalex chewables today which will try on ds later - he balked at the liquid when we ran out of capsules over the weekend.

kate100 · 23/01/2006 16:43

Not offended Nutcracker, just sorry you're having such a hard time with her DS uswed to cry everytime I left him at nursery and it's heart breaking, but he really knows how to push my buttons he would never cry for his daddy Could this be what you're dd is doing? Is she doing it to upset you do you think?