Do you have a daughter starting Boarding at Senior school this year?

[SparkleSoiree]

DH and I are considering allowing our DD(11) to begin boarding in September at a girls school. DD has expressed an interest in this and I was always against it thinking she may not cope emotionally (translated I would constantly worry) but a few things have come to mind after thinking it over and I think we now have to give it serious consideration.

The school is just under an hour from our home but we will be flying out to Australia soon to live for 3-5 years with DH's work. This is where my concern comes in. Grandma and Nanny/Grandad will be here for her to spend weekends with but we would want her to be with us during holidays etc which would mean a lot of long distance flying for her in the year. This would equate to around 15 weeks a year with us. She already does quite a bit of flying with us through the year visiting family across the country so is used to travelling but not long distance. Our preference is take take her with us but she has asked us to consider boarding for her as we will be returning to the UK within 3-5 years and she doesn't want to come really and lose her life here for that period of time. I want to bring her with us to Australia and will do if after all consideration it is best for DD but I feel we ought to give her wishes some thought in relation to this.

Does anyone have any experience of similar situations? If so what were the pitfalls for your child, how did/do they cope and although every situation is unique do you regret your decision? We just want what is best for DD and she has agreed that she will come with us if we believe boarding is not for her but she just wants to know we have seriously considered her request.

So now I am looking for your boarding experiences - please!

Hi, we are currently overseas boarding parents but never quite as far as Australia (but outside Europe) It is a difficult decision we actually decided against applying for a job in Australia not so much because of the distance (that was an issue) but because when the DC would have been home for their long holidays it would have been in the winter.
I don't think that the flying is an issue. DC tend to adapt to it well and see it as a means to an end rather than a problem. As an unaccompanied flyer they are looked after well.
As for the distance well Skype will be your best friend!!! Do check that she would have easy access to Skype. Some schools allow it others don't. One school I know has a booking system. Not user friendly for a child who just wants a quick chat to her parents.
I know you mentioned Grandparents but will there be other full boarders if she has to stay in at weekends and do they have a good programme? Plus in 5 years time will she still want to go to grandparents at the weekend. It is important that staying at school is a viable option.
As she is 11 have you considered taking her for two years and letting her join her senior school at 13. This is another natural starting point although you will need to be careful as some girls schools have a very small entry at 13 and this can make settling in hard. It also gives the advantage of her being settled at her new home too.
Hope this is useful. It is never an easy decision.

An 11 year old is not old enough to make this decision. Do what you think is right.

Not done it as a parent, but was at boarding school myself from 11 while parents were abroad. Australia is a long way away! Flights will cost a lot and take a long time each holidays. Agree with Going that you should check the policies on phoning and skyping home, and staying at weekends. I also don't know much about the Ozzie secondary system - potentially 15/16 years might be a difficult time to transfer back to the uk though, with exams that school year.

I went to boarding school from 11 - 16 with 6 exeats a year. I loved it. My boys will all be going at 13. A good school will have a really structured weekend and she won't even notice the time go by - it is important to find a REALLY good boarding school though. There are vast differences, where are you looking?? About half of my year came from long distance and they were totally cool with it - and we didn't have email and skype in those days!! They didn't always go back to their guardians, as they made friends who were nearer - they often went with them for weekends or half terms. If your daughter is happy with it then you can only but try. The first term is always the hardest and then it settles down very quickly - if she doesn't - hand in her notice and book a flight to Australia!! Sounds like a great adventure for an 11 year old.

Aside from all the issues surrounding boarding, it is one helluva long flight to Oz. I guess you know that, but do you want her to have to do it 6 or even 12 times a year? (there and back!) And suffer all the jet-lag at either end each time.

No brainer for me.

Or could she board in Oz?

Both my DS's full boarded from 7 one is still boarder he's now 13. When we first did it we lived only 45 mins a away; same county but when they were going into yr 7 and 8 we moved over 200 miles away. The driving nearly drove us mad literally because the traffic was so awful and unpredictable but its also the things you miss out on; matches, plays sports day speech day (ok I could cheerfully miss that). You're not going to attend parent teacher meetings or speak face to face to the head if there is a problem. Or what about if your child is ill ok I'm sure her grandparents are going to do the right thing but you will be so far away and are going to worry. In most boarding schools you will find that there are parents who don't live in England at my DS's school there are boys from example China and the US etc. but many parents appear to be in a position to attend school for events (obviously not all) I've met them at the beginning/end of term, parent teacher meetings and even social events.
I am a great supporter of boarding but when my son left his prep we were very keen that his next school was within sensible travelling distance so that we could pop over to watch a match/play etc. Our children are only children for such a short period of their/our lives and by moving so far away and only seeing her for 15 weeks of the year means I feel that you and your daughter are going to miss out on too many activities that you would either do together or just watch and that ultimately when you are both older may regret it. These are memories which will give you so much pleasure in your old age and also be building blocks for your relationship between you and your daughter as she becomes an adult. Since moving my son nearer to home in September I have attended a match, a social function, carols at Xmas and a parent teacher meeting. We were there at the beginning of term at his new school, the first exeat; there so much you want to ask and you look into their faces hoping to see that you've made the right choice and that they're happy you can only do this face to face. Finally my DS knows that if the push came to the shove we could be at the school in under an hour and a half.
If you do decide to go ahead I cannot impress on you enough the importance of finding a school which really is a full boarding school these are few and far between particularly for 11 yr olds and do remember that even at these schools many will still go home on Sunday afternoon.

Where are you going in Australia? There are fabulous girls' schools in Australia and I think your DD would be missing out big time on sharing your new life if she didn't go with you. You really risk losing each other.

I would take her, yes she will be reluctant and not want to miss her friends etc. But I know I couldn't let my child board so far away, just think how long it would take you to get to her if she broke her leg or something.
This is a totally different issue to normal boarding
I would sell her on the adventure of living in a different country. Long term it will do her a wealth of good, and there are lots of good schools in Australia.

No. Because I love my children and adapt my life around them.

As a mum of boarding DC (6 years of being a boarding mum) I would say boarding is excellent when it goes well.

I agree with alot of what HappyGardening says.

When it comes to distance, I think it does matter when your DC are boarding.
We move house frequently, hence the need for our DC to board.
When we started boarding the school was an hour away. I could still be involved in my DC life. We have moved several times and I am now almost 3 hours away and I miss out on being involved quite as much. Its a whole day and a minimum of 6 hours driving just to see a concert or a match.

We were once told we were moving to the Falklands and I really freaked. This was 3 or so years into boarding so we were all used to it, DC happy and settled, me used to not having them at home etc but the thought of being that far really disturbed me. This is despite DC having several friends they board with who come from all over the world. Thank fully that move was cancelled.

For me personally Australia would be a step too far. I have had 2 incidents since my DC started boarding when I have had one of those heart stopping phonecalls from school to say DC has been injured and is in/on way to hosptal. Nothing very serious, a sporting injury (suspected broken leg) and concussion/head injury. Both times I was about 2 hours drive from school. Despite me trusting the school nurse (and knowing her) the fear and worry at these times have been horrendous. The drive upto the hospital and school (one in deep snow) seemed to take for ever. Both times when I got to school/hospital DC was sat there smiling happy with their drama and thankfully sorted out and not that seriously injured - but maybe I am melodramatic, those few hours from the phonecall to getting to be with my DC at that time will stay with me for ever. Perhaps I need to get a grip more and as a friend saifd- What if they had an accident whilst on a foreign school trip??? That would be crap too - but I would not not let DC go on a trip just incase of something bad happening.

I also think that living in Australia would be a wonderful thing for your DD to experience. She wont get the whole friends and community thing if she is only home for the holidays. Have you considered taking her to Australia with you for 2 years (years 7 and 8). Then enter her to British boarding school for year 9 entry? Alot of senior schools have year 9 entry and although alot enter through Common Entrance (which your DD will not have been prepped for if she goes to Australia) there are schools that also have their own Entrance procedures. Doing this will mean she gets to experience Australia, you and her still have time together and the GCSE years are covered whether you remain in Australia or move back during that time.

So your 11 year old daughter will be with her family for 15 weeks out of 52. And there will ne no way you could travel to be with her if she's I'll, or hurt or sad.

How can youpossibly think this is even remotely doable? Your dd will be effectively leaving home at 11. You will no longer be the key person in your dd's life- she will be a visitor in her home from the day she starts.

Agree with Elefun, re distance. We live a short plane ride from UK. I know lots of parents here, who get really twitched when there is a probem with flights due to weather, industrial action or technical problems. Not sure airlines will take unaccompanied children on multisector flights, so you might have to meet her in hong kong or Singapore. Ironically my DS, aged 10, loved flying unaccompanied, he felt very independent and grown up. I also flew unaccompanied as a child, in the days before mobile phones and never came unstuck, so maybe we are all being a bit too precious.
Perhaps you should take her to Australia and if she still wants to board, send her to a proper full boarding school at 13, where there is a big cohort of kids there at the weekends and plenty to do. Will need to be relatively near close friends or family so they can be guardians and near heathrow, so when the flights go wrong there is someone nearby to scoop her up. Children under 16 cannot check into a hotel unaccompanied.

Please don't start this into a "how can you board your child thread." The clue being that the OP asked for your boarding experiences and if you haven't had any then saying "no, because I love my children and how can you possibly think this is doable" are not particularly helpful contributions.

I agree this is not an anti boarding thread so please don't make it one.
I think the idea to take her with you to Australia for a couple of years and look at entry at yr 9 is good and as already said many schools will now accept children from outside of the UK without siting CE. But do start looking now before you go, find a suitable school again I cant reiterate enough the importance of finding a proper full boarding school and form some sort of relationship with the head and the housemistress if possible.
I suspect that if I was in Aus for two years I would not want to come back to the UK to board for all the money on the world but she might feel differently.

I'm not making it an anti boarding thread. I am making it "an anti an 11 year old being away from her family for 37 weeks of the year with no chance of seeing them if she wants to" thread. And an "anti a child having a completely different life experience to her family and effectively leaving home at 11"thread.

I totally agree with seeker. And I am not being antu boarding per se - but rather anti an 11 year old making such a monumental decision which will impact her own and her family's life. She may well really want to board - and that would possibly be a great idea if you still lived within driving distance, but boarding + Australia is imo far too much of an upheaval. Emotionally I think it would be a difficult prospect for both mother and daughter.

If I were you I would say that boarding is not a possibility at this time, and revisit it perhaps when she is going into Year 10 (and when you should be back from Australia) and then start singing the praises of Australia and the exciting adventure the whole family is going to embark upon together.

She is too young to make such a choice - it is up to the OP to make such decisions.

My dd started weekly boarding at 11 years with us living 40 mins away. Although she settled reasonably well, liked the school and her new friends, she still needed us more than expected, and to be honest I found weekly boarding was enough for me. I could not have done this full boarding being far, far away. They can cry down the phone at you over really trivial things and it ruins your day. My daughter had a great first term, then a few wobbles until the end of the second year.

Boarding can be really great if it goes well and providing you choose the right school for your child. But the question is: what sort of child do you have and can YOU cope with the separation? If she's always happily gone away with friends and family, never calls you, has a constant social life away from you she may cope.

As other posters have suggested, you could consider entry at year 9. In this case as already suggested if should be a FULL boarding school where they only come home for EXEATS. That way they're all in the same boat and the weekend activities are full on. If you think you might do this - then choose a boarding school NOW before you go away. Its more difficult than you think. Plus the school you choose needs to have a reasonably big intake in year 9 - some do, some don't.

When my daughter was much younger we were posted to the middle east - I met lots of yo-yo mums - back and for wards to kids in UK and Dh overseas. They said the whole family was never in one place.

You are right to give this consideration - why does your DD want to do boarding - does she have Mallory Towers syndrome, friends she doesn't want to leave, have you moved a lot already? Does your time overseas exactly match school years?

Another options if for her to stay in OZ and return with you and start fresh in a nearby 6th form college. I think going to OZ with you all would be great.

Hope this helps

igive my opinion after HAVINg BOARDED myself ecskherually

lol at " they cry adn that ruins your day"
that didnt mean to sound so heartless did it?! :)

I am not anti boarding at 11 but I really think you should seriously think about taking her with you. If you are there for 5 years that is time to settle in -its not as though you are flitting all over the world.

also lol at 'they cry and it ruins your day' I know what the poster meant but it sounded rather droll.

I'm very pro boarding; but Australia is one heck of a way away. I'd take her with me and revisit at 13

I agree with a lot of what has been said above. You said that you are going for 3-5 years which is quite a long time: have you thought about what you are assuming will stay the same over that time frame.

What do you think will happen to the price of energy and the cost of flying?
What if they stop unaccompanied minors from travelling?
What happens if you and DH fall in love with Australia and decide to live there permanently?
etc

Well the good thing is she's only eleven, so it's three years until she starts GCSE's. On that basis, if she really wants to board, why not let her try it and see? If she hates it, she can leave and come to Australia with you and still have a couple of years until school gets really serious.

I actually think it's great that you're considering her request. However, a lot of points raised on the thread are valid, so probably good to discuss those scenarios with her. Have you looked at any boarding schools with her? Are her expectations realistic (i.e. not all midnight feasts and lashings of ginger beer )? Also, I don't know how close she is to her grandparents/ how involved they would be prepared to be in things like concerts/ sports matches etc, which makes a lot of difference in these scenarios.

Schools also vary in how many international students they have (i.e including those who have British parents overseas) so she may be more comfortable where this is quite common.

We live overseas (Europe) which is the closest to the UK we've been in years. I moved my DS (age 11) into boarding school 12 months ago as we were fed up with the international school system, which (amongst other things) meant he lost friends every term. DS LOVES boarding school, but we did take care to choose a school (co-ed) with a high proportion of kids from overseas and with a full programme at the weekends. Many boarding schools are almost deserted at the weekends, so whenever/if you send your DD make sure that you ask what percentage usually stay in at the weekend. Yes, I miss the matches, the plays etc and no, I don't like that. But that's how it is. I have a very happy and settled son.

If you do take DD to Australia, it will be a lot of fun for her. A totally different lifestyle etc, but be aware that the Australian school year starts in January, and good schools get full there too. Also make sure the Aus school has some experience of taking in overseas kids - you don't want her to struggle to fit in.

I think the suggestion of taking her with you for two years, and then giving her the option of boarding at age 13 is a good one. Don't let her decide - she's way too young for that responsibility. She's thinking Harry Potter - the reality is very different. Let her get used to the idea, and start looking now at schools for when she's 13. She can then see how it really is, and you can all think about it.