Why would anyone send an 8 year-old to boarding school?

[OldieMum]

I have never understood how anyone could choose to send a young child away to school, unless their lives were very disrupted by travel. Last night, I took part in a discussion about this at an NCT group and nobody spoke positively about it. 'It's child abuse', was one comment. Today, at a coffee morning, I met some people who think it's quite normal, and one had a child boarding only three miles from the house. In most countries, children almost all go to the local school and many people think that this British practice is very peculiar. Why do people do it?

Boarding 3 miles away? Why? Unless it was the child's choice I would call that abuse!

Although...having said that one of my kids used to know somebody who boarded locally because her parents were away on business a lot - must not be judgmental, must not be judgmental!

No idea The kids who boarded at the primary school I went to were mostly army families or their families were abroad which I guess would fit into the disrupted by travel part. I don't know how they coped with it, but a lot of them seemed to very well (and some not so well, obviously). How they fared later in life though I couldn't tell.

I suppose for the people who were sent away young themselves, it's "normal" for them to send their own kids away "to make something of them" I suppose. Very sad though

Oldiemum I have always told my kids that if I won the big lottery they would be heading for boarding school
they think I am joking but I'm not

I see my son little enough... and I have no choice. To think that I would CHOOSE to send him away to only come back at weekends is like having part custody.

Actually, sobernow, I hadn't thought of that. Yes, if you're spending tons on childcare anyway due to long working hours then I can see how boarding school (weekly boarding) would be a good option for both parent and child. That said, I think it would work better for teenagers when they're getting more independent anyway than for younger children.

The thing that I really can't get my mind around is how one could bear leaving children in a situation where they have to go all day without the emotional security they get from parents. One woman at last night's discussion said that children who board have to wear a mask all the time. Of course, we all have to learn independence, but that seems to me to be quite different from having to be in a 'public' situation 24 hours a day.

I say this as someone who boarded, at a 6th form college, from 16. I found the first term of that pretty hard.

my dh was a full boarder from aged 8 to aged 11. He hated every moment of it, and has since vowed never to send his kids to boarding school (Not that we could afford it!)

But different strokes and all that.

Different strokes northerner, I don't know that saying. How does it go?

I was sent away to a boarding school at age 11, and I loved it - my Mum was frequently beaten up by my step-father, and it was decided best for me to be out of that environment. Mum left the creep shortly after I started there, but I stayed on at the school. I couldn't bear to send my dd away to school though, I don't see her enough as it is.

Couldn't do it personally for my kids. I know someone who sadly lost his wife in her early 40s and was left with 3 kids (youngest about 9 I believe). They board Mon-Fri near their home because their Father commutes about 70 miles to work following a company relocation. He then can stay near work during the week and be with his kids at home at weekends. Clearly these circumstances are not only sad (that he's in the situation) but somewhat exceptional. I think he's done the right thing given what's happened.

I had a boyfriend who was a termly boarder many miles from home from about age 7 ( ) I still think the relationship didn't work because he seemed unable to 'give' emotionally about anything (the 'mask' anaology feels appropriate). He also called his parents 'Mother' and 'Father' (not Mum & Dad) which always seemed a bit cold IMO....

Dh went to boarding school from 13. Dad (he also calls him Father) was useless and Mother is lovely but on a completely different planet. He has a very unemotional relationship with both of them, yet is determined that any sons he has will follow him to Harrow (I'm waiting to see if we have boys before I have the big argument with him)

My dh and I always have very 'animated' discussions about boarding schools. Neither of us want to send our kids there unless they request it ( and unless we can afford it, highly unlikely! ) and it always turns into me claiming that it creates emotionally retarded individuals and then remembering that he and his brother boarded and they're both lovely. Oops.

There are some 'special schools' that board only and I can understand for that reason. Or even if the family is unstable maybe it would be better to board. Would never do it myself though, but we dont have a choice anyway

as a mother of autistic children i hate to say it but i do fantasise about my boys going to boarding school! My sons have such severe behaviour problems and i have to handle this in such complicated ways that sometimes i crave a rest from this exhaustion and a break from people's 'looks and comments' when i am dealing with a 'situation'**maybe what i need is respite care......but this is just a fantasy!Us parents of disabled children are not looking for praise - but when i read the title of this thread i did feel a bit 'guilty' that sometimes i do wish someone else were doing the educational stuff! (my kids' education only stops when they sleep as they have to learn so much that comes naturally to so many)

I WOULD ONLY SEE IT AS ABUSE IF THE CHILD WAS UNHAPPY AND JUST BECAUSE A CHILD ATTENDS A DAY SCHOOL DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE ANY HAPPIER

I HOPE SOMEONE OUT THERE UNDERSTANDS WHAT I'M SAYING....I REALLY LOVE MY BOYS BUT AFTER 10 YEARS OF BEING A MUMMY I WOULD LOVE JUST 1 FULL NIGHT'S SLEEP....WHICH BOARDING SCHOOL WOULD ALLOW ME!!!!

I can't even imagine myself sending my kids to a private or selective school, let alone a boarding school. I think there is more to life and education than learning stuff alongside people just like yourself. So I reckon we could provide that better at home.

I had 3 bfs in my late teens/early 20s who had been at boarding school since c. 7. All three mothers hate me. It was clear that it was because they couldn't cope with another woman in their baby's life (one didn't even seem to realise that her son was no longer 7). Mums of all other bfs have liked me!

I thought that about private schools, but when your local catchment area secondary school looks absolutely dire you start to consider other options! (Although to be honest, the only way I could see us ever affording it is if they brought in that voucher scheme to offset fees).

I do agree though, that exams and qualifications do seem to be the be all and end all in some private schools rather than turning out a well-rounded individual. I also personally dislike the idea of a single-sex education as I think social confidence is as importance as studies.

I don't actually feel strongly that boarding is a bad thing, even at such a young age ... but my son does! Maybe he just reads too many biographies of unhappy childhoods, but he thinks boarding school is one of the worst evils on the planet.

I was 100% against boarding until I went to University. There I met some people who had boarded and hated it, and a roughly equal number who loved it. Each case is unique and what suits one child (and family) would be wrong for others.

Georgina A - I'm nowhere near school stage with ds yet, so I may well change my opinion when I get there. However, I currently teach in a secondary school which is considered by many to be a dire school, and I think the standard of teaching there is fantastic - one of my colleagues is in high demand with a local private school to give tuition because their maths department is so rubbish. No teacher at my school would ever be able to walk into classroom and say "where did we get to in the textbook, just carry on," but my brother, who is at a top school says it happens all the time there. It is the kids you are educated alongside at a school like ours which makes the difference, but the standard of teaching is excellent.

I hated it.