Why would anyone send an 8 year-old to boarding school?

[OldieMum]

I have never understood how anyone could choose to send a young child away to school, unless their lives were very disrupted by travel. Last night, I took part in a discussion about this at an NCT group and nobody spoke positively about it. 'It's child abuse', was one comment. Today, at a coffee morning, I met some people who think it's quite normal, and one had a child boarding only three miles from the house. In most countries, children almost all go to the local school and many people think that this British practice is very peculiar. Why do people do it?

fisil - interesting comment. There was a bloke on the Devine Jeremy Vine show today saying much the same thing. He gives private maths tuition to school kids and said that majority were kids who went to private schools. Why are the parents demanding refunds when the school is clearly not delivering? Anyway, that's for another light-hearted debate.

'aren't' not 'are'

and what about my 10 yr old being in a class of 38 kids last year----i bet boarding schools don't 'abuse' their kids like that!

My dh was sent to boarding school from 7 to 18 (same one his dad and grandfather had been to) He liked it when he was little, said it was such fun being with your friends all the time, it was when he got older he didn't like the lack of freedom. He did feel it was unfair that he had to board when his sisters could go to London day schools.

My brother was sent to board at about 10 and hated it. He was thrown out of his prep school and his public school and finally of the local state school. He did love the sport though, was captain of cricket and played squash for England under 16s while he was there. He just couldn't take being away from home. My father sent him because he thought it was giving him a good start in life (ahem).

I boarded for a term while my parents were in Australia and threw such a wobbler after about 2 weeks that I had to go and stay with friends (heh heh)

I hate the term Public school.

fisil - I also teach in a bad (failing) secondary school and, yes I do think the teaching is good on the whole. \t is the pupil behaviour at our school that is the problem. I have been assaukted once when 7 months pregnant (child got 2 days exclusion) and I face aggressive, rude and nasty verbal behaviour on a weekly basis. However I would never dream of sending DD there or to one similar. My local catchment primary is also a poor school. The others nearby are over subscribed. Therefore, my daughter now has her name down on the lists for 2 private schools locally. These are day schools though. I couldn't face the thought of her going away overnight every night. They are also no dearer than childcare.

dh (one of five children) is the only one in the family not to go to boarding school - he loathed boarding at his prep...

both of us feel we would hate ds to be away from us at school.

whatever one's feelings about private v. state education, surely 8yo is too young? might well be different for teens though... if the family could afford it.

personally, my ideal situation is to have perfect state schools on the doorstep so that this issue never comes up! err, how likely is that?

our school is mixed, some kids board (mum does shifts and dad works long hours etc etc), we have house-parents plus a matron plus a couple of gap students to look after them. They also do odd nights so, if we had to go away for a night which is useful to know in emergencies. My brother used to be a weekly boarder, and never really fitted in with the rest of the family (he got an assisted place/scholarship award).

Do you also think that public school parents are pusher and because they can afford it take on extra tuition ??? (another debate perhaps??)

Why Coddy? Isn't that what they're called in England? Private school is for the US.

well yes but ita a misnomer and also used rather affectedly by upwardly mobiles.. I was not one - was a Forces chid, hence.

helenmc - I think people from all walks of life go to tutors, and I wholeheartedly aprove. In this case it was more that the tutor in question was shocked at how badly all of the students had been taught. She was not saying that because they had a tutor that there must be a problem, but that when she tried to help them, she discovered how appalling their maths education has been.

Until I went to uni I thought there were just 3 public schools in the country - Eton, Harrow, and one in my town! I was informed at uni that there are public schools, which is a title only 9 long established schools (being the 9 inspected by Clarendon in the late 19th century) can claim, and any other school you pay for is called private. There were people at uni who actually got upset about this distinction. Personally I stick to private, cos then at least the rest of the world knows what we're on about!

Well how about independent school then? Private school sounds so american.

I weekly boarded from the age of 9 -14 (Mon-Fri) and loved it. I am an only child and I thought it was far more fun to be surrounded by lots of other children. Having said that stopping at 14 was probably about right as after that it could have been a bit restrictive.

I went to a state school for 6th form, and there was no difference in the quality of teaching- both shcools were pretty good. The private school did offer far more extra-curricular activities though.

BTW- the reason that I boarded was because the state schools I had to go to (no parental choice) were not very good at that time. If I boarded then the navy would pay school fees, and there was no way my parents could afford to pay day fees, so I boarded. My relationship with them has always been close- I see my mum maybe 5 times a week, and my dad about twice a week (they're still married- mum comes into help most nights).

Would I send my kids to borading school? No, but then I have more choice of schools.

I boarded from 8, due to my father (with financial clout) wanting to get me away from my mum and her messy second marriage. It was hell. I boarded at single-sex and mixed schools, some with house parents, and did both weekly and termly before rebelling at 14. I know plenty of people who loved boarding but TBH they tended to come from typically English families, more affection shown to the dogs and all that. I'm afraid DD will have to tolerate her parents as there's no way that she's going away to school, however much she might plead when she's older!

Have sent her to a private school though as primaries round here are dire, when the headmaster advises you not to send your child to the school, you have to take notice.....

Jimjams, the forces will now pay a percentage of your child's day fees if they weekly board for 2.5 terms first. Only one child has to do this, and all they others get their fees paid without them having to board first. A friend has done this with her eldest, who loved it. She staid in the school Monday, Tuesday and Thurday nights.

We don't plan to do this but DD is already nagging me to let her try. That must make me a very bad mummy

Even when traveling with work it is not necessary to send your children to boarding schools. Most countries in the world have 'International' schools and there are many 'British' schools dotted all over. I went to a 'British' School in Europe and did O and A Levels .... My parents could have sent us to boarding school (my dad's company would have paid a percentage of the fees) but they chose not to. British and International schools are fee paying too but most companies that transfer people abroad will include the fees in the relocation package (or they did in my day).
However we knew several expats in the country that I lived in who insisted on sending their children to boarding school for a 'better' education ... funny thing was that most of the boarding school kids that I knew did not do as well as those who went to the British School.
We know one family (very British) who tried for years to have children. Eventually they had the most adorable twin boys ever. At 7 the Dad insisted that they went to his prep school in the UK to board and then on to his old Public School ... we used to get these really sad letters from the mum who used to talk about how much she missed her boys but was enjoying her flower arranging lessons ... what's the point in that???
My DH went to boarding school at 12 - only a few miles from home - and I believe it accounts for his total inability to show feelings and emotions of any kind. In the 10 years I have known him I have seen him cry once - when DS was born. He is adamant about NEVER sending DS to boarding school ... thank god!
Sorry ... a diatribe ...

Not possible if you are stick int he middle of Gemany on a raf base with crap services schools as the only alternative!

I think the whole boarding thing comes down to individual kids. it did suit me, maybe because I'm an only, maybe because I've always been quite independent, maybe becuase I never felt abandonned, maybe because it was the right school, maybe becuase I already had a very close relationship with my parents. When I left boarding and went back to day school (for financial reasons) my relationship with my parents didn't change at all, I don't feel emotionally stunted! But then lots of people would say as I'm an only child I must be a spoiled brat, and I don't feel like that either (but maybe that's becuase I went to boarding school and wasn't treated like a pricess not that I was at home). Surely it just depends on the individual child and the individual family.

Most of the people at my school seemed to cope very well with boarding, I can think of 4 people that it really really didn't suit, and two of those left.

True coddy ... true ... and I did live in a city where there was a British School, German School, French School, American School and an International School ... luckily my dad was not in the services.
I was talking about non services families (there were not army/raf bases where we lived) who insisted on sending their children back to 'Blighty' ....

Some children are sent to boarding school, particularly at secondary level, because the parents are on short-term contracts and liable to be posted somewhere without International schools. My dh was asked to go to a place in Africa where the only International school was 300 miles away!! My teenage dd was very unhappy at an international school - the expat lifestyle is very different to that at home and doesn't suit everyone, so a boarding school can be a viable alternative.

Dp went to boarding school in England from the age of 12, because there aren't any International schools or indeed decent English-medium schools in Bangladesh (his mum's English and his dad was Bengali, and they spent their time partly there and partly in the UK). I am quite amazed by how phlegmatic he is about the whole thing - says he found coming to the UK quite exciting.

Mind you DP was also brought up by his grandmother in England from the age of a few days, while his mother went back to study in the US. Under the circumstances he should be a morass of neurosis, repression and mother-hatred. Don't know why he's managed to turn out well-balanced, cheerful and on excellent terms with his mum.

I went to boarding school from 11 in England (lived elsewhere). I loved it. partly because my sister was already there and I missed her when she wasn't at home and partly because my parents didn't like each other much and it was nicer being at school than at home during term time. they made a special effort to be civilised to each other during holidays but that generally broke down by the end of the 4/8 week holidays...
anyway it was a great school, most of my closest friends still date back to then, we had huge fun and I'm grateful to it.
having said that I'll only send mine to boarding school if they ask to go (and they might - my nephew who has a great home life insisted on going to boarding school from the age of 13 because he just wanted the experience - neither of his siblings went - and he loved it), and I'd never send them at the prep stage, only for secondary education.

ps extremely close to my mum - not my dad - but that is absolutely nothing to do with my boarding experience and everything to do with his bizarre personality!

I couldn't do it. I'd just miss my son far too much - couldn't afford it anyway, but even if we won the lottery he wouldn't go, even if he begged! It breaks my heart to think of tiny boys of seven being sent to live somewhere else.