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Original poster

Would I seem disloyal to ds's school?

43 replies

4ever21 · 16/02/2011 00:54

My son recently took the 7+ exams for an independent school not because we want him to change to private as he is very happy where he is, but just for the experience of an exam and as a form of assessment.

We were informed by the school that they would have to request a reference from his current head teacher.

The question is do I speak to the head teacher and explain the situation to her. I don't want it to seem like being disloyal to the school going behind them to try to change his school. Or does it not matter as long as they see him there in September? And also how do I justify my asking her to spend time writing a reference that is not absolutely necessary?

Thanks.

OP posts:
RatherBeOnThePiste · 16/02/2011 08:16

This seems an odd situation tbh. Why put a small child through the process if you have no intention of going? You seem to be wasting everyone's time. What will you gain? You say an assessment, but you will only have a yes or no compared to the others who were there on the day.

Your Head will pass that reference onto his class teacher for specific details and I know they take time and effort. I imagine that these would have been done by now, in my experience they are done around Christmas time i.e. after the deadline for applications.

I wouldn't worry about loyalty, I think your Head will think Confused and frustrated about the time wasting!

nicksfuckerchick · 16/02/2011 08:20

How ridiculous.
Biscuit
Your dc is 7??? and you wanted a formal test,yet had no intention of sending him indie? .

Hope the head is Hmm at you.

Sarsaparilllla · 16/02/2011 08:24

Agree with the others, what a waste of time for eveyone involved, why would you need to give a 7 year old the experience of an exam Confused

piratecat · 16/02/2011 08:25

there is no reason why you can't do it. it is your choice. but i do question why you wish to if your dc is happy and doing well.

what's the thinking behind getting him to do this exam, are you concerned about his learning. Is it to prove something to the school about his learning? Or to yourselves or something?

BeenBeta · 16/02/2011 08:32

Its a very odd thing to do to a 7yr old.

Exams are really quite stressful and not to mention fairly time consuming to you dragging him back and forth.

You are not being disloyal. You can send your DC to whatever school you wnat but if you hav eno intention sending him then just tell the Head not to bother.

VivaLeBeaver · 16/02/2011 08:34

I'm sure the head has better things to do than waste her time so that you can go round telling people "oh yes, X was accepted into so and so school".

He's taken the exam so he's had the "experience" that you wanted him to have. Hmm

The head will think you're a total fruit loop.

eviscerateyourmemory · 16/02/2011 08:37

I dont understand why you would do this - why does a 7 year old need to have experience of taking an exam?

If you are planning on staying at the school then you should speak to the headteacher and explain to them that they dont have to complete the reference.

Merrylegs · 16/02/2011 08:47

The exam will be a form of assessment for entry to the school and worded in a particular way.

He may be a very able child, but the style of exam (verbal reasoning, mathematical problem solving etc) may well be different to the style of learning he is used to.

Passing or failing the exam won't really give you a clear idea of where he is academically without some analysis of the results.

So to that end I am not sure what you hope to achieve.

Unless sending him to that school is a possibility? In which case you can ask the teacher for a reference and make your decision upon acceptance - when you will no doubt be asked to pay a deposit for your new school.

FreudianSlippery · 16/02/2011 08:58

How bizarre. I fail to see how it's an assessment - all it could tell you is whether DS could get into that particular school. Unlike SATs which at least give you an idea of where he'd be related to the average.

Did you just want to be able to say "my DS got into XXXXX"? Baffling.

codinbatter · 16/02/2011 09:03

Ignore the naysayers. It is part of MN mythology that young child are delicate little flowers who will fall to pieces if you ask them a question. It's not the truth - some do and some don't. You now know that yours is one of the robust ones.

Invent some cock & bull story about how you are happy with the current school but the PIL are putting pressure on to try for the other school.

nicksfuckerchick · 16/02/2011 09:28

Codinbatter what twaddle.

Biscuit and the op still hasnt said if her son did well or not [snort].

Fools.

FloreatEtonia · 16/02/2011 10:05

How is this an assessment of ability? The cohort applying could all have been thick so your son could be average out of a thick bunch. Or he could be bottom of a genius group but you will never know his position within such a group unless you knew all of the childrens' abilities. Hmm

gobehindabushfgs · 16/02/2011 10:06

yes, you will

it was a daft thing to do

you should just explain to the HT, at least that way they will just think you are a numpty rather than actually disloyal

Sidge · 16/02/2011 10:59

How strange and what a waste of other people's time and efforts.

The independent school will be assuming that you are taking up a place there (and may be expecting a reservation fee if they do offer him a place). It's not a case of being disloyal to his current school, but they will think you are slightly unhinged if you ask them to provide a reference for him for a school that he has no intention of going to.

sue52 · 16/02/2011 11:22

How would you explain the purpose of the test to your 7 year old?

belledechocchipcookie · 16/02/2011 11:31

Bizarre. You've looked around this school, you've paid the admin fee, your son has spent time there, he's sat an entrance exam and you have no intention of sending him there at all? Hmm It's a tad like taking your child to buy a new toy when you know you won't end up buying it in the first place. It's very mean to get a child's hopes up. Does he think he's changing schools?? Not to mention wasting the other schools time.

Sorry but you are completely out of order.

LIZS · 16/02/2011 11:32

I don't think a specific 7+ result would be indicative of hsi ability (it is either pass or fail) or a helpful experience for ds generally . Did he have ot take a day off, if so schools are pretty savvy as to timetables and probably already know he has applied. Unless you are serious about the possibilty of moving him I would n't bother pursuing it any further. It is a waste your ds, head and the other schools time. If you go through with it and turn an offer of a place down after all, only to reapply later it would look odd.

misssimpson · 16/02/2011 11:51

It's not unusual for parents to do this in my area, if they don't get in at 7+ then they reapply at 10+ or 11+. Kids generally get more relaxed once they've done the test a few times and I've known a few who didn't do well on the first or second opportunity but were later accepted. OTOH, parents who just sent their child for the tests at 11+ only got the one chance which was more stressful as the whole idea of testing was new to them.

Acekicker · 16/02/2011 14:01

If you really have no intention of sending him there, why not withdraw his application now, that way the current school won't waste their time.

LIZS · 16/02/2011 14:35

but then the OP won't know what might have been Hmm

BeenBeta · 16/02/2011 15:10

misssimpson - yes parents do that if they intend their child to go to the school.

Indeed some highly selective schools tell parents to try again at 9+ where a child has not quite made it at 7+. That makes no sense where the parent has a clear intention.

In this case the OP has no intention.

inspireddance · 16/02/2011 16:51

A massive waste of time for all concerned, let along placing a large amount of stress and expectation on a 7 year old. This will not assess his abilities. If you want to get a good idea get hold of some SATs practice papers and do them or simply ask his teacher for his NC levels.

exoticfruits · 16/02/2011 17:05

I can't see any point-what is your DC supposed to gain from it?

Original poster
4ever21 · 16/02/2011 18:38

Wow! It's amazing how people judge on MN. I'm sorry for asking here.

I'm origin,ally from a country where exams are sat at the end of every term and we are moving back next year. To get him into a school, he would be expected to sit an entrance exam similar to the one he sat. And every term after that.

I went through the same system and turned out ok before anyone starts to condemn the system.

I therefore wanted him to have a feel of what the exams would be like now that it really doesn't matter than just moving countries and have to face exams which he never experienced before.

The school knows we're relocating and all.

By the way for all those concerned for my 'poor' dc! He actually really enjoyed the day and has been asking if he could do another. When I asked him what he did on the day, he said he 'played' and ' ate'! The actual work he did on the day wasn't what stood out for him. So he's fine!

OP posts:
Original poster
4ever21 · 16/02/2011 18:42

I can't believe how rude people can get here. If you do not understand someone's reasoning, why not just ignore the post instead of being insulting and calling people daft. It's really quite hurtful when all I was doing was asking for an advise.

OP posts:
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