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Original poster

Would I seem disloyal to ds's school?

43 replies

4ever21 · 16/02/2011 00:54

My son recently took the 7+ exams for an independent school not because we want him to change to private as he is very happy where he is, but just for the experience of an exam and as a form of assessment.

We were informed by the school that they would have to request a reference from his current head teacher.

The question is do I speak to the head teacher and explain the situation to her. I don't want it to seem like being disloyal to the school going behind them to try to change his school. Or does it not matter as long as they see him there in September? And also how do I justify my asking her to spend time writing a reference that is not absolutely necessary?

Thanks.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 16/02/2011 18:53

I wasn't rude-I merely asked a question. What is DS supposed to gain by it?

cat64 · 16/02/2011 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Acanthus · 16/02/2011 19:03

If you don't want your son to go to the private school then you are wasting everyone's time getting a reference written. Tell the private school you have decided not to proceed. Don't bother the current head teacher.

jmspbro · 16/02/2011 19:13

4ever21

Good for you. I think some of the negative comments here are somewhat narrow minded.

Good luck with the move.

Original poster

4ever21 · 16/02/2011 20:07

Thank you jmspbro. Your comment was really a breath of fresh air!

It's quite hurtful the way people just jump at you on these forums like you're the worst parent in the world!

At the end of the day, we all want the best for our dc and no one in their right senses will go out of their way to do something that would jeopardise their child's happiness or wellbeing.

If I felt it would cause him harm in any way, I would not have enrolled him for it.

Well, I thought this was a supportive forum but obviously I was wrong and I obviously won't be here again.

OP posts:

codinbatter · 16/02/2011 20:22

On the off chance that you are here again: next time, if you want support I suggest that you don't leave 18 hours between your original post and your follow up. If you leave gaps like that then people will insert their own prejudices assumptions.

jackstarb · 16/02/2011 20:52

4ever21 - perhaps you could have expained it more fully in your op?

Imo its not 7+ entrance assessments which are stressful for the dc's - most schools try to make it fun and relaxed. It's the whole process which can stress the parents (and thereby also the dc).

If you're chilled - your ds will be.

Given the circumstances your HT should be ok with what you are doing - I'd have thought.

exoticfruits · 16/02/2011 22:34

Maybe I have missed it but why are you doing it if you don't want a place? What does your DS gain from it? (Genuine question)

propatria · 17/02/2011 10:35

So OP,you explained this fully to the Private and state school before your child took the test, did you? ie that this wasnt a serious test,that you had no intention of going to the school,didnt need a reference etc,but just wanted to see how things went in a test enviroment.
If you didnt then the posters who called you a timewaster were 100% correct.

misssimpson · 17/02/2011 12:03

I agree with jackstarb - your ds probably found it fun and wasn't stressed at all. It may be that other parents aren't so able to hide their anxieties from their children and can't imagine a situation where the child might be happy to take such a test.

Tbh as far as the private and state school are concerned, they have to do all the references etc as part of their job regardless of your intentions. I'm sure that many parents go through the same process and then change their minds, which they're perfectly entitled to do. The school aren't allowed to treat you any differently because of that.

nickschick · 17/02/2011 13:20

FGS there was a thread this morning about a poor little boy being bullied dreadfully and his mum was thinking shed have no chance to speak to his headteacher today .....probably busy writing references for daft parents like you .

They are teachers they have a JOB to do that involves teaching real children not writing references for schools you have no intention of using .

jackstarb · 17/02/2011 13:56

nicks - to be fair the OP's ds is also a 'real child' who needs to have some exam practice (for when they move abroad).

As long she's honest with her ds's HT about what she's doing and why - then she's not being unreasonable.

choccyp1g · 17/02/2011 15:02

I see he's already done the test (and enjoyed it), so the practice has been gained. You do not now need to waste any more time on it, simply say that you are not proceeding any further with the application.
Or are you desperate to know the actual marks he received, if they won't give them to you without the reference, you will need to explain to your current HT.

Michaelahpurple · 17/02/2011 16:33

for anyone in London who similarly wants give the experience a try, Jane Revel runs 7+ and 8+ mock exams in the winter term, with much more detailed feedback than you would get from a school. I don't think the original poster can be from London, as the timings are wrong, given that here references are taken before the exam, in early Feb, but something for others to think about.

exoticfruits · 17/02/2011 16:51

If he did the test just for practise and he has done it I don't see why you need to waste anyone's time going any further.

nickschick · 18/02/2011 08:28

Perhaps Im a bit odd?

Things done for fun in my household are .....funfairs,camping,cinema,craft etc I cant imagine any of my 3dc or the children ive taught/cared for would get 'excited' or enjoyed a test.

But then again thats just me in that place they call .....real life!

Pancakeflipper · 18/02/2011 08:39

Our primary has many children who sit these exams but most are for a little later on for the Independent secondary ed schools.

It depends on Headteacher on attitude. Ours appears to have one of go for it but it's this school that gives your child the ability ( not just talking grades) to go for these schools. These other schools might not offer what we do..... Don't bring the stress into the child's class life. If you do - you resolve it.

PatriciaHolm · 18/02/2011 09:40

Nickschick - some children enjoy these things, doesn't make them odd. I always did, DD does. She enjoys funfairs, craft etc as well, but loves school work and tests too!

However, I can't see what the OP needs a reference for. Sitting the test is one thing, and her reasoning makes sense, but the reference is surely unnecessary.

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