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Original poster

If another child deliberately weed all over your child at school, would you expect to told what had happened?

91 replies

nonplussed · 13/10/2005 17:19

Changed my name for this as I have a feeling fellow parents at ds's school use mnet.

At first, I assumed it was an accident, but it's become clear that another child weed deliberately on ds (in reception age 4). His top, trousers, socks and shoes were soaked in it all - he was sent home with the clothes in a bag. The incident itself isn't really bothering me too much, but the fact that the teacher didn't tell me about it is bothering me. I thought she might have had a quick word to explain.

Don't know if I'm being a bit prissy about this - what do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
nonplussed · 14/10/2005 10:53

ok, talked about it with dh last night and we decided that he gets the job of talking to the teacher, mainly because he can do it purely from being the parent of our little boy, whereas I will immediately look at the bigger picture from a teacher's perspective, which is not always good when you need to stay focused on your own child. Does that make any sense ?

Anyway, dh took ds in this morning, but teacher had already been "collared" by another parent (possibly of the other child), but not sure. Anyway, so he has rung the school. She's not available this afternoon (meeting), so she is ringing him back at lunchtime.

Will update later.

OP posts:
Marina · 14/10/2005 11:29

I think it makes excellent sense nonplussed. Good luck and let us know how you get on.

aloha · 14/10/2005 11:36

I doubt if it was an accident if they boy called nonplussed son's 'a piece of poo' and then calmly weed on him. I may be wrong, but if his account is accurate then I'm absolutely horrified.
If a child did that to my son, I'd call that abusive. Abuse doesn't just mean sexual abuse.
mistreat: treat badly; "This boss abuses his workers"; "She is always stepping on others to get ahead"
pervert: change the inherent purpose or function of something; "Don't abuse the system"; "The director of the factory misused the funds intended for the health care of his workers"
maltreatment: cruel or inhumane treatment
use foul or abusive language towards; "The actress abused the policeman who gave her a parking ticket"; "The angry mother shouted at the teacher"
a rude expression intended to offend or hurt; "when a student made a stupid mistake he spared them no abuse"; "they yelled insults at the visiting team"
misuse: improper or excessive use
use wrongly or improperly or excessively; "Her husband often abuses alcohol"; "while she was pregnant, she abused drugs"
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

Gobbledispook · 14/10/2005 11:56
  • I'd be sooo upset. for your ds, my ds would have been really upset too.

I agree with others that I'd have expected an explanation from the teacher at picking up time. Agree with not naming the child but definitely would want reassurance that it had been appropriately dealt with.

How horrible.

bakabat · 14/10/2005 12:09

yes but aloha you have to take into account a child's age. A reception age child does not always know that weeing on things is disgusting. DS1 (agd 6) wees happily everywhere without knowing it is revolting. I'm not sure that normally developing children of that age do either- they should understand that they shouldn't do it, but that doesn't mean that they understand why they shouldn't, or just how horrible it is. DS2 at the moment wants to watch everyone on the toilet and trying to explain to him why he can't is proving difficult- so I've just had to go with telling that he can't full stop.

I think poo is just a naughty word to a lot of children. DS2 calls his baby brother (who he absolutely adores) pooey because it rhymes with his name and is a funny (read naughty) word.

nonplussed - sounds a good approach.

Enid · 14/10/2005 12:10

I think a normally developed child of 5 would know that it is unacceptable tbh. And anyway, if it happened as nonplusseds ds said, it was clearly meant as an aggressive act.

Gobbledispook · 14/10/2005 12:13

I'm almost certain my 4.5 yr old would know that was wrong.

bakabat · 14/10/2005 12:15

I spend so much of my life in wee I'm probably just immune. Still think abuse is a strong word for a child with limited reasoning. Agree they would know it was wrong, but don't agree that a child that young would definitely know why it was so wrong, or why it was disgusting. Especially if there are immaturity issues on the part of the other child which there may be if there are constant behavioural issues.

bakabat · 14/10/2005 12:16

I'm not saying they wouldn't know it was wrong. Read what I've written!

frogs · 14/10/2005 12:23

Agree with bakabat. The child probably knew it wasn't a good thing to do, but picking your nose isn't nice either, and all 5yo do that. There are children in my ds's Y2 class who behave in similarly erratic ways, and not just SN children either.

I'd be annoyed if it happened to my child and yes, I would expect the school to outline what had happened, but I wouldn't freak over it. Unless it happened repeatedly or in combination with other incidents aimed at my child, I'd just hope it was a one-off.

tortoiseshell · 14/10/2005 12:29

My 4 year old would know it was wrong to wee on a another child deliberately, but probably wouldn't think much of calling anyone a piece of poo - he calls lots of things 'poo', because he finds it side-splittingly funny to use the word poo. Which I think is the case for lots of boys that age!

aloha · 14/10/2005 12:29

it might be much less horrible that it appears, and yes, kids at ds's nursery call each other poo-poo head amid much hilarity (and ds and his friend were found literally in our loo a few weeks ago pretending to be poos and flushing each other away!). But some kids - even little ones - can be awful, not really their fault but they can be, and i think this did deserve an explanation so nonplussed knows what is going on.

Rhubarb · 14/10/2005 12:32

I would be more concerned by the fact that the school didn't tell you about it. If this child has special needs, then perhaps the weeing wasn't exactly deliberate, but it is how it looked to your ds. Name-calling is no big deal at this age, you just need to get down to the bottom of the weeing incident (no pun intended!). But tbh I would demand an explanation as to why you were not told about this at the time! It is negligent of the school.

ScummyMummy · 14/10/2005 12:44

I agree with frogs and bakabat and aloha. Ime kids this age- especially boys- can have a v irritating combo of extreme silliness and a fascination with genitals, piss and shit. So that a "Haha I'm gonna poo on you" before weeing all over someone, while a real pain in the bum, unasseptable and needing to be nipped in the bud immediately, is not beyond the bounds of basically nice kid having a v bad day territory, ime. Do agree that you should have had an explanation though, nonplussed.

Zephyrrywitchescat · 14/10/2005 12:52

I would have been absolutely furious!! What did they expect you to think happened to the clothes - that he'd wee'd on himself??

How humiliating for your ds

Original poster
nonplussed · 14/10/2005 14:40

She didn't ring back as promised, so dh is going up to the school and insisting on a time when he will be able to discuss what happened.

It's the "not being told" bit that really concerns us.

OP posts:
Original poster
nonplussed · 14/10/2005 20:29

Dh managed to see teacher at the end of the school day. As she didn't witness the incident, she was fairly non commital about it, which I do understand, although dh pointed out that ds's clothes were soaked, not just his bottom half, but his top too. The teacher agreed this was a bit odd for something accidental, asked the name of the other child and said she would be surprised if he had done something deliberate.

Anyway, upshot is, dh said irrespective of whether the teacher thought this was an accident, we would liked to have known that ds's clothes were soaked in someone elses urine, not his own.

I asked ds how his day was today and he said fine, except "(name of same boy) called me a fuck mummy, that's not nice is it?" .

Lordy lordy!

OP posts:
Cam · 14/10/2005 21:15

Time for another complaint np, this sort of language is not acceptable.

Original poster
nonplussed · 14/10/2005 21:24

I'm getting a sinking feeling about this.....so don't want to be having to march up to the school constantly .

OP posts:
Gobbledispook · 14/10/2005 21:36

this is in reception? I'd be livid, absolutely hopping and straight back to the teacher.

Oh this makes me so sad.

mememum · 14/10/2005 21:38

Non plussed the only thing I can offer to you is my nephew is the same age as your son and other child. I can honestly put my hand on my heart and say he's a horror at times but he knows that the weeing on another child is wrong and spiteful. The poo poo thing may have been said in jest but the weeing and fuck is no laughing matter. What about talking to the other childs parents, could this be an option?

LadyTophamHatt · 14/10/2005 21:41

I would have hit the roof TBH
At 4.5 yr they know it's wrong, and now the swearing at your DS!!

Sorry, i'd be spitting nails by now.

Aimsmum · 14/10/2005 21:42

Message withdrawn

Original poster
nonplussed · 14/10/2005 21:46

The problem is, this seems to be another incident not heard/observed by an adult. Ds says he and another child went and told the teacher.

Ds just doesn't make this sort of stuff up. I've always tried to be relaxed about nursery and school because of my teaching background - I'm more likely to be "overunderstanding", but I'm quite worried and you know what? I don't know what to do !

OP posts:
Cam · 14/10/2005 21:49

No-one ever does know what to do as a parent in these circs, np

But the best thing to do is keep informing the teacher as you have no control over what happens at school when your ds is in her care.

Keep the ball in her court, its her job!

Whilst knowing that it will pass.