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Original poster

If another child deliberately weed all over your child at school, would you expect to told what had happened?

91 replies

nonplussed · 13/10/2005 17:19

Changed my name for this as I have a feeling fellow parents at ds's school use mnet.

At first, I assumed it was an accident, but it's become clear that another child weed deliberately on ds (in reception age 4). His top, trousers, socks and shoes were soaked in it all - he was sent home with the clothes in a bag. The incident itself isn't really bothering me too much, but the fact that the teacher didn't tell me about it is bothering me. I thought she might have had a quick word to explain.

Don't know if I'm being a bit prissy about this - what do you think?

OP posts:
Pinotmum · 13/10/2005 17:48

The teacher obviously doesn't know the facts but still should have mentioned something to you. Unless the child does have behavioural issues shich are known to the teacher then it is one child's word against another. She may have dismissed the story as far fetched as it is a little unusual to say the least. I would speak to her about what your ds has described to you.

tiredemma · 13/10/2005 17:49

Id be absolutly outraged if any child did that to my DS, and outraged even more so if it was just brushed aside by the teacher.

god my DS would be devastated if someone called him a 'piece of poo' and urinated on him.

iota · 13/10/2005 17:55

I don't think I'd be that shocked actually I do know a 4 yr old who does a lot of inappropriate weeing on his brother, in the car that kind of thing - he just gets his willy out and goes for it -- boys have quite a good range.

I must stress that I'm not talking about my child though

Do agree that the teacher should have had a word though.

I was furious however when my 5 yr old ds1 was punched in the nose by another boy and had a nosebleed all over his clothes - -somehow that seems worse to me because it was violent

princesspeahead · 13/10/2005 17:57

my ds was peed on at school but apparently he and his friend were at neighbouring urinals and turned to talk to each other mid flow - both soaked!!! teachers were rather confused until they established what happend. they were 4

Enid · 13/10/2005 18:00

lol thats quite sweet

Pinotmum · 13/10/2005 18:00

Maybe I'm weird but I found PPH's story quite sweet

Pinotmum · 13/10/2005 18:01

Glad I wasn't the only one LOL

Original poster
nonplussed · 13/10/2005 18:06

It did happen in the toilets, which is why I assumed it was an accident (quite a lot of those in the first few weeks of reception!). His clothing is very wet at the back, which confirms how ds says it happened.

I know how difficult it is for a teacher to establish exactly what happened when they were not present, which is why I'm going to recount what ds has told me and see what she says.

I'm clear about what went on. I need to be clear about the teachers attitude to incidents like this. I would definitely tell a parent (no names involved obviously), but something along the lines of, "it seems that an unpleasant incident took place in the children's toilets today etc, etc, etc......I wanted to let you know what I think happened and that I have dealt with the matter".

OP posts:
Original poster
nonplussed · 13/10/2005 18:07

yes, had plenty of that going on pph - boys too busy chatting to concentrate on their aim !

OP posts:
rummum · 13/10/2005 18:12

maybe you could ask if this has happened before with the same child??

marthamoo · 13/10/2005 18:22

Yes I would expect to be told. It's difficult, as you say, if the teacher has not witnessed what happened - but she should have come out and had a word with you especially as your ds has only been in school a matter of weeks. I would find this very upsetting - I'm impressed with how reasonable you are being and I think it will stand you in good stead when you go in and talk to his teacher. Good luck.

Marina · 13/10/2005 18:42

Like others here, I'd expect a report on an incident like this from the teacher, not who did it, but some definite reassurances that the child responsible would be dealt with in keeping with his behavioural issues.
I have to say I would also expect an apology from the school for sending home a bag of clothes with urine all over them, actually. I know all sorts goes on, in Reception especially with littlies around. But school clothes marinading in another child's piddle all day? Yuck.
Are the shoes salvagable, nonplussed? And do let us know how you get on with the school.
I thought pph's little anecdote was quite sweet and very different to what your poor ds has experienced.

dejags · 13/10/2005 19:12

sorry nonplussed but I'd be horrified and furious.

A four year old should know that this is not acceptable behaviour.

for your DS.

dejags · 13/10/2005 19:12

oh and YES the teacher most certainly should have discussed it with you!

Bozza · 13/10/2005 19:18

definitely discuss with teacher - do think you should have been informed.

ScummyMummy · 13/10/2005 19:20

Does the teacher definitely know what happened?

PrincessSmartyPants · 13/10/2005 19:21

What a grim thing to happen. Did the teacher reassure your ds and generally make a fuss of him and explian what to do to prevent anything further happening etc?

aloha · 13/10/2005 20:04

But it is abuse - like calling someone a dickhead is abuse. This child was abusive to nonplussed's son.
I wouldn't expect the child to be named, but I'd certainly expect an explanation. Good grief, yes.

calpopscalum · 13/10/2005 20:39

I would be horrified and would expect to get the Head involved. how disgusting. No child should expect to be treated like that by anyone and the teacher should be spending more time making sure your child is OK and not traumatised by the incident. I would make a formal complaint about it. if the perpertrator has behavioural problems then the school should be monitoring him more closely to avoid incidents like this.
Why should your child ahve to put up with this? must ahve been very distressing and embarassing for him and why should you have to unpack clothes covered in some other persons piss? Disgusting.
I'd bill the school for a new pair of shoes though. might make them think again about allowing this sort of behaviour to go unpunished.
Hope your ds is OK.

Hulababy · 13/10/2005 20:47

I'd be horrified and really upset for my child. It is A HORRIBLE THING FOR THE CHILD TO DO (IF DONE DELIBERATLY AS WOULD SEEM HERE)- sorry for caps. A school age child shouldknow that is is totally unacceptable behaviour - my 3yo would know this is not on.

I would also expect to be told about the incident, although not who did it. I would also expect the teacher to have dealt with the manner and to have spoken to the other child's parents about it. And I would expect to be told that it was being dealt with.

homemama · 13/10/2005 21:20

I once went after a child (7yrs)who has ran to the loo without permission. I was only a few steps behind him but he must have been desperate to go as he'd already started. When I opened the door and called him, he turned completely around and said 'yes, miss!' and I got completely covered in wee.

He later said that he thought he'd be in trouble if he ignored me!

Sorry no help-You should have been given an explanation as to why his clothes were wet.

vickiyumyum · 13/10/2005 21:36

yes i would have expected an explaination, without naming names. although i'm sure that as your ds did my ds would have told me who did it later anyway.

But i'm sorry to call it abuse is over the top, they are not even 5 years old for heavens sake! i would be asking what was done about it and how was the other child dealt with and were his parents informed of what he had done.

i feel that abuse is too strong a term to use and imo (and it is only my opinion) abuse is a term that can be used all to often. it is wrong and the child needs to be made aware that it is wrong, but to say that he abused another child, springs to mind a whole different series of events.

(yes this has happened to my ds1, a boy weed on him in the loos at break time, and said he did it becaus eso and so told him to and it was just a joke, no i wasn't happy, but i accepted the apology and the situation was dealt with by teh school appropriatley)

swedishmum · 13/10/2005 23:30

Not too used to boys - only got one - but I'm surprised they can't pee accurately by the start of school!
Agree that the school should explain to you. Single loos at our local school are obviously a good idea!!

Marina · 14/10/2005 10:07

Any further developments nonplussed? I hope you manage to sort everything out with the school soon.

bakabat · 14/10/2005 10:34

It may be the first time they've seen urinals. DS1 was recently introduced to urinals at school and has proceeded to wee everywhere inappropriate for months now (think he likes watching it). DS1 has SN, so obviously different, but I'm sure typically developing children could also find urinals quite exciting, and not realise the power of their aim to hit someone next to them. Obviously the little boy needs to be told its not an appropraite way to behave but I suspect it was a moment of impulsiveness rather than abuse!

I suspect the teacher may not have known what happened- ds2 frequently wets the back of his trousers as he sists down on the toilet but doesn't pull them down far enough. Good idea to talk to her so she can watch out for it happeneing again. As a one off I don't think it's anything to worry about- if it was happening frequently then yes, obviously.