Private school or 3rd child - how to choose?

[NonSense2]

We have two dc and very little choice of good primaries where we are. Older one is in private pre-school and incredibly happy. She is shy and has problems hearing in large groups (glue ear) and would benefit from the smaller classes in the private school. If we sent her we'd also send our second dc (seems a bit unfair not to?). We could probably just about afford it but that means stopping at two when both dh and I are getting a bit broody...
Has anyone had to make a similar decision, and what did you do?

NonSense2 have you actually been to look at your primary schools and spoken to the heads? Surley that's 6k a year for 1 child not 2??!!

NonSense2, I agree with you. I also think it is better to start private, giving your child a good foundation, and then change to state. I do think private schools are good at teaching children how to study and retain information.

Jmm - private school or siblings? Nowe which would a child prefer?

I can't BELIEVE people would rather not have any more children than use the state education system. The ignorance of real life that shows is just staggering!!!!!

I have just been pondering private education, when it occured to me that my cousins on my mums side were state educated, and one of them is studying to be a doctor, and the younger cousin is in final years of A-levels, and has been accepted to study veterinary medicine. Both cousins got all A*'s and A's at GCSE and A's at A level/expected As for younger cousin.

They have very pushy parents, been to good state schools, are naturally very bright, and have always had lots of extra-curricular activities - ponies, piano, singing lessons, skiing etc.

Their parents could afford private schools, if they didnt have horses/ponies and three foreign holidays a year. My aunt and uncle prefer to pay out for horses than private education, and my cousins are very confident and have good career prospects.

The aunt and uncle who have not paid out for private school, are the only family of my parents generation who have a university education, and are much more academic than my entrepreneurial parents and uncle.

My dad always uses the phrase horses for courses, and I think this is true with education. Private education is not necessarily the right course for all children.

I really worry about boys though in state secondary schools.

Boys really need all the sports and firm discipline/small class sizes they get from the private sector.

Hi

Whilst we have always wanted to send our DDs to independent schools, we were only really able to afford it 3 yrs ago, which was for 6th form. Local primary and senior to Yr 11 provision was good enough but there is poor state 6th form provision. Thus DD1 went to, and DD2 is in Yr 13, at a local private school. Outcomes in confidence, maturity and results have been well worth it.

However, that left DD3 joining Yr 9 in the local state senior school (we have a middle school arrangement here). Her confidence and motivation nose dived, performance suffered and subject options started to close before our eyes. The school was less than understanding or accomodating and, thus, we had no option but to let her join her sisters' school. Now in Yr 10 she is blooming, motivated and her confidence is soaring.

This example of why we chose and why we are very happy to pay for it is, I hope, helpful as it may help you to think about approaching more of a pick and mix approach to your choice of schools. A bit of state here, a finish off with private there. It may also illustrate the risk of using state and private for different children simulateously.

"I really worry about boys though in state secondary schools.

Boys really need all the sports and firm discipline/small class sizes they get from the private sector."

Do they really? Shame it's not an option available to 93% of the population, then!

What about the well-behaved boys who couldn't give a fig about sport, like my own ds?

Off course boys do (not all boys, but many, and I am sure many girls). That is one of the reasons exam results are better in the private system.

We had the same situation here, except our local state primary is outstanding. We made a list of pros and cons - we had many sensible reasons on the cons list (including private schooling), but it boiled down to the fact that we wanted another baby.

We wouldn't be without DC3 for the world.

Anything could happen in the next few years - you could loose your jobs and end up having to educate in state schools anyhow.

The results are better in the private sstem becaue all private schools are selective. Even of they don;t have an admission exam, they are selecting on wealth. The single most significant factor in a child's academic achievement (or lack of it) is parental poverty. And there are no children of parents living in poverty at private school. They are self selecting not poor group.

Still here and still thinking... The job situation is a worry - I am currently a SAHM after being made redundant and then taking time out to have dc2. Currently trying to get a job but finding I am too old, too expensive and with too many children (so much for equality)... I also had problems conceiving my two, so there is no guarantee I'd have another and time is not on my side either (39 and counting)... But then I think both of those factors shouldn't stop me going for what we think would be the best school start for dd? Which currently is her private school where she adores the nursery class. She's also got her name down for a state primary but I continue to be worried about the somewhat rough catchment area, large class size, her glue ear, and that she will be one of the youngest of her year. Keep the thoughts and experiences coming

seeker I agree with you to a point but also know that dd's school offers a surprising number of scholarships, some of which are 100%. And clearly for even considering private we are not poor in the classic sense but also hardly rolling in it either- far from it. Many parents at dd's school make huge sacrifices to send their children there and very few are actually properly wealthy.

So by definition, they are the sort of parents - engaged, interested, knowlegable - whose children would do well anywhere. This is the BIG LIE - that children do well because they are at private school. There is a group of children who will do well anywhere - and most private school children fall into that category. But their parents are scared, becuase the local state school has results they don't like - forgetting that thier children will be in the A-C at GCSE stream!

seeker again I agree with you but only up to a point. This works well for bright and confident children, not for reasonably bright but shy ones. I am a good example and sunk like a stone in a crap comprehensive because I was moderately bright, bored, very shy, and very bullied!! I walked out at 15 and went to the equivalent of a top private school, illegally as it turns out (by the time they realised I'd left the courts decided it would be unfair to send me back...). Immediately I was accepted, challenged, and did very well indeed in my A levels etc etc
This is why I am worried about my dd who is also very shy and very quiet. In her pre school the teachers have already worked on her confidence and because of the small group she is in she has come out of her shell a bit. With the right support in primary she may become the confident child you refer to who does well in any school...

I have 4 children and couldn't afford to educate them all privately. Luckily we are in a state grammar area and the older 3 attend. Girls' school outshines the local (well thought of and expensive) private - certainly far more A/A*. Had one of them failed I'd have looked at a private option for that particular child - wouldn't entertain any of the other local secondary schools. I know I've been lucky so far - one to go!
Am a teacher by the way and I know how great the comprehensive system can be, and it's wrong that other schools suffer because of grammar system. But I'm hugely grateful that my children benefit so hugely from these schools that fit them. I'm aware this is hypocritical.