Opinions please on Boarding schools but as a DAY pupil

[allnightlong]

Just wanted to garner some opinions from others who may be more informed than DH and I.

We are trying to decide on Schools for DD and it's quite likely she will attend an independent school. Many of the schools (we're looking at Edinburgh Independents if anyone has an opinion on any of those schools) are boarding schools but admit Day pupils too.

We are absolutely certain that our DC will only ever be day pupils as DH boarded for a time and hated it and refuses to ever consider it for our DC.

Our concern are just from looking at the prospectus that Day pupils in boarding schools seem to have VERY long days by Prep school age, well past 5/6pm due to the set up for the schools. Is this view justified?
If so does it put presure on the day pupils t spend most of their time after formal leasons on the school premises?
Another concern is that by the age of 11+ DC will then prefer to actually board.

Is there a divide between day and boarding pupils?
DH can't really remember but his school was mostly boarding school pupils at the time, his cousin who's boarding school was more mixed says there was a definite divide between them to the point of all out hostility.

Are you in the city? We are in West Lothian and the head of early years at watsons didn't advise it for little ones. Her own kids didn't start until 8ish cos she felt the travelling was too much from outside the city.

Bucking were just outside the city at the moment but are looking to move into the city within the next year, partly so the school commute isn't so bad but also because I desperatly miss city living, if we can't go back to London, Edinburgh is the next best thing.

Fettes fees are massive compared to the other schools in the city but their facilites and extra curricular look fantastic.

Edinburgh Academy not had a look at it yet, I hear they have good exam results but other than that haven't heard much about it.

erskine stewart melville Was where DH attended and is fairly scathing about his experience.

I think it depends on the school.

Dc's prep offered boarding but most didn't. By year six approximately one third did, but those only did three nights or so.

My Dc didn't board, but had many friends who did. They lived close by and we still saw them out of school.

Other schools where the majority board all week are very different. The pupils often live longer distances from the school so socialising out of school is problematic.

Also, they're very tightknit and the day pupils feel out of the loop.

I was a day student at a boarding school, I left home at 8am and got home at about 6pm. I also attended Saturday morning school, followed by afternoon sport.

There was a divide with boarding and days, but it wasnt a problem.

I much preferred being a day student, and it saved my parents money.

The long days were fine, and it was a very structured day at school.

I did not have time for hobbies outside of school, which I think is quite normal with private schools.

Again, I think it depends on the day to boarding ratios. If it is about 50:50 I think you DD will be fine, but anything more I reckon she will start to experience a boarding/day pupils divide.

My Secondary school had about on average 2 to 3 day girls out of 50 in a year group. These were either teachers daughters or girls who lived extremely close. I think they felt quite left out, as so much happens at night, for instance most of the naughtiness ect.. and I know as a year group the boarders were far closer.

This wasn't intentional in any way, but you are inevitably going to get closer to people you live with, rather than those you see 9-5.

But...If you DD is, as maryz says a 'joiner', and the school allows day pupils to participate in boarders activities and come in on weekends ect.. she may be fine. Like anything it depends on the yeargroup.

However I think you and your DH must realise that she will most likely want to board at somepoint, and I think it would be unfair to put her into a boarding school as a day pupil, and then not allow her to do so.

I was about as far from Edinburgh as you can get (south coast of England) but ime the day girls were very much included but also very much separate, if that makes sense.

They were welcome to join in everything at the school but the intimate bonds and the treasured experiences that we left with were mostly formed out of school hours and so the daygirls were somewhat left out. There was no hostility though, none at all. Most daygirls in my house ended up boarding by 6th form because they chose to, and the boarders were all delighted to have our friends join us.

The main negative ime was that the boarders had a close, more relaxed (though still respectful) relationship with the teachers which was a benefit. The day girls didn't have that and I know some people found it tough.

I do think, though, that if you are going to have your child at a boarding school as a day pupil you do need to be prepared to consider the fact that they may want to board at some point.

I was a day girl at a boarding school. I never wanted to board as I had too much going on outside of school - my own local circle of friends, local dance, theatre and riding groups etc that were my childhood social life. This became a huge problem because i was expected to be in school from 8am until 7.30pm every day, and to join in with weekend activities, which of course I didn't want to do. If I had wanted to, I'd have boarded!

The fact I didn't want to do this was seen by the school as an 'attitude problem' on my part. Lots of the day girls faced the same issues. And friendships with the boarders were at best amicable and at worst downright awful.

'However I think you and your DH must realise that she will most likely want to board at somepoint, and I think it would be unfair to put her into a boarding school as a day pupil, and then not allow her to do so.'

Thats exactly why I started the thread because I don't want to be seen to be waving the carrot so to speak then taking it away.
At the moment DH very against boarding school, he boarded himself and hated it.

I'm think we should probably only consider day schools only but keep an open mind about St Georges since it's more of a day school.

Crazy thats sort of our opinion too on late evenings and weekends doing school stuff, if thats what we want then we would be looking at boarding schools not the Day school option.
It was one of the reasons DH hated boarding school, all the joining in that was expected when he rather likes his own company.
It's very hard to tell at 4 how exactly a child will take to school and if she's a joiner in or prefers her own space.

It does make we wonder if flexi boarding really works then as they will surely face the same presure to stay at weekends, it seems like an awful lot of coming and going.

I work at a day & boarding prep (no where near Edinburgh though) and, even if we could afford it, I wouldn't send my DD here. We'd want her to be a day pupil too, and I can see the difference in how the children feel about the school. The boarders are incredibly close, they're one big family, and the day children, despite being here until 5/6pm most evenings, simply aren't involved in all the closest bonds and gossip and 'in' games. From the school's perspective, boarding's where we make our money, so of course it's our job to make the boarding look attractive, so the day pupils go home and start nagging to be allowed to board.

I'd recommend you find a day school. Then everyone's having the same experience and sharing the same stories.

"However I think you and your DH must realise that she will most likely want to board at somepoint, and I think it would be unfair to put her into a boarding school as a day pupil, and then not allow her to do so"

Disagree with this comment.

Given the opportunity in sixth form, I would have boarded, however I knew that my parents would not have wanted this, and to fund my boarding would have been a financial struggle for them. They could just afford day school fees (I had a 20% sports scholarship), and to have expected them to pay boarding fees would have been too much.

For parents to be prepared to pay for private education is wonderful (unless you are earning over 150k before tax, you will forgo a lot to fund private education. I always appreciated the financial cost of my education, and never thought it unfair that I was a day pupil.

My parents have a successful business, income over 100k per year, but they could only afford to pay for my two brothers and me to go to dayschool. I will always be grateful for the opportunity provided by private education, as a day pupil.

For better or worse, DS is a day boy at a predominantly boarding prep school.

I may be deluding myself, but I think/hope that the fact that they have a lot of flexi-boarding (2 or 3 nights a week) sort of blurs the boundary between day pupils and boarders. It's not a situation I would have chosen (any more than being a boarder at a predominantly day school) but other factors outweighed it, and so far the long days are working OK (and because it is much closer to home, it's not that much more than a longer journey with a shorter school day) and we feel that we made the right decision.

Komondor thats a good point about the fees we can comfortably afford them for our two DC boarding aswell as day but I'd like to have more DC. We can afford 4 sets of Day fees but not so sure about 4 sets of boarding fees, going on todays markets that about 100K a year!

I think if you live any distance from the school it is more of a problem.

Right now, DS's year is mostly day pupils, and not many stay late (after 5:45pm finish). I know this will change as they go up the school, but as long as DS can cope, I am happy for him to opt-in to evening activities, because it is only a 10 min round trip to pick him up. If it was further then younger DD would make it impracticable. I think how you would cope with different pick-up times for different DC is an issue no matter what school arrangements you have, though, so nothing specifically boarding-school related in that except how late it would be (for example, I know that if DS was in the top year and in the play I would be picking him up at 8pm at least 2-3 nights a week)

Mary Erskine has a few boarders but it's very much day pupil centered, and I'd throughly recommend it. PM me if you want to ask anything. I also hear good things about George Heriots from friends with DC there.

stealth I can see the benefit of long days when DC are older, especially if I was working.

Thanks Katie and waswondering it's good to know what peoples opinions are on specific schools.

GH and GW are most likely to be on our short list, DH favorite of all so far is George Herriots.

It does work well with working, IYSWIM - no worrying about after school care - and if/when DS opts into evening activities, they will be things which I would no way have time/energy to organise outside of school.

There is the counter-argument that you hardly see them during the week, but those 10-20 mins every morning and evening make a world of difference, and if he was still finishing at 3:30pm then he would be in after school care most days anyway.

If your child is the type that relishes a wide range of activities then go for it!

I was a Day at a Boarding school. I loved school. By 6th form would often stay until 9.30pm. I did not find a Day/Boarder divide, but was heavily involved in sport and activities. The divide (as stated above) was more those who join in and those who don't.

20 years later, my old school has moved with the times somewhat. A huge shift to increased Day numbers and flexi boarding.

Day children I know at the school seem to have a great time, joining in fully with activities, making great friends.

You know your child, you will know the right school for you when you see it. :)

If your child is the type that relishes a wide range of activities then go for it!

I was a Day at a Boarding school. I loved school. By 6th form would often stay until 9.30pm. I did not find a Day/Boarder divide, but was heavily involved in sport and activities. The divide (as stated above) was more those who join in and those who don't.

20 years later, my old school has moved with the times somewhat. A huge shift to increased Day numbers and flexi boarding.

Day children I know at the school seem to have a great time, joining in fully with activities, making great friends.

You know your child, you will know the right school for you when you see it. :)

I was at GW at can recommend it but it is a huge school in terms of pupil numbers and may not suit every child. GH has a very competitive entry because it gives priority admission to siblings and foundationers. We found it a bit oppressive when visiting. DD goes to ME an absolutely loves it. While ME is single sex (for senior 1-5) the rest is co-ed and senior 1-5 boys are just along the road at SM. We also quite liked SG and may have sent her there if she hadn't got a place at her first choice. The advantage to ME and SG over GW and GH is that boarding is an option if for family reasons you need that option. These are also the cheaper school options - I would need to rob a bank to send a child to fettes, Loretto, merchiston etc.

Hi - we're considering to send our son to Steward Melville and would like some feedback on the school's attitude towards learning, but also towards socialization, bullying, play dynamics. Any specific incidents that can explain how they have dealt with an issue would be appreciated. Our son is 6. Thanks

Spiderspotter, ESM schools do not tolerate bullying of any sort. Last year a girl in dd's year was bullied on facebook and those responsible were suspended for a week. I have heard of particularly nasty incidents on facebook from other parents and this was definitely not one of the bad ones, but he school just doesn't tolerate it. In terms of learning I have found the school very supportive of all children, encouraging them to do their best. They do stretch the more able kids but also give support to those who need extra help. They do have a support for learning department. DD is at ME but the management policies are consistent through junior school/ME/SM.

No experience of the day/boarding divide I'm afraid, but find it all v interesting. I can offer a limited informed opinion on Mary Erskine and St Georges Girls, in that both are geared towards Day pupils and I don't think a day pupil would be in any way disadvantaged. Girls from St Georges in particular I know (Day) have come out very very nice, well rounded girls - they are quite into clothes, makeup etc but the same in any school I would assume - they seemed to have seen the boarders as a bit seperate from themselves and also a bit "different" (their words) as it appears they were mostly from Hong Kong, China or places like Russia or Ukraine (not speaking for every year group, just the girls I know). So although the girls who boarded were most probably very happy and had a great experience, I don't think they integrated that much with the girls from the local area who attended, as a majority, as day girls and were the vast majority of the student body. So I think St Georges would be a good choice.

I was boarder at a well known boarding school with about 10% day boys - was part of the original charter of the school. there was a lot of snobbery from the boarders towards the day boys who were fairly despised - i was friends with a couple and they risked getting thrown out if they visited my boarding house. it was an odd situation in that the town was fairly ordinary and the school really didint suit the town! occasionally still come across ex day boys (we're middle aged now!) who still have a chip on their shoulder about it. i wont embarrass the school by naming it.